Not Handicapped

It's no fun to be 18 and have to spend much of your life flat on your back in bed, although in this day and age technology helps to make my life a lot more interesting than it would have been 30 or 40 years ago. With my lap top I'm not only able to chat with people around the world, but I can also access a wide variety of websites.

I enjoy most sports, even though I've never been able to participate in them, and have developed a great interest in cinema, especially old movies made 50 years before I was born. These days though, I confess that much of my time on the Internet is spent on porn sites.

You see, while the legs don't work, my dick is fully functional and my hand works fine too. While it was never an ideal sex life that I was leading, it wasn't like girls my age were going to be coming up to my bedroom and allow me to make my orgasms happen with somebody else.

Until recently.

To give you some background, I live with my Mom in a house out in the sticks. It's just me and her, and has been for the last decade or so. My father? Although Mom never badmouthed him to my face, I think I figured out the reason he left. I suspect he didn't like the idea of being stuck with a crippled kid for the rest of his life, so he left for greener pastures.

I haven't seen him in years, and the only contact I've had with him is a birthday card he sends me every year. Mom always put a smiley face on the situation, but I told her a while back not to bother with that anymore. Fuck him.

Mom is the love of my life, and while it would have been easy for her to dump me somewhere and start a new life, she hasn't even though I've encouraged her to many times. Hopefully I'll be able to become independent enough to get into some sort of assisted living situation so she can do just that, but until then...

Mom is so pretty. She's about 50, and even though taking care of us has worn her down, she's still very attractive. She looks a little like that newswoman Katie Couric, only I think Mom is prettier, especially when she smiles.

As I've matured, our relationship has changed, and recently it has gone into a very different territory. Some - maybe most people would call it sick, but I don't, and it all started by her catching me jerking off.

Usually I can hear Mom coming down the hall, but I was so involved with what I watching that I didn't see her enter the room. On my computer Belladonna was eating some woman's ass and I was pumping my way to a climax when Mom ducked in. When she saw what I was doing she quickly darted back out, but I was busy ejaculating and couldn't have stopped if I wanted to.

In a way, Mom catching me was a turn on to me. It wasn't like she hadn't seen my cock before, having been helping me bathe all my life. Mom's seen me with an erection plenty of times too. I used to try and not get a boner, but when Mom is there washing my balls and I'm peeking down the front of her blouse to try and see her tits, it just happens.

Besides, having learned through the Internet that while I'm not John Holmes, I've got a good sized cock on me. Not real thick, but it's seven and a half inches long, to be exact. I've measured it several times because, well, I've got a lot of spare time.

Anyway, later on that day she caught me jacking off, we had a talk about it. Mom told me that she knew I had been doing that for a while, and thankfully she didn't give any crap about me going blind or it being a horrible habit.

In fact, she got very emotional about it, telling me that she wished that there was a way that I could meet some nice girl, because I was such a nice guy, so cute and smart and all.

While she was telling me about this dream of hers, I was dying to tell her that there was no way that was ever going to happen. I wanted to tell her that if I had my way, she would take off her clothes and climb into bed with me. Why not? All we had was each other. Who would know? Who would care? Most of the world didn't give a damn if we were dead or alive.

I didn't tell her that of course, but about a week later Mom made a big point out of getting me all spruced up. She gave me the most incredible bath ever, and even got me to shave. I need a razor like a cat needs pajamas, having a baby face and all, but I went along with it.

Later, after Mom helped me into bed, she kept looking at the clock, like she had an appointment or something, and when the doorbell rang she flew out the bedroom door. I heard some conversation in the distance and then there were footsteps coming down the hall.

"Jeff honey," Mom said as she came into the room with a lady I had never seen before. "This is..."

"Tammy," the lady said, smiling at me like we were old friends. "Nice to meet you Jeff."

This Tammy was probably around 30 years old, and had bright red hair. She was wearing a raincoat, even though it hadn't rained in a week, but when she took it off I could see why she was wearing it.

Underneath the coat, all she was wearing was a yellow nightie that was so sheer I could see right through it. She had big tits that looked fake, and through the fabric I could see the lips of her pussy, which was hairless. That didn't turn me on all that much, because I like natural tits and pussy hair.

