Not a Chance in Hell

I knew he was in trouble, I felt the ribs break. I knelt down beside him. "Relax, don't breathe too hard. Lie down."

Lee stood there, rooted to the spot, her hands covering her shocked face. "Call an ambulance, Lee. He has a couple of broken ribs."

She rushed off to call 911 and I walked over and picked up the envelope with the papers. "Have you signed them?"

She shook her head. "Oh well, I'll file as a sole applicant. You will be notified by the court."

"You fucking bully." She sneered. "Feel better now do we? Fuck, John, Rafe is not a fighter. Why did you do that?"

"Because it made me feel good. He fucked my wife and he got what all cheaters deserve. See you later... Not," I snarled as I slammed the door behind me.

I filed with the court and the process was started. I needed a place to stay. I couldn't live permanently at the backpackers. It took me a week, but I found a small flat. I waited until a weekday, knowing Lee would be at school before I returned and collected the last of my things. I only took personal stuff. I left her all the furniture. It wasn't worth much, anyway. The one thing I wanted most was my CD collection. It was vast, and she loved it as much as I did, but it was mine. I took great pleasure in taking them. I knew it would hurt. By the end of the day, I was finished. Another chapter in my life over and done with.

It hurt. I would like to say I dealt with it easily, but that was far from the truth. I took all my frustrations out sparring WuShu. We didn't practice a lot of full contact sparring, but the punching bags suffered. My fists hurt, my feet hurt from the kicks. My whole body ached, but it was an opportunity to let out all the negative energy.

Lee called into my office a few times, wanting to meet. She looked and sounded contrite. On the two occasions I did relent and go with her to talk, she tried to explain her actions. She said she no longer saw Rafe. Apparently, he felt so guilty about what happened he broke off their relationship. He hoped by walking away he would pave the way for our reconciliation.

To be honest, I almost gave in. I missed her. I did love her, she was part of me, and maybe that's why it hurt so much. As much as I did contemplate it, I held my ground. I was afraid that if I went back we would eventually end up back in the same place again. I had lost my faith in her.

My boss offered me a solution to my problems. We were opening a new franchise in Wellington, and he needed somebody to go down and mentor the new employees. Set up the office and get it running smoothly. It was a twelve-month contract, after which I could return to my current position.

I didn't even have to think about it. I jumped at it. Within a week, I was on a flight to Wellington. A new life, a new start.

At first I got lots of calls on my mobile from Lee, but when I explained I had moved and all I wanted was out of our marriage, the calls died off. She was remorseful and apologetic at the start. She tried over and over to get me to understand. It was a mistake, she was sorry. She misread my position on the state of affairs. But, as the weeks and months drifted past, her frustration at my unchanging stance affected her, and she became angry. She stubbornly criticised me of running away, of not loving her. She accused me of being closed-minded, stubborn, homophobic and chauvinistic.

It was all water off a duck's back to me. I listened for a while, but I got sick of hearing the same old things over and over. I stopped taking her calls, in the end.

I focused my new start on setting up the office. I wanted to make a good impression, and hopefully build something worth investing in.

I was no saint. I met a few girls. Wellington has a great social scene, and it didn't take me long to meet a few girls. Not looking for anything permanent meant I focused on girls who were looking for nothing more than some fun. When you start looking, it's amazing how many women were in the same boat. Busy with work, focusing on their careers, they, like me, wanted no strings attached fun, and of course, sex.

The sex was good, but sex without intimacy is just really fun horizontal exercise. It made me aware of how much I missed Lee. She was perfect for me; we were like matching slippers. At the end of my twelve months, I was ready to return home. I wanted to try and build my career. The company appreciated my efforts in Wellington, and I was widely acclaimed for doing a great job. My future looked destined for good things.

Catching up with old friends, it became obvious that Rafe and Lee were living together. So much for his paralysing guilt. He obviously got over that pretty quickly. Still, I couldn't complain. I had no recourse, I walked away. They were free to do whatever they wanted.

Our divorce had been final for a few months.

It was a bit of a shock when I looked up from my office desk and found Lee staring down at me. "Hi, stranger. Back in town, huh? I thought you might have called in to say hi, or something."

"Hi, Lee. Nice to see you. Why would I visit you? Our life together is over."

