Overwhelmed by Toys

I've been wanting sex toys back in my life for over 4 and a half years. Ever since my new 65 year old friend with benefits (FWB) wanted to get together sexually but let me know penis-in-vagina (PIV) intercourse wasn't an option due to a variety of factors. He was on medication, he wasn't very endowed, he had diabetes, etc.

Sexy-time with my FWB, Eric, was always amazing even given his restrictions. He knew just how to give the right amount of attention to my nipples and could play with my pussy for hours and hours if needed (but it never was). An interesting aside, Eric and I would often play with him lying on his back and me on my knees with my butt facing his head and my lips on his cock. Through this conditioning, I learned how to associate giving oral pleasure with sexual satisfaction. While I was sucking on him, he would be using his fingers to consistently play with my pussy. I would find myself fucking his fingers while trying to maintain contact with his cock. Sometimes I would just have to give up and let the pleasure of an orgasm flow over me before I could continue.

As good as that was, we would always talk and fantasize about toys, visiting a store together, buying things and test driving them. He was married, I lived with kids with little to no privacy. The logistics of acquiring them always got in our way. If we went into the local woman-owned and sex-positive store in the town we worked in, would we see someone we know? If we ordered them online, where could we have them delivered? Once we got them, how would we store them and maintain our privacy? Where would we even be able to clean them after using them? It just seemed impossible. And yet every gift-giving occasion of our four years together, I would wish and hope to receive a treat but the days would pass without ceremony, sex toys, flowers or even a card.

I first encountered toys with a manfriend when I was in my late twenties and he was in his early forties. We both lived in San Francisco and worked for the same nonprofit. Ken was a hippie, foodie, hedonist and epicurean. He taught me many things about life, love and pleasure. He rode a motorcycle, lived in North Beach, and also managed the building he lived in. From Ken, I learned to love Panettone at Christmas and it's been a part of my families holiday tradition since the kids were born. I learned about and visited The Wave Organ, an acoustic sculpture that amplifies the sounds of the waves in the bay. I also learned about a variety of sex toys and that was when I first visited a local woman-owned and sex-positive store. It was fun to be a little kinky and try new things. The only problem (if you want to call it a problem) both Ken and I trended more to the submissive side so our play was a bit limited.

But it gave me a taste of how fun they can be. Ken had a big Magic Wand vibrator and while together we ended up buying a butt plug, nipple clamps and a dildo for my use. Each on its own can be pretty magical but used all together? Holy shit, the whole neighborhood could hear me howl with pleasure. Ken and I stayed together for about a year and then drifted apart. And the toys? He got to keep them. What is a girl to do but to start her own collection?

My very own collection started with nipple clamps, a dildo and a magic wand. I used them with two separate men before I got married. And I had them until a fit of marital frustration within my first year married and the death of my libido brought me to throwing them out. Marital frustration and death of my libido are real but a tale for another time. This piece is all about my experience of finally buying toys of my own in my early 50's and using them with great pleasure with a variety of men.

My sexual hysteria began with the onset of Covid-19 in Santa Clara, California (mid-March of 2020). It was a combination of things and the accumulated loss of many things as well. At first, I just wanted attention and started looking at free personal ads. First responding then posting. Through my own ad, I ended up meeting and having sex with three different men, but I suppose that is another tale as well.

At first, I started with a pen pal. We would write sexy stories to each other and right away we began to learn what the other person was into. I brought up wanting and enjoying toys. I wanted what I had with Ken: a vibrator, a butt plug, nipple clamps and a dildo. Many of the scenarios I would write included one or many of these items, here is something I wrote to him as a continuation of a story he wrote to me:

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I am spent. It feels like I've just barely gotten here and all the sensations and nerve endings are on high alert. Even after cumming I'm still twitchy but moving into the zone. John was just amazing. He knows exactly where and when to push and pull. His phone rings again. I roll over on the bed. I begin to slowly and deliberately take the clamps off. My nipples are super sensitive. John has his pants off and I can see he held back and his cock is raging. Oh, it looks so yummy.

