Music Man Pt. 05

He realised he was becoming more and more unfit, and so broke his hermitic resolution to go for solitary walks, striding briskly out and walking for an hour each day when the weather was fine. When it was wet, he punished himself in his gym. Every day he swam at least twenty lengths of his pool.

The only direct human contact he had was when he did a weekly shop. There were the regular visits by Gwen Davies, his part-time housekeeper and cleaner, and by John Stubbs whom he helped in the gardens by way of further exercise. Gwen sensed his mood and restricted her conversation to practical matters, while John was by nature taciturn and Ged appreciated that, happy to take orders from the man who really knew gardening, and learning from him.

The only phone calls to which he replied were from Gus and Graham, and were purely business related, Gus dealing with requests for songs, and finding singers who would want the songs Ged sent him, or copyright issues. Graham kept him in touch with the action against Zak.

The exception to his self-imposed rule was the collection of poems that Cassie had written and Catherine had put together, which he wove into a song cycle, on completion of which he asked Gus to find out if Cassie would give permission for publication, and if so, to arrange copyright and royalties to be paid to her for any sales or performance. He received her acceptance, but asked nothing about her when Gus gave him the news.

All other attempts to contact him were ignored. He kept his answer-phone connected, but deleted all calls without listening to them, but for the two. He did not answer the door except to the postman or other deliveries of which there were few.

Emotionally his feelings varied from numbness to distress and loss, but along with that there was a nameless ache. It informed what he wrote. Some songs were aggressively dismissive, others plaintive, still others embracing a new start without one's love. Looking back, he recognised it as one of the most productive times of his life. More lately there had even been humour and irony.

Towards the end of his exile, he noted increasingly frequent attempts by Viv to contact him, but he ignored them until Gus cornered him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Ged?" he grumbled. "Viv needs to talk with you. Hasn't your sulk gone on long enough? Phone her!"

He did and she invited him to the Cambridge Folk Festival at which the group were singing.

"Ged, you've been a hermit for long enough; we miss you. Come and sing with your friends. Bring your guitar and your keyboard."

Her voice seemed to awaken him, and he felt an attraction to the idea of performing again, so he agreed. The group, called Vivienne's Friends, came to him in his house and they practised there, putting together a set for the festival. It took four weeks to get it right.

The group must have been warned by Gus about Ged's frame of mind, if not by his latest songs, and kept well clear of the topic of Cassie. He waited for the questions but they never came, and in relief he did not vouchsafe any information. Indeed he had none.

The festival appearance was a success, with the group doing a number of the pieces they had recorded for the album, which was due for release a few weeks away. Ged sang some of his own songs which he had written while in self-imposed exile.

The performances lifted his spirits for a short while, but his previous depression soon returned. He noticed Viv glancing at him with a look of concern from time to time, though she said nothing, but after the festival she invited him to join them at a gig in London.

"Please, Ged!" she begged.

"I don't know," he said, his whole demeanour showing his depression and apathy.

"Ged," she said patiently, "We're your friends. We're your friends from way back. Don't become a bitter recluse. Join the human race again, won't you?" She smiled lovingly at him, and he melted a little.

"OK, OK," he sighed. "For you Viv. Only for you." But his smile gave him away.

She hugged him and he hugged her back. They looked at each other and smiled again, and Viv's face showed relief. He appreciated her concern and her love for him, but as before, nothing was said on either side.

The gig went well, and 'somehow' it got about in advance that Ged Smith from Furtive Glance was going to be performing with Viv's group. The set they would perform had been extended and this went down well with the crowd.

Now because of his standing and because he joined the group late, Ged had a dressing room to himself near the stage door, and as a result, after the gig, he could hear an argument between a woman and the bouncer at the door.

What made him leave his dressing room he did not know, but as he came to the stage door, he could hear a voice he thought he recognised, but the bouncer's large frame obscured her.

"But I know him!" the girl was pleading.

"Yeah, yeah!" he was mocking. "That's what they all say."

"But he was my sister's–"

Ged came round the bouncer, and there was Marie, Cassie's sister, and another girl.