She tried to smile, but it was fragile. Her mouth twitched, her hand trembled. "John, we could still be friends. We may not be married, but I would like you in my life."

"Why, you have Rafe now. You don't need me."

She grimaced, my words caused her to flinch. Her face took on a determined grim look. "Yes, it's true. Rafe and I do live together, but there's no reason we couldn't all be friends. I miss you, John."

"Lee, I'm trying to move on with my life. I think a complete break is what's required. It would be better for both of us."

"Huh... Better for you, maybe, but I miss you. Why can't we be friends?" She replied hoarsely.

"Okay, Lee, have it your way. We can be friends, better now. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

She smiled broadly. "Yes, much better." With a hopeful lilt to her voice she asked. "Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?"

Shaking my head, I replied calmly. "No, I'm busy. I am just getting my feet back under the desk. I have too much to do. Another night, perhaps."

She frowned. "What about tomorrow night?"

"No, sorry. Lee, I'm busy every night this week. I have a lot to catch up on."

"Okay, then what about Saturday night?"

Shaking my head I said. "I have a date Saturday night."

Her face drooped, and she looked sad. "Oh, I see. Well, what about Sunday?"

"Not to put too fine a point on it, Lee, if my date goes well Saturday, I am hoping it will include breakfast, and maybe dinner as well. So no thanks."

Without further ado she turned and walked out. I was left to try and get my mind back under control. Damn it, why did she have to look so good? She might have looked prettier than when I left.

I didn't have a date for Saturday, I just made that up to rub it in. I wanted her to feel a little pain, and if her thinking I was with another girl, achieved that, then good news.

Sunday morning about ten, my phone rang. When I answered, Lee asked, "Well, did you get breakfast?"

I snapped back whimsically. "I had something to eat, but I don't think you would describe it as breakfast."

"Ohhh, yuck. To much information John."

"Well, you asked."

"If you're not doing anything, what about coming over for dinner? I'll make you something nice."

"Yeah, like a vege pattie or something equally as disgusting."

"No, what about roast chicken? You always liked that."

I was trapped, she was just going to keep asking until I either folded or started a fight. With a reluctant hiss I said. "Yeah, okay. What time do you want me there?"

I knocked on her door about six and she met me with a huge hug and a kiss, I couldn't avoid. Just being in her arms rekindled all my old feelings. She was definitely my kryptonite.

Rafe, who stood back a little slowly walked up with his hand extended. "Hello, John, a pleasure to see you back."

"I see you got over your supposed guilt and moved in. I never really believed it anyway. All you were really after was Lee. I hope you have had fun." Okay it was uncalled for and childish. But I still hurt.

Lee cried out. "Stop it, John. Please be reasonable. Rafe was destroyed after our break up. It took a long time for us to get over that. Months of therapy."

"Look, maybe this is a bad idea. I'm not ready for this. I planned to come here tonight and prove to you that it doesn't matter. The truth is, it still hurts."

Rafe breathed deeply, his words slow and determined. "John, it is all right. You are allowed to express yourself. I am truly sorry for the way things turned out. Regardless of what you say, it was not my intention."

Lee whispered breathlessly, "Please, John. Stay, talk to us. You said you were prepared to be friends at least."

Sighing, I nodded in resignation.

Lee poured us all a glass of wine and we adjourned to the lounge to sit. They both sat on the sofa, side by side. I noticed Rafe's hand resting on her knee.

Lee asked about my time in Wellington, about work and my family. We talked about their respective jobs and life in general.

The catching up took us through to dinner. The chit-chat dried up, and it was lucky we had dinner to cover the silence. I noticed them eating lentils and some shit. I enjoyed my chicken dinner.

It was obviously eating away at her, and Lee had to ask. "So how was your date? Is it serious?"

I shrugged. "Too early to tell just yet. That was only our second date. She is lovely, though, incredibly sexy."

Her facial expression tightened. "I'm glad you found somebody. It would be nice to know you weren't alone. Did you meet many women in Wellington?"

"Yeah, a few. I was surprised by the number of women on the lookout for casual sex."

"You didn't meet anybody special then?"

"Lee, I don't want to sound harsh, but It's none of your damned business."

She grimaced. "I just wanted to be friends. John, you might not believe me, but I still love you. I still want you in my life."

