My Wife and the Singer

I glanced at the girls. "How was school?"

They both flinched as if hurt. "Terrible," Kaley gushed. "It was horrid, lots of nasty comments, lots of bitchy stuff. I guess we have been going on a bit about Mum and how proud we were off her touring with the Lizards. Now they are making us pay."

Lacey started crying. "It's not fair, they are just so mean and horrible. Even our friends."

Ali winced. "I am sorry, girls; I never wanted anybody to get hurt."

They didn't respond, just put their heads down. I could see they blamed Ali for it, but didn't want to say anything that started another argument.

"How was your day?" I asked Ali.

She sighed. "Much like yours, probably worse. Somebody stuck a poster on my locker saying hooker available, included my phone number. Lot's of bitchy stuff. Jocelyn, my manager, suggested it might be better if I resigned. I told her that wasn't happening. Not now not ever, and if they tried to fire me, I would sue them for unlawful dismissal."

"What grounds would they use?" I asked.

"Unfit conduct, or conduct unbecoming to an employee of the Polytechnic."

When I gave her an enquiring glance, she responded. "I checked my contract today. They have no chance. If it had been at school, then they may have had a case, but not in my own time. She tried to say I brought the school into disrepute."

I shrugged casually. "They might have a point."

"Not a chance in hell. I was on my own time, and not on official business, so they can just bite me."

At the table, the girls and Ali talked, the conversation moved hesitantly. Listening to them chat with Ali like nothing happened pissed me off. "Have you talked to your parents?" I asked.

The conversation came to an immediate halt. The girls looked from Ali to me, not knowing what to say. Ali sighed deeply, her breathing loud. "Yes, I called them today."

"What did they say?"

"If you must know, my Mother called me a slut. My father told me he was thoroughly disgusted with me. He said he didn't want to see or hear from me for quite a long time. Mother said I should see a counsellor about sex addiction."

"Really?" I mumbled. Her calmness scared me. "Is that something you're considering?"

"No, it's bloody not," she shrieked. "For gods sake, Paul. I had sex with one man, not a bloody army. Mother, as usual, is over reacting. Sex addiction indeed."

The girls now didn't know where to look. "Perhaps it's something you should consider," I muttered tersely.

"No, I blasted well shouldn't. I know you're angry, and I know you have lost faith in me, and don't believe me, but I made one mistake in eighteen years of marriage, that hardly dictates therapy for sex addiction."

Lacey couldn't take any more and ran off up to her bedroom, tears flowing, Kaley glanced worriedly between us and ran out hot on her tail.

"Damn it, Paul, are you happy now?" Ali snorted. "Can't we even share just one meal in peace without all this drama. I said I am sorry, it was a silly self absorbed and inconsiderate, but I'm not going to grovel to you, Paul. I'm not going to beg, I know it was stupid, but it's done, and I can't take it back."

"Yes, you said sorry, but I wonder are you sorry it happened, or sorry you got caught?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you sorry it happened?"

"I said sorry, of course I'm sorry."

Glaring at her I asked. "Was the sex good?"

She looked away, no longer able to hold my eyes. "Lets have this out, Ali. Was the sex good? Did you enjoy it?" I asked again.

"Yes, All right, Paul, let's talk about it. Do you really want the truth?"

I nodded curtly. "Yes, I want the truth."

"All right then. Here it is. Yes, the sex was good. Rob is a man of the world, he is a very adroit and respectful lover."

"The morning the tour finished and you were about to fly home. Did you have one final farewell fuck?"

She sighed, closed her eyes and nodded.

"Were you ever going to tell me about it?"

She cringed. "No, I was going to take it to my grave."

"Why not tell me?"

"Because I was scared you would react like this, that you would be hurt. I never wanted to hurt you."

"If the sex was good and you enjoyed it, I guess that means you're not sorry it happened, just sorry you got caught. Sorry because of the fallout associated with your actions. You did something that you knew was wrong, you knew it right from the first time, but you did it anyway."

"I never wanted to hurt you, Paul, I didn't do it out of maliciousness, or spite. I just made a mistake, I got swept up in the occasion."

