Neglected

"I guess maybe it's because I've wanted what I'm feeling with you for so long but gave up on ever experiencing it again that I'm a little overwhelmed," she told him. "If that doesn't make sense, don't feel bad. I don't really understand it, either."

"It makes a lot of sense," he assured her. "You're wondering what you're doing here with me, if we're moving too fast, and if there might be other guys out there—older guys—that you might be happier with. Not that you're thinking about actually settling down with me, all of my bravado aside."

"I like your bravado," she said finally smiling again. "Confidence is very sexy. Not arrogance, though, okay?"

"Got it," he told her.

She turned back around and pulled his arms around her waist again.

"We'll be there soon," she said. Land was visible on the horizon as she strained to look around at the front of the boat. "I haven't been over here in maybe 12 years or so. It's so beautiful."

"I know a great place for lunch," he said as he nuzzled her neck.

"I can't believe I'm hungry again, but I'm actually starving."

"Sugar doesn't last very long, does it?" he said.

They heard a loud blast of the horn and knew they were getting close.

"Come on. Time to get back in the car."

Dustin took her hand and they walked slowly back down into the main deck and snaked their way to Shandy's car. They waited patiently for the boat to dock and for the rows of cars to carefully make their way onto the road.

The Restaurant at Friday Harbor was only a few minutes away as was a very enjoyable lunch.

As they ate, Shandy surprised him with a question out of the blue. "Aren't you afraid of dying? Or getting killed, I should say?"

"No, not really. Driving a car is the most dangerous thing most of us do and how many of us stay home because it's dangerous?"

"Another good point," she said.

"Why? Are you concerned about that?" he asked.

"I would be if...you know...you were really, really, really persistent and kept being so charming and I..."

"I won't apologize for knowing what I want and going after it as hard as I can," he told her.

"And...I'm what you want?" she asked rather quietly.

"You already know the answer, Shandy. Do you just want to hear me say it out loud?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"This is what you're afraid of, isn't it?"

"Yes," she admitted. "Other than the age difference, I can't think of one single reason why I wouldn't want to be with you."

"Are you saying you'd be embarrassed to be...with me?"

"I'm 33 and my husband is 42 and you're... Have you ever told me how old you are?" she asked him.

"I'm 21," he told her. "So, yes, that's a very big swing, isn't it?"

"The age thing isn't the only swing, Dustin. It's such a shift in going from just being sad and lonely all the time to...to this...and to do so so suddenly."

"Does that mean you're happy and no longer feeling alone?" he asked with his goofy grin.

Shandy smiled at him and said, "Yes. Yes, it does and maybe that's what's so scary. I almost feel guilty for feeling so happy. Crazy, huh?"

Dustin took her hand and said, "Not at all. Crazy would be staying in a relationship where you're not told how beautiful you are and how much you're loved every single day. That would be crazy."

"Do you really think I'm beautiful?" she asked needing to know because she hadn't felt that way in a such a long time.

"I do," he said with total sincerity. "I thought so from the very first time I saw you and did a double take. You missed that, but I looked then looked away and nearly broke my neck taking a second look. So yeah, you're that beautiful to me and then some."

"You're going to be young and so handsome for so many more years. But me? Not so much."

"His infidelities aside, do you think you're husband is old and unattractive?" he asked.

"No, he's a very nice-looking man," she said.

"Uh-huh. So...?"

"I hope you know you're making it very hard for me to punch holes in your arguments," she told him.

"I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong, Shandy. But when it comes to you being beautiful and knowing you always will be to me, I'm not wrong."

"So...is this our first date or our second?" she asked trying to smile.

"It could be either depending on why you're asking."

"Well, you told me that our second date would lead to a third so I was kind of wondering where we might be going or what we might be doing on our next date. Not that I want this one to end anytime soon."

"Not to be cliche, but as long as we're together, I'd be happy doing anything on that or any subsequent date," he assured her.

"That's not cliche. That's sweet and it's romantic and I've wanted to be told those kinds of things for so long you probably can't related."

