Party of Five Ch. 17

Josh found that he was anxious and a little nervous to see Alice again. He wanted her to notice him and smile at him and lavish attention on him. He realised that this made him something of a baby, but he couldn't help it. He'd bust out his old pogo stick and do crazy stunts on it yelling "Look at me, Alice!" if he had to. He didn't particularly want to, but he would.

Luckily, the pogo stick strategy wasn't needed, as the first thing Alice did after walking into the kitchen and saying hi to everyone, was smile warmly at Josh. He felt his heart thud against his chest as though it was trying to get closer to Alice. His whole body was drawn to her. She had taken on a new clarity now, standing out as the brightest, clearest thing in whatever room she was in. If she was absent, the room seemed empty and plain, but once she walked inside, she lit it up like a golden torch.

It wasincredibly hard not to stare at her for too long. As soon as Josh managed to wrench his eyes away, they would drift back to her like birds back to a nest. It was pure instinct now that made him look at her, made him caress every tender plane of her face as his fingers had done the night before. Alice was either far more adept at hiding her emotions than Josh was, or she didn't feel them the same way he did. She would glance at him occasionally, but she did so just as often as she glanced at any of the others in the room. Maybe there was a bit more meaning in the looks she gave him, or maybe he was reading too much into them. He had no idea; all he wanted was to be alone with her again.

He told himself he wouldn't do anything until later that night, when everyone else was asleep, but the temptation proved too much for him, and once she'd gone upstairs to get changed, he waited and then followed. It was just as tempting as sex with Jacquie and Dawn had ever been. It was a different kind of longing though, and it lived in his chest rather than in his pants.

He found her bedroom door closed and knocked on it softly. He had given her time to get dressed but perhaps she was still changing. The door opened though, and Alice was looking back at him as she adjusted her hair.

She smiled. "Hi, Josh."

"Hi," he breathed. Once again, he found himself utterly speechless.

Alice lowered her hands, her hair now sitting in a simple ponytail, and looked back at Josh inquisitively. Josh was at a loss for what to say or do; he realised, again, that all he'd really wanted was to see her, to be around her. Anything he said would only be an attempt to prolong the time they had together. So what should he say to do that? Ask her if she'd like to discuss all ten thousand volumes of the Chinese Ming Dynasty encyclopedia? He wasn't sure how much Alice knew of Asian history though, nor himself for that matter. So he said nothing, because he could think of nothing.

In the end, Josh supposed this proved a better response than if hehad spoken, as Alice seemed extremely gratified by his speechlessness. She looked down at the floor, her smile widening by the second, until her cheeks were in danger of impinging upon her eyes. Josh's facial muscles seemed to be mimicking everything Alice's were doing, and soon, he was grinning as well.

Alice looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak, trying not to smile too broadly. Josh became aware of the fact that they had been standing there for quite some time, and glanced apprehensively down the hall. It was still empty, so he turned back to Alice.

"Jacquie will probably...be a while with dinner," he said, nervously. "Do you want to...maybe...do something?"

Alice beamed at him. "Okay," she said. "What do you want to do?"

"Um...we could...play chess?" he ventured.

"Chess?" said Alice. "Sure." She moved aside to let Josh into her room, and Josh thought he saw the glint in her eye that meant she knew why he'd suggested chess. She had a set in her room of course.

Josh closed the door behind him whilst Alice went to her closet to get the chess set. She had to stand on her toes to reach it, and as she did, her dress lifted a little way up her legs, and Josh's eyes became glued to the soft skin there. Alice always dressed conservatively, so any glimpse of skin outside of her arms or legs or face sent a thrill down Josh's spine. He waited nervously until Alice had retrieved the chess set and shut her closet door. She brought it to the foot of her bed and sat down cross-legged, tucking her hair behind her ears. She opened the box, and they started setting up the board.

After half an hour, they had played three games, and Josh was beginning to think he preferred playing with Dawn – when he played with Alice, she usually handed his ass to him within a few minutes. They played more games though, and Josh won a few, although he suspected that Alice had let him win. He didn't care though – as long as he got to spend some time alone with her, he would play with lobsters attached to his toes if he had to.