"Marie!" he exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

"Ged!" she cried. "This man won't let me see you!"

The bouncer looked a little uncomfortable.

"He's doing his job," said Ged, casting a smiling glance at the man. "Fans of the group or more usually the press will try anything to get in. Come in."

"So how did you get here?" asked Ged as they settled into easy chairs in his dressing room.

"I'm visiting Joanna here," she replied, smiling all over her face, and indicating her friend. "She's a big fan of the group and we came to the gig. We didn't know you'd be here until I saw you on the stage."

They talked about the gig and its success. Ged was amused at the look of awe on Joanna's face, and suggested that he take them to meet the group and then go for a meal with them all. It was selfish on his part; he wanted to look at Marie a little longer, it was almost like having Cassie there.

He took them along the corridor and knocked and entered the group's dressing room. He led them in. Immediately he realised what he had done. All eyes turned to the visitors and all jaws dropped. Ged hastened to forestall inappropriate comments.

"Can I introduce Cassie's sister Marie, and her friend Joanna."

There was a collective sigh of disappointment.

"Lord," said Viv, moving to shake hands with the girl, "You're so like her, I thought it was Cassie!"

The rest of the group followed suit. Joanna was clearly overcome. The group put the girls at ease and chatted.

Viv was wearing a pair of sunglasses high on her head. She had been wearing them during the performance, since the lights troubled her eyes. Marie admired them and Viv immediately gave them to her, insisting she take them against the girl's protests.

As they left the room, Viv suggested to Marie she should wear them on the way out, since there might be photographers outside. So it turned out; there were flashes of cameras as they moved to the limo to take them to the restaurant.

After the meal Ged invited the girls to his hotel suite, and they sank into the deep sofa while Ged took one of the chairs. He put out nibbles and offered them drinks. They opted for shandy, and Ged stifled a smile, knowing they usually drank something stronger, even though underage.

"Some news," said Marie after they sipped their drinks. "Cassie has started to divorce Zak."

Ged smiled, but said nothing.

"Aren't you pleased?" she asked.

"If she's getting shut of him, and she's happy, yes, I'm pleased."

"But doesn't that...?" she hesitated to say it.

"No, Marie, it doesn't mean we're getting back together. Cassie has made it clear we are finished and she wants a new start without me."

"But that's plain stupid!" said Marie, becoming upset. "All that stuff was a mistake. She's crazy about you. Don't you want her any more?"

"It's not my call," said Ged gently. "She doesn't want me any more. She broke us up. She wants a life without me. I wanted to try again. She didn't."

"So it's over? The stupid cow!" Then an evil smile spread over Marie's face.

"Tell you what," she said. "Joanna's parents are away. We could stay the night with you. We could all have some fun. Eh Jo?"

Joanna smiled broadly and nodded, "Yeah, Ged, we could have a really good time."

"You could do whatever you liked, Ged, anything – you get our meaning?" Marie licked her lips.

Ged got their meaning all right, and was totally taken aback. "Marie, Jo, that's a lovely thought, but I made a promise to Cassie. I would not go with anyone else until she came back to me. She might be free, but I would wait for her." He forbore telling them they were too young for him for fear of insulting them.

The girls were silent. Then they sighed.

"Oh! That's so romantic!" whispered Joanna, her eyes shining with a hint of a tear.

"You mean...? You're not going to...? No women?" stammered Marie. "That's plain daft!"

"Yes," said Ged. "You could be right. If she marries again, I'll consider myself free to date again, but not until then."

Marie sighed again. "OK," she said, "but wait till I see her. She's so pig-headed!"

Ged changed the subject by getting out some signed CDs of his songs and giving them to the pair. They listened to the songs and talked about his feelings. Before they knew it, it was past midnight, and he suggested they should travel home. He called a taxi and gave them enough for the fare and more, and took them to the front door of the hotel.

"It's been really cool," enthused Marie as she hugged Ged a little too tightly and long for comfort and grinned at his growing reaction as she pressed her stomach to his. Ged tried to frown, but her grin was too infectious and he smiled back at her.