"Bit late for that, Lee. You had your chance and you blew it."

"I know, I regret my actions every day. I love you, John, and what's more, I know deep down inside you still love me."

"You're living in fantasy land, Lee. I used to love you. I would have given my life for you. When you decided to fuck Rafe behind my back, after I begged you not to, Well, you fucked it all up. The pair of you fucked me."

Rafe sighed, my words hurt him as well. "John, please. I know you are hurting. Tonight was always going to be painful. If we can put aside the anger, we may be able to forge something stronger. It may never be more than friendship, but please, don't let the anger win."

I sat feeling remorseful. I hated that my anger escaped so easily.

He said quietly, "John, we hoped by inviting you here tonight we could all start afresh."

"Yeah, well let's not forget the house you invited me into was once mine. And the women you share it with now used to be my wife before you stuck your slimy cock into her. So fuck you, little man. In the words of somebody more famous than me. Fuck you, arsehole."

He jumped to his feet and I stood, as well, expecting him to take a swing, or lunge at me. He just stood there, staring me down. "What's the matter, dickless? Scared, afraid I might break some more ribs? Jesus, Rafe, you're a gutless prick."

"John!" Lee screamed. "Stop it. All we wanted was to be friends."

"Well, I think it's too late for that."

I turned and walked quickly towards the door. "Don't call me again, Lee. Stay out of my life."

Back at my flat I pulled a beer out of the fridge and collapsed on the sofa. What a night. I tried to let the anger go. I tried. All my learnings from Qi Gong, the hours of meditation, I tried to put the principles I learned into practice. I wanted to abide by the teaching, but the anger, it was so strong.

It took a month before I bumped into Lee again. She was waiting beside my car as I walked out of the office. As I approached, she stood up. "John, can we try this again please?"

"All right Lee. What do you want this time?"

"Could we go somewhere and talk?"

"I don't have a lot of time. I was just on my way home."

"That would be perfect," she whispered.

I held the door open for her and headed for home. The trip was completed in silence, the only sounds were the honking horns, the sirens and pedestrians yelling.

At my flat we walked in together. "Okay, Lee, what the hell do you want? I'm sick of all the bullshit."

She flew into my arms and her mouth collided with mine in a mouth watering, tongue swirling kiss. We stumbled around, her body pasted to mine. Her heat melting the thin layers of clothes separating us. No words were spoken. We fell onto my bed and with our sweat laden bodies welded together, we made love over and over, her body responding with the passion and desire I remembered oh so well.

I was after eight when we lay side by side panting. "Oh god, I needed that." Lee gushed between pants.

"What, Rafe not fulfilling his husbandly duties?" I sneered sarcastically.

She gave me a disapproving weary look. "Stop it, John. Don't be nasty. Rafe is a wonderful lover, very affectionate and loving. Please don't put him down. I love him."

"Yeah, then why are you here?"

"Because I love you, as well. I have missed you so much. This is hard, John. I'm trying to explain. I love you both."

"I don't buy all that new-age shit, Lee. You can't love more than one person at a time."

"That's not true. You love your sister, your mother and your family. Love is not limited. If you open your heart and your mind, then anything is possible."

"If you believe that. I have a girlfriend I would like to introduce you to."

She sniggered. "Twelve months ago, I would have been angry at that. Now I say, maybe that's possible. Let's fix this first though."

We slowly recuperated, and she rolled over to kiss me. "I do love you, John. I always have. I knew from the first moment we met we were meant to be together."

"Then why did you fuck dumbarse?"

She cringed, giving me another of her deep scowls. "I didn't plan it, John. It happened. I knew that I was developing feelings for Rafe, as well. I tried to explain it to you. I didn't want to cheat. I wanted us to be open about it. When you kept blocking me, I became frustrated and in the end. I just decided to act first and ask for forgiveness afterwards. I was so confident in our love, I couldn't see how you would not understand."

"You were wrong, Lee. So very wrong."

"I see that now, and I am sorry. I should have waited until you were ready."

"That would have been a long wait."

As we showered together, covered in soap suds, I asked, "What are you going to tell Rafe?"

"The truth," she stated quickly. "I made that mistake once. I won't make it again."

