On the Beach Ch. 13

First sight? You've watched Mark grow up. Mostly, from the shadows under an umbrella, true, but you've watched him. Besides, you fell in love with his father. You fell in love with his mother. Why wouldn't you fall in love with him? There is so much of Ben, so much of Meg in him. Why on earth are you surprised?

I can't do this to him. When he's my age I'll be eligible for social security, almost.

No you won't. Under the new rules you'll have to reach 67 to get social security. How do you know you'll live that long? How do you know Mark will live that long? An aneurysm might pop in your head. He might get hit by a bus. A damn meteor might wipe everything out. You really worried about twenty years from now?

He'll want children.

Give him children.

I'm too old.

Maybe. Maybe not. When did you become such a damn fraidy cat all of a sudden. You been called worse than a cradle robber, a lot worse.

I don't want to ruin his life.

How do you know turning away from him won't ruin his life?

***

"I need to get the fuck out of here."

Jill and Jim turn to look at me.

"What are you talking about?" Jill asks. Jim just watches.

"Has Jim fucked your brains out, sis? We all thought you were the smart one. I. Need. To. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here. Monosyllabic words in your native tongue. Which of those words are you having trouble with?"

"When did you become such an asshole?" she snaps. "Is it because I'm in love with Jim? Because he loves me back? Or have you always been an asshole and I've missed it?"

Jim starts to say something but I wave him off. I tilt my head back on the side of the pool. My arms are stretched out along the side. My body floats to the surface. The sun is hot. My eyelids glow bright orange.

"I don't know. Maybe the answer is 'yes' to all of the above," I answer finally, eyes still closed against the sun. "How would you feel if you were the odd one out? What if Jim happened to love me and not you? How would you feel, after all that has happened, being the one person without anyone? Mom has dad. You have Jim. Mark has Muriel. What do I get? Is it pity?"

That thought had not occurred to me before. I lift my head to stare at my sister and her lover, who happens to be my best friend and someone I'm in love with myself. Do they pity me?

"If it's pity, that's the best reason of all for getting out of here," I continue, looking at them now. "I'm not interested in a load of 'poor Bill, one of us should fuck him' bullshit." I shrug and tilt my head back to stare at the sun through closed eyes. "Even if it's not pity, I'm not interested in being an afterthought."

***

"In what way are you an afterthought, Bill?"

His body twists in the pool to look at me. He doesn't answer until after his mother and I have joined them in the pool. We end up sitting on the steps. Jim and Jill are resting against the wall to our right. Bill is to our left, floating on his back with his head on the edge of the pool. He remains in that position as he begins to speak.

"Hey pop," he answers, squinting at me before laying his head back again. "Whether I'm an afterthought or first thought or whatever, I'm the odd man out."

"Surely you don't think that because your gay, honey?" His mother asks in a quiet voice.

"No."

He doesn't say anything further as we hear the sound of Muriel's patio door opening. Mark and Muriel make their way through the gate. Muriel hops into the pool and dips her head beneath the water. When she stands, she pushes her hair back. The surface of the pool is ablaze with sparkles of captured sunlight.

"What did we miss?" Mark asks. He sits on the edge of the pool, legs dangling in the water. He pulls Muriel back to rest between his legs. She tries to move, to lean against the pool beside his legs but his hands remain on her shoulders. She surrenders with a sigh.

"I was explaining to them why I need to leave," Bill answers, looking past the edge of the pool, eyes fixed on the fence that separates the house from the dunes beyond.

"Why do you have to leave?" Mark asks.

"Look," Bill snaps, gesturing with one hand. "Fucking just look."

"What am I looking at brah?" Mark asks, peering at his brother. His face is calm. His hands rest atop Muriel's shoulders.

Muriel's eyes dart to my face, then Meg's. Back and forth. I try to set her at ease with my look. I don't want to interrupt Bill by speaking. Meg apparently does not share that concern. She stands and pushes off the steps. She glides the length of the pool. I can't take my eyes off the shimmering shape of her body beneath the water.

My adorable wife breaks the surface and pushes the water out of her eyes. Before Muriel can react, Meg throws her arms around her.

"Muriel, quit looking like you're afraid I'm going to throw a knife at you or something. For goodness sake, what's gotten into you."