He notices I took the clamps off. I can tell he is a little disappointed. He starts to tease and play with my nipples while he is talking on the phone. I put a pillow over my face to keep from screaming. He lets go of my nipples and starts pacing a little bit. I have no idea what he is talking about or with who. I move to hang my head off the bed. Oh, I hope he comes over and lets me lick his cock. Just a little. I want to take it in my mouth. I want to taste us blended together. My knees are bent up and I watch him moving about and talking. I start to play with my super wet pussy while I'm waiting. My nipples are still on fire. I can't get near them.

John sees what I'm doing and he walks over to me. He puts the nipple clamps back in place. First he pulls up and squeezes on the left one, then the right. Once the nipples are clamped back up, he starts to tease my mouth with his cock. Holy fucking shit the clamps are intense! And now my mind is on my mouth as he rubs the tip of his cock over my lips. I send my tongue out to meet it. Oh, I get to taste a little bit of pre cum. So yummy. He has the chains in his free hand now and he's starting to pull. I can't scream now because his cock is in my mouth. I'm in groove with his movements.

-

Writing with my pen pal continued for several months and frankly made my hysteria worse. Thinking about and writing about sex with my pen pal was continuously on my mind and I wanted to be touched. No, I needed to be touched. I needed skin on skin for real, right then and there.

While in this mood, I ended up chatting with one of the three men I met from my ad. He was super kinky and knew that I was just getting back into the frolicking pool after spending nearly 20 years in a desert. He took things slowly with me. On a third visit, he brought out a vibrator. OH MY GOD! Oh my God. My pussy was vocalizing through my mouth and I was bundle of excitement and outcries. Full-on pillow-over-my-face screaming. It was amazing. I want that. May I please have more of that?

Things continue on, I meet a few men, we talk about having sex, we have sex, it continues or it doesn't. It feels good or it doesn't. Then I met Justin. He and I were talking and he mentioned how his wife liked to come with a vibrator and that he was well versed in how to manage that particular tool. Then it occurs to me, if I buy a vibrator, I can send it to my new friend Justin's house. It can live there and he can bring it out when I come over for sex. He agrees to the plan and then I do a little online shopping. Problem solved.

I end up buying a rechargeable Magic Wand. The thing is a monster and it's more expensive then the ubiquitous smaller ones. It's so hard to decide what to buy. There are so many choices. But I know the Magic Wand. I came up on the Magic Wand. There really isn't any choice. I have to buy the Magic Wand.

It arrives at Justin's and he invites me over. It feels good. Justin likes it too. He uses it to masturbate when I'm not around. He also bought an attachment for his cock. He'll use the attachment or he'll just hold it up to the base of his cock. I remember Ken used to do this as well. It must feel good. Justin also used it to massage my back. That was also intense, amazing and exuded copious amounts of pleasure. It's the first time anyone has touched me like that in a long, long time.

Around the same time, I befriended someone through online personal ads who advertised amazing extended orgasms. He called himself "Will the toy master". While we haven't met in person, we've developed a strong friendship over email. He's provided me with tips on losing weight, how to keep and maintain lovers and he's made recommendations on just how to make my pussy sing with a g-spot orgasm.

We talked about vibrators and I let him know about my recent purchase and he listened to me complain (just a little) about the overwhelming choices. This prompted Will to purchase and mail me my very own g-spot vibrator. It's a vibrator that is curvy and designed to go inside a pussy. Justin and I tried it out. We had that one inside me and the magic wand on my clit and that was amazing. Justin knows how to make it even more amazing through his upper body strength. He can really shove the vibrator deep inside me.

Another lover encouraged an edible massage candle and oil. I had already purchased lube - my first time ever! I also had my own hair ties and clothes pin on hand as well. "Hair ties?" you ask, why to keep my hair out of my mouth when I'm busy sucking a lover's cock. "Clothes pins?" The crafty girls alternative to nipple clamps. I was so excited. I had a pink woven back to keep it all in and it lived in the trunk of the minivan.