"How do you think he will he take it?"

She grinned through the soap suds. "He will be fine. He still talks about us forming a polyamorous relationship with you."

That stunned me, and she saw the look of confusion on my face. "John, he's not like you. He doesn't get jealous."

"More power to him. Not something I can achieve, I'm afraid."

She nodded. "Sad, I wish you could get past it. I'm like Rafe; I see the possibilities."

Over the next couple of weeks, Lee's visits became part of daily life. She turned up at odd times, usually after dinner and with no warning. Usually, she stayed until about ten in the evening. Strangely, the visitations were initially all about sex. It was a quick fuck and run. That changed gradually. She came over earlier and brought us dinner. Her preference was pizza, as it was one of the few vegetarian meals I liked.

We started talking more and fucking less. I had to admit, I liked it. I still enjoyed her company, even her waffling on about Rafe hurt less and less. It amazed me that he didn't care. He sometimes called her phone when we were cuddled up together. She told him what we were doing and there was no explosion, no threats of personal injury. It was hard to understand.

It seemed our relationship was growing with every passing moment. It was more like a relationship than fuck buddies. She started sleeping over, and my wardrobe now included a selection of her clothes so she could go straight to work.

It came from out of the blue. Lee dropped a bomb on me. "John, I am going to suggest something. All I ask is you don't just say no, and actually consider it."

Confused, I spluttered, "Okay..."

"We, Rafe and I, have talked about our situation. We want you to move in with us."

I laughed, not a hysterical belly laugh, but all in. "Have you gone mad, Lee? I'm not doing that."

She frowned. "I asked you to consider it. Think about it, Honey, I sleep over a couple of nights a week. I could do that more often if you lived with us. I love waking up in your arms."

"Yeah, and what would I do on the other nights?"

"Whatever you do now, plus we could all eat together, and you could save what you pay in rent. This place must be expensive."

She was right about that. I almost had enough for a deposit on a house. If I saved even half of what my rent cost me, I would be there much faster.

She must have seen my perplexed expression. "Babe, it makes so much sense."

"No thanks, Lee, I don't want to watch you and Rafe going at it."

She giggled softly. "You might enjoy it."

"Nope, sorry, Lee, but I couldn't do it."

"Why not? I don't understand."

"We are all different, Lee. Obviously you and I are wired differently. You are excited by the thought of having sex with more than one person. I'm different, it doesn't excite me."

She looked disappointed, her frown deepened as she sighed. "You must have considered it at some point. It's supposed to be every boy's biggest fantasy."

"Most guys, me included, have fantasised about having two women. Very few have dreamed about being with another guy."

"John, we don't have to do the threesome thing. You would have your own room and privacy. It would just mean we would see more of each other. I would love the threesome, but I know it's not you."

That night I did actually give it some thought. I was at least a little intrigued about how it would work. I could save the six hundred bucks a week I paid for rent. Even if I had to chuck in some money for Lee's place, it would be a big saving. I couldn't believe I was actually considering it. Lee had managed to worm her way under my skin and my feelings for her were building. Was it love? I wasn't sure, but I certainly enjoyed our time together.

The only sticking point was Rafe.

My rejection of their suggestion seemed to put an end to everything. Lee stopped coming around. No phone calls, no visits. It appeared I had my wish. It was over.

With my mind fixed on moving forward, I accepted an invitation by a friend to double date. He organised everything. It was dinner at a local restaurant, his girlfriend, whom I knew and liked, had decided I needed a woman in my life.

Holly and I hit it off immediately. She was attractive, outgoing and oozed a certain sexual energy that drew me in. Our first couple of dates were nice, without being earth shattering. The third date changed that. The sex was very passionate, and I came to understand she was fiery, vibrant and explosive in the bedroom.

It was nice; we were comfortable with each other. It wasn't forced or uncomfortable. At first it started with dates, which included sex, that grew to sleepovers. In fact, she spent most nights at my place. She asked about my marriage and why it ended. I just explained that we drifted apart, wanted different things.

It was a Friday night. Holly and I were sitting on the sofa talking about where we would go for dinner, or if we could even be bothered. The doorbell rang and when I answered, Lee breezed straight in, carrying pizza. "Hi, babe, I brought pizza. I was hoping we could talk."