"Someone down there wants you to change your mind." she said wickedly, her eyes dancing. "We could still–"

"Thanks, Marie, I'm really honoured, but my little friend will soon go to sleep," and he laughed.

"Not so much of the little!" she quipped casting a lascivious glance at his trousers.

"Marie! I'm surprised at you!" he barked, but his smile gave him away. She giggled and kissed him again.

Joanna held out her hand, but Ged pulled her to him, hugged her and kissed her lips. She too felt his excitement. Her confused, dazed and happy smile was all he needed.

He could hear their excited chattering outside as they waited for the lift. Then they were gone and all was silent – apart from the din of London's traffic.

As he finally shut the door to his suite, he felt drained and confused. On one level there was a little voice telling him he had the chance of a threesome with two nubile young teenagers and he had blown it.

Counter to that there was the conviction that Marie would relay the evening in glowing detail to her older sister and he hoped Cassie would feel guilty as hell. The striking similarity between the two sisters unsettled him and brought back all the sense of loss.

He sighed and went to bed, and lay awake wondering where his life would go, feeling directionless. He felt much less depressed, and did not want to return to his solitary life back home. On the other hand he felt no need to find another woman for sex.

The thought of another woman brought an unbidden image of Marie and he hardened. He masturbated in the bed and came all over his chest. As he wiped himself down he thought that perhaps his right hand could become his substitute friend with benefits. He laughed to himself, then fell asleep.

Next morning at breakfast, the group were giving him looks, as if to say, "Well, did you?" But no one said anything, and Ged said nothing for the whole of breakfast.

As the meal ended, he said, "No I didn't; I made a promise that I would stay celibate at least until Cassie remarries, and I'm keeping it. I just don't feel like getting involved with any one else. OK?"

They all nodded, biting back comments. They looked at Ged and he looked at them; it lasted quite a while. Then they all burst out laughing.

"A question!" broke in Viccy. "There's a gig in Manchester in three weeks. Will you come along?"

"To watch or take part?" Ged asked playfully.

"You know which!" she retorted with a reproving look, though she was pleased he seemed happier that morning.

"OK," he said, and the group breathed a sigh of relief.

Ged stayed after the others left and visited the Frobishers for a couple of days, then he went home in his turn.

----

Chapter Thirty Nine

It had been on Friday 6th of August, the first anniversary of their wedding, that Cassie instituted divorce proceedings against Zak.

Graham had sent the relevant form and letter to the court, outlining Zak's deception as evidence of the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, and he had sent a letter directly to Zak with a leaflet explaining how divorces work in England, and urging him to get a lawyer or go along with the process; to contest it was always very expensive since if he lost he would be liable for costs, and in any case there was no way of stopping the divorce.

Cassie settled down to wait for his response, anticipating problems. She was brought up a Catholic and was married to Zak in a Catholic Church, and so she also began proceedings towards getting the marriage annulled by the Church because of Zak's deception.

---

Two conversations.

"Hey, Big Sis, How's things?"

"Hi, Marie, I'm fine."

"You'll never guess who I spent an evening with last week."

"Go on."

"Ged. I was down in London visiting Joanna and you know she's nuts about 'Vivienne's Friends', well we went to see them and Ged was with them, playing his songs. He says you've dumped him. That true?"

"Well, It's over between us. It's the best way."

"You are the world's biggest idiot, you know that, Sis? Stupid!"

"It wasn't working Marie. We're both better off making a new start."

"You might be better off, but he's hanging on waiting for you."

"You don't know that."

"Oh, I do! I offered to stay the night with him, but he said he's waiting for you. He'll not move on until you marry again. You really are a silly bitch, Sis, obstinate!"

"You did what?"

"I offered myself to him, a pristine young virgin, for the night," Then she cackled, and Cassie wondered if Marie found the idea of being pristine, or perhaps a virgin amusing. She opted not to enquire.

"He refused," Marie continued more soberly. "Cassie he loves you, can't you see that?"

"It'll never work, Marie. Too much has happened."

"Well, get yourself another man, Sis, 'cos then I can get him!"

"You're not serious! He's too old for you."

"You'd better believe it, Cassie. He's not that much older. What's ten years nowadays? I'll wait for him. I know he's worth it even if you don't."

