Memoirs of a Transvestite Pt. 02

1920s

The War and its deprivations were followed by rationing and Spanish flu which killed more young men. The twenties had the financial crash, the General Strike and mass unemployment, but something happened to clothes and to us.

The boyish look came in. Flat-chested and no waist! No corset meant freer movement for dancing. Perfect for me, though I was sorry for the well-endowed young women, who now wore bust bodices to minimize what they had. Shorter hairstyles came in with it. Some women even went to men's barbers when their usual hairdresser refused. I had a bob when it was first offered at Marshall & Snelgrove, of course.

Makeup became unapologetic. In fact, I think that's when we first started to use the word makeup.

We no longer pretended it was the natural colour of our lips. Lipstick (not salves or balms) was bright and shiny. It was not curves but the face and hair which defined a woman, and lipstick especially. Like many others I never felt dressed without it, from then until today.

Obviously stuffy Harrogate was always a bit behind, but when Selfridges in Leeds actually introduced a cosmetics counter, and some of our customers were going there, Marshal & Snelgrove eventually followed suit. Lipstick and mascara in our handbags. Even the beginnings of eyeshadow to look like the American film stars we saw on our weekly visit to the cinema.

I loved it as much as any woman my age.

And artificial silk! (What they later called Rayon.) Affordable luxury! Underwear became lingerie, with new soft chemises and camiknickers worn under thin semi-transparent dresses, all in lovely colours. Rayon stockings instead of cotton or cashmere. I adored the feel.

Mama's generation had not only emphasized the waist, but the female attribute of a prominent bottom. Now there were elastic girdles to try to minimize it. I did not need one for that purpose, but it helped me to tuck away my male attributes so that they were not obvious under lighter clothes. These often had suspenders to hold up stockings now visible under the shorter, lighter dresses -- calf or even knee length! (And the men longed for a glimpse of stocking tops!)

For me, a Rayon chemise, knickers, and stockings were the absolute heaven of femininity. I still prefer stockings to pantyhose or tights, even today.

Shorter dresses meant more leg on display, so we needed to shave our legs. They introduced ladies' safety razors. Tiny little things to be demure and feminine. I was glad I had my man-size Gillette! (It was Victor who bought the blades, of course. He actually shaved his chin quite often, though he didn't need it, and occasionally nicked himself to be realistic when he went to work.)

Women like Mama still kept to their pre-war ways, but young women emulated the fashionable flappers as well as they could, and the shop liked me there as an example, in fashion but tasteful, wearing products they sold, and a hairstyle available there as well. Not that I was beautiful, but pretty good in an achievable way. We couldn't all be Clara Bow or Theda Bara, but we could look more interesting, and decorated.

I don't think it was all about attracting men. I think as much as anything we were performing for other women. The fact that many of us would never have a man encouraged us to enjoy being women together.

There were other changes.

One day, Victor told me of his problem.

"There's a girl at work, named Pearl, who quite likes me."

He hesitated.

"And I quite like her..."

(One result of the War had been more women working, even in places which had been men only. This continued for a while afterwards because so many men never came back. Pearl was not a clerk, but worked in the upstairs and back rooms, mainly typing.)

"She wants to meet me outside the bank, and her father says it would be acceptable if my sister was a chaperone."

We collected her from her house, where she looked surprised and her father commented how similar we were, but hurriedly added that I was pretty and Victor was handsome.

He watched as we walked to the Stray, a large open grassy area.

I hung back as they walked together to talk freely. There were other trios acting in the same way.

I saw her put her hand to her mouth in alarm, then they spoke closely together. Victor waved me urgently, and I joined them. She had tears in her eyes, and Victor looked flustered.

"Pearl," he said, "just tell my sister what you told me."

She was choking a little, as she said "I don't want to have children. Mama and my sister Gladys both died from childbirth. I'm frightened, but Papa wants me to get married, of course, and I really like Victor."

"I just didn't think I could manage marital relations," she added.

She looked a little brighter as she said "Now Victor tells me he's unable. I'm sorry for him, of course, but do you think it is a sign that we have found each other?"

"Maybe," was all I could think of to say.

That evening we discussed it with Nanny, who was wise as usual.

"Just be two young people getting to know each other for a while," she said. "Just don't let her get her hopes up too high before you think you can trust her enough to share your secret. Remember, it will shock her, and she may well turn away from you, so don't break her heart."

We had neither of us thought of marriage, but it would secure Victor's status. I won't say it was an easy decision, but Victor and Pearl did like each other enough, and her father trusted her not to be chaperoned all the time. They were quite modern people, plus I suppose he knew it was unlikely that she would succumb to sex before marriage.

Pearl took to confiding in me as one girl to another. I decided not to tell Victor, no matter how much he pleaded. There were some quite intimate matters that she would not have wanted shared. I agreed with her that periods were a bother. Eventually, she asked me "why Victor could not... you know? Was it because of an accident?"

All I could say was that he would tell her if and when he wanted.

Finally, we were in our sitting room. Papa was out at his club, and Mama was on one of her committees.

Somehow I think it was not quite the shock we had expected.