His repeated losses may have been due to the fact that he was paying far more attention to Alice than to the chessboard. He couldn't have said where his king and queen were, but he could have told anyone how many eyelashes Alice had. He ran his gaze along the curve of her cheek, the lobe of her ear, the edge of her lips. He loved to watch her bite her lip in concentration and to see her eyes light up when she saw a move. He'd never watched her so closely in his life, but now, he was free to do so every time it was Alice's turn to move. And he took full advantage of the opportunity.

After they'd been playing for an hour and a half, there was a knock on the door and Jacquie told them that dinner was ready, so Alice got up, dusted off her dress and led the way downstairs. When they arrived, Dawn was giving Josh a suspicious look, which he tried to ignore. She still looked upset about before, so he put it down to that.

They ate mostly in silence, as they usually did these days, now that Josh and Dawn were on good terms. He suffered her glares as best he could and traded more than a few bashful smiles with Alice. Laura walked in the door a few minutes into the meal and, after apologising profusely, took a seat and accepted the plate Jacquie handed her. The rest of the meal was dedicated to workplace gossip, which only Laura and Jacquie seemed interested in, and Jacquie only to be polite. More glares from Dawn and many,many more smiles from Alice, and then the meal was over. Josh helped with the washing up, and then, not feeling particularly keen on sitting in the living room with all four women, withdrew to the study for some homework. He managed to get a little done, but before long, he had given up and laid his head down on the desk instead.

He was thinking of Alice, again, he realised; he had thought of little else since Saturday evening. He felt a strange melancholy settle over him, though he had no idea why it did. He was overjoyed with what was happening between he and Alice, so why was his stomach stirring uncertainly? It wasn't a very powerful feeling, but it was strong enough to be noticeable.

He spent the remainder of the night in the study, as he had the night before, and once he was sure everyone was upstairs, crept silently up to his room. He changed into his pyjamas, lifted the sheets on his bed and then paused. He thought for a moment and then looked at his door. He told himself not to – told himself that he was overdoing it; but it was no good – once the idea formed in his brain there was no ignoring it. So he stepped away from his bed and opened his door quietly, then made his way down the hall to Alice's room. He was far more nervous than the night before, which was strange because he had beenreally nervous then, but he managed to swallow his anxiety and raise his hand to knock. Before he could, the door opened wide, and he saw Alice looking at him with a smile.

"I heard you in the hallway," she said. Josh was encouraged by her smile, so he smiled back. He was even more encouraged when Alice moved aside and let him slip past her, then shut the door. The room was thrown back into darkness, but he would have known where Alice was even if he'd been blindfolded.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking at her darkened form. "I just..."

"It's okay," said Alice. "You don't have to explain."

Josh both tensed and relaxed when he felt Alice's soft, silky hand take hold of his own, which felt rough and coarse by comparison. He expected her to lead him to the bed, but instead she came closer until she was standing toe-to-toe with him and looking up at him. He swallowed and drew a shaky breath as he realised how close she was and how much clearer he could see her now. Her eyes were sparkling, even though there was no light to speak of inside the room. A moment passed, in which they simply stared at each other, captivated. Then Alice moved closer still and put her arms around Josh, laying her cheek against his chest. He slid his arms around her back and hugged her tight, resting his chin on top of her head. For Josh, it was a fierce, jealous embrace, and he never wanted to let go. Alice didn't seem to want to either, and it felt as though an hour went by before she moved. Josh had lost track of time, however, so he couldn't tell. It might have been two.

With her arms still around him, she looked up at his face with big, expressive eyes. Everything that Alice thought or sensed or felt was written on her face, for the whole world to see. She didn't hide her emotions, as Josh and Jacquie sometimes did; she was as open and expressive as a book, if anyone cared to read it.

Josh looked into her eyes, and he saw a lucid apprehension there, maybe even fear. He would have asked her what was wrong, but she spoke first.

"Josh," she said, "are we going to talk about what's happening?"

"If you want to," he replied.

She lowered her eyes and ran a hand gently up and down his arm. "I don't know what it is," she said, "but I know that I like it."

"So do I," Josh assured her.

"But...you don't think it's weird?"

