My Descent into Slavery Ch. 03

"You fucked me yesterday," I told Chaney.

"You used to give good blow jobs. I can masturbate better than what you gave me yesterday."

"You'd fuck a snake, Chaney."

"True. Kind of shows how low down the totem pole you've dropped."

Something was off. I went to Master's cabin.

"Did you tell everyone they could fuck me in front of me, then tell them all not to fuck me in private?"

He looked puzzled. "No. I wouldn't do that. You're free to do what you want."

"Then why won't anyone fuck me?"

"I don't know. It's not because of anything I've done. Maybe they're treating you like the other freed slaves. They won't have sex with you until Doctor Kline gives his okay. He wanted to see you again. Why don't you see him and ask?"

He was talking to Hannah again. I tried to storm into his session and he kicked me out, telling me to come back in two hours. I went down to the gym and hit on some of the people I'd missed on my earlier foray. None of them wanted anything to do with me. I saw Sahar running on the treadmill, assiduously ignoring my attempts to have sex with anyone and everyone.

"Will you fuck me?" I asked.

"No."

"I thought you loved me. You were fucking men for the first time so you could join Master and me in his bed."

"Doesn't look like that's happening anytime soon." Otherwise, she ignored me.

I turned off her treadmill. Sahar glared at me.

"Get on your fucking knees."

I got on my knees.

"Stay there."

She turned on the treadmill and began running again, ignoring me.

I started masturbating. She ignored that too.

"Why won't you have sex with me?"

"You don't deserve sex with me."

Maybe that's why I needed it so bad.

******

I saw Doctor Kline when two hours had elapsed.

"Are you telling people not to fuck me?"

"No."

"Why won't anyone fuck me?"

"You'd have to ask them. I'm not discussing your treatment with anyone. I even had someone else inquire about your state of mind, and I refused to tell them anything, though they had their own ideas."

"Who? Master?"

"He hasn't said anything to me. Apparently you made it clear you were surrendering your collar and he's agreed to abide by your wishes. Are you willing to undergo hypnosis?"

"As long as you don't ask me what Mahmoud planned for me."

"It may be an important element for your treatment."

"I'm not ready to talk about it and it didn't happen, so it's not really relevant. It would be a disservice to Sahar."

"Why would it be a disservice to Sahar?"

"Because it did happen to her and she doesn't want anyone to know. No one will ever look at her the same again."

"Perhaps I should talk to her then."

"No! Leave her alone. If you want me to stay in treatment, leave her out of it. Promise you won't ask me and I'll let you hypnotize me. My main problems stem from my 72 hours of fucking."

"I'm not accustomed to the patient telling me what their problems are."

I got up to go. He said, "Fine, for now, I won't ask about it. It is something you'll need to talk about, eventually."

"Do I? Sahar's never talked about it and she's doing fine."

"If fine consists of torturing the people who did these things to you."

"She didn't torture Mahmoud."

"What happened to Mahmoud?"

I told him what I'd done to the man. Doctor Kline seemed pretty dispassionate about it. I could tell it bothered him though. I'd known him too long.

"He deserved to die," I said.

"I'm not disputing that. Lots of people deserve to die. I'm wondering if you were the best person to do it."

"I'm the one he hurt the most."

"So if your Master, or anyone else hurt you, you should kill them?"

"Joshua isn't my Master anymore."

"In other words, you have no controls over what you do anymore. You're free to kill anyone you please without consequence?"

"Not without consequence. I imagine I could be arrested if I killed just anyone."

"Are you going to kill someone if they don't fuck you?"

"No."

"Will you rape someone if they refuse to fuck you?"

"No."

"Richard reported you were pretty aggressive with him."

"He didn't say no."

"He's a submissive. Perhaps he can't say no the way I can."

"Fine, I'll apologize to him."

"Or will you try to fuck him again because he didn't say no? You seem pretty fucking desperate right now."

I did want to fuck him again. I wanted to fuck anyone again.

"I'll ask his permission before I try to fuck him."

"Why don't you tell me again about what you did to protect Hannah and Jìngyi. They told me themselves, but I'd like to hear it from you."

I told him. It wasn't a secret.

"What happened to that person?"

"What person?"

"The one who bit Randy Andy's cock off. The one who took a worse punishment for not pissing in Hannah's mouth. The one who admitted she would have bitten Schultz's cock off if she could to save Miranda. That person. Not the one sitting in my office whining about how no one will fuck you."

"She died."

"She died between the time you were on the branding rack telling Hannah to survive as long as she could so Joshua had a chance to rescue her, and the time you were rescued."

He was right. It wasn't a very long time, but yeah, that person was dead.

"Apparently so."

