OZone 11 : Child Proof

Again, Esther extends her thoughts to her perjury charge. She wanted to cry. Quickly shaking it off she points at Lacey, "ONE if by land, two if by sea. What if the SEA in that verse meant SEE as in sight? Lacey there having her--well--accident means that she might have troubling seeing out of one eye."

She chose her words carefully this time to protect Mercedes.

Sondra in turns adds, "By land? How's that Paul Revere thing go? By sea. I on the opposite shore shall be. Ready to ride and spread the alarm. To every middle sex village and farm."

Yolanda rips a cackle showing a missing tooth on the left side of her mouth, "Middle sex. BI land. BI sea. Maybe he's talking about me."

Her own laughter fades quickly as Yolanda Paris realizes what the verse could mean. Maybe Dhorne knew she was a double agent. A scoff later she gives room to her situation nodding at Belle, "How many zeroes does it take to reach ONE?"

Belle shivers taking a drink of apple juice from a box. Nibbling her straw she shrugs at Yolanda. Paris follows suit shifting one shoulder then the other, "Who knows. I know a lotta zeroes around here."

Each of them sent her a bitter glare that she grinned at.

Kimber Lomax looks up from the grass, "ONE moved around is EON. Doesn't time restart at Day ONE after that?"

They all pucker in unison.

"Nice!" said Sondra Moon, "That just leaves ONE more. "Neon lights usually zap what bugs ya." NEON without the first N. Second N if you look at it from the other side spells ONE. Where does the other N come in though?" Lacey decides to open up and take part, "That might be the point. The remaining N could mean "In" as in INSIDE. "ONE IN"."

Esther smiles, "ONE IN what? A million?"

They take turns eying each other's thoughts when Jersey speaks up, "Maybe there's a deeper meaning there. Look at "usually". There's US and ALLY. Dhorne wants to help US. He is our ALLY. It could also mean USE YOU as an ALLY."

Yolanda giggles, "That or he's insinuating we ALL LIE." Kimber rolls her eyes, "What about the zap what bugs ya?"

Esther contemplates the part wincing at Kimber, "What usually gets fried in a bug zapper? Mosquito's, Gnats, and Fireflies."

The word Fire ignites a set of bulging eyes around the misfits. All of said eyes return toward Kimber Lomax. The resident firebug. Kimber quickly places her palms over her eyes. "You can all stop setting my ass on fire now. That hurt."

A moment of dreaded silence Mercedes decides to add her two cents worth.

"Sounds to me like Oz is trying to tell you to act as a single mind. A single force to be reckoned with. His offer to help you girls can't be all on him. You ladies need to unite as ONE. Protect each other. Learn from ONE another. He can't do it all by himself. Food for thought. Speaking of food. Eat up."

"Yolanda finishes the doghouse that Dhorne had leniency on. And, that foundation gets laid before dark. Tomorrow we get that room framed. So, take that Three Musketeer's toast I overheard earlier and put that to good use. Allies."

She dusts the crumbs from her chest and stands up gathering her lunch bucket. She starts up the hill then turns around looking down at them, "ONE more thing. I'll tell each and every one of you, Seven ass dwarf's. The guy helping you? Gutsiest and smartest bastard I know. Hell or high water, he'll swim it. So don't dam up the river. He might use the oar on your rowboats to paddle your asses."

As she notes their respect she turns back up the hill.

Let it all sink in. Not another word was spoken.

1:00 PM, the LeGend Manor

"So ole Hiram's nickname is, Slime Shady? Thanks for diggin' up what you could, "Tater". I knew those gals on Holden's crew were telling me the truth. Mostly, I reckon."

Tate expresses his interest in the situation, "Looking to reel in some new fish, Oz?"

He laughs at his friend "Tate Dixon", commenting about their further use in his world, "Jus' might MASTER over 'em. You know me too well."

"That I do. You know I still think I would be a good Master."

Dhorne listens with a devilish grin as Tate admits the decision to become a MASTER himself.

"I dunno, Tater. You're jus' not cut out to be a Master. You're too much romance and not nuff makin' 'em dance and prance. Besides, Master Tater sounds a lil too desperate. Know what I mean? Unless she's a Biggun' and you go by Mashedr Tater."

Tate groans, "Mashedr Tater? Come on Oz you know I can make a bomb out of a potato and drop it in beside your steak."

"Too much starch in yer genes, Ole boy. I just can't see ya telling a slave, "Y'all put the HO in idaHO. No peel in yer sex appeal. Hell you can't even put your pud in sPUD."

Intense laughter is shared between long time friends.

"You know I'm just giving you a big helping of OZGRAUTIN."

Dhorne grits his teeth with a cheesy grin.

