Mrs McKenzie's Dude Ranch

"This is crazy," Sophia fumed. "The largest number of people you have attracted at any one time is eight people."

"I know darling but this time we have the benefit of Harry's marketing expertise."

Sophia looked at Harry and her fingers clawed.

"Down Sophia," her mom said softly.

Sophia sat back in her chair and her face lost some of its dark flush and gradually she began giggling.

"What is it darling?"

"I have in my mind kids on their bicycles chasing calves and their parents with them tumbling off their bikes into mud."

The angry-faced Harry rose to leave the table.

"Down Harry," Sarah said softly.

He paused, looking at her defiantly.

"Don't make me get the jam spoon you naughty boy."

Harry sat down with such a flop that he almost dislodged the giggling Sophia sitting at the other end of the bench.

Sarah negotiated a truce, Harry agreeing not to be so sensitive and Sophia promising not to wind up her mother and Harry.

But Sophia was unafraid of using her brain. "What I can understand is how you plan to make money with all these changes you've made and the expense of advertising because the most dudes you've ever had is eight?"

"No problem," Sarah smiled confidently. "I believe in Harry."

"Oh sweet Jesus," Sophia sighed, drooping her head in her hand, elbows on the table.

"Tell her Harry."

"We invite a reporter and photographer over from the weekly Tattler. Actually they arrive tomorrow morning at 10:00 and the five of us jump on bicycles and do a cattle drive through the 50-acre pasture, crossing Spring Creek. Your mom went to school with the editor/publisher of the Tattler so on the day she features our story she will courier a copy of it with pictures to the Wichita Eagle and to the CBS affiliate TV station in Wichita and then within a week or so all of America will know of our island's unique cattle drive. We will be deluged with bookings so all this summer will allow tents to be erected by the cabins and will barge over a maximum of 10 small to moderate length RVs as well. We have no desire to allow the camping area to become too large."

"I cannot believe it," Sophia said, shaking her head.

"Oh thanks Sophia," Harry beamed, until she snapped that was not a compliment. It was just here way of being polite and kind to the insane. "You have no more chance of that plan working than I have freckles on my ass."

Harry winced. "I guess you don't have a freckle on your ass."

"Correct."

"May I verify that?"

"Up your sailor," Sophia snarled.

Harry winced again. "Well at least play along Sophia and dress in a bikini and cycle helmet and come with me now to take the 60-head of cattle on a practice drive."

"You have to be kidding."

"Believe in him Sophia but if you can't then please humor him by doing this for me."

"Christ you two need locking up," Sophia gritted. "Have you got a couple of bikes?"

"I bought sixty from a bike hire center that was restocking, taking the lot providing they were all reconditioned and passed inspection," her mother said proudly. "Fred Wilkinson, the retired chemist over at the village, was a former BMX State champion and a quite successful professional road race cyclist. Fred came with me and checked them all out and he now has a contract to spent half a day here a month checking them out.

"You purchased sixty bikes," Sophia gaped. "Oh Christ."

Sophia came out in a blue polka dot bikini and running shoes and it was Harry's turn to gape. He was dressed in just shorts and sneakers and Sophia had trouble looking away from his six-pack. Neither of them noticed Sarah's huge grin.

Inside the barn was like a bicycle shop with forty mountain bikes on stands and twenty BMX bikes hanging by the front wheels on hooks.

"Omigod I'm almost ready to believe," she gasped. "I can image a small kid coming in here and almost wetting himself when you say, "Take the bike of your choice Larry." She was standing alongside Harry. He spun her around and kissed her and her resistance was brief and the kiss was long, very long.

"Omigod."

"Grab the bike of your choice honey but remember BMX bikes don't have brakes."

She wheeled out a pink mountain bike, Harry a black one, and they were off.

The only instructions Sophia received were to ride left flank and if a cow so much as looked at her threateningly she was to yell, "Back into the herd you fucker."

"Does it really work?"

"For some reason it's most successful. Your mother and I have tried different word combinations but none work as effectively. It's something we'll have to discuss with parents before commencing a drive."

They opened the gate into the 50-acre pasture and the cattle began walking without undue haste towards the unfenced woods.

"Don't ride into a tree," Harry grinned.

"Thanks for the warning. Another long kiss please."

