Of Mothers and Milfs Pt. 01

"No, not until that evening. But she might have seen my erection...I don't know."

"What happened?"

"She asked how I liked the class. I told her that for some reason I hadn't been into drawing. I think she knew there was more to it but let it drop."

"But get this," Walt said several moments later. "She asked me how I liked kissing Amy."

"Yeah?" Charlie said, "and?"

"I tried to just tell her it was okay but she kidded me about it. Said it was okay if I liked it...and that she thought Amy did."

As Walt was saying this, Charlie relived his kisses with Emily, her responsiveness, and how much he had enjoyed it. He decided to also tease Walt.

"I hope she liked it as much as Emily liked my kisses."

"Such a low bar," Walt retorted, then turned serious again.

"I told her it was nice...but I wished we hadn't switched partners. Then I gave her a little kiss...on the lips, and went upstairs to my room."

They sat in silence for a while.

"I need more coffee," Walt finally said. "It's your turn to buy."

Soon Charlie set two fresh cups of coffee on the table and sat down.

"We haven't talked for a while about what we're doing with them."

"I know," Charlie replied. "What're you thinking?"

"Well, we started out with the idea of sleeping with them, and sharing them. Then we realized how selfish that was and decided to help them instead...to try and make them whole again...and happy."

"It's working isn't it?"

"Yes...it is...very much so. Things have been amazing lately, with the dance classes, you making that slide show for Amy, the two of you working out at the gym together...and planning to jump out of a fucking airplane together, me and Mom taking the drawing class, the four of us rehearsing the bolero, acting out a deeply romantic story... slow dancing with them under the stars...holding them...kissing them...both of us...both of them."

"Yeah," Charlie murmured, a far-away look in his eyes and a smile on his lips. "So, what's the problem?"

Walt took a long time to respond.

"I think...I think I love my mother..."

"You think? What the hell, you don't know? Of course you love her."

Walt gave him an annoyed look.

"I think I love her...too much."

"Too much?"

Again Walt was silent.

"She's all I can think about...how wonderful she is in every way. I want to be with her all the time. When we're not together I can't wait to see her again...and touch her, hold her..."

Charlie gazed at him, fascinated.

"And kiss her."

"Wow...you're...you're..."

"I don't see her as just my mother any more...I see her as a woman I don't want to be without, my constant companion... my lover."

"You mean you've fallen in love with your mother?"

"Yeah...my first love is my mother...fucking deviant as hell, right?"

Charlie looked at him, his face softening.

"No...no, Walt, not at all. Given everything that's happened to you two, and your love for each other, your total devotion to each other's happiness, all the things that you're doing together. It's what couples do. Add to that you're both nice people, interesting and attractive people, it's not surprising at all."

"I didn't realize it until yesterday," Walt said. He took a sip of coffee then looked intently at Charlie.

"Enough about me...what about you and Amy?"

"Ummm..." Charlie stammered, unprepared for the question. "Give me a minute to think about it...I'm going to go out for a minute and get some air, okay?"

"Sure, this is important...take your time."

Charlie was gone a full ten minutes. Walt sat deep in thought...and wonder. It was as if the world he and Emily inhabited had dramatically changed overnight, into something strange and previously unknown, something terrifying...and magical.

Charlie returned and sat down. He smiled at Walt.

"Thank you, buddy. You made me realize I've been avoiding the question...not really avoiding it maybe, but just happily going along enjoying everything we've been doing together. I'm glad you asked the question."

Walt held his cup up to Charlie and nodded his head.

"I'm in love with my mother too, I guess. She's the only woman I want to be with right now. But maybe not so head-over-heels as you. I think you only do that once, with your first love. I had that with Donna Conzen in ninth grade."

"I remember. You were a total idiot over her."

"Yeah...I couldn't imagine life without her; I'd rather have died. First real sex for both of us."

"How was it?"

"Awkward, clumsy, wonderful, frustrating...we never actually did it." Charlie said, a far-off look on his face. "Anyway, yeah, I'm totally into Mom. I adore her. I want take care of her, make her happy, make her feel loved, make her feel beautiful and desirable...and I want to make love to her." He paused and looked at Walt and the corners of his mouth lifted in a wry smile. "But I still want to sleep with your mother."