"Hey tell your Momma to bake me a Carrot Cake and care package it down here. If I recall right that's Conjob's favorite. We used to eat Nora's recipe and watch Bugs Bunny when he was 6. No! Wait a minute. Scratch the carrot cake it was pineapple right side up cake. He's terrified of carrots. The Nanny used to go all VEGilante on his ass as a baby."

He glances at the time on his laptop monitor, "I gotta run Tater. I'm meetin' Nina at the courthouse to get Conjob's custody papers notarized in 20 minutes. I'll let ya know how things go with this Hiram fella. If I need the crew I'll light up the bat signal."

"Yup! That's right. A naked gal with a singin' telegram who bats her eyes constantly. You'll know to come runnin'. Tell yer sister Gidget I got room in my harem."

"I surely won't be doing that. I'm saving you the grief."

"No grief. She still strugglin' with that door to door dash tween the fridge and Weight Watchers?"

"They banned her from the joint. Ate them out of house and home."

"Prolly helped the other members though. Starved 'em skinny."

"Maybe they should have crowned her their branch leader."

"Ain't that what happened to Eve? Offerin' the last apple to Adam."

"Rotten to the core. She ate that even. Adam just went along on her crime spree."

"That's why I booted her in the butt and kicked her out of paradise. So long ago I forgot that."

"Oh, that's right. G.O.Dhorne!" Tate groans into the phone, "You better go Big Daddy."

Dhorne processed the designation. Pride sinking in.

"Later Tater."

"Later Boss."

Snapping his cell shut he grabs his trench coat pulling it over his shoulders. Then came the on again, off again lower back spasm forcing him to clench his teeth. Once his coat was completely on he took the time to look for the number "Meredith Naberly" had given him. Wincing at not locating the piece of paper he frowns, "How many Masseuse's could a town this size have? Besides, she's probably middle aged and frumpy."

Quickly shutting down his laptop, "Bankshot" he snatches up his truck keys and heads downstairs. Passing by Nora's painting he stops long enough to blow her a kiss. "I'll be nice to Nina. I promise. Honest Indian!"

He steps away from the painting then regrets his last statement turning back to her, "Sorry 'bout the Indian thing. Tell yer Ancestor not to take too much off the top."

He removes his bandanna and pats his head before debarking.

Eighteen minutes later.

"Courthouse is smaller than I remember. Oh, wait that's cuz yer ass got stuck in the turnstile."

Nina Sabastian rolls her eyes, "I don't know what my sister ever saw in you. All you can do is mock people and make them miserable. For the last time my ass is not fat."

As they walked down the hall a door opened to reveal the shapely Police Officer Zoe Brooks nudging along a prisoner from the tunnel between the courthouse and the jail next door.

"Move it along , Ostrander. You're sober today so there's no excuse to be wiggling like your signature on a bar tab."

Their exit crossed paths directly in front of Dhorne and Nina halting to Nina's exhausted exhale. Dhorne grins as he and Zoe meet eyes.

"Afternoon Miss Zoe."

She rolls her eyes as Ostrander looks Nina up and down whistling, "MMMM! I like big asses. Meaty!"

Nina stomps her foot on the floor pointing at OZ, "You arranged this didn't you? You're always humiliating me."

Dhorne throws his hands up , "Whoa! Don't go blaming me for those sesame seeds in yer buns. Zoe? Did I set this up?"

Zoe shakes her head, "Guys please. The judge is waiting on me. Leave me out of any butt jokes. Keep moving, Ostrander. Eyes and handcuffs to yourself."

She nudges his shoulders as they shuffle onward. Nina refuses another glance at Dhorne and leaves him behind to grin and rub the back of his neck. A quick look back by Dhorne catches Zoe eying him before entering the closed courtroom. She smiles brightly and sticks her butt out slapping it. Ostrander didn't know what he had missed. "Now she puts the cop in cop a feel."

At the end of the hall was the Notary Republic. Nina stood in front of the door with arms crossed, tapping her heel impatiently. Dhorne took his time which stimulated an even colder gaze from her. Reaching Nina he stops and looks down at her feet.

"That's one clop of the hoof for yes, Mrs. Ed. Two for no."

She sneers at him then points, "I'm not the one horsing around Clydesdale. For someone who wants his son back you certainly go out of your way to be immature. I think it's backwards. Connor's going to be raising you."

Dhorne tilts his head puckering, "Did you say raise or graze? If that's your last straw, You gonna eat that?"

An infuriated stare becomes the breaking point. "You do realize I could keep custody of Connor. I could easily send him back to school until he's eighteen and an adult."

"Ya'll could but that would only mean another four months."

He becomes expressionless glaring as if right through her. Her gaze locked on his, she holds her ground.

"Good! I've made myself clear."

His cell rings as he bites his upper lip, "Crystal."