"You're just not sure I'm the one you want to hear it from," he said assuming that's what she meant.

"No, I'm not sure, but if today is any indication of the future, it might not be much longer until I am...sure," she told him.

"How about we take advantage of the weather and go see some of the island?" he suggested.

They spent the next two hours driving around and stopping to look at anything of interest. There was a gentle breeze blowing making the weather ideal for them as they held hands, walked along the shore or along a trail or just riding around in the car.

"This is pretty much perfect," Shandy said at one point.

"Pretty much?" he teased. "From my perspective it is perfect." He have her another once over and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Come here, you," she said as she leaned over for a kiss.

This one lasted a very long time with tongues exploring much deeper than before. "Mmmm. You're right. This is perfect," she agreed when it finally ended.

Dustin smiled, kissed her one more time then said, "We should probably head back to Seattle."

Shandy sighed and said, "If we must."

"Well, we don't have to," he said with a devious smile.

"Oh, no. No way. We are not staying here overnight," she said firmly but without real conviction.

"Okay," he said still smiling. "Maybe next time?"

"Uh-huh. Keep dreaming, Dustin," she said trying to sound confident. Deep inside there was nothing she wanted more but if she gave in now, it was game over and she needed time to think. How much time she didn't know. All she did know was right now wasn't the right time.

"Dreams motivate us to keep trying, right?" he said as they headed toward the ferry.

"Yes, but unless there's a chance of it becoming reality, it's just a dream," she said matter of factly.

"I see. So you're saying there's no chance of that happening?" he asked still smiling as he drove.

"Nope. Not a chance," she told him. To herself she said, "At least not today on San Juan Island."

They chatted freely on the way back to the ferry then spent another beautiful ride outside holding hands or with his arms wrapped around her. The ride back home was also filled with happy, pleasant chatter as Shandy grew much more comfortable not only with being with this younger man but with the thought of actually...being with him. There was still one thought that continued to plague her and until she could work through it, she didn't know how this relationship could work. It was bothering her so badly she finally had to mention it.

"Dustin? I'd like to ask you something. Maybe it's just a question or maybe I'm looking for an answer."

"Okay, I'm listening," he told her.

"First let me say how much I enjoy spending time with you."

"Okay, we agree on that."

"Second, you really are very intelligent and you're obviously very attractive."

"Keep going so we can get to the 'but', okay?" He smiled when he said it knowing the 'but' was coming.

"But when I think about you coming into the store on Monday and you know, hugging me or kissing me..."

"That embarrasses you?"

"I don't know. I guess maybe it does, but maybe because I don't know how to explain this. How does it make sense for me to, you know..."

"Love me?" he offered.

"I was going to say 'be with you' but, okay. That works, too. How do I get passed something like that? How do you deal with it? I'm assuming it's very different for you but maybe I'm assuming incorrectly."

"No, you're assumption is valid. It is different for me. Society says it's okay in my case for what I think are pretty obvious reasons. In spite of whatever progress we've made in terms of treating men and women equally, we don't. Look at students and teachers. When we hear of a male teacher and a female student we tend to recoil in disgust. But when it's a pretty woman and a high school guy, we tend to say, 'Way to go, buddy!' Or at least men do."

"But we're not student/teacher, Dustin," she told him.

"No but the principle is the same. I get the 'way to go, buddy' comments and you get looked at well, differently. The point is, all of it is based on societal norms and expectations. For you and I to be a couple...in love...bucks many of those norms. It challenges them and those who prefer the status quo don't like challenges to the system or its rules."

"Are you saying the rules are wrong?" she asked seeking nothing more than clarification.

"I'm saying they're arbitrary. I'm saying they no longer make sense. Is being gay wrong?" he asked her.

"No, of course not. It isn't right or wrong. It just is."

"Exactly, just like being left-handed isn't right or wrong. We can't help but love whom or what we love. We can fight against it for whatever reason. Religion is a big one. If you think there are eternal consequences for acting on your attraction to someone of the same sex or even the opposite sex outside of marriage, then you may refrain from showing your love, but you'll still feel it. You'll also be very frustrated and unhappy. So we either realize these social constructs no longer serve any purpose and chuck them or we bow to them just because they exist and miss out on the opportunity to be with the person we know we love but tell ourselves we musn't."