Guess I was born too late, but despite that, it wasn't like I was in a position to complain, because this was the first naked woman I had ever been in the same room with. Mom sat down on the bed next to me and gave me a tight-lipped smile.

"Tammy here - she's going to - going to be your friend for a while here," Mom said, and I nodded when she asked me if I understood.

Mom had gotten me a woman.

"Don't go Mom," I said, grabbing her arm when she started to rise. "Please stay."

"Jeffy, I can't do that," Mom said, looking at this Tammy who was easing down on the other side of me. "This should be private."

"It's okay with me," Tammy told my Mom after I insisted she stick around.

"I think he's scared," Mom said, explaining my clinging to her like I was. "He's never - you know."

To be honest, while I admit to being a little scared, I think nervous was a more accurate term, but that had nothing to do with me wanting Mom around.

"That's okay. Me and Jeff, we're going to be good friends, aren't we?"

"I guess," I said. "Please stay Mom."

"Like I said, I've seen way crazier things," Tammy said as she pulled down the sheet that was covering my chest. "Let's see what - oh wow! You're a big fella, aren't you?"

Tammy's hand, with fingernails painted the same color as her hair, reached down between my legs and lifted my flaccid member from its resting place, stretching it and smiling wide.

"Your boy's got a big one," Tammy told me Mom, who kept looking at me for my reaction. "Here you go babe."

Tammy leaned over and shrugged the nightie off her shoulder, exposing a big tit with a fat red nipple, and offered it to me. I grabbed the tit, which was really firm, and leaned forward to take that stub into my mouth.

"That's it babe," Tammy said as she let me nurse off of her for a minute while she pulled on my cock.

I guess it was a testament to how nervous I actually was, that not only hadn't I cum already, but still wasn't hard. Tammy pulled her tit away and positioned herself down near my hip, telling me to relax, and then bent down.

I sighed as my cock went into her warm and wet mouth, and as her hand kneaded my balls she began to suck on my cock, pulling it up as far as she could when it began to come to life.

"Is it good for you honey?" Mom whispered in my ear.

"I love you Mommy," I whispered back, kissing her neck.

"That's it," Tammy said. "Get nice and hard for me."

Tammy's lush red lips were now going down a cock that was getting longer and harder with each bow of her head, and after a dozen or so more trips up and down my cock, she took her mouth off my erect cock and giggled, flicking the tip with her tongue.

"So big and hard," Tammy said, winking at me and Mom. "You're so big I can't get my mouth all the way down it."

I came soon afterward, with my face buried in my Mom's neck while she held me tight. Tammy made a choking noise when I kept cumming and cumming, and after my orgasm finally ended I let my head fall back down onto the pillow while Mom ran her fingers though my hair, looking like an angel to me with my vision blurred from the sweat in my eyes.

"You came real good babe," Tammy said as she pulled her nightie back up onto her shoulders, giving my drooping dick a wiggle before standing up.

That was it. Tammy told me that she had fun, and hoped she could see me again sometime. I thanked her, and after she put her raincoat back on Mom escorted her out of my room.

I assumed that Mom was paying Tammy for her services, so it was a few minutes before Mom came back into the room. I had left the sheets down where they were and remained fully exposed when Mom returned, standing in the doorway nervously and waiting in vain for me to say something.

"I hope you aren't mad at me," Mom finally said.

"Mad? No," I said.

"It's just that, you're a man and a man has needs," Mom told me.

"Women do too," I reminded her before Mom said that I needed to be cleaned up.

Mom returned with a wet washcloth and eased down to where Tammy had been kneeling just minutes before.

"I didn't mean to spring that on you like that," Mom said as she tenderly wiped my balls, where the semen had apparently headed after Tammy let it slide back out of her mouth. "But I was afraid that if you knew in advance you would get too nervous and - you know."

"You didn't have to do that," I told Mom.

"My, she sure wore a lot of lipstick," Mom noted as she tried to get the residue of the cosmetics off of the shaft of my cock and pubic hair.

"Did you hear what I said?" I asked.

"Yes honey," Mom said as my cock began to stiffen in her hand. "It was just a - let's call it a belated birthday present."