Through these months of sexual hysteria brought on by Covid-19 sheltering in place and existing in relative isolation and slight boredom, and after experimenting with a handful of lovers, I've learned that I am really into being a bit submissive. I was at a point when I longed to be claimed, thoroughly used as a toy, ready to be on my knees to serve, the whole 9-yards. I thought I found the perfect alpha. He was super cuddly and cozy. His chest and belly were furry. We spent about 6 hours together in a hotel room. I was so naughty, the first time we met, I checked into a room, left the door open, took off all my clothes and waited naked in bed for him.

He thoughtfully brought water and gator aide to drink. When he walked into the room, he set them down and stared at me unbelievingly. He walked over to where I was, pulled the sheet down and started right off playing with my nipples and clit. He hadn't even taken off his clothes. And from that minute forward, he was hard and willing the entire time. The man was 57 and grandpa to eight children. I was completely amazed.

I heard all the stories about men having difficulties with erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE). I also heard some older men lacked stamina and some could only come once, if at all. I wasn't concerned about any of it, because I had a very satisfying sex life with Eric, my first post-divorce FWB. Eric let me know what may or may not happen and assured me he was mostly interested in pleasing me. I can totally get into being a pillow princess. Really, if I have an amazing orgasm, I'm good. And with Eric's assurances, I knew he was good as well.

Anyway, this grandpa (Oliver) had boasted about wanting to be everywhere with me. He knew I loved to give oral, wanted penetration and I also let him know I liked it up the ass as well. At this point, I've already experienced several pre-meetup sexy talks. Everyone boasts about lasting all night and being in every orifice. None of them were capable however, until Oliver.

Oliver had amazing stamina, after each orgasm, while we were petting and talking, his cock would get hard and he wanted to go again. And again. And again. He stayed pretty even with the number of orgasms I had. It was heaven. All of my orifices were visited, he thought I was sexy, he wasn't intimidated by me, could direct very well and it felt good. He made me feel good. Yes, I had my pink woven bag of toys with me but they weren't needed. But it felt good to be prepared. I didn't want to say good bye to him that night. It was like he was a magnet and I was a pile of iron filings. I hadn't really felt this way with other lovers. The strong attraction was unusual and a little disturbing.

We eventually parted and I drove home. A couple of weeks had passed by and I hadn't heard from him. "Oh well," I thought, "win some and lose some." At this point I realized moving forward with someone I liked or not and the fate of what came next was out of my control and had more to do with the lover than with me. And after not hearing from Oliver for so long, I assumed he had moved on. And then, of course, he called.

I was prepared only to say yes and agree to all things he suggested. The magnetism was just that strong. I heard, "I want you to be only mine. No sharing. I want you to serve me. Only me. I want you to be my exclusive sex slave and toy." And what could I say in response? I only had the ability to say yes.

I already had dates with other lovers on my calendar and most of them were pretty easy to shake off and cancel. There was one, however, set up for the next morning with someone who hadn't confirmed after I made the hotel plans but someone I also really enjoyed being with. His name was Brandon.

Brandon was one of my first lovers. We connected when he responded to my ad looking for a pen pal. He was younger and married with a young family. At this juncture, I wasn't concerned about who was married or not. I now know better. Anyway, Brandon just felt really fucking good. He was also into PIV. He had big powerful hands and he was really tall. He liked my breasts, I liked his cock, it was a perfect match. When we were together, he was forever touching and kissing me and when he wanted to come, he would mount me. It felt great. It was a feeling I didn't want to say goodbye to. I felt conflicted about canceling our morning date at the hotel. The reservations were already made and with it being less than 24 hours, I was doomed to pay for the room regardless. My mind twisted and turned about what I should do, wondering if he would show up, wondering how I was going to keep my commitment to Oliver, wondering if I could keep my commitment to Oliver.

The very next morning, Oliver called. We chatted and I let him know I wanted to get together right then and there. I had already taken the morning off from work, in anticipation of meeting Brandon. And Brandon? Going to Oliver would help me be decisive with Brandon. I would not need to show up just in case or tell him I was committing to another. I could just tell him I hadn't heard from him and didn't know if he was planning on coming and that I would not be. Yeah, I needed to see Oliver. I wanted to fuck Oliver. I wanted to be Oliver's.