"How old did you say you were?" she asked as she looked over at him.

"Age isn't necessarily directly correlated with intelligence, Shandy. Some people live a lifetime and never move beyond fixed, rigid thinking. 'The rules are the rules, by God!' is their motto. But thinking is hard work. It takes time and energy and often requires courage. But thinking is our greatest gift. It allows us to get beyond the simplicity of ironclad rules which oftentimes shouldn't even be rules anymore. In our case or more specifically, your case, you may get some teasing or even some looks of incredulity. But if you want to be with me, none of that will matter, right?"

"One more question," she said. "Would you ever feel embarrassed because I don't have...say, a college education?"

He wanted to smile but knew this was a serious question and one that was important to her.

"No. Never. That would never have even crossed my mind. Does it bother you?"

She thought about it for a bit then said, "I don't know. I guess another one of society's expectations is that the older person should always know more than the younger one. But when I'm with you, it feels just the opposite."

"How does that make you feel?" he said deciding to ask a question rather than offer his opinion as he'd already touched on that very topic.

"Maybe I'm old fashioned in this regard but I want my husband—or boyfriend, I guess—to make me feel safe and secure. So I think I like that you're a really smart guy. But I don't mean book smart as in memorizing facts and figures, but more like how you apply it and have solutions to so many problems or questions."

"There are different kinds of smart, Shandy, and I think you're a very thoughtful, intelligent person, too, you know."

Shandy sat there thinking about everything he'd just said and she had to admit he was right. Who cared what Chloe or any other person thought? She did care what her parents thought, but she realized she wouldn't let the opportunity to finally be loved by someone she loved—and respected—pass her by because her mom or dad had misgivings. It might not be the easiest of worlds but living without that person would be the worst of all possible worlds. No, staying with Ted would the worst possible scenario. There was no doubt about that.

"I guess I still have one more question," she told him. He glanced over at her before she asked it. "After all this talk and having spent some time together, how do you feel about me? Or do you even know yet?"

Dustin smiled and reached for her hand. "This is just like the question you asked me before. You know, if you're what I want. You already knew the answer to that and I think you know the answer to this one, too. But if you need me to say it out loud, I will." He paused for a second then said, "But I'd rather wait until you can say it back and mean it."

She took his hand and put it on her chest just above her perky, full-B cup breasts and said, "My heart is pounding so hard it feels like it might beat right out of my chest."

"Do I have anything to do with that?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"You have everything to do with that," she said even more quietly.

She held his hand there for several minutes while running hers along his as well as his arm before kissing his hand then setting it down.

"So...maybe just one more question?" she said in an almost shy way.

"Always," he told her.

"Would you maybe like to come in and...and stay a while?"

He took her hand back and said, "There's nothing I'd like more."

They drove in silence the rest of the way just holding and hands, their fingers touching and gently stroking each other.

It was a little after six when they got home and Shandy said she'd like to make dinner for them if that was okay.

"Can I help?" he asked.

"No, I think it would be best if you didn't get too close to me right now." She smiled at him in a way that said it all.

"Is it okay if I sit here at the island and admire your beauty?"

"You see, there you go again. I should be laughing at that, but instead I feel happy and I even believed you this time."

"I'm glad because I mean everything I say, Shandy. And when you're ready to hear me say something else, you can be sure I mean that, too."

"Before we talked I'd have said that scares me."

"And now?"

"And now I know that when you finally do say it, it will be from your heart, and I will be the happiest girl on earth."

She was busy getting things out as she talked, but she glanced at him very quickly when she finished her sentence. She didn't look like the older, more confident woman he'd once thought her to be. Instead she looked like a sweet, innocent, vulnerable girl who needed and wanted to be loved with an unconditional love by a man who made her feel the way he was making her feel.