Three of four yearlings started to veer away from the herd.

Harry smacked Sophia on the ass, told her to use a fairly low gear and she was off and was amazed when she yelled, "Back into the herd you fuckers" and the juveniles trotted back to rejoined their more disciplined kind.

They arrived back at the homestead and they were too late dropping hands when Sarah came out to greet them. She grinned and they looked guilty.

"Well?"

"Mom is was real fun. I came off in a rut, and spilled right in front of a cow. She sniffed at me and stayed still and only backed off just a bit when I got to my feet. There are so placid."

"That's why I purchased all Angus darling but perhaps if you attract a bunch of smart-ass teenage boys we could get some Jersey bulls. A 3000 lb bad-tempered bull with horns could quickly knock a wild teenage boy into shape but I guess the cost of insurance cover would be horrendous."

"Mom I do believe in Harry. First it came with him talking to me about the three P's in my writing, Plot, Pace and Passion. And now the magic of a cattle drive on bicycle unfolded before my eyes. We'd be fucked if something spooked the cattle but Harry says so long as no one is in front of them that would be okay. Mom it will work if we can get the people here, I know it will. And I've learned of all the other things you will have lined up. Small kids and mothers in kayaks will crap themselves going into Private's Cave."

"People will come darling. The media will do that for us and publications featuring dude ranch listings will feature our small ads because they offer unique experiences. Now wash up and will have a drink while I'll tell you of my latest plan."

With the drinks distributed Sarah said, "Sit on his knee if you wish darling. You two squashed into the one chair like that looks very uncomfortable."

Sophia hopped on to Harry's knee and was cuddled to his chest.

"Mom is it okay if Harry and I sleep over at the woolshed tonight?"

"Oh yes darling. Yes I'd like you two to get to know one another better. Now while you were trekking your herd across the prairie I was calling folk. The Wednesday Farmer's Market that had run for years over summer was a no-show last year because Mrs Clifford the organizer died of influenza and no one stepped into the role. All fifteen of the stalwarts I contacted were keen to see the market resurrected and I have convinced Melanie Smith to be organizer.

"But mom she's a prostitute."

"Yes and so what? We don't ostracized men because they are priests or lawyers or school teachers do we?"

"Um no but there is a difference."

"Oh I fail to see it. Please try explaining it to me."

"Er... well... oh mom you appear to be making quite a point."

"Exactly and that's what all the people I called said when I challenge them to explain the difference and they replied like you did, except they didn't all me mom."

"Really? Well actually Melanie is okay. Despite her fucking most of the senior boys at high school I have to say most of the girls still remained friendly with her.

"I sorted her out recently baby. She stole some asshole's money but he deserved a reaction. He offered her seven bucks for service."

"Omigod, poor Melanie would have felt violated. In her position I would have cut the guy's dick off."

Harry, recovering afresh from humiliation over Melanie, got nowhere when he asked Sophia if she had been a prostitute what was the minimum she would have charged for fifteen minutes' penetration.

She said, "Never you mind but certainly nothing like a lousy seven bucks."

Harry winked at Sarah and she smiled and changed the conversation after saying she would charter the launch to take their dudes to the village on Wednesdays, market day.

Late that night as Harry and Sophia began walking to the woolshed she asked, "Are you really keen about sex?"

"Yeah, what about you?"

"Never since leaving college have I gotten it enough. I don't mean numbers of time per session, I mean frequently of session."

"Then while we are together on the island perhaps I can improve that strike rate for you."

"Like how frequently?"

"Every hour."

Giggling Sophia said no wonder her mom called him adorable.

"She used that word?"

"Yes."

They walked in silence until, "She also told me something and said I was not to repeat it to anyone."

"You have to decide if you wish to tell me."

She told me about the time you two went across to the general store where she brought you a gun. She told me everything Harry, in great detail, and made me feel as if I were there. She told me how you looked as well as what you said and how you and she and the storeowner interacted because he knew what she was doing."

"Did she now? And you being a writer feel you can live and breath that scene?"

"I do. You don't mind mom telling me do you?"

"No. Not at all."

"Thanks. Mom and I both cried, not because of you getting the rifle you'd always wanted but the sheer beauty of it... well the way she described it. I've read old issues of the defunct Saturday Evening Post. The way mom told me that short story was something that could have well made those pages of beautiful, emotional, poignant stories."