Walt grinned back. "Okay, but I'm going to sleep with your mother."

They sat for a while sipping coffee and getting lost in fantasies. Walt eventually broke the silence. "It's time we start letting them know how we feel."

Charlie nodded.

"Tomorrow's our last rehearsal. We'll only do two or three run-throughs then I want us to slow dance with them...our own mothers. We haven't done that for a while, and use the opportunity to start...umm—"

"Grabbing their butt cheeks?" Charlie laughed, then said "Sorry, couldn't resist."

"And I was worried you wouldn't understand subtlety. But seriously Charlie, we have to go slow...no pressure, just be honest and let them how we feel. It has to be their choice after that."

* * *

"The recital's tomorrow afternoon," Walt said as the late summer sun set over the mountains to the west. "I think we're ready, but I want to do a couple of run-throughs tonight just to make sure. Everybody okay with that?"

Everyone agreed and they all pitched in to clear the remains of dinner from the table.

Soon they were back on the patio. Walt started the music and took Amy in his arms and the two couples did three flawless run-throughs. The final kisses communicated the passion of the no-longer forlorn lovers somewhat more effectively than in previous rehearsals, with all four of them contributing to the improvement. They sat back down at the picnic table and Amy brought out a bottle of wine and glasses for Emily and herself.

"Gee, Mom, it's a special occasion...could Walt and I have some too?" Charlie asked.

Amy looked at Emily who nodded. "Sure, honey," Amy said smiling, "Would you go and get the glasses."

When the wine had been poured, they sat at the table, Emily and Walt on one side and Amy and Charlie across from them.

Walt lifted his glass. "Here's to us," he said, holding it out.

"To us," the others responded. They clinked their glasses together and took a sip of the rich purple wine and its warmth spread through them, adding to their own.

Emily smiled and raised her glass. "To tomorrow."

"To tomorrow," the others replied solemnly, and they again clicked and drank.

"This is going to be a big weekend," Amy said after a few moments. "The recital Saturday afternoon and then skydiving on Sunday."

Emily's brow wrinkled. "Are you scared," she asked, looking at Amy and Charlie.

Amy bit her lip for a moment before answering. "A little maybe. Not so much fear...more like nervousness...anxiety..."

"Statistically, skydiving is actually pretty safe," Charlie said, "In 2020 there were only eleven skydiving deaths out of almost three million jumps...about one death for every two-hundred and fifty-thousand jumps."

"What I'm most afraid of," Amy said, "is not being able to get myself out of the airplane... turning into a frozen coward at the last minute."

Charlie put an arm around her. "You won't, Mom. I know you—you would never quit like that."

Amy took a sip of her wine and smiled gamely.

"Amy...why do you want to do this," Emily asked gently.

Amy glanced at her and then gazed out over the trees to the rising moon. The others were silent, giving her the time she clearly needed before answering. Eventually she turned back to them.

"I'm not really sure I understand it myself. I just felt like...I was unhappy with my life, with myself. I was hiding myself in some self-protective way...determined not to let anyone or anything hurt us, me and Charlie, again." She smiled wanly and took a sip of wine.

"Then Charlie pushed me. He let me know with those comical dating candidates that I needed to get off my ass and start living again." She looked at Charlie and smiled.

"It was the kick in the ass I needed," she said, and hugged and kissed him.

"But why skydiving?" Walt asked. "You could have just rode off into the sunset with the biker on the back of his Harley."

"Oh Walt, I had no interest in torturing myself," she replied laughing, then turned serious again. "After Charlie pushed me I decided to push myself...hard. I think I needed to prove something to myself. I wanted to do something that would force me to face my fears and push past them. I think maybe everyone needs to do that once in their life. I had always been intrigued by skydiving and had a vague fantasy of doing it someday, though never thought I would ever actually jump out of an airplane. But the day after Charlie's slideshow, I decided to do it."