As Shandy got the meal together they talked about food and wine and even beer. Both of them liked many of the same things although Dustin hadn't yet acquired a taste for wine. Heineken and Budweiser were still his drinks of choice and even there he rarely had more than two on those occasions when he did drink.

"You're definitely not the typical college student, are you?" she teased when he told her he wasn't a big drinker.

"I'd say I'm not the stereotypical college student," he said hoping she'd see the difference.

"You just did it again," she said with a smile. "I should have known the difference and said that."

She got everything ready and avoided looking at him until they sat down to eat and even then she couldn't maintain eye contact for more than a second or two. When dinner was over, Dustin was very impressed.

"That was just incredible, Shandy. You're an amazing cook."

"Thank you, but I suppose I should be," she replied. "I spent years learning to cook to make a man happy who didn't care whether or not I was."

"That's his loss," Dustin told her. "And frankly? He doesn't deserve you."

Shandy's heart was 'doing it' again as she listened to him speak.

"Maybe I should get this mess cleaned up."

She got up to started clearing the table and when she reached for his plate, Dustin gently grabbed her tiny wrist and pulled her onto his lap.

"Thank you for dinner," he told her as she put her arms around his neck.

"You're welcome," she said her eyes darting back and forth between his.

"You are so beautiful," he said as he again brushed her hair back.

She reached down for his hand again and put it back on her chest.

"That's you, Dustin. You do that to me."

She put her lips next to his ear then whispered, "Would you please tell me now?"

He turned his head slightly then said just above a whisper, "I love you."

She hugged him tightly then said, "Would you say it again, please?"

"I love you, Shandy," he told her again.

"I love you too, Dustin," she said. She pulled away from him and when she looked into his eyes, hers were filled with tears. "I love you so much," she told him before kissing him softly and then passionately.

This time, when she reached for his hand, she didn't place it on her chest but a few inches lower. She pressed it against her breast then said, "Please make love to me."

Dustin picked her up off of his lap and carried her to the back of the house until he found a room with a bed. It wasn't the master bedroom and that was on purpose, as he didn't want her thinking of him when he made love to her.

He laid her on the bed then laid beside her and continued kissing her.

"I want to go very, very slowly, okay?" he said as he twirled her hair in his fingers. "I want to savor every moment; every detail."

"Okay," she said barely able to speak.

It was almost a half hour later before the last of their clothes were off as they kissed and petted and slowly undressed each other drinking in the essence of the other person they loved.

Shandy wouldn't have cared, but it was a pleasant surprise to learn that Dustin was very nicely endowed. She was also very happy with his hard, tight, muscular, young body that was so very different from the one she'd last been with so many months ago. She pushed any feelings about her own body and what he might be thinking out of her mind as she allowed herself to be loved the way she'd longed to be loved for so long.

He was kissing her deeply as his fingers were exploring her sex. One of them circled it slowly and softly when he said, "You are the most beautiful woman I've even seen."

Her body was already close but her mind pushed her over the limit when she heard the words she longed to hear being spoken. She had been stroking him, too, when her body erupted in a sea of pleasure. She grabbed his swollen member and squeezed hard as the rest of her body went rigid.

"Oh...God!" she cried softly. "Oh...yessss!!"

Her eyes were closed, but her mouth was opened as she gasped and sighed with pleasure. When they opened again she saw his handsome face and the words came pouring out.

"I love you so much, Dustin. I do, I do, I do!"

She pushed him over and onto his back as she went to work on the rigid member she'd brought to life with her hand taking it into her warm, wet mouth. His groans of pleasure filled her with the same kind of feelings.

How long had it been since she'd last done this? How long had it been since she'd made love or even been kissed like this? Time didn't matter. Only he did. And giving him the kind of love and pleasure he was giving her.

She took him deeply in her mouth then slid back up the long, thick shaft, circling the head and using her tongue on it, focusing on the underside as she cupped his balls and rolled them in her small hand.

"Oh...fffuck!" he groaned as she took him as deeply as she could and held herself there until she could hold it no longer.

She came up gasping for air then smiled when she saw him looking at her.