Pathways Ch. 13-14

Chapter 13 Settling In and Getting Involved

Ian:

I saw a notice in the sports page of the paper about a wheelchair basketball tournament. It reminded me of how much I enjoyed watching Bernie's team compete in their tournaments. I wanted to attend and see if I still had an interest in the sport, so I made a note of the time and location.

"Deb, there's a wheelchair basketball tournament on this weekend. I'd like to attend. Maybe I can be of some help ... if they need any."

"Okay," she said with a smile. "I remember you mentioning how much you enjoyed watching them play when you were in Guelph. I'd like to see what you were talking about. Where is it being played?"

"In Burnaby at the rec center near Deer Lake," I said. "That's not too far from here."

"Great, let's plan on it then," she replied quickly.

"Were you able to track down Terry Palmer?" I asked.

"Yes. He's working at a wholesale gardening outlet. He's in charge of herbicides, pesticides and fertilizers. I don't think he's too thrilled with it. When I mentioned Baker-Traxall, he sounded very interested. I told him who to contact and I'm sure he'll follow it up. Did you know he was still seeing Robin?"

"No. I haven't heard anything about our fellow graduates as a matter of fact," I admitted. "I guess I should try and keep in touch with the ones we knew best."

"I've ordered a list of our fellow graduates from the Alumni Association and that will help us locate them if we want to."

"Good thinking, Deb. We should keep track of them. We made some good friends during our four years. I'd hate to lose contact with them."

~*~

We attended a Saturday afternoon game at the rec center, sitting a few rows up in the stands. It was sparsely attended, and I was guessing most of the audience were parents or relatives.

"You were right, Ian. This is fascinating and fun. I was marvelling at the upper body strength of some of these kids. They are very protective of each other, regardless of which team they are on."

"Yeah, it's competitive as hell, but when someone goes over, it's just as likely a guy from the other team will help them up as anyone. That's the part I really like about this sport. They're protective of the girls, too. They aren't anywhere near as aggressive with them, but they don't give them any free shots either."

"I wonder if this is the only fun they have?" Deb asked. "Some of those kids don't have much to look forward to in life. I really feel sorry for them."

"Don't, Deb. They have a very different outlook on life. Their teenage years are the most difficult for them, and if they can get through them without too many emotional scars, then they'll probably be okay."

"How do you know this?" she looked at me questioningly.

"Talking to the coaches and parents. I've met some of the handicapped adults who are involved. They're married, have children in some cases, and live a pretty good life all things considered. Most of them are very keen on keeping fit. You know who Rick Hansen is. He's pretty much the role model for a lot of these people. If he can have a beautiful wife and kids, then they have a chance too."

I could see Deb nodding, thinking over what I'd said. She turned to me then. "This is something important to you, isn't it?"

"I think so, but I don't really know why. I admire these kids. I want them to have fun and enjoy what they can do. Their life isn't going to be perfect like ours will be. There's nothing they can do about that except make the best of their situation. That takes bravery and a good attitude. When I got to know some of them, well ... you have to wish them the best."

Deb squeezed my arm and looked at me with a loving smile. I think she saw something then that she hadn't expected, but liked.

We went down on the gym floor when the game ended and I introduced myself to one of the coaches.

"Hi, I'm Ian Kiernan and my girlfriend is Deborah Cummings. I was wondering if you needed any help or volunteers for your team or association?"

"I'm Marshall Riley," he said, shaking my extended hand. "We can always use some help. What experience do you have?"

"Not much. I got involved with a team through a friend in Guelph, Ontario. I kind of got hooked on the kids and the game that way."

"Uh huh, that can happen," he grinned. "Do you have a handicapped child or relative?"

"No, I just admire the enthusiasm and fun these kids have when they play. I've played a little intramural basketball so I have some idea of the rules, and watching the teams play I have some clue about the strategy for the sport."

"Well, that's a good start. Are you available in the evenings and on weekends?" he asked.

"Yes. I have a regular day job, as does Deb. My evenings and weekends are pretty much free."

"Great," Marshall smiled. "Why don't we sit down and talk about what's involved and you can see if it fits what you're able to do."