Josh smiled as she raised her eyes to his face again. "I've hadsex with two of my sisters," he said. "This is theleast weird thing I've done this year."

Alice smiled but vaguely. "I know you have," she said. "But, sex is...physical. I can understand why you would do something like that with Jacquie and Dawn, but this..."

"Feels different," Josh finished for her. Alice nodded and fell silent. Josh hesitated for a moment, but he mastered it and lifted her chin up delicately so that he could see her eyes. "I don't care if it's weird," he said. "I don't care if it's wrong or strange or...bizarre. I like it, and I don't want to stop. The only reason I would is if you wanted me to."

"I don't," Alice replied in a whisper. Josh was surprised by how much relief he felt at that. He had been wound as tightly as a spring a moment ago, but now he relaxed profoundly. He renewed their embrace and held her tightly to him, until he could feel her heart beating against his own. "I love you, Al," he said, and to cement the sense of pure bliss he was feeling, she replied, "I love you too, Josh."

And that was when she raised her face to his, and he looked down at her with his mouth dry and his breathing shallow. It was still dark, but he could see her eyes, and he could see her lips, and his own lips were seeking them out like a lost treasure. He heard her little intake of breath and ignored the buzzing in his head as he pressed his mouth against hers, and the entire world dissolved around him.

His ears were roaring, he was sure, and the room was spinning. The only things he was truly aware of was the feel of Alice's arms behind his back, her hair against his neck, her breasts against his chest, and her lips, moving against his own, opening, closing, opening again. He let his tongue leave his mouth and enter hers, and she let hers do the same. They twined together as tightly as their arms had, sliding against each other and clinging to one another zealously. He couldn't see in the dark, and he couldn't hear from the ringing in his ears; the only sensations he had were taste and touch. They were lost in a silent, black void; so they clung to each other desperately, for fear of losing one another.

Josh was gentle with her, but he wanted to hug her to him as tight as he could and kiss her until his lips were blue. She had raised a hand and placed it against the side of his face, her skin cool and soft. It was the single most intimate experience of Josh's life; the most gentle, loving, tender embrace he'd ever experienced. He didn't want to stop kissing her, ever, but she closed her lips and gently took them away, the world returning to normal around him. If it weren't for Alice's hand on his chest, he would have fallen over. He wasn't sure where his skeleton had gone, but it wasn't here.

The first breath he drew was more of a gasp than a breath and a shaky one at that. He pressed his lips together and swallowed, to savour the taste, then slowly opened his eyes. Alice wasn't smiling, but she leaned her head against his chest again and sighed with content. Josh raised a hand and stroked the tresses of her hair.

Several minutes passed by in silence, the most serene minutes of Josh's life. When Alice spoke, her voice was muffled by his chest. "Josh?"

"Mmm?"

"Thank you." She raised her face and kissed him on the lips again. After that, with Josh's heart alternating between overdrive and Sunday drive, Alice took his hand and led him to the bed, where he climbed in beside her. She pushed herself against him as close as she could; arms, legs, fingers wrapping around him like a ribbon around a maypole. They were so tightly entangled that it was impossible to tell where his body ended and hers began. Josh felt that, now, he knew what it meant to be one with someone.

They held each other in the dark, like two sobbing children, only they weren't children, and they were both deliriously happy. Josh relied solely on his sense of touch, still unable to see much. Instead of his fingers, he pressed his cheek against Alice's cheek, and rubbed it softly. She giggled and whispered, "You need to shave."

Josh flushed and was suddenly thankful for the darkness. "Sorry."

In reply, Alice shifted around slightly and ran her hand over Josh's cheek while she kissed him. His mind spun crazily again, and he would have liked to continue, but Alice lifted her face and whispered, "Get some sleep." Then she lay her head down on Josh's chest and closed her eyes, a little smile on her face. Josh kissed her on the temple and then put his head back on the pillow and sighed. Sleep came easily, as it had the last time, and just as last time, he dreamt, though nothing his mind could conjure lived up to the pure happiness he felt at that moment.