"With you thinking like this Sophia I know you are destined to be a great writer. You just have to get attuned and we talking like this will assist you. I can teach you something that might reflect the process you need to go through. I've found a good quality archery set in the barn. Have you ever fired an arrow from a bow?"

"No never."

"Never, that's good. First we will discuss the principles and something of the history of the bow and arrow, not too much, and how the arrival of the musket practically ending the 40,000-year history of archery, but that demise didn't occur over night. Then we'll shoot and discuss the principles of aiming and factors influencing the flight of an arrow."

"That would be interesting. I guess what you are saying is as a novelist I need to master my craft."

"Exactly."

"And you know a lot about archery?"

"A bit. Between the ages of fifteen and twenty-two I competed in archery competitively. I was good, better than average in fact, but during those years I was unaware or didn't want to know about what was required to reach and maintain a position at the very top."

Sophia said, "And what about sex?"

"Yes I'm still learning and that why I associate with beautiful and athletic looking women like you."

She giggled, stopped him and kissed him lushly.

The woolshed had its own generator for power supply but they made do with a rechargeable battery lantern.

Harry and Sophia were completely nude as he lifted above her on her toes and held her their, his palms under her butt cheeks.

"What do you see, think and feel Sophia."

"I see that long thing pointing down over my poor wee vagina and I'm thinking about rats and other nasty creepy crawly things in this stuffy and very basic-everything bedroom."

"Sophia, as a writer what do you see, think and feel."

"Wow I'm being challenged. You know I don't do a great deal of thinking about this situation and hours after it's a fact I'm left with little recall, but I know that's not what you want to hear."

"Is that so? Whenever you write about sex I'd like you to think about what you just said to me and charge your mind and imagination with that trigger."

"Wow, I can see where this is leading me to. Okay, here goes. I look beyond the dimly lit orbs of my breasts, the nipples acutely prominent and oh, I actually see tiny hairs round those nipples. My eyes travel over the depression of my navel and despite the poor lighting I see light and shadow on my skin and I see that darkness of your body handing above me, your body blocking light from reaching me. Your cock is erect, poised like a rocket ship ready to be launched into space, but in reality it would soon penetrate me on a fertility journey that has been replicated since earliest man in the case of humans. There's a little crystal catching the light at its tip. That surely must be pre-cum and not urine. My eyes take in the shapes of my thighs and I see the tuff of hair above my clit, a place where I often rest my hand because it feels so homely resting there. Below that tuff lies my open vagina, my legs out beyond yours to facilitate ease of entry for you."

"Wow. I feel a great sense of anticipation because you are a new lover for me. I am determine to ensure when you leave me you are thinking I was a good even a great fuck and that you will be eager to return for more, if not tonight, then in the morn or as soon as possible after that. I'm thinking I am chemically blocked from allowing you to impregnate me and wonder if that status will ever change between us. God that sends the mind in a turbulent whirl that implodes on any further thoughts for the moment. I smell you skin, I smell you breath. I'm smelling you, all of you and want you inside me, as least that essential part of you. I desire to be fucked well, really well until my total being feels ready to burst and that's when relief will come although I have no wish to hasten to that explosive moment."

Sophia sighed. "That's it Harry. Push it in. Then lick, suck and nip my tits. I want action; I want to be loved. Well just for the time being I want to be cherished and told sweet things, to be adored because that's how it's meant to be when two people are together like this."

"Fuck me Harry; fuck me."

Although she'd said it twice, Harry didn't need to be told twice. His dick was already dripping on to her vulva. She began writhing and heating up.

Was she ready for it or was she what?

"This is torture," she screamed.

In a corner of his mind, probably a legacy from an old Western movie, Harry dimly heard the bugle call to charge. So she charged right at it, dropping with a thud on to Sophia, winding her. He squeezed his fat dick into the narrow gap, puffing a hit as it was a tight fit, and grabbed and screwed a tit with his bit mitt.

Sophia uncoiled like a spring, flooding over his dick with a big release.

Huh?

Was this the end?

He was devastated.

Super-headed and breaking into a sweat Sophia groaned, "Sorry. I just lost it."