Muriel stands motionless for several long seconds before she returns Meg's hug. I make my way toward them. I put an arm around the shoulders of the two women I love most in this world.

"How can you not hate me?" Muriel cries and then begins to sob. I've never seen the woman shed a tear before. The sight twists my guts.

Mark hops in the pool and, from the side opposite me, he puts his arms around the two women. Our arms crisscross each other. Mark tips his head to look at his brother.

"Brah, what is it you want me to look at?" Bill says nothing. "Was it the pairings? Is that why you think you have to leave? Because we're divided into couples? Everyone except you?" He shakes his head. "That's fucking dumb, little brother. Sure, there's couples here but that's not all we are." He raises one hand and draws a circle in the air with one finger, encompassing our huddle and the two sniffling women. "We got a quartet here. Before I jumped in, it was a trio. It was a trio when you and I were still picking scabs. Dad and I can walk away and there'll still be a couple, not the same one there was before."

Mark thrusts his way to wear Jill and Jim are sitting.

"Oops, now two trios and a single," he gasps in a faux shocked voice. He crosses the pool to stand in front of his brother. "Now we have two couples and a trio." He smacks Bill lightly on the side of the head. "You can drag your ass over to the other side of the pool if you want. I can be the loner for a while. Maybe Muriel and Mom and dad join you. Then we'd have, what, a sextet? And a single."

Mark steps away from his brother and swirls a hand through the water.

"There aren't any couples or trios or anything else you big dope. There's just us. We float through the world bumping into each other, cling together for a time and then drift somewhere else. True, there are currents, currents that will carry me back to Muriel, Jill back to Jim, and you to someone, soon enough. And brah," he makes sure he has his brother's eye. "The pool is big enough for whoever that someone ends up being."

Everyone is quiet, even Jill, wonder of wonders.

"Why the fuck do you keep calling him 'bra'?" Jim snaps. "You mean 'bro'?"

Jill giggles. "Not 'bra', as in what mom, Muriel and I are not currently wearing. 'Brah' with an 'h'. It's something my very hipster brother picked up from some West Coast surfer wannabe and that wannabe probably heard it in Hawaii.

I step away from Muriel and Meg. Time to put on my "dad hat".

"That's all fine and dandy, glad we have that cleared up but what Bill was saying is what we're suppose to be talking about. How do we deal with this? Mark made a nice speech, said some nice things, true things, but what if that isn't good enough? What if Bill, or later it's you," I nod at Jill, "who decides she can't be part of this? What if next year no one wants to come back? Is that what we want?"

"No!" Jill's voice slaps the top of the water. "That would be crazy."

"Would it?" Meg asks her. "If we do all meet next year are we going to pick up where we left off? What if your father and I don't want to keep doing this?"

"Then don't," Jill snaps. "That doesn't mean you have to stay home."

"Doesn't it?" Bill chimes in. "Mom and dad are just supposed to lie back and tan while you and I and Jim and Muriel and whoever fuck all over the house?"

"You know your sister isn't like that," Jim answers in an even voice. "She's stubborn and has trouble listening but you know, well as me, she's not going to try to make anyone feel bad, not truly bad. She might push a few buttons but she knows, mostly, when to stop. You know me man. You think she can make me do anything I don't want to do? You think she'd even try once she understands I don't want to?"

Bill shakes his head. "No, I don't. You're right. But I don't think it's as easy as Jill makes it sound."

"Sure it is."

I jerk my head around, surprised to hear my wife say those words.

"Mark is right. We're all family. You too, ya nitwit," she tells Muriel as she gives her another hug. "This time together was never destined to last forever. Your father and I knew you kids would find other people, have other commitments. We hoped it would always work out that we could all be together, including the others in your lives for these two weeks every year but we knew it was unlikely. Having said that, there's no reason for anyone to stay away because of worries about being forced to be part of something they don't wish to be part of. I think," she makes a face, "we're past being worried about nudity. That doesn't mean we have to keep sleeping with each other or even that we should. I, and your father, think we shouldn't continue that part of it but that's just our thought. It's not a law. If three or four of you decide to have an orgy, all I ask is you keep it down so I can sleep."