Proud that she had beaten the mighty warrior she reaches for the door handle. Before entering she see's him answer his cell phone with a timid smile, "Well howdy "CC". How's the beautiful, Crystal Cleary? Good to hear. Yeah, I pick him up later today. I'm with Nina right now."

Nina turns swiftly, "Is that really Crystal? Let me say hi."

She says excitedly as he turns his back to her. "Yeah, Nina's threatening to keep Conjob. Maybe I should let her. I mean lets face it I'm not cut out to be a Dad. I'm a soldier and a MASTER. Neither good examples."

Nina pivots around him jumping up and down in front of him, her pearls whipping about across her chest.

"Come on OZ I haven't spoken to Crystal since Nora's funeral. Let me say hi. Please?"

He ignores her pacing away, "Nina's right, Conjob should stay in school. No! Don't talk me out of this, CC."

Nina begins to pout as his conversation sinks in while listening.

Avoiding eye contact he continues, "Seriously, CC. He was too much on Nina even. What makes me think I can settle down? The kid hates me." He sniffles hiding his face from his sister-in-law, "Look at me, I lose his Momma and what'd I do right off? Pawn my responsibility off on someone else. At least Nina took over after Gus and Babs babysat him. Until she was ready to honor Nora's wishes. Me? I was south of the equator. She took the bull by the horns. Even after Donatello passed on. Her grieving was doubled. First Nora, then her husband. I'm ashamed of myself for saddlin' Nina here with my baggage."

Nina feels her stomach sink at all of the past put downs over him not being a man and doing what was right as a father. Finally, she hauls off and hits him repeatedly until he turns to face her feigning a tear. She realizes immediately that he had played her. Stunned she begins crying.

"Damn You. I hate it when you're right. I've abandoned my own flesh and blood. I'm no better than you were. Garrison. Gary I'm so sorry. My emotions have been teetering since Donatello died. I'm just not the Motherly type. I could see Connor suffering because of both of us. Perhaps I'm equally as childish."

Dhorne nods with the phone to his ear staring at her for a few silent moments. Then, he smiles "Yeah, Friday's fine. I'll have the proper papers signed. Zoning ordinances are made to be broken. Try not to scratch the paint on any telephone poles. Thanks Eddie."

He closes his cell at ear level and winces at Nina who quickly surmised he hadn't been talking to Crystal Cleary.

"Why do you do it?"

She shakes with a distant glare, her head reeling to fight back tears.

He looks at her as he tilts his head back, "Do you see things "Clearly" Nina?"

She frowns caught between sadness and hatred.

"Crystal! I won't threaten you again."

He leans his chin forward without blinking and raises his fist to gently tap her jaw, "If I didn't love ya, Nina I'd never have given you that Windex shiner."

She huffs wiping her dampening eyes, "You're such a bastard." He nods in agreement, "I'm back for good, Nina!"

She rolls her eyes skeptically resisting his stare of sincerity. He rubs his coat sleeve under her nose wiping it as she gently pulls back. Finally, she looks him in the eye, "You must be sincere to ruin your precious coat over me."

He in turn wipes his sleeve on her left shoulder to her dismay.

"You never change. Always the last word. Even in sign language."

He offers her a wink as he pats her neck with a light squeeze.

"Lets get this relay race over with so you can go be that Boston Socialite. Just be careful how many lumps ya ask for at those tea parties."

She merely closes her eyes. "No invisible ink when we sign these papers right? "

"I wouldn't do that on such an important document." He offers without expression.

She takes a deep breath, "Okay. Lead the way."

"Always do."

Politely he opens the door to the Notary office and gallantly ushers her inside. Ten minutes later the deed is done.

Returning to the hallway OZ stares at the freshly signed and stamped custody papers. He beams with pride, "Now all I need is my boy's footprint on the front here."

She smiles at his joy. "I may regret the joy I share with you. Our past has been nothing but antagonistic. But, I really am happy that you're back for my nephew."

He smugly nods, "I'm glad you took him for a spell. That in itself shows character."

She fidgets, "OZ. We both know if it hadn't been for Donatello I wouldn't have taken Connor. Please understand. I'm not the Motherly type. I'm the visiting Aunt bearing small gifts. I did my best, gritting my teeth every second. Never thank me OZ. Thank Donatello."

He stops her with a finger to her lips. "Done did. Stop by the cemetery when you get back to Boston."

He winks at her then turns to walk away.

She fidgets while wincing at his retreat. As she questions his generosity she hated it when he winked. That trademark display always followed him with bad omens.

Then, she realized why. The ink pen they had used to sign the papers had leaked all over the hand she held it in. She was right, nothing changes.

"An exploding pen?" She calls out to him as he twists around on his boot heel.

"I'm always Write. I put the INK in wINK. See ya back home."

"Why Me Lord? Why Me?"

Maybe it was a signature move.

Or, a sign of love.

He made a valid Ball point.