Well that was something Harry already knew, big time. His thighs were soaking.

"God that's never happened to me, ever," she panted.

"It's okay," he said, wondering why the hell they hadn't carried food to this short-term love nest. The whole thing was a fucking disaster. He would have been better off hiring Melanie's body.

But lo.

He half-heard the supporting charge from the left field.

"Don't stop," Sophia shrilled. "We've come over here to fuck haven't we?"

Grinning hugely in the gloom, Harry arched his lily-white skinny ass into the air until the head of his dick was a good four inches clear of the open and probably still leaking orifice.

He then dropped like a stone.

Sophia shrieked.

The rusted iron-framed bed all but buckled.

The crunch of two bony pelvises slamming together all but rattled the windows.

"Careful you brute," she yelled. "You almost had me gushing again."

Jesus, that's not way to treat a lady and to execute a good fuck, Harry thought, and so settled down into a regular rhythm that Sophia appeared familiar with because a great little smile began drifting over her face. Enchanted, Harry gently blew on to the erect nipple instead of chewing it.

"Oooh," she said, a fell into rhythm and began bucking towards him for the first time.

Without loosing timing he hooked one of her legs over one of his shoulder and then the other, causing Sophia to gargle as if the tip of his dick was thrusting almost into her throat. They both were breathing more heavily and sweating and groaning to indicate they were into it.

She decided to speak. "You should be wearing a condom."

"Yeah I was waiting for you to remind me. Should I get you to roll one on now?"

"No," she shrieked, "Don't stop!"

That additional flash of excitement pushed her over the top again but this time Harry came with her and they both gurgled to a finish like two racing cars arriving at the pits.

Walking a little bandy-legged to breakfast next morning (the gong had sounded every ten minutes for the last forty minutes) Sophia delivered the ultimate accolade. "That first fuck last night was the most rip-snorting, nerve-end tingling fuck of my life.

Harry almost said well she was worth a half-decent fuck but really thought things had gone very well in the woolshed and so said, "Well remember it takes two people well in tune to deliver a good fuck."

And he was rewarded.

Sophia hauled him to a stop and was all over him, licking his face and cooing.

Sarah greeted them with a huge smile and began giggling.

"God you two are in a real mess. Into the shower and clean up but no sex. Breakfast is ready. Don't forget I go over and collect the media at 10:00."

* * *

The woman photographer Evelyn was clearly in charge and when she told the young guy to note that, Daly would scribble furiously.

"I'm afraid to say this round-up idea of yours Sarah is a recipe for disaster."

"What did Patricia say about it?"

"There goes another plunge towards financial ruin for dear Sarah."

Sarah looked quite visible shaken.

""Nah I think it's great," said Daly. "Boy scout troops from far and near will want to come here just for the biking. You'll need to build a challenging dirt track."

"Shut up Daly," Evelyn snapped.

Harry looked thoughtfully at the cub reporter.

As they were walking towards the barn and the women ahead of them were chatting sixteen to the dozen, Harry asked Daly what other activities would young guys like Scouts would want to do when camped on the island.

"Chase babes."

"Um if no babes were here?"

"Fly kites off that big hill, have a mud slide down that hill, play paintball and just be allowed to explore the island without adults. You just appoint team leaders, choosing guys who wear glasses and yet show a bit of muscle."

"You mean leadership?"

"Yeah and that too. And you build a detention area where misbehaving guys can be tied to a stake and be stoned."

"Stoned."

"Well pelted with mud balls if you want to go soft on them."

In the barn the three women grabbed pink mountain bikes while Harry, smiling hugely, watched the 17-year-old scratching his butt and walk between the lines of bikes saying repeatedly, "Omigod."

The kid chose a BMX bike painted in camouflage.

The five of them rode off, Harry with the camera bag over his shoulder to give Daly a chance to try out his bike which he did, spectacularly.

The cattle drive went fine except when Sophia staged a dive in front of a heifer the bitch walked straight over the fallen cyclist, planting a hoof solidly on to Sophia's thigh. She was photographed rolling away with more harm done to her pride than her thigh and just as well the drama wasn't caught on film camera because Sophia was screamed, "You fucking bovine bitch" at the innocent heifer that'd maintained her place and with no disruption to the three and four-abreast line of cattle.