"Good night, Marie."

"OK, but you're so wrong. 'Bye."

---

"I'm so glad you patched things up with Ged."

"What?"

"You and Ged, down In London last weekend. It's in the papers."

"Cheryl, I've not been in London, and Ged and I are not together."

"But, the photos – look."

The photos were in the music press.

"Look, it shows you and Ged, and the article says you are together again."

"They got it wrong Cheryl, again. That's not me, it's Marie."

"Marie? Oh shit! She looks so grown up!"

"Yeah, Marie! Who threw herself at Ged when she heard we were finally over."

"You're joking! She's only–"

"Seventeen, Cheryl. Old enough."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Ged shagged her?"

"No. He said he was being true to me or some such rubbish."

"You know, Cassie, you really need to ask yourself some serious questions. You accused Ged of always being angry, but you're so angry all the time when we mention him, and I think you're trying to convince yourself you've done the right thing."

"I have done the right thing."

"No, you haven't."

"I know what I'm doing. Conversation closed."

"OK, but–'

"Cheryl!"

"Zak?"

"Graham has sent the petition for divorce. We haven't heard of a reply yet, but it's not due until next week, but I think it's going to drag out. I'm sure Zak will be awkward."

"Typical."

----

Cassie returned from Cheryl's place feeling annoyed. Why was everyone trying to get her back with Ged? Couldn't they see that a relationship with him was hopeless? She thought back over the five or six weeks since she split with Ged.

She remembered she had felt relieved that it was all over and their constant bickering and misunderstandings were behind her. She had felt at peace, but even now was far from truly happy. She just needed time to readjust to the single life, she told herself.

She reassured herself that she had adjusted when she thought Ged was cheating, and had married Zak. While that was a catastrophic mistake on her part, at the time she was happy with Zak, so she could be happy again in future, though certainly not with Zak, she thought with a smile.

She had gone to work and had buried herself in it, working long hours and returning home to her flat exhausted, to grab a supper and fall into bed. Weekends, she visited friends and especially Cheryl and Brian, who had obligingly kept off the subject of Ged, after seeing her expression when they at first mentioned him. In any case, Ged had disappeared off the face of the earth which was a relief to her.

She had been enjoying the single life, free from responsibility to anyone. She was too tired after work to feel lonely, and her subconscious kept her from questioning why she was working so hard and such long hours. She was having a great time with her fellow workers at the publishers when they went drinking after work.

The only hiccup in her new free life was the phone call from Gus asking her about the song cycle that Ged had composed. She had told him brusquely that he could do what the hell he liked with it. She was shocked when Gus went on to ask where she wanted the royalties to go. That did unsettle her, but she gave him her bank details.

Then the CD arrived in the post and that annoyed her. Ged was trying to play with her emotions to get her back and she resented it. She put the CD away without listening to it. The fact that it was Gus, not Ged that had sent it was lost on her.

Now, of all things, there had been, in close succession, Marie's phone call and Cheryl's excited response to the music press's misunderstanding. Perhaps it was because she had not dated anyone that they thought she still felt something for Ged. Angrily, she resolved to put that right by dating someone. She never considered how stupid the idea was.

Harry at work had flirted with her when the office heard she was getting divorced, and had hinted at a date, but she had deliberately and blandly misunderstood his intentions. He was a very good looking man, she had admitted to herself, and artistic as well, working in cover design. What was more, he worked out and had a good slim body. With all that he was gentle and sensitive, his flirting never crossing the line into anything too suggestive.

They had chatted about various aspects of the arts, and he had much the same tastes and interests as she had. She would date him, she thought, but keep the relationship low key; no sex for a good long time; she felt no need of that in the throes of the divorce, but some nights out with him would be quite exciting and different.

Once she made her mind up, she felt a frisson of excitement and her anger left her. She looked forward to the date, though as yet she had not asked him out.

The next time Harry passed her desk, he stopped as usual to ask her how she was.

"Harry," she said. "I've a couple of tickets for 'Die Fledermaus' at the Lowry on Wednesday, and I've no one to go with. Fancy a night out?"