* * *

Josh was surprised to find the room still dark when he woke up. He had expected it to be morning and time to leave Alice and make his lonely way back to his room, where he would have to face another day without her. It wasn't though. Carefully, so as not to wake Alice, he turned his head to the side to check her alarm clock. Three o'clock, it read, which meant that he had been asleep for less than three hours. It felt like more, but he supposed that was because of how effective sleep was when Alice was in his arms.

He turned his head back and lowered his eyes to look at Alice, who, he thought, was staring at him in the darkness. "You're awake," she said, confirming his suspicion.

"Mmm," Josh mumbled, and hugged her more tightly. "What are you doing up?"

Alice wriggled up the bed and laid her head on the pillow beside Josh's. She held his hand beneath the sheets and looked down, her head angled towards him. "I was thinking," she said, "and..." She stopped and looked up, into Josh's eyes from less than two inches away. Her own eyes were wide and gleaming with their own light, trying to impart some meaning to Josh that her words couldn't. "I want to," she said.

Josh understood right away. He opened and closed his mouth in shock. "You do?" he said at last. Alice nodded. "But...are you sure? Alice, you don't have to do this just because..."

"I know," Alice interjected. "But I want to."

"We don't have to," said Josh. "I don't want you to think that I came here for that, because I just wanted to see you. I didn't..."

"I know that," Alice said firmly. "But Iwant to."

Josh blinked. "You do?" Again, she nodded. A cold shiver ran down his spine, through his heart and across his stomach. He'd never felt anything quite like it before. Just hearing Alice say this; that she wanted to do that with him – it was new and different and strange. And exciting.

Alice touched the side of his face and kissed him lightly on the lips, until Josh relaxed and melted into her touch. She was so warm beneath the covers, and her lips were like fire on his, burning with a passion all of their own. He hadn't expected Alice to want this, but then, he hadn't expected her to want to cuddle and kiss him either. He would have kept it at bay for her, but now, his body was burning with desire. A soft, controllable desire, but desire nonetheless.

They spent a long time kissing, and Josh began to think that maybe she was stalling and that she didn't want to do it after all. But when she broke the kiss she started to unbutton his nightshirt and suddenly Josh felt as inexperienced and nervous as he had the first time with Jacquie. He trembled as much as her fingers were trembling, watching her with a fascinated interest. She had an artist's hands, a musician's hands; the fingers worked slowly but skilfully with the buttons and soon they were all undone and Josh's shirt had fallen open. He trembled even harder when Alice slid her hands inside and around his back, touching not his clothes this time but his bare skin. She trailed her fingertips down the front of his chest, to his navel, watching their progress with what Josh thought of as wonder. Slowly, she leant her head forward and kissed his bare chest, her lips leaving that same fire where they touched. She kissed him several times, in different places, as slowly as she had unbuttoned his shirt. Josh's eyes were forced closed by the sensation.

When he opened them, a thought was already forming in his mind. He lowered his head to Alice's and waited for her to look up. "I need..." he began, then stopped, feeling sheepish. "Um...I...I need to...to get a, um...a..."

Alice frowned at him for a moment, then said, "A condom?"

Josh blushed intensely and nodded. Alice smiled and took her hands off his chest. "Do you have any?" she asked.

"Yeah," Josh replied, embarrassed. "Dawn bought some for me."

Alice giggled. "Do you have any left?"

Josh blushed harder than ever, but the darkness concealed it. "Should I get one?" he asked.

Alice nodded. "Hurry though." Josh realised suddenly how keen she was and climbed quickly out of the bed.

It was hard to hurry for Alice's sake, and to keep quiet for everyone else's sake. He crept as quietly as he could towards his room, cursing every floorboard that creaked beneath his feet. He felt around inside his room until he reached his closet, then opened it silently and dropped to his knees. He fished around behind his old school books and found one of the (many) packets, then extracted one and shut the door again. It felt even longer getting back to Alice's room, and when he did, he shut the door and crawled back onto the bed, climbing beneath the sheets with her.

"Did you get it?" she asked.

"Yeah." Josh reached out and put it on the bedside table for now, then turned back to Alice. "I hope no one heard me," he said.

"They wouldn't have," Alice assured him and kissed him again. It was difficult to worry about anyone else after that.