We spent the next half-hour going over the schedule. He handed me a copy to keep. I noticed that Deb was paying close attention.

"I noticed you have girls on the team as well. Could you use some help with them?" she asked.

"Of course. Did you get involved in Guelph as well?" he asked.

"No ... I hadn't even seen a game before this afternoon. But Ian told me how much he enjoyed watching these kids and how good he felt about helping. I can understand that now, having seen it today.

"Well, that's great. I'll want to spend some time with you, Ian, and Caroline Drzinski will help Deborah get accustomed to the routine. Neither of you will be coaches. That requires courses and qualifications. So you will both be assistants. It's not glamorous work, but it helps us a lot."

"That sounds just fine, Marshall. You okay with that, Deb?" I asked.

"Yes. I wasn't expecting to get involved at all, but if I can be of some help, then I'm happy."

"Great," Marshall said with a big smile. "We'll see you here Tuesday night at seven o'clock. Practices last an hour. When you get here, I'll show you where the basketballs are kept and the spare parts for the wheelchairs. Every once in a while, one of them needs a repair. Thanks for volunteering to help. We really appreciate it."

"Looks like we're committed to being a part of this," I said as we walked out to the parking lot.

"I'm okay with that, Ian. I can see what makes it so interesting and if we can help, that's our good deed for the day," she smiled.

"I wonder why the parents don't volunteer?" Ian asked aloud. "I thought that would be automatic."

"There's probably a reason," Deb shrugged. "I'm sure Marshall will know."

~*~

"Oh, they do volunteer," Marshall said at the next practice, "but I'm very reluctant to take them on. I call it the Little League Syndrome. They get very wrapped up in how their son or daughter is doing and whether the coach is using them properly or playing them enough. I have a handicapped son and he plays for another team. I didn't want the temptation or the hassle of hearing it from parents that my boy is getting favoured treatment. He knows why I did it and he agrees. I made sure I sent him to a good, teaching coach. He's doing fine."

"So, since we are unrelated to any of the kids, we're a little better bet," I chuckled.

"A much better bet. And you're younger. The kids can relate to you better. Both of you are good cheerleaders, encouraging them and making sure they know you're watching them. That's the best medicine for them. We're lucky, too. We don't have any interfering parents. Most of them feel like you do. It's great exercise and they are having fun. That's the bottom line."

"It's fun for us, too," Deb said with a smile. "I've never done this before, but I really enjoy being here with them. Makes any problems I've got seem pretty insignificant."

Marshall nodded and turned back to the practice. It had deteriorated into a free-for-all among the kids, passing the ball around in a high speed game of keep-away. He blew his whistle to get the formal practice under way. Deb and I scrambled to collect all the balls together while Marshall talked about the drill he wanted to run.

"I'm impressed with Marshall, Deb. He's really even-tempered and good with the kids. Even the ones who can't play very much or move very quickly are encouraged."

"Yes," she agreed. "He said they have a lower level team for the kids that can't make this team and that gets them playing time. But they all practice together. He doesn't want the less able kids to feel left out."

"He's just the right guy for this job," I nodded.

~*~

"Your mother called and left a message, Ian. We're invited to Thanksgiving dinner at their place next Saturday. If it's okay, I'll call her back and let her know we'll be there and see if there's anything we can bring."

"Great. Mom always puts on a great feed, even if I can tell you what the menu is going to be already," I grinned.

"Okay, tell me," Deb challenged.

"Roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes, onions and parsnips, carrots and peas. Hand peeled local shrimp for appetizer and probably lemon meringue pie for dessert. Aren't you impressed?" I chuckled.

"Only if you're right," she shot back. "I better call her and let her know we'll be there."

"You were on the phone a long time," I said when she finally returned to the living room.

"Well, I had a lot to talk about. First of all, your mother has invited my mother and John Holland to be there. Turns out, John belongs to the same golf club your parents do and they know each other. Secondly, Brother Kenny has asked permission to bring a girlfriend to dinner. How about that?" she said with emphasis.

"Huh. Well, two unexpected events. Your mom and John, and Kenny's mystery girlfriend. That's a full table of eight. Should be a very interesting evening," I suggested.

"No doubt," Deb agreed.

