Mr. Right

6 am

Alarm goes off

I reach where you no longer lie, but don't feel quite as lost

Every day

I drive my truck

A little farther into work before your memory catches up

Radio on

I'm not afraid

I can listen to most any song the DJ wants to play

Slow but sure

I'm coming around

No I'm not looking back I'm moving on now

But I won't go so far as to say that I'm fine

Too much of what I felt for you remains

I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time

But the truth is I really can't say

If I'm getting better or just used to the pain.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My relationship with Tanya Marie Skilling came about because I stuck my nose into something that was none of my business. I was having dinner at Bud's Bar (if you could call a half pound ground round dinner). There was a couple sitting at a table across from me and I was watching them as I munched on my burger.

Actually I wasn't watching them; I was looking at her. On my ten scale she was easily a twelve. She was wearing a short skirt and she was sitting with her legs crossed which showed an awful lot of leg. She was wearing heels and they looked to be four inch and they were what I considered sexy heels. Thin leather straps with an ankle strap. Legs and heels have always been a major turn on for me so she had my full attention.

I was sitting far enough away that I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could tell they were arguing. He said something, she grabbed her purse and went to stand up and he grabbed her purse away from her. Once on her feet she tried to get her purse back from him and he put a hand in the middle of her chest and shoved her. She stumbled backwards, tripped and fell to the floor.

I was off my chair and in his face by the time she managed to stand up. I snatched the purse away from him, dropped it on the table and then told him to get his ass out of the bar. "Fuck you" he said and swung at me. I blocked the punch and kneed him in the crotch; he doubled up and I grabbed a handful of his hair, pulled him over to the door and shoved him out into the street.

"Come back in and I'll put you in the hospital."

"I'll get you for this" he yelled and then staggered over to a car, got in it and drove off.

I went back inside and asked the girl if she was okay and she said she was "But you have given me a problem."

"How's that?"

"You just chased away my ride."

"No problem. I can take you were you need to go or if you wouldn't feel comfortable with that I can put you in a cab."

"I probably don't have enough money for a cab ride that long."

"Then I'll pay him."

"You would? Why? Why did you run over here and jump into the middle of things. You don't even know me."

"You're a woman and that's all I needed to know."

Before she could respond Bert came up to me and thanked me for handling the disturbance. Bert owns Bud's Bar and I've never been able to get a straight answer from him when I asked why it was Bud's Bar and not Bert's Bar. When he left us the woman asked:

"What did you mean when you said I was a woman and that was enough?"

"In The Real Man's Handbook on page two under Duties of a Real Man item two is go to the aid of damsel's in distress."

"Item two? What's item one?"

"Look after little children, puppies and kittens."

"Children, puppies and kittens ahead of a women in trouble?"

"What can I say? I guess whoever it was that wrote the handbook must have thought that some women could lookout for themselves while little children, puppies and kittens can't."

"I guess someone who looks after puppies and kittens can be trusted so yes, I'll let you drive me home."

We introduced ourselves on the way out to my car and once in she gave me directions to her place and I pointed the car toward it.

The first couple of minutes were silent and then she said "You haven't asked what that little scene was all about."

"None of my business."

"Aren't you even a little bit curious?"

"Of course I am, but it still isn't any of my business."

"He was my ex-husband and what you saw was me breaking up with him again."

I said nothing and paid attention to my driving. Apparently she didn't like silence.

"I didn't know I was going to breakup with him when we got to the restaurant."

Again I said nothing and after several seconds she said "It was just supposed to be dinner and then we were going to go dancing. Halfway through dinner he asked me for some money and when I asked him what for he wouldn't tell me. All he would say is that he would make sure I got it back. His not wanting to tell me told me what he needed the money for. He was a recovering drug addict. I divorced him over a year ago because of his drug use.

"He came back two months ago, told me he had gone into rehab and had kicked the habit. He wanted to try and put us back together. I had loved him once and I did still have some feelings for him. I told him if we got back together and he started using again I would be done with him forever. Then came tonight. I told him we were through, got up to leave and he grabbed my purse and said:

"Damn it Tanya; I need the money."