Emily looked at Amy and raised her glass toward her. "To Amy," she said and Charlie and Walt repeated it. "And to her courage," added Emily.

Charlie stood up and held out his hand to Amy.

"Let's dance, Mom." She looked at him and stood up.

"Music please," he said to Walt as he led Amy to the patio. Walt started the playlist of romantic ballads then held out his hand to Emily.

The velvet voice of Elton John began floating through the air.

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

...I'm not one of those who can easily hide...

Charlie put his arms around Amy and drew her to him and she put her arms around his neck. He pulled her closer and she laid her head on his shoulder, then he raised his right hand and gently held her head to his shoulder.

...I don't have much money but, boy if I did...

...I'd buy a big house where, we both could live...

Close by, Emily and Walt held each other, swaying to the gentle music. The rising moon, nearly full, bathed both couples with soft silvery light.

...my gift is this song...

...and this one's for you...

As they danced, Emily felt the warmth of her son's body close against her. It seemed a sheltering strength to her, one that she had become used to relying on. She was happy, but knew she didn't fully understand him. She thought about the drawing class and how Walt had acted so strangely. How he had said that night he wished they hadn't switched partners for the recital...how he had caressed her cheek as he said it...and how he had kissed her, then disappeared. And she thought about how he had kissed her, really kissed her, during the rehearsal.

...anyway the thing is...what I really mean...

...yours are the sweetest eyes...I've ever seen...

Walt's words came back to her... I wish I hadn't made us switch partners, and she saw new meaning in them. He wishes we hadn't switched. The only change was who he was kissing at the end... he wishes it were me? A shiver ran through her and then a shocking thought struck her—could the story he created about forlorn lovers finding each other be about...us?

...I hope you don't mind...that I put down in words...

...how wonderful life is...while you're in the world...

Close by, Amy and Charlie moved gently together in the moonlight. It seemed to Amy that he was holding her tighter now, her body close against his. She felt herself shiver involuntarily... and told herself this is innocent...of course it's innocent.

They danced in silence as the moon continued to rise in the night sky. As the last song faded away, Walt stepped back and took Emily in a ballroom dance frame. He moved with her a few steps in the rising and falling rhythms of the bolero, then spun her around and whispered back-bend in her ear. Emily arched far back and looked up at Walt's face gazing down at her, his eyes illuminated by the moonlight. He gently brought her back up and slowly brought her lips to his and took them in, exploring and caressing them with the full passion of a forlorn lover finally united with his heart's desire.

Charlie, Amy snuggled in his arms, watched Walt and Emily from a few feet away. As he watched them kiss, he whispered back-bend in Amy's ear, lowered her, then brought her back up and kissed her with same boldness and passion as Walt had kissed Emily.

Emily lay awake in her bed that night, unable to fall asleep. Waves of emotions flowed through her like an onrushing tide. She tried to ignore them but they carried with them a cascade of confusing and worrisome questions in her mind. What is happening? What is happening with Walt...with us?

To quiet the turmoil, she turned over onto her back, clasped her hands together over her breasts, and began taking deep slow breaths. She tried to empty her mind of everything but the rhythm of her breathing. When she had somewhat quieted her thoughts and emotions, she began to try make sense of the things that had happened this summer, the changes in herself...and Walt, and the changes in their relationship.

She thought of that night in the spring when Walt told her the summer was for her, that he wanted to spend his time with her, doing things together. How he assumed responsibility for keeping the house for the two of them...for you, he said, because I love you. And then the slow dancing he orchestrated, as if ballroom dancing with her wasn't enough. And the red rose, the red rose resting on the under-garments he had laundered for her. How she had teased him about asking Julie Hua for a date...I already have everything I want, he told her. And how, when she cried at the end of Silver Linings Playbook, he kissed her tears away and then kissed her, chastely enough, on her lips.

And his strange behavior in the drawing class, his inability to draw the nude model. Was it something about the model? She was very pretty and he probably found her attractive...sexually attractive enough that he got an erection? She pictured the model and Walt looking at her as she pondered this, and suddenly realized with a shock that the model looked much like she had at that age, and still had a striking resemblance to her. Why didn't I see that before? My god, was that what it was?...did Walt see me, not Lily, standing there unabashedly naked?