"We can't afford stuff like that," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I know you paid her for it," I said. "Women aren't going to make head house calls for free."

"That's none of your concern," Mom said. "You seemed to like it. Maybe next time she can do something else with you. You know?"

"Not interested."

"What do you mean? Mom said. "She was attractive, wasn't she?"

"In a cheap way," I said.

"She certainly had a nice body."

"Her tits were silicone and she had a shaved cunt."

"Jeff!" Mom said, recoiling at my language. "And how would you know about her breasts?"

"The way they felt," I said, even though I had no first hand knowledge of any kind of tits. "I've read about them."

"I'm sorry," Mom said. "The way you reacted - I thought you enjoyed it."

"I did enjoy it," I assured her. "It was nice to feel like a man."

"She was certainly taken by your - you know."

"My cock?" I asked, and it was then that we both realized that she had cleaned my cock so well that I was almost fully engorged again. "Yeah, she said I had a big one. Do I, Mom?"

"I'm sorry," Mom said when she saw what her cleaning had done, but when she started to pull her hand away I clamped mine right over hers, forcing her to grip it despite herself.

"Do I, Mom?" I repeated. "Do you think I have a big cock? Is mine bigger than Dad's? It's okay either way."

"Jeff!" Mom cried when she realized what I was doing with our hands.

"Please Mom," I said, my voice begging as I moved our hands up and down the shaft of my dick.

"Mommy - I love you so much. All the time that woman was sucking my cock, I was fantasizing it was you," I told my mother. "I want you to be the one to take my virginity."

"No!" Mom sobbed as she continued to try and pull away, but I had hold of her and would not let go.

"I want to eat your pussy and have you mount me," I cried while my orgasm surged through my loins. "I want us to make love. I want to..."

My voice failed me as my upper torso jerked upwards, the force of my orgasm making me convulse as I ejaculated all over myself while continuing to keep our hands clenched around my cock in a death grip until I finally went limp.

Mom was crying when I eventually let go of her hand, and she raced out of the room without another word, leaving me with my stomach dripping with the evidence of the greatest orgasm I had ever experienced.

"I love you," I called out as she went down the hall to her own room, and I could hear her sobbing through the thin wall. "More than ever."

*******

The one thing about our situation was that even when one of us would get mad, we were stuck with each other. Mom knew that, and while I was able to transfer to my chair and do a few things by myself, without her I was pretty much helpless. I didn't like that situation, since my existence made it impossible for her to have a real life of her own.

Likewise, whenever Mom ticked me off, I wasn't going anywhere, and would have to ride out the storm. That's what happens, I guess. We were stuck with each other. Of course, she could have been like the old man and just said fuck it, thrown me in an institution and hit the road, but that's not Mom.

So when Mom reappeared an hour or so later, it was not unexpected. I had managed to clean up the mess that I had made, and was watching Rodney Moore get his cock sucked by a cute Hairy Horny Girl when Mom came in, avoiding eye contact as she did a little housekeeping.

"Mom," I said, putting Rodney and his furry friend aside for the moment. "Can we talk?"

Mom stopped what she was doing and stood there, giving me one of those "what's the matter with kids today?" expressions. Hands on hips, she waited for me to continue.

"I asked if we could talk," I said. "Not just me."

"What is it Jeff? Are you going to apologize? Do you think that there is anything you could say about what you did that would make it all go away?"

"No," I admitted. "But I wasn't going to apologize. Just the opposite. If I hurt your hand I'm sorry, but as for what we did, I'm not sorry. Not at all. As a matter of fact I was going to thank you for giving me the greatest orgasm I've ever had."

"What?" Mom asked, and when I asked her to sit down I was surprised when she slid into the chair next to the bed.

"I've wanted you to touch me like that forever," I told Mom. "I mean, I know it wasn't by your choice that your hands were on my cock, but just the same. That woman - what's her name - the one that sucked my cock before?

"Tammy," Mom whispered.

"Whatever. It was good, don't get me wrong, but as far as enjoying it, what you and I did after that was so much better that it isn't funny."

"That was wrong," Mom said, and I knew that the tears welling in her eyes were just about to start rolling down her cheeks. "What you did was wrong. Mothers don't..."