I tried to get the purse back and that's when you got involved."

I kept my eyes on the road and said "You meant it? You are done with him?"

"I damned sure meant it."

"How long of a mourning period do you think it will take you to get over him?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"I don't want to ask you out until you are over him."

She gave me what I thought was a thoughtful look and then said "I'm pretty sure I'll be over him by the time you get me to my place."

When I got her to her place I hurried around, opened the door for her and then walked her to her door then I asked her:

"Are you over him yet?"

"Completely."

"Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?"

"I would love to."

A month later after a dozen dates we made love for the first time and I found that Tanya was damned near insatiable. I wondered why God had designed woman the way he had. Why had he made them so they could go on and on and then designed man so he couldn't keep up? There were nights I went five times before I was spent and Tanya was still raring to go. And Tanya did it all. She was the first female ever to ask me for anal and her head was state of the art. Four months later I asked her to marry me and she said yes. She moved in with me and we began planning a June wedding.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was the second of April when my boss called me into his office and told me that one of our projects was in trouble.

"Carter had a stroke and without a strong hand on the tiller the project is falling behind and I need you to go out there and take over."

I said I would do it and then I went home to give Tanya the news. I would be gone for a month to six weeks and while she wasn't happy about it she said she understood that it was my job so just hurry up and get it done and get back home.

We talked on the phone every night and after I'd been there two weeks I arranged to have her fly to me for the weekend. She reduced me to ashes before she left to go back home on Sunday night.

I was so wrapped up in the project trying to get it done so I could get back home to Tanya that I didn't notice the changes. The calls dropped from every night to every other night and then to every third night. When I told her I'd get her a ticket to fly in for the weekend she told me she couldn't make it because something at her job was requiring her to work on Saturday.

When I couldn't get her on the phone three nights straight I asked why when I did reach her on the fourth night. The same project that had her working part of the weekend was causing her to work late at night. I bought it. Why wouldn't I? It was a work project that I was on that had us apart in the first place.

The last week of the project as I was getting antsy and looking forward to getting back to her by the weekend is when she dropped the bomb on me.

"I'm sorry Matt; I didn't mean for it to happen. I wasn't looking for it. It just happened. I swear sparks jumped between us when we met. I knew instantly that he was meant to be my other half. I'm sorry Matt; I really am. Please don't think bad of me. I care for you; I really do, but John is the man the Gods mean for me to be with."

When I got home to the apartment she was gone. The only trace of her left was the apartment key and the engagement ring I gave her sitting in the middle of the kitchen table.

Did I try to find her and have a face to face with her? No I didn't. Why bother. All I would hear was her saying that she had found Mr. Right. I didn't need that. I already hurt bad enough from just the phone call.

Life took on a bleak sameness for me.

"End of day

Go back home

Have a bite to eat then go sit in the living room alone

Easy chair

Watch TV

Halfway through the news I'm soundly sleeping

No I won't go so far as to say that I'm fine

Too much of what I felt for you remains

I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time

But the truth is I really can't say

If I'm getting better or just used to the pain."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was a couple of months before I had any interest of meeting someone of the opposite sex. And even then I wasn't looking for a lasting relationship; I was just needing to get laid. Lasting relationships just didn't seem to work for me.

Carol and I had gone steady from the eighth grade until high school graduation. During the summer before we started college she semi-broke up with me. Said she felt the need to date other guys; make sure I was the guy she was supposed to be with. I say semi-broke broke up with me because she said she still intended to date me. I was still going to be her main man.

I was pissed, but I kept my cool. I told her it was a great idea and I would date other girls for the same reason. She didn't say anything, but I could tell she didn't much like that idea. I guess as far as she was concerned I was just supposed to sit at home and wait for her. We dated others and the results were predictable. We never got back together although she did call me several times to ask why I hadn't been calling her to set up dates.