"Ali, I could possibly accept the sex if it was a one-off mistake, and you had been honest and admitted it to me. That morning at the airport, I gave you ample opportunity to come clean. The fact you lied to my face is what hurt, and that makes it impossible to forgive, to take your offer of an apology seriously. I don't know how you think I could ever trust you again."

"I can promise you, Paul, it will never happen again."

"Really, and what happens if Chisholm rings and says, I have a fabulous offer for you, another tour. What happens, do you go? Do you ask me if you can go? Or do you say no?"

She screwed up her face as she digested my statement. "It would depend on the circumstances. Of course I would talk to you, but I wouldn't sleep with him."

"Really, you expect me to believe that?"

"Paul, I promise you, nothing would happen."

"Funny, that's what I thought last time. You said you didn't plan for it to happen, it just did. You're sorry, but it just happened."

"This would be different, I made you a promise."

"Ali, you made me a promise eighteen years ago. It seems to me your promises mean shit."

I walked out, and went to bed. It was impossible to sleep, but it gave me a chance to think, to go over options. Everything we owned was tied up in one huge financial bundle. It was going to be a mess.

Life goes on; if things were bad the first day back, it just got worse. Not just for me but for all of us.

We got called into the girls' school, because there were serious issues with bullying and the girls acting out.

The Principal tried to pile some of the blame on the girls. It was Ali who exploded. "You better think very careful before you say another word. If you sit there condoning the way our daughters have been treated, then let me tell you, it will get worse. We will sue you for every penny you have. Our daughters have been bullied and harassed and the teachers are doing nothing to protect them."

He gave us all a sad glare. "We don't have the resources to be with your daughters every single minute. We all know how cruel children can be. Perhaps a change of school would be something we should consider?"

"Like hell," Ali screamed at him. "This is their school, and we are not being chased out because you can't manage a few nasty pupils. Either you protect our daughters, or prepare for a court case from hell."

The girls struggled to hold in their smirks as Ali ripped him to shreds.

I grabbed Ali and pulled her back into her chair. "All we want is for our daughters to be able to focus on their school work. They are both good students, are in the top ten percent. We want them to be treated fairly."

He nodded at me, unable to hold Ali's angry glare. "Very well, we will try."

Walking out to the car, the girls both said. "Wow, Mum, you were awesome."

They were right; she gave him what for. She was an angry woman now.

I knew from talking to friends that Ali had lost all but a couple of her best friends. She had been alienated and chastised by all. She used to have a very big band of friends, they used to go out regularly and had afternoon teas and what not. Now she got no invites at all. She spent most of her time at home alone.

There were lots of uncomfortable moments. I continued to live at home, although I was living in the workshop store room. I actually fitted it out reasonably well: a new bed, lights, a desk to work from.

The day the bed turned up caused another huge fight.

"What the hell is the bed for?" Ali barked.

"I'm moving into the storeroom until I can decide on a course of action."

"Paul, I love you, I respect you and I always thought you were one of the strongest men I ever met. The way you built up your business, from scratch, with nothing more than sheer determination. Everybody loves you, the employees admire you because you are strong, but fair."

"Your point is?" I asked.

"My point is, now you're acting like a crazy man. You have a perfectly good bed. You chose it. You have never in your life walked away from a fight. Now here you are hiding away out in the storeroom because you don't want to sleep in the same bed as me? Good heavens, what did you think was going to happen?"

"Ali, at the moment I need space. Our bed was always a beautiful loving space. We cuddled, made love, talked and planned everything together. I want to keep those fond memories. I'm not running away. I just don't want to turn our bed into part of the battlefield."

"You're burying your head in the sand, Paul. I still love you. Give me a chance and I will prove that. We could be making love, talking, trying to rebuild."

"No, sorry. It's not happening. If you're feeling horny, there must be plenty of guys who would like to find out what the best fuck on the planet is like."

She shook her head and sneered. "I have always had plenty of offers. I have never taken any. Look, Paul, I made a mistake, and I am truly sorry for the harm it has created for our family, but I'm not cowering down like some defeated cur."

*****

Ali herself dug deep, she became very determined, unwavering in her stance. She faced off anybody who confronted her with the same stubborn resolve. She wasn't bowing to anybody. As far as she was concerned, she had apologised, and now it was time to move on.