"Dearest Pearl," Victor said, "you're so special to me, that I must share the details of my affliction. I cannot have marital relations, because I'm not a proper man. I'm a woman in man's clothes. But if I were a man, I would love you just the same."

She gasped.

"But your parents? They let you?"

"They don't know," he answered.

"But how can they...?"

She turned to me.

"So you must be...?"

"Yes," I said, a bit hesitantly, "we're still brother and sister."

"Oh! That's a spiffing jape! You really fooled..." her voice trailed off.

"No, it isn't. You look similar, but I can tell you apart. How long have you been doing this?"

"About five years," said Victor. "I couldn't have worked in the bank as I do now otherwise."

"Like Portia in Twelfth Night," Pearl cleverly remarked. "She had to dress as a man to be a lawyer. It's not fair that women are stopped from doing so many things!"

"The War's made things a bit better now," I said, "and we've got the vote at last. At least, some of us." (All men over 21, women over 30 who owned property.)

Pearl looked thoughtful.

"So your parents have a son and daughter who look alike, but have swapped names and clothes? I can see how Victor benefits, but what about you, Beatty? If you're a man, why do you want lower wages working in a shop?"

It was a fair question.

"I like it," I said. "I just love the clothes, and I'm not really interested in marital relations."

She laughed.

"Well, you're a pair of absolute corkers! You deserve credit for cheek! I promise I won't tell!"

It was odd, but if anything, Pearl's interest in Victor grew stronger. She said she now realised when he had his monthlies, and thinking back had noticed the changes before, but not thought of the reason. She came to see me in the shop quite often, and said she was impressed.

Eventually Victor asked for her hand in marriage and her father agreed.

It was a regular white wedding, but with dresses fashionably short, just below the knee. Victor hired a suit from Moss Bros., of course. Mama and Papa were there and behaved impeccably. Pearl's father invited Nanny to walk and sit with him, in place of his wife.

Pearl came to live with her husband, of course. Mama gave up her bedroom, which had been the marital one, taking over Papa's and moving Papa to Victor's old bedroom. At work, Victor was promoted and equal to Papa.

Pearl had to give up her job at the bank, so actually helped Nanny a lot with the housework, and acted a little bit as a maid to Mama, as well as a companion.

Things were very different with Pearl around.

Victor and I felt a bit like true identical twins must do. It was more than just loving each other -- we were a bit a part of each other. How I supposed a husband and wife would be in a happy marriage.

Now there was an actual marriage and I wasn't part of it.

Before Pearl it had been quite intimate and relaxed. We didn't walk around naked, but there was no problem seeing each other in underwear or nightwear. In fact, I liked showing off my new underwear to Victor, and having it appreciated.

At home together we sometimes shared a moment of relief as he released his chest and I took off my girdle, both glad to be free! That had to stop, of course.

I was glad for Victor, of course, and Pearl couldn't have been nicer.

But things were different. They just had to be.

But what was good was going dancing together. I had been a bit cautious, but she encouraged me and soon we were doing the new crazes. The clothes, music and dances of the 20's were a wonderful part of my life.

She also had a good sense about female clothes and makeup, so we helped each other. We had teas together in Betty's Café, which is still the special treat in Harrogate. And went clothes shopping together, and admired each other's undies!

Victor was very happy. One reason was that she had shown him how a woman can have pleasure without a man! I don't know the details, but was glad for them both.

1930's

The thirties were not as good as the twenties. The American Wall Street crash was followed by a Depression and then the rising fear of war in Europe. However, finance in difficult times allowed Victor to show his talents and by 1937 he had risen to second in command of what was a substantial public and commercial branch, covering much of Yorkshire.

Brassieres became bras and women were allowed to have breasts. They had cups and lots of adjustments. A bra and suspenders gradually became sexy underwear.

I made myself what were really two pincushions to fill one in the smallest size, the A cup. By the end of the decade, I had increased it to B cup because it suited the fashion, and I rather liked it. There were padded bras for natural women who wanted a bit more, so I was not the only one!

Poor Victor wore a sort of bandeau to restrain his.

And makeup progressed technically and to follow the stars of the new colour movies. Hairstyles got longer and more expensive with waves and curls for the same reason.

Mama was the first to go, passing away in 1931. The last thing she said to us was "Sorry."

From that moment Nanny was no longer a servant. She did a lot of the housework, of course, but she was our mother and Papa was our father, though still a distant one, whose mind was fading.

Papa had retired in 1930 and died in 1933. Though they had lived separately, the death of his wife hit him hard. He told us he was proud of us, and to look after Pauline, but I think he was glad to go.

Papa's death also released something. We guessed that there had been something between Nanny and Papa apart from what Mama had told us. Now she was free.

It turned out that Nanny and Pearl's father had been seeing each other for some time, and wanted to marry! I can't express how delighted we were.

I was glad to wear my bridesmaid outfit again, though it was a bit out of fashion, and Victor gave her away. Of course, she joined her husband, and was slightly embarrassed that there was a daily woman to help her.

Meanwhile we were in a household of three in a rather large house. With no children, it was not difficult to manage the housework, though we still had the gardener. Pearl could also socialise with other housewives, and do some charity work.