"Interesting."

"Is it? I fail to see the significance."

"Which is why you're a patient, and I'm the doctor. Neither of the other two is as self destructive as you are. Why is that?"

"You tell me. You're the one treating them."

"What did you tell Maahnoor when she started to sabotage her marriage? That was pretty self destructive."

I told him.

"I think you should be listening to your own advice. It was good then and it's good now."

"If you say so."

"I do. Will you listen?"

That ended my session. I left looking for someone else to fuck.

******

Like this morning, I was having no luck finding anyone to fuck. I almost went looking for Henry or James, but caught myself before I did anything that horrible. Professor Kline was right about Richard in regards to one thing. He was submissive and perhaps it would be difficult to say no.

I found him in my old room, working again. I knocked.

"Something I can do for you, Beth? Do you need any more of your things?"

"I realized I was a little aggressive when I had sex with you before and I thought I should apologize."

"Apology accepted."

"I was wondering if you'd like to have sex again?"

"Perhaps you should have sex with someone else. I'm kind of busy."

"I've already checked with most everyone else. Everyone else is also working or busy with something else."

"Maybe you should just wait until they're not busy."

I went up to him and bent over kissing him. My hand went to his cock. It began to stir under my hand.

"Please, Richard. You don't know how badly I need it."

He removed my hand from his cock. "You're getting aggressive again."

"You remember that blow job I gave you when you took my survey."

"With a great deal of fondness," he replied, "but that doesn't seem to be the kind of fellatio you're interested in anymore. I've gotten better blow jobs from everyone else I've had sex with, including Angelique who tells me she's a lesbian."

I took his hand and put it on my breast. He pulled it away.

"Richard, please, I'm desperate."

"How desperate are you?"

"My cunt is a soggy mess desperate."

"I'll fuck you under one condition."

"Name it."

"That I tie your arms and legs to the bed."

"Why?"

"Those are the terms. Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it."

"Take off your clothes."

I quickly stripped them off, happy to be naked again. Richard pointed to the bunk and I got on. He wasn't kidding about tying me down. He securely fastened both wrists and both ankles to the bunk. Then the bastard went back to his work.

"You said you were going to fuck me," I said tugging at the ropes, trying to get loose.

"I am, but I have some work to finish first."

"Let me go."

"Why? Do you have a better offer elsewhere?"

"No." Pouting.

"Then just relax. I should be done in a half hour or so. No longer than an hour, anyway."

"You bastard."

"Sticks and stones, etc."

I tried pulling out of the ropes, but they weren't getting loose and I wasn't getting away. I tried writhing seductively, hoping to speed him up.

He took a call.

"Hi, Marnie. Good to talk to you again. Are you spending the day fucking again?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I can't come home now. I've made arrangements for Hannah and the others to go for cosmetic surgery in Switzerland. Joshua still needs my help. He's not doing great at the moment."

I knew I was responsible for Master's distress. I was sorry, but I couldn't be what he needed anymore. I needed to get out of his life. In fact, I needed to get out of everyone's life. Someplace where I could get someone to fuck me. I couldn't believe I couldn't get laid on this ship. I'd been having sex all the time before I was captured and now I needed it, I couldn't get fucked for love nor money. Maybe I should offer to pay for sex. I still had Master's credit cards.

"Yeah, I'm going to be fucking Beth shortly." At least he wasn't lying about and didn't just tie me up to get me out of his hair. "She's a little out of sorts. She's giving up her collar. Says she can't be with Joshua anymore."

"We're not really sure. Everyone has their own ideas. Of course the whole captivity thing was pretty traumatic, but it's not like she wants to give up sex, which might be something you might expect after something like that. She wants to have sex with everyone. She can be pretty insistent. I had to tie her onto the bunk so I could get some work done. I don't think it's because Joshua is a Dominant and she can't abide the thought of being submissive anymore. I think it's more she feels she can't be submissive to one person anymore, that she'll fuck anyone and Joshua would no longer have control of her."

"I love you too, Marnie, and I plan on coming back as soon as I can. Give my best to Master."

Richard disconnected and looked at me. "You do look nice lying there. Very sexy."

He started to remove his clothes and he looked harder and more fit than Norway. I hadn't noticed as much the last time he fucked me. His cock was almost hard. It wouldn't take much to complete his erection and he could ram me hard with his cock.

Instead he went down on me and I realized what the other women had enjoyed about Richard. He tormented me for a half hour before he let me cum the first time. I couldn't cover my mouth because my hands were tied, and I screamed.

Master stuck his head in the bedroom and saw it was me.

"She asked me for sex, Joshua, and I told her she couldn't have any unless she let me tie her down."

