Neighbourly Argument

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Ashson
Ashson
8,503 Followers

I wasn't supposed to be home when it happened. I'd already left, heading for the football when a tire blew. By a stroke of luck it happened outside the local Beaurepaires and I promptly pulled in to get it changed. They were having a deal right then and I needed a new set of tyres but had been putting it off. Stupid, I know, and the result was the blowout. So, I arranged for a complete set of tyres and wandered home while they got to work. Pick it up in a couple of hours they said.

So, feeling a little grumpy at missing the footy and having to fork out for new tyres, I strolled in the back door and could hear my wife entertaining the neighbours in the kitchen.

My neighbours. The neighbours from hell. I assume that the reason that they're not in hell is because the devil couldn't stand them and kicked them out. They're renting the place next door on a six month lease, and I happen to know that they won't be getting the lease renewed. But until the six months was up, we were stuck with them.

Listening to them yelling at Debbie, and hearing Debbie yelling back, I quickly gathered what their current complaint was. Apparently they had dumped some rubbish over the fence into our yard and, instead of cleaning it up, Debbie had dumped it back into their yard. They were objecting strenuously. As far as they were concerned, once their garbage landed on our side if the fence it was our responsibility and we had no right to return it.

Debbie seemed to be holding her own so I let her go. I could always wander in to back her up if required.

I suppose you're wondering what the neighbours are like. He's about six foot, medium build, going to fat. He has an overinflated opinion of himself, thinks he's god's gift to women and that all lesser mortals should bow before him. He also can't keep a job, doesn't know how to mow his lawn and is quite slovenly in dress.

His wife is, to be frank, sex on a stick. How she got stuck with the slob is beyond my understanding, although I do suspect that the fact that she has the temperament of a rabid wolverine probably contributed.

Anyway, they were going to and fro in there. Debbie loves a good argument and she has impeccable logic skills when it comes to slicing someone else's poorly thought out argument to pieces. I know. Believe me, I know.

Finally accepting that he wasn't going to get the last word or, knowing Debbie, the last fifty words, the clown decided to resort to violence.

I heard a noise and a gasp from Debbie. Then I was not enjoying the argument anymore.

"Yeah, look at it bitch," Frank snarled. "I'm going to stick this in you and fuck your brains out. Then you'll see how smart you are."

I could hear his wife, Ellen, laughing and cheering him on.

Then I winced as I heard Debbie say with a catch in her voice, "That's huge. Can I touch it?"

I didn't barge in. I waited for what was going to happen, while a little voice was saying inside me, "Don't do it, you idiot".

I heard Frank sneer his reply.

"I thought you'd like this once you saw it, bitch. Go on, take a hold."

"No, Debbie," I thought, "don't do this."

I could hear Ellen sniggering, and I could just imagine Debbie's sweet little hand reaching for that slob's cock. Then what I expected happened.

I heard a gasp, a grunt from Debbie and a falsetto scream, followed by a cry of fury from Ellen. Hearing my cue, I stepped into the kitchen, just in time to see Debbie let go of Frank's crushed nuts and pop Ellen right on the nose. Frank was bending forward, starting to crumble around his testicles, and perfectly placed. My foot landed hard on his rear and he just seemed to dive across the kitchen, face first into the fridge. I hope he didn't dent it.

Ellen was clutching her bleeding nose and wailing that she'd have us up for assault.

I looked at Debbie and she looked back at me and shrugged.

"I just did what you told me," she said. "Asked if I could touch him and then did my best to pick him up by the testicles. I was going to run outside and call the police as soon as I'd popped Ellen."

I looked at Frank out cold on the floor and sighed. With any luck, Debbie had ruptured his testicles and I'd concussed him. The police would not be happy, but I was quite sure they'd understand. We'd better call police and an ambulance I told Debbie.

"OK," she said, "but can we do something about Ellen first?"

I looked at Ellen, whose nose seemed to have stopped bleeding. She was glaring at the pair of us, but also looking a little nervous, seeing she was outnumbered two to one.

"What do you want to do about Ellen?" I asked her.

"You're not doing anything about me," snapped Ellen. "I'm having the pair of you charged with assault."

"On the contrary, we will be charging Frank with attempted rape," snapped Debbie, "and I happen to know that he's on parole. The question is, do we charge you with accessory?"

Ellen was shocked. It apparently hadn't occurred to her that she could be charged as well.

"Now if you don't want to be facing charges, you will just sit at the table and shut-up until after the police have been."

I called emergency and both ambulance and cops rolled up about the same time. I told the cops what had happened, pointing out that Frank might have testicular damage. The fact that his cock was outside his trousers definitely added weight to our claim. The cops questioned Ellen for her version but she just gave them a filthy look and stayed mute.

The ambulance removed Frank, after assuring Ellen that his testicles were only bruised, but that he could have a concussion. The cops departed with Frank, quite happy to have a reason to charge him. They knew him and didn't like him either.

That left us with Ellen.

I looked at Debbie and jerked my head towards Ellen.

"What are we supposed to do with that?" I asked.

Debbie was still steaming.

"That bitch was cheering Frank on when he decided to try and rape me," she pointed out. "Let me think for a moment."

She stood there glaring at Ellen, who wilted slightly, looking away. Debbie in a mood was a force to be reckoned with.

"Strip," she suddenly told Ellen.

"What?" was the response. "Why the hell should I?"

"Because if you don't, I will strip you myself," Debbie told her, and from the anger in her voice it was plain that she would.

"While he's here?" Ellen asked, looking at me.

"While he's here," Debbie replied.