~*~

"I'm anxious to meet Mom's boyfriend," Deb said as we arrived at my family home. "I was glad to hear your mom and dad knew him and said he was a good guy."

"Yeah, that is good news," I agreed. "That must be his car parked on the street. Not bad. A Porsche 911. Looks like he's financially well off."

I don't know why, but I rang the doorbell, then realized I didn't have to and opened the door for Deb. We walked in and found the afternoon well under way. Mom made the introduction to John Holland and I hugged Sharon Cummings, welcoming her as well. Deb was welcomed by my parents. We had visited a couple of times since Deb moved in and I was confident Mom and Dad were completely at ease with my roommate.

I looked around and assumed the Kenny and his date hadn't arrived yet. The conversation was light, with John asking me about my job, and Deb happy to talk about her new job, now a month old. Sharon talked about her golf holiday in San Diego, but with the looks she and John were giving each other, golf wasn't their main interest after they met. It was now over three months since Ralph had passed away and all signs were good that Sharon was getting past the loss of her husband. That subject was avoided, of course.

A few minutes after we arrived, Kenny and his date arrived and I think all of us got a major surprise. Kenny held the door for a very attractive, dark-haired beauty as she maneuvered her way through the doorway in her walker. She was struggling to walk, but had a nice smile on her face and seemed to be coping with the help of the walker.

"Hi folks," Kenny smiled, "I'd like you to meet Nancy Porter."

I looked around and everyone was standing. Kenny knew John Holland from the golf club, and had met Sharon and Deb at the graduation ceremonies. I was impressed with my brother as he smoothly introduced his date to everyone. I was probably just as shocked as my parents at his date, however.

"Nancy is my study partner," he explained. "She's kicking my butt to make sure I get though my courses."

"I can kick him, just not very hard, even if he needs it," she joked, obviously referring to her handicap. "But he's getting the idea that I'm always there to threaten him."

I liked her immediately. She wasn't shy, but not brash, either. Her smile was natural and came easily. She was very, very attractive and the look she and Kenny gave each other was telling. This was something I had never seen in my young brother before. He was hooked — good and solidly hooked. Any girl that could make my brother blush was something special.

It was inevitable that Kenny and Nancy would get the third degree for a while. Mom was the leader of the pack and Deb and I weren't far behind. We learned that the study group was comprised of six, and occasionally eight students who were all taking similar courses. Nancy was from Burnaby and commuted daily to the campus in a car pool. She was about to begin lessons on a hand-controlled car so that she could drive herself. It sounded like their family was financially secure and very supportive of their daughter.

We also learned that her disability was due to nerve damage that occurred during a fall while skiing a few years ago. She had lost most of the feeling and strength in her legs, particularly the right, and needed the walker to get around short distances. She also had a wheelchair, which she used for longer distances, including on campus. I never got the sense she felt sorry for herself. She smiled easily and laughed with us as one or another told funny stories. As the evening wore on, she was very interested in Deb's new career and they spent some time talking about Nancy's hopes after graduation. Both she and Kenny were in second year.

My mother was in seventh heaven. Not only could she encourage Sharon and John as a couple, she now had a second potential daughter-in-law in Nancy. She was about as subtle as a dump truck, but no one seemed to mind. It was a very enjoyable Thanksgiving evening, complete with the predicted menu just as I described it. I liked John Holland and felt at ease with him. It was pretty obvious that Sharon was very comfortable with him as well. I'd wait until we got home before I quizzed Deb.

The evening was a big success until my mother decided it was time to ask the unasked question.

"When are you two going to announce your engagement?" she asked, looking directly at me.

I was complete caught off guard and I was scrambling to think of how to answer when Deb stepped in to the rescue.

"We've talked about it, but since we're both just starting our careers, we're not in a rush. It's a big step and we want to be sure."

Well, that wasn't too big a fib, I guess. We had talked about the future and we knew we loved each other, but I hadn't had the courage to ask Deb formally. It was probably due to the reaction I got from Bernie when I suggested something along the line of becoming man and wife and getting shot down fairly promptly. At least, that was my thinking. Probably lame, but I was still unsure if I was ready for the commitment of marriage.