"Is that right, Beth?"

I was breathless, but I managed to squeak out a "Yes". Master closed the door and Richard gave me three more almost as good as that first one. I thought he'd be done with me, but he fucked me afterward and that was just as good. It was almost as good as the best sex I'd ever had with Master, and that had been enhanced by my love for him.

He didn't release me. Instead, he held me, panting almost as hard as I was.

"May I tell you something that I think you need to know?"

"After a fucking like that, why not."

"I know you're feeling a lot of blackness inside you now. Sahar says she felt the same thing after she was freed. She despised herself and wanted to die. No matter how black you feel inside, no matter what you were forced to do, you are loved." I started to cry again. "You are deserving of love and people do care for you and want nothing but the best for you. Don't succumb to the blackness. You have to let people love you and not push them away, when all they want to do is help."

He started to untie me and I wrapped him in my arms and sobbed desperately.

"I can't refuse sex from anyone anymore, Richard. I've done the most vile things."

"It seems to me that you're anticipating people asking you for sex by begging for it from everyone before they even ask. If they ask for sex, and you're compelled to have sex, have sex then, but I doubt they'll ask for sex until you're ready."

"I start to feel empty, that I need to have a cock inside of me or I'll be punished."

"And rationally, you know that's not true. It's conditioning. You know most of this crew would kill anyone who laid an unjust hand on you. They just proved it to you. There wasn't a single person left alive who harmed you. It was more than justice, it was vengeance. You've inspired love, and decency, and family, Beth. Most of these people would lie down in front of a steamroller for you. They worked their asses off to save you because you were loved and worthy of their love and their protection. You can work to overcome the conditioning.

"Have sex or not with your loved ones, but if you do, enjoy it. It's an act of love, or at least pleasure. Wasn't this much better than the first time we had sex?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"It's not a contest to see who cums the fastest. You were the one who taught me that. I'm not a psychologist, and perhaps this is something you're supposed to figure out for yourself, but Sahar and I speculated that while you were at Mahmoud's, you were strong because you wanted, even needed, to protect Hannah and Jìngyi. But once you were rescued and they didn't require your protection anymore, you let all the despair and vileness overcome you. The only person who required your protection was yourself and you didn't feel you deserved protection. You weren't willing to fight for yourself like you were willing to fight for them. I'm telling you, you - are - worthy - worthy to be fought for and loved."

"I don't think I can be Master's submissive anymore," I said.

"Perhaps not. Do you think he cares as much about your submission as he cares about you?"

I was silent, thinking.

"I don't know."

"You could always ask him, but let me ask you another question. You're not submissive to anyone else on this ship. Do you think they give a rat's ass whether or not you're submissive to Joshua. Do you think Miranda cares, or Sahar, or Hannah or Fatima or Edgar. I would think knowing you're safe and happy is all any of them really gives a shit about."

"Could we have sex again without me being tied down?"

Richard smiled at me. "Do you think you can show me how two people who care for one another have sex? How you used to have sex with Joshua?"

"I think so."

"Then I won't tie you down."

Richard had to tell me to slow down a couple of times, but it started coming back to me; sex with a lover and not with an owner. I lovingly sucked his cock back to hardness, and he stopped me before climaxing in my mouth, then we just kissed until his need had passed. Then he returned the favor to me, his lips and tongue dancing lightly over my folds, teasing me, but not letting me cum yet. He entered me, using an incredible amount of control to fuck me for well over 45 minutes. The orgasms, the sweet, exquisite orgasms returned. Panting, aching, body wrenching orgasms that made me cry out in wonder and rapture. We fucked, no, made love, through supper, and well into the evening. Finally it ended, Richard drained. His bed was a disaster; his cock worse, thick with our cream. We licked our body fluids off each other.

"Thank you, Richard."

"You're welcome. I was happy to be of assistance. That was more like the Beth I know and care for. You taught me a lot, and I always appreciated it. You also gave me back my mother, when she was so sad and lost after her divorce. Why don't you go show Joshua and Miranda how much you still love them. I know they'd love to meet that person again."

"I should probably eat first."

"I'd see them now. I'm sure they'll be happy to have food sent to the room just for you."

I laughed. It was the first time I remembered laughing in a very long time. I slipped through the door into Master's room. Master and Miranda were talking in the bed, talking about me, I think, as I heard my name mentioned before they looked up at the click of the door and saw me standing there.

"Would you both care to have sex like we used to?" I asked.

They both held their arms out to me and I flew to the bed, and we laughed and cried and had wonderful sex, I ate, and we had sex again.

The only dark cloud was when I sucked Master's cock after he fucked Miranda's ass. Then there were only tears for awhile.

******