Middle of my sophomore year at State I met Joan and we stayed together until near the end of our junior year. We were talking marriage after graduation, but we ended when I caught her fucking an old boyfriend. Carol and Joan put me off wanting a fulltime relationship. I dated a lot, scored enough to keep me happy, but stayed away from committed relationships until Tanya came along.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I finally put Tanya behind me and ventured out and started dating again. Three months after I jumped back into the dating pool I met Jessica. I have no idea of how we ended up together because Jessica was one hundred and eighty degrees from the girls I was usually attracted to.

She had tattoos all over her body, a ring through her nose and had a new hair color almost every week. One day it would be purple and five days later it would be pink. A week later it would be black with blonde streaks. She was NOT the type I usually went for and in fact I never did go after her.

I was dating Abby when Jess and I met. One night Abby and I went to a bar that had a band. Jessica was the barmaid and she and Abby were friends. Abby introduced us and then Abby and I drank and danced until closing.

I liked the place and the bands that usually played there so I kept going there even after Abby and I stopped dating. I was usually alone so I sat at the bar. This led to Jessica and me talking and getting friendly. Then it turned into flirting. That's all it was supposed to be; just some light flirting. Guys flirt with barmaids and waitresses all the time never expecting anything out of it.

One Friday night just after last call Jess asked me if I could stick around and walk her to her car when she got off. She said there had been a guy in earlier and he had come across as a 'creepy' kind of guy. He had made several lewd comments and suggestions to her and she was worried that he might be outside waiting for her to get off work. No one was waiting for her and when we got to her car she thanked me, hesitated for a second or two and then said:

"Abby told me that you eat pussy and are pretty good at it. Was she lying?"

What the fuck was I supposed to say to something like that? Deny it? Don't think so! Ego insisted that I say:

"I guess I do okay."

"I'm horny. If you'll eat my pussy I'll give you a blow job you will never forget."

And she did. It was the first time I'd gotten head from a girl with a stud in her tongue. When I was about to cum I told her and started to pull away, but she grabbed me, pulled me back in and swallowed. She pulled back, said "Follow me home." I did and when I woke up in the morning I barely had enough strength to get out of bed.

Jess told me straight out that she was not the marrying kind.

"Tried it once and hated it. I found that I don't like living with someone else."

Then she asked me if I was open to a friends with benefits relationship. Pussy with no strings attached? Hell yes! Sign me up! Count me in!

We got together two or three times a week and almost always on Sunday since that was the one full day when neither of us had to work. We didn't go anywhere on Sundays. All Jess wanted to do was stay home and fuck.

We had what I considered seven great months and then it all ended abruptly. We had our usual exhausting Sunday and then I was out of town on Monday and Tuesday on business. When I got back to town on Wednesday I called Jess and got the "This number is no longer in service" message.

I went over to the bar and she wasn't there. Laura, one of the owners, told me that Jess had come in on Monday and said there had been a death in the family and she had to fly home to Ohio. She told Laura that she didn't have enough for the airfare and asked Laura if she could get her paycheck early.

We never heard from her again.

Did I miss her? Of course I did. What guy wouldn't miss no strings attached pussy? Funny thing though. It didn't matter how many girls I dated or hooked up with I was always comparing them to Tanya and they all came up short when measured against her. Even Jess, as insatiable as she was, couldn't push Tanya out of my mind. There wasn't a day go by that I didn't think of her.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was a month after Jess left that it happened.

"Last thing I expected

Was to get her call tonight

The last thing I'd heard from her was she'd found Mr. Right

But when I came home that evening

There it was on my machine

I'm just wondering what the hell it means

Said she's sorry that she'd missed me

And she's been doing fine

But I've run it back and I've heard her say those words a hundred times

Something makes me wonder

If she's happy with her choice

Or is that a tear I hear in her voice.