The girls understood; they saw the other side, that nobody saw. They nursed her as she sobbed her heart out to them apologising over and over. Their devotion, if anything, strengthened.

The girls and I still got on great, they expressed their love. They added that they were going to support Ali, and try to help. They begged me to forgive her, to move on, and I tried, for their sakes, I tried.

Ali, though, grew desperate. She hated the fact we barely talked. She hated the fact we no longer shared a bed. She hated the tension and coolness around the house.

It all came bursting out one night, the girls were at a sleep over at friends houses. Ali and I were alone at home for perhaps the first time since her return.

The atmosphere in the house was colder than usual, without the girls to add some brightness, some conversation, there was nothing.

I watched TV and Ali paced around the house. After drinking several glasses of wine she stormed into the lounge, turned off the TV and snapped. "We need to talk."

Angry at her interruption I snorted derisively. "Then talk."

She sat in the chair facing me. "This has to stop, we can't live like this."

"Live like what?"

"Don't play games, Paul, you know very well what I mean. You either have to forgive me or not. I'm not sleeping for the rest of my life in an empty loveless bed. I want my husband back. I need the wonderfully strong determined man I married back."

"Sorry, Ali, it doesn't work that way. Not for me. I'm trying to forgive, or at least forget. It's not that bloody easy when every day it gets thrown back in my face by some idiot who makes a dumb comment."

"This isn't about other people or what they think. They can all kiss my arse. What's important is you and me. I want our old marriage back. I hate this not talking, no intimacy. It has to change."

"Or what, Ali?"

"I don't know, but this can't go on."

With a resigned sigh, I muttered. "Well, in that case, I guess I'll move out then."

"So that's your answer, is it?" She snorted.

"What else can I do? You're the one who set this bloody storm in motion, Ali. Don't make it out to be my fault.. I spoke to our solicitor, I think perhaps the best thing is to go through with the divorce. I'll find somewhere to move to. We can sort the finances out later."

"Paul, I don't want you to move out. I want you here, all I'm asking for is some intimacy. A kiss, a cuddle, conversation."

"I can't give you that, Ali. I'm angry, I hoped it might get easier with time, but it's not." With a darkening snarl, I added. "The bloody anger hasn't abated, if anything, it might be getting worse. I have been trying to get past what happened, but I can't. I don't think I ever will."

"So that's it? We just walk away from everything we worked for? Bloody hell, Paul, we worked so hard, we worked our arses off to buy the house, set up the business, raise the girls. You are just going to run away from all of that, just because I had sex with another man?"

I had tried to remain calm, but her words infuriated me. "No, this is not just about the sex. It's because you lied to me." My face must have been red, it certainly felt like I was about to explode.

"This runs deeper than the sex, this is because I no longer trust you. All through our marriage, I never once questioned your loyalty, or honesty. I told you everything, I shared all my thoughts, and opinions. I trusted you implicitly. Now, I hold everything back, I no longer trust you."

I saw the fight dying in her eyes. "Paul, you can trust me, I'm still the same person. I said it would never happen again."

"It shouldn't have happened in the first place."

That was pretty much the last conversation I had with Ali. I managed to find a small place, an old farm-workers cottage for rent. The girls were devastated when I told them. There were tears aplenty. Hugs pleading, begging. They tried it all. Unfortunately, I was as determined as Ali.

I filed the divorce papers.

I took no pleasure in handing them to Ali in person. She accepted them without words. I watched as she turned the envelope over and over in her hand. "I think you should get a solicitor to go over those. I think its best if we settle as quickly as possible."

She sighed loudly and whispered harshly, "Fine." She closed the door in my face.

She didn't try to get in the way of the girls and me. I talked on the phone with them most days, and we got together on weekends. I tried to keep the conversations away from their mother, but it was impossible. The girls both told me how much Ali missed me, how they could hear her crying at night in her room.

She was putting on a brave face for everybody. She was like a fierce warrior princess with everybody, but alone, behind closed doors, she couldn't hold back.

It took her a month to organise a meeting with our solicitors. She looked stunning as she walked in. She wore a simple casual business suit, but some how managed to make it look fabulous.

We sat on opposite sides of a long table in the solicitors office. My solicitor asked. "Have you read the documents?"