"You don't think we should do this anymore?" Mark asks.

I turn to look at Mark, surprised by his question. He'd seemed to have the most reservations about all this. I decide to answer him.

"No, we don't think we should. I don't regret anything but I'm not sure it's best. I'm ashamed, even now, to admit how much I enjoyed what I did with Jim and your mother earlier today. Or how much I enjoyed what I did with Bill. Still, I don't think it's a good idea to let this continue. Like nearly everything else in life, I think it would be dangerous to let it become a habit."

"Mom did you have fun?" Jill asks looking at Meg.

"Yes, Jill," Meg replies, nodding her head. "I enjoyed myself a great deal, more than I could have ever imagined."

"So, you'd like to have sex with daddy and another man again?"

Meg hesitates. "Sure, if we could find the right person."

"Find the right person? Are you kidding me?" Jill asks, waving her arms in astonishment. "You're surrounded by three of them!" Why would you risk a disaster with some stranger when you have Mark or Jim or Bill? That makes no sense?"

"Honey, I know you're not angry, just intense but your tone sounds angry," Muriel says softly. Her and Meg have an arm around each other's waist.

Jill opens her mouth, closes it, nods. "You're right," she tells Muriel before turning back to her mother. "Sorry mom. But my point remains. Why risk the unknown?"

"Because, Jill, how can I put Jim on the spot like that? Or Mark? Or even you? What if I said I wanted to have sex with Jim, but just Jim and not with you around? You think you'd be okay with that? More than once? How often is too often? When is a request too much to ask of anyone, especially someone you claim to love?"

"What if?" Muriel's voice is soft, hard to hear. "What if it was just here?" She looks at us all in turn. "I mean just right here, this house, this yard, this pool. Even my house is off limits. And only when we are all here together. Would that work?"

I'm shocked when my wife shakes her head. "No, that won't work. I don't want to give up seeing you. I know it's a rare thing, and Ben always knows and approves, but I don't want to give up my occasional weekends with you." She touches the side of Muriel's face. "I love our time together."

"So do I," Muriel assures her. "But what if I'm the one who says 'no more'? What if Mark is the one who says I have to stop?" She turns and looks at my son. "Sweetie, the idea of a pool and currents drifting us together is sweet but folks do pair up. I'm not saying anything that's been done this weekend is wrong but folks change. You can't ever imagine asking me not to have sex with your momma? Your daddy? An old friend of mine you've never met? That's a tough one huh? I know you too well already to imagine it would be okay for me to have sex with anyone I happened to take a liking to."

"Now you're being silly," he insisted. "All of you keep taking this to the most absurd level. I trust you not to sneak around behind my back. If you want to do something and I don't want you to do we'll talk about, compromise. Just like we would if you wanted to sell everything and move to Canada and I want to stay here. We'll talk about it. Maybe we'll discover there is no compromise but that doesn't mean we shouldn't even try. Jeez."

"Honey," Meg starts, "other than me, you're the only other one that seemed to have an issue with all of this."

Mark nods his head. "I know. That's true. I'm a little surprised at myself. It's going to be hard enough dealing with Muriel's 'I'm too old; I'll ruin your life' mantra without dealing with all you asswipes but the truth is..."

"He wants me to fuck him," Bill chuckles. "He said so this morning."

"True," Mark admits. Then he smiles. "But I decided I want to be fucking Muriel while you're fucking me."

"Yippee! Can I watch?" Jill says jumping up and down in the pool.

"Wait just a goddamn minute," I snap. Everyone turns to look at me.

"I thought we were deciding to put an end to all of this?"

Jill raises her hand. I nod at her. I don't know what else to do.

"I'd like to make a motion that for as long as we remain here, anyone can do whatever they want with anyone else, as long as all parties are willing and all parties are open and honest. We don't have to all be together or participating as long as everyone's significant other is aware and approves. We can decide what to do next year, next year."

"I second the motion," Mark jumps in with it as soon as Jill is silent.

I just stare.

"Mr. C, you have to call the vote," Jim tells me. He's smiling.

"All in favor," I intone.

Jill, Jim, Mark, Bill and Muriel raise their hands. Meg looks at me, shrugs, and raises hers.

What the fuck?