"First time I listened

I thought "Boy she's got some nerve"

But the second time I heard it

I heard more than just her words

Am I just wishful thinking

Or did her voice really crack

I'll never know if I don't call her back."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It took me two days to talk myself into calling Tanya. Even though I'd pretty much put her behind me she still weighed heavy on my mind. Did I really want to open myself to more hurt? In the end it was curiosity that made me do it. If she was she still with Mr. Right why had she called me? If she wasn't with Mr. Right anymore why was she calling me?

Even though I'd made the decision to return her call I was still going to need a little help from my good friend Jack Daniels to do it. I filled a glass with ice and poured a generous amount of Jack over it, settled into the easy chair, polished off half of the Jack and reached for the phone.

I punched in the numbers and it started ringing on the other end. I half expected a man to answer so it did sort of surprise me when the voice that said "Hello?" was Tanya's.

"Good evening Tanya. Just returning your call."

"I wondered if you would."

"You knew I would. You had to know that curiosity would drive me to it."

"After what I did to you I doubted you would even if you were curious."

"Well I'm on the line with you so you can lay that doubt to rest. So the question now is what prompted you to call me?"

"Don't laugh, but I hoped that I could talk you into having dinner with me some night."

"Won't Mr. Right object to that?"

"Mr. Right turned very quickly into Mr. Dead Wrong. He's long gone. So how about it? Going to let me buy you dinner?"

I hesitated and she said "Oh come on Matt; it won't kill you."

Maybe not, but it could probably hurt me was the thought that flashed through my mind, but the curiosity that had me calling her in the first place was still there.

"I guess I can do it. When?"

"Tomorrow night. Say about six?"

She gave me her address and we said our goodbyes. As I hung up the phone I was asking myself "Are you sure you know what you are doing" and the only answer I could come up with was "Fuck no!"

I was five minutes early to pick her up, but she was ready to go. She was still a twelve on my ten scale although right then in her LBD and heels she was pushing fifteen.

She smiled and said "I'd forgotten how good it makes me feel when you look at me like that."

I said nothing, but offered her my arm and walked her to the car. I opened her door for her, helped her in and then went around to my side and got in. The interior light came on when I opened my door and I saw that Tanya had crossed her legs and given her small LBD a lot of leg was exposed. I wondered if it was intentional. She did know I was a legs and high heels man.

As I started the car I wondered if I should wait until she brought things up or not. She might wait until after dinner and I didn't know if I could wait that long. I decided to go for it while in the privacy of the car.

"So what's with the sudden phone call?"

She looked at me and was silent for a few seconds and then she said "I want to see if I can bring back to life something that I foolishly killed.

"Care to elucidate?"

"You know why I'm here Matt and don't pretend you don't. I'm here to beg you to take me back. I'm here begging for another chance."

"But why? You dumped me for a man you just knew was meant to be your other half. Sparks flew between you is what you said."

"Did you ever bet on something you just knew was a sure thing and then lose? That's what happened to me. Yes sparks did fly between us and our first six months were spectacular. And then one day he came home from work and I hadn't started dinner yet and he hit me. He actually hit me with a balled up fist because I didn't have dinner ready for him. I let him get away with it, but told him it better never happen again.

"A week later he did it again because I let the gas in the car get down below a quarter of a tank. That time I called the police on him and turned him in for spousal abuse. All he got out of it was a fifty dollar fine, fifty hours of community service and he had to attend anger management classes. Two weeks after he finished his classes he hit me again. I called the police and he got another small fine, more community service and more anger management classes.

"A month later he hit me again only that time I didn't call the police. I waited until he was asleep and then I used a frying pan to beat the shit out of him. He had to be taken to the hospital. The kicker? He gets small fines and community service out of beating on me, but I get ninety days in jail for beating on him. When I got out of jail I divorced him.

"I wanted to crawl back to you then, but I didn't think you would have anything to do with me. I've had a couple of relationships since then, but none of them were even half of what I had in you and that I had thrown away. The other night I was sitting in my apartment alone and when I thought about you and what I'd done I started crying. I shook it off, picked up the phone and called you. What the hell; the worst you could do was hang up on me. But I didn't get you; I got your machine. I never really expected you to call and I was surprised when you did."