Lies, half-truths, manipulations, all attempts to deceive, make up stories and explanations, all of these are never good. Call it karma, the Golden Rule, whatever you like, I suggest and now practice full disclosure. Having the truth out there is so much better. I don't do married anymore. When the truth comes out, everyone gets hurt.

(Wow! That is quite the tangent. I should probably find an editor for these.)

I drove an hour to the middle of nowhere to fuck Oliver. The fucking was amazing, just like last time and he had a sweet doggo I got to say hi to. Yes, I brought my pink woven bag into his house. I did my best to dress in "short, sheer, commando and braless" attire as requested. I so wanted him to own me. Did we use any of the toys? No. But we had taken them out to make sure everything was charged up. It was going to take me 1.5 hours to drive into work, I had a meeting I needed to be at my desk and ready for at 2, my time was limited. I pushed leaving until the very last minute. I was in a hurry. I needed to get dressed. I needed to get on the road. I left my pink woven bag and all my accoutrements at Oliver's. Why wouldn't I? I was confident I would be summoned once again.

Wrong! I was wrong. Haven't seen nor heard from him since then. Maybe he smelled the crazy on me. Maybe he already had a girl. Maybe he just wanted an adventure. It doesn't matter why. What does matter is that I am once again without sex toys. What is a girl to do? Nothing. Nothing for a while anyway.

And then I hear from my pen pal, the man that threw charcoal lighter into my smoldering ashes and added a log or two for good measure. He's coming to town! I can't wait. I'm giddy with excitement. We've written so many emails back and forth for months. Pretty much until I get sick of rewording the same scenario over and over again. It's always a play on him being an alpha, me being taken and loving it, lots of nipple play, a blow job, and then down to some right good playing with toys, usually a butt plug and nipple clamps.

I submitted a story called Two Hours on September 22 to Literotica. I sent it to my pen pal first. It was meant for him. It's our extended foreplay ritual. He's coming to town and I don't have any toys. What if I order them right now? What if I order a whole collection? And a bag to store it all in? What if I become a grown up and embrace my sexuality instead of hiding from it? What if being a slut was a good thing? Bringing peace and joy and a sense of oneness with the universe - that's what orgasms do for me and feeling sexy is so much better than feeling old, fat, bitter, and unlovable.

So I do it. I spend hundreds of dollars and buy 3 different vibrators, more edible massage oil candles, a collection of butt plugs (I'm thinking about Justin knowing how he loves to have something in his ass when I play with him), nipple clamps, wet pads in case I start squirting (it could happen, right?), more lube, toy cleaner, and wipes. And then I buy a totally cool Carhartt messenger bag that is kind of butch and all business-like at the same time. And none of it arrives in time for my pen pal's visit because, well, that is just the way life is. But it is ok!

Because my sweet loving pen pal surprises me with gifts of a butt plug and nipple clamps and he does his best to recreate the fictional story of Two Hours and turn it into real life. And it is totally awesome. It is the first time I've had a butt plug in me since I was in my early 30's. And the nipple clamps were such a sweet addition. I felt so special to receive such fine gifts. We had a lovely but short time together. He was exhausted after our play time, I needed to get home to kids but I knew we were going to meet the next day. I was happy.

And did we meet the next day? No, no we didn't. A change of plans, a 3-hour drive home for him and his wife had found out and threatens to leave him and I will never see him again. This is often how the story ends. I absolutely stand by his decision to be with and support his family. I never ever wanted to be that other woman. I have learned.

In the end, I got to add this new butt plug and the new nipple clamps to my collection and it all lives in the Carhartt bag. I decided to also through in some dice, cards and dominoes because sometimes you show up thinking one thing and then decide to go in another direction and who doesn't love playing gin rummy or Yahtzee? My bag has been loaded for a couple of weeks now. I've carried it with me to visit four different men.

The bag stayed closed for one visit, the bag was opened for another and toys were too new and overwhelming for that partner. The other two partners? Omfg!! They could make my pussy sing on their own, for sure, but the rabbit vibrator and their special touch just made it all the sweeter. I'm keeping the bag with me. I'm taking care of my toys and I'm doing a better job at figuring out what I want and like.