She nodded, "Yes, read and understood."

"Do you have questions, or changes you want to make?" My solicitor asked.

"I have several changes." She glanced nervously at me. "Paul, I don't want anything from your company. That is yours. Your offer to buy out my fifty percent stake is declined." Her solicitor handed over a document. In it Ali waived all and any rights to any part of my company.

She added. "Secondly, I do not want any part of your superannuation. That is yours and yours alone. I expect to keep mine, you keep yours."

"Thirdly, the house. We can sell it now so that you can extract your half. I don't want you living in some hovel. The girls told me it's disgusting."

"No, we aren't selling the house. That is the girls home, as well as ours. Once they're off to school, then we can sell. I'll sort out better accommodation once this is settled."

It was easy going, the papers were signed and the meeting finished.

As we walked out she caught up with m. "I'm sorry Paul. I was a selfish silly bitch."

"No arguments here, Ali. I'm going to try to be a part of the girls lives as much as possible."

She nodded. "I know that; the girls miss you like crazy. They cry all the time, they are sullen and moody. We have argued many times and they blame me entirely. They apportion no blame on you."

As we walked out onto the main RD, I said. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it work, Ali."

"Not your fault, it was my mistake."

Life was pretty miserable after that. I missed her like crazy. We had eighteen wonderful years together, shared so many incredible moments, some sad, some happy. You don't cut a chunk of your heart out and not feel it.

With Christmas time approaching, it was hard. Christmas had always been our thing. It was family. We always decorated the house. My mother said it could be seen from space there were so many lights on it.

The girls begged me to go around and help put the lights up. What can you do? I helped, it was amazingly like old times. We stretched the coloured lights all over the house, putting up the big fake Santa, covering him with lights.

It was a bit like a death sentence had been lifted. We laughed and joked as I tried to teach the girls about electricity. Ali turned up with more new lights, she brought out drinks and the girls pushed us together.

It was fun, and we talked about our work, our friends. I watched her wince as I told her about some friends who she no longer saw. All in all, it was fun.

It was when we talked about Christmas presents for the girls that it fell apart. We usually brought the presents for the girls together. This year was obviously different. We were sitting with a glass of wine, watching the girls run lights up the big pine tree on the front lawn.

"Paul, you know we talked about getting Lacey a car. I would like to get it for Christmas. It would be a real surprise for her."

I had been giving her driving lessons for months, and she was ready. "Yeah, okay, how much should we spend?"

She gave me a nervous glance. "I would like to buy it for her. You have been giving her the lessons. I can cover it."

"Ali, you can't afford it. I don't want her driving around in some old piece of shit."

"I can cover it, Paul. I want to do it. Once she's decided which one she likes, you can check it out for her."

Unconvinced she could afford it, I mumbled. "If you think you can swing it, then go for it. But I want to see it."

The girls came over and sat with us, It was Kaley who asked. "Are you coming for Christmas lunch, Dad?"

"No, sweetie, I'm going to my parents, they asked if you would like to join us?"

It was Lacey who jumped in. "Can Mum come with us?" I heard Ali's sharp intake of breath. I frowned. "No, sorry Pudding, it would just be the three of us."

"Then the answer's no. We're not leaving Mum alone on Christmas, and you shouldn't either."

"Lacey, shush, Honey. This is not your fathers fault," Ali retorted.

It was a couple of days later I got the call from Ali to meet her and the girls at a car yard in town. A little red Honda: it was a nice car, low KMs, full service history, no accident damage. The perfect first car. It was the ten grand price tag that got me. How the hell was she going to afford that?

It was during our next driving lesson that I sort of eased it into the conversation. "Sweetie, could you talk to your mother. I want to help pay for the car. I know she can't afford the Honda for you."

Lacey was concentrating on driving, so didn't think. "Dad, it's okay. She saved the money from the tour. She can afford it."

The words were barely off her lips when she quickly stole a glance at me. "Oh shit, sorry, Dad. Mum asked me not to say anything."

I couldn't hide my bitter snarl. As the lesson concluded and we pulled up at our old place, she stopped the car in the driveway. "Dad, please don't make a big deal about the car. I promised Mum I wouldn't say anything."