Ellen gave me a filthy look and slowly stripped. I believe I said sex on a stick earlier, and seeing her naked I saw no reason to change my mind. I love Debbie dearly, but figure wise, Ellen had her beat and we all knew it. Ellen held herself erect, pushing out a lovely pair of boobs that hadn't yet yielded to the cruel tug of gravity. A lovely pair of hips and a neatly shaved pussy. Apart from the hair on her head, I doubt there was another follicle on that body.

Debbie looked at her and then turned to me.

"She likes rape, so will you please oblige her. You'd better wear a condom, as she could have caught anything from Frank. I'll probably have to boil my hands to make sure they're clean after touching him."

Ellen was indignant. "There's nothing wrong with my Frank. He hasn't any diseases and neither do I. Need a condom before you take me? That's insulting."

Debbie and I both blinked at this. It certainly sounded as though she was saying I was free to take her without any problems. Ellen suddenly realised what she'd said.

"That's not to say I'll let you take me, of course," she added, "because I won't. I was just saying if you did, you wouldn't need a condom."

Debbie groaned. "Bob, would you just grab a condom and fuck her until she screams so we can send her home. Or if you prefer, I can ring up one of my brothers to come and rape her?"

"Ah, Debbie, sweetheart, I don't have any condoms. Do you?"

Debbie looked deflated. "No," she said. "I suppose we can just kick her out."

"God, you're a pair of pansies," snapped Ellen. "If you check my purse I should have a couple."

Debbie and I exchanged looks again. I was starting to have serious doubts about Ellen's sanity. Debbie seemed the same. Debbie snapped open Ellen's purse and tipped out the contents. Three packets of condoms. All opened.

Three sizes, so they weren't all for Frank, either. Debbie looked at me and commented.

"I saw Frank's equipment, so I know the small ones are for him. Who do you reckon the other sizes are for?"

"Don't ask me," I said. "Ask Ellen."

Ellen blushed and remained mute. Debbie grinned vindictively.

"When Frank goes out to the dole office, he's gone most of the day. It seems to me that on those days, the postie always has mail that has to be signed for. I wonder if he's medium or large?"

Debbie considered some more, running what she knew of the neighbours through her mind.

"Andy," she finally announced. "He mows their lawn every so often, and he never does anything for nothing."

Ellen was giving Debbie some really nasty looks now, and I suspect that she'd hit the nail right on the head.

Next thing I knew Debbie was unzipping my trousers and coaxing me to life. With Ellen standing there starkers, I have to admit that I didn't need much coaxing. Then Debbie was rolling a large condom onto me.

"OK, Ellen," announced Debbie. "Now we'll find how you like it. Why don't you turn around and bend over the counter?"

Ellen glared at Debbie and then looked at me. Or looked at my erection anyway.

She gasped. "That's huge. Can I touch it?" she asked, her voice a perfect mimicry of Debbie.

Debbie giggled and I shook my head. No way on this earth was I letting that woman get her hands on my cock or testicles.

Ellen slowly turned and bent forward over the counter, looking back at me all the time. I looked at Debbie, raising an eyebrow in silent enquiry.

"Do you really want me to do this?"

Debbie nodded fiercely. Her blood was up and that woman had cheered when Frank had wanted to rape her. Now let her have it instead.

"Debbie," I said quietly, "she wants me to do it. She's as hot as an alley cat in heat."

"I don't care. Give it to her good. Let her know what sex can be like and let her know she won't get it this good again, because you're mine."

Flattery will get me every time. I moved up behind Ellen and drove into her without any finesse, ramming full length into her with one savage stroke. Talk about ready. Ellen must be one of those people who can get turned on just knowing a cock is in the vicinity. I slid home and Ellen just about orgasmed on the spot.

Basically, I spent the next few minutes having my lusty way with Ellen, pounding her relentlessly. I'm prepared to swear that Ellen spent those same minutes having orgasms. She was squealing and bucking and shuddering almost from the word go, and she didn't stop until I'd had my own orgasm and withdrawn from her, gasping.

Ellen stayed bent over the counter, shuddering every few moments. It was several minutes before she seemed to come back to earth. She finally straightened, turned and stretched, and god, she looked good.

Debbie just looked at her, amazed.

Ellen winked and reached for her clothes.

"Can I go home now?" she asked.

At Debbie's disgruntled nod, she picked up her clothes and wandered out of the house and over to her place. That's right. She didn't bother dressing. Just waltzed off in the nude and over to her house.

I got rid of the condom and cleaned up, trying my hardest not to laugh at Debbie's face. She could see through me, of course, but as long as I didn't laugh out loud I thought I was safe.

Debbie finally admitted defeat.

"What I should have done," she said, "was take her down to the zoo and tossed her in with the gorillas. Maybe they could handle her."

"Sorry, love, but a gorilla's erection is only about one and a half inches. She'd kill them all if they tried to keep up with her."

Ashson
Ashson
8,503 Followers
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11 Comments
iammweaseliammweaselover 1 year ago

Absolutely stupid and pointless.

Im trying to find out where the "funny" was. It was another gay man finding a way to write some cuck shit in a manner the less intelligent really wouldnt catch because they got all caught up in the typical LW template of whore wives.

Sorry, you wasted my time and if the idiots below had any discriminating taste they'd agree with me after they finished wanking thinking about rape.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Previous poster

If you didn't like the story try explaining what you didn't like about it, then if you want to say you think it is bad so be it. Screaming and calling the author names is not ok. Then again, It reinforces the idea that you aren't someone anyone of us wants to associate with.

EgoTrixiEgoTrixialmost 11 years ago

True..that was something I didn´t expect. I enjoyed reading it.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbylovealmost 11 years ago
Cute

I'd hate it except it was too funny to hate. So I liked it.

HA

chytownchytownalmost 11 years ago
Good Read****

Funny as hell but a good read. Thanks for sharing one of your better ones.

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