Her thoughts came to his kiss earlier in the evening. Again she could feel her body pressed against his, his lips on hers, warm and moist, passionately embracing them...conquering them...with no resistance from her. A disquieting current of pleasure rose in her and warmed her for a moment before she banished it.

Suddenly, Emily understood it all, and she gasped at the implications. He wants me...my son wants to be my lover. Her mind raced with wildly conflicting emotions and her body churned with impulses she had not felt for a long time. No, this can't be happening...this is so wrong...so bad for both of us...this can't be happening...

But other emotions pierced through her shock and dread...my son finds me beautiful... desirable... and she realized part of her rejoiced in this. She felt flattered and reassured that she was a desirable woman, something she had not felt for so long.

She thought about their summer together and how wonderful it had been...and still was...with perhaps the best yet to come. She knew she wanted it to continue, that she didn't want to lose the emotional and physical closeness she had with her son, the amazing partnership in life they had forged together. I don't want this to end...

It slowly became apparent to her that she was physically aroused. She put a hand between her legs and felt wetness there. Oh god, I should be ashamed, she thought, but she knew she wasn't. He's a young man with many wonderful qualities...and he's attractive. She knew that Charlie's touches had always brought out a warm response in her and she had always dismissed it. As she thought about the two of them, Charlie and Walt, she realized that if she looked at Walt as someone other than her son, he would have the same sort of virile attractiveness as Charlie, and bring out the same response. If he were not my son... she started to think, then tried to suppress the thought. But somehow, transient images of her and her son in an erotic embrace forced their way into her mind and she was appalled. With every erotic impulse, a voice within her condemned the immorality of it...and condemned her for harboring it.

She picked up her cell phone from the night stand and sent a text to Amy.

Can you meet me at the Broken Compass tomorrow afternoon?

* * *

Emily arrived early at the Broken Compass and took a table near the front window, by chance the same table over which Walt told Charlie he was in love with her. She had finally fallen asleep well past two in the morning, her mind and emotions still in turmoil. But she awoke calmer in the morning and felt better able to think about what had happened. Walt made breakfast for them as usual and they chatted about things as they always do, without any hint that anything unusual was happening.

Emily gazed out the window, thinking about Walt. How do I tell him this would be wrong...and it can't happen. I don't want to hurt him...I can't hurt him. But a soft blurry vision of the two of them together, naked and entwined, floated just beneath the surface of her thoughts.

Oh god...what do I do? she asked herself. Her anxiety over hurting Walt grew, but at the same time the blurry image of the two of them refused to fade away. It suddenly struck her that it was possible she didn't really want it to. Could I ever...ever...how could I do this to us...it would be wrong and end up hurting us. Emily looked down at her half-empty cup, closed her eyes, and slowly shook her head in distress.

But her distress was suddenly interrupted. Would it really be wrong? something within her demanded to know. Where's the harm? Could it be good for both of us? She was startled by the questions and she realized they meant the decision she faced was still in the balance. Oh shit, she thought.

Soon another question occurred to her, an obvious question given her current state of mind—why is incest taboo and condemned by society? Is it really harmful? She began to examine the question from an historical perspective. Incest was probably ubiquitous in human prehistory and was very common in ancient dynasties like those of Egypt. By the middle ages however, it had become a great sin in the eyes of the Catholic church, condemned as vociferously as homosexuality was. While the proscription against incest had a religious imprimatur, she had no doubt it had originally arisen as human societies slowly made the connection between it and physical and mental abnormalities.

Emily was not religious and had no use for the edicts of religious authorities—especially those purporting to exert divine control over all people, not just those of their own religion, on how they were to live their lives.

So...genetic damage aside, since it's now easily avoided...where's the harm? On what rational grounds are sexual relations between closely related and consenting adults banned?

"Hi, sorry I'm late," Amy said, interrupting her reverie. "I'll just get a coffee—you need a refill?"