The question and Deb's reply brought conversation to an immediate halt. Everyone was looking at Deb and me and I didn't know what to say.

"Jeez, Ian, you look like you've been shot," Kenny said, breaking the silence. "How much time to do you need? You've been hanging out with Deb for the last five years."

"Not quite," I said, wishing my brother would shut up. I saw Nancy give him a quick elbow and a subtle shake of the head. Strangely, Deb seemed quite unruffled by the whole exchange.

"Ian, the young lady can't wait forever," Mom jumped in again. "Sharon and I need plenty of lead time to plan the wedding, so it's not like you'll have to get married tomorrow."

My father was looking everywhere but at me or Deb. Sharon was suppressing a laugh by the look of it. I had a sense of conspiracy now. John Holland was doing his best to hold a neutral expression. Finally, I got my wits about me and responded.

"I think this is a discussion that Deb and I will hold in private. You're making a big assumption, Mom, so please don't embarrass her. Any decisions we make about our future will be made between the two of us before we let anyone else know. Okay?"

"Oh ... yes ... of course," my mother said, blushing now at my mini lecture. "I was just ... well ... never mind." She was the embarrassed one now.

Gradually, the conversation re-started and the subject was dropped. However, I knew Deb and I would be discussing it soon enough.

Chapter 13A

Debbie:

This past six weeks have been hectic, but fascinating. I was starting my new career and each day I realized that I had been lucky enough to find exactly the right job for me. What I was doing was important and demanded my full attention. I really like my boss, Jennifer Wrona. She's very a very good teacher and very demanding that we do our jobs precisely. The consequences of something slipping by us could be catastrophic. I'm getting to know the other lab techs and they all have the same attitude. There is no substitute for doing the job properly and thoroughly.

Ian introduced me to wheelchair basketball and I could immediately see what attracted him to the sport. It didn't take much encouragement from him to suggest we volunteer our services if there was a need for them. We are now officially the team gofers. We make sure the balls are brought out at the beginning of practice and put away at the end. We look after making sure the water bottles are filled. These kids really work up a sweat when they play. We keep the towels ready for them when they are needed.

Some of the kids have no feeling in their limbs, so we are always on the lookout for bruises or cuts. We aren't allowed to treat them since there's a first aid attendant on duty for that. The way these kids bang into each other and race from one end of the court to the other, it's a wonder there aren't more injuries. But through it all, you can tell the kids are having fun. They have their little groups they hang with, but I was impressed how easily they shared and made sure everyone, including the not-so-skilled, got to participate.

Thanksgiving was quite an event. It wasn't just the meal, it was the guests. I was completely surprised that Mom had come down from Sechelt at Mrs. Kiernan's invitation. I learned later that John had picked her up at the ferry terminal and she stayed with him at his house on Friday night. It was pretty obvious that she and John were very close and having met him and spent some time with him, I think Mom has made a good choice.

The other big surprise was Ian's brother, Kenny. He brought a girlfriend and she was partially handicapped. Nancy Porter was a really nice girl and very pretty. I don't think anyone was more surprised than Ian. He always worries about Kenny growing up and acting more responsibly. Maybe Nancy is going to be the answer to his concerns. I could tell Mr. and Mrs. Kiernan really liked her too. I spent some time with her, comparing notes from my college experiences. She's going to be a good influence on Kenny. She's very serious about her education and she's trying to instill the same motivation in him.

Finally, Ian's mother dropped the bomb when she asked Ian when we were going to announce our engagement. I had a hint from talking to her earlier that afternoon that she might say something, but this was so pointed and so direct that neither Ian nor I was ready for it. I managed to say something about just starting our careers and not being in a rush, but it was pretty weak, I'm sure. Anyway, the ride home from his parents' house was an opportunity to talk about it.

Ian wasn't angry at his mother, but he didn't know what to do with the question. We really hadn't talked about making our relationship permanent, and yet, I was fairly confident that he was thinking in that direction. I had made up my mind, but it was up to Ian to tell me that it was what he wanted, not what he thought I or other people wanted. I can't imagine a better man to marry. I don't want to imagine another man. He is everything I could ask for in a husband. Now ... I had to get him to tell me what was in his heart.