"Mothers don't get abandoned by their worthless husbands and aren't stuck taking care of a gimp all by themselves," I spat out, waving off her efforts to stop me. "Mothers deserve love and affection, and they need sex too. They need to get laid just like guys do."

"This Internet," Mom said, clearly flustered by the topic of conversation and my language. "It has you thinking about sex all the time."

"Maybe," I admitted. "What else do you want me to think about? Going to the prom? Playing center field for the Braves?"

"You should do some more writing," Mom suggested. "Remember when you wrote that piece that they printed in The Pennysaver? I remember when you used to let me read some of the other stories you wrote. You remember? The baseball ones?"

"Yeah, I remember," I said, recalling the short stories I wrote about Jeff Green, the high school sports star I would never be. "You want to read something I wrote the other day?"

"Of course I would," Mom said, smiling as she did her part to encourage her son's hobbies as well as desperately trying to change the subject.

"Look in the drawer next to the computer," I said, and as Mom got up and I got myself into a sitting position. "The one in the blue folder, marked 'Dream Girl'."

It was something I had written a few weeks ago and printed it up, hoping that I would get up the courage to show it to her. Given the events of the evening, I figured that this might be a good time.

"What is this about?" Mom asked as she fanned the pages of my little story.

"Just read it Mom." I said. "Aloud."

"On the television the game had just ended when Mom entered my bedroom, much like she had on thousands of other occasions," my mother read. "This time however, the woman who had taken care of me my entire life, and who had stayed by my side all the while others had deserted me, had a strange look in her eye.

"Jeff," the most beautiful woman in the world said to me as she turned off the TV and came to my bedside. "I've been thinking about what you suggested - and I think you're right."

"Oh Jeff!" my mother said, looking at me in horror as her trembling hands held my manuscript.

"Please keep reading Mom."

"The Katie Couric look-alike with the heart as big as Mother Teresa's shrugged the bathrobe off of her shoulders," my mother read with increasing trepidation. "She was naked underneath, and when..."

"I can't read this!" Mom cried as she saw what her character was doing in my little fantasy, and she bolted up from the chair she had just been sitting in and hurried out of the room.

I sighed, figuring that I had at least given it a shot when it occurred to be that Mom had left the room WITH my story. Could it be? Could she be reading it in her room, or had she just forgotten to discard it before she fled.

In my mind I imagined her reading it on the bed, all of my deepest and darkest fantasies right there in black and white. The tale of the handicapped boy who had tried to convince his mother that it WAS alright for them to love each other because they had nobody else BUT each other.

In the story, the fictional me and my fictional mother had explored the forbidden world, and while I wished in retrospect that I had toned it down a bit, seeing as how I had us doing things that were way out there, in the end I was glad.

Mom had to know. She had to know how I really felt, and how I felt every day when I saw her and knew I had to have her. She needed to know how beautiful she was and that there was a man who lusted after her like no other.

The fact that the man in question was her son should not matter to her, or at least that was the way I felt. In the end I just stared at the doorway, waiting for my mother to return until my eyes got heavy and I drifted off to sleep.

***

"I read your story," my mother said as she held my perverted little manuscript in her hand, waving it a bit before setting it on the table beside me.

"I'm glad," I said. "I couldn't hold it in anymore."

"You have an image of me that's a bit off the mark," she said.

"You ARE beautiful," I insisted.

"I'm not just talking about the way you see me," my mother said. "I'm not the chaste woman you see me as, all virginal and living here like a nun with you. The real me, well, let's just say that while it makes for a nice story and all, I'm not what you think I am. I'm a slut and as much of a pig as any of those women you look at on the computer."

"I don't understand," I said.

"You see me as this Florence Nightingale who's so pure," Mom said, wringing her hands and shifting her weight from side to side. "Do you know what I do every month - on the first of the month, when Mr. Compton comes to collect the rent?"

"No," I said, hardly ever seeing the landlord except when something needed to be done to my room.

"Well, Mr. Compton a while back told me that he was going to have to raise the rent," Mom said, she voice shaking. "I told him that we couldn't afford it, and that we would have to move, although heaven knows where we could go."