Pleasure & Taboo

My mother and I both found ourselves at life's crossroads.

I had recently graduated from film school and was lucky enough to land a job doing video production work for an independent movie studio. It was a small start, but one that I hoped would lead to my dream of being a director of my own films. I had spent an entire summer working hard on a script that meant a lot to me. Unfortunately, I didn't have the luck needed to put the whole thing together.

On the other hand, my mother was an accomplished actress in her own right. In her younger days she appeared in many theatrical plays and musicals, as well as headlining a few of her own. But in her later age, she switched careers and became a real estate agent in order to live a more normal lifestyle. She recently became single again after breaking up with her boyfriend and was looking for another place to live.

So there we were, two people looking for the next step in life. I lived on my own in a small apartment, and my mother recently bought a new home which was still being remodeled. So, I did what any good son would do in that situation and I let her stay with me for a while.

Pleasure & Taboo

We sat in my living room and my mother briefly flipped through the pages of my script.

"So this is it," she said. "This is the story you've been busy writing all this time."

"Yep. I'm not saying it's the best thing ever, but I'm proud of it. I think it's pretty good."

"I sure hope so. If I remember correctly, you were so busy writing this thing that you avoided having lunch with me quite a few times."

"Well, that's the price of success I guess. At least this is my attempt at success."

"I think that's great," she replied. "I didn't mean to sound disparaging or anything, but I hope you know that I'm very proud of you for pursuing your dreams. I'm right behind you 100%."

"Thanks mom. That's probably the first time I've ever heard you say that," I joked.

She smiled and her eyes flipped through the pages again. "So what's it about? Have you had any luck with finances or distribution? I have the number of a good agent if you need one."

"Well that's the thing," I sighed. "I know some people, but the rest of the process is a mess right now."

"How so?"

"I've talked to my bosses at the studio and they think the script has potential. The main problem is finding the right lead. I need a good actress who can do this part and is willing to get naked a lot. Once I have that, I'll need to do a few screen tests to convince them to give me the support I need."

"You mean to tell me that in a city like this, you can't find any beautiful women to get naked for a movie?" she asked skeptically. "I find that very hard to believe."

I shrugged. "Obviously tons of women would get naked in a movie for free, but none of them can act, which is really important to me. When I actually do find women who can act, they think I'm making a high class porn video or something. They look at me like I'm a creep when I try to pitch them the story."

"Well I can't really blame them for thinking that. I mean, you're a handsome young man armed with a video camera and no movie deal; what's a girl to think?" she smiled.

"Very funny. But seriously, I'm thinking about giving up on this whole thing entirely. Or at the very least get started on something totally different."

"Now wait a second," she said sternly. "You've made a commitment to yourself and I fully expect you to carry it out. Do you think I would be where I am in life, or have the success that I've had in acting if I gave up after the first few times people have said 'no' to me?"

"Thanks again mom. I guess you're right. I wasn't really thinking about quitting anyway."

"Good. So what's this story about anyway? I'm sure it must be something interesting if you've invested so much of your time on it."

"It's hard to explain," I replied. "It's better if you read it and get a vibe for it yourself. Besides, it'll sound sleazy if I try to explain what it is."

"See, there's your first problem."

"Which is?"

Her eyebrows raised. "Have you ever heard of the elevator pitch? If you're trying to sell yourself to someone for a job interview, you have to make sure your presentation is short, refined, and to the point, so it can successfully be pitched in a short amount of time. Here's your opportunity to work on it; so what's yours story about?"

"Hmm... In short, it's about a woman who basically gets in touch with herself. The movie contains a lot of nudity. The age of the actress isn't really important since the script can be adjusted for anyone."

"How elegant," she said sarcastically. "No wonder so many talented actresses are flocking over to be in your movie."

"Maybe that wasn't the best way to describe it."

"That was a horrible synopsis you just gave me," she smiled. "Try it again."

"Okay. Well, it's about a woman with a lot of life experience. She catches the attention of a budding author who's interested in using her life story as inspiration for a novel he's writing. They eventually start having sit down interviews together and he wants to know as much about her as possible. He finds her endlessly fascinating, and vice versa. The topic of conversation eventually turns to her sexual history, to which she has no shame in revealing her likes and fantasies. Without spoiling it too much, they eventually fall in love at the end. It's something of a love story combined with an examination of human sexuality."

"Now that was so much better. It certainly sounds like something I would be interested in seeing."

I smiled, "You can see my dilemma now. This was definitely written for a talented actress to star in or else the movie wouldn't come out right. It's not worth the effort if I can't make it perfect."

"I'm sure you'll find someone soon. Your problem was that you didn't know how to sell it. If you just repeat what you've said to me, I have no doubt you'll find who you're looking for."

"Thanks for the encouragement," I replied.

My mother stood up and patted me on the shoulder. "Thank you for letting me stay at your place for a little while. I'll take a look at this script, and if it's as good as it sounds, I'll send it to a few friends of mine who are still in the business to see what they think. In the meantime, let's go get dinner."

*** LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION! ***

I was watching tv in the living room while I ate breakfast the next morning. One minute I'm focused on watching the news, the next moment my mother shuts off the television and sits right next to me. She was dressed in nothing but her silk bathrobe. Her hair was still soaking wet and slicked backward.

"I read half of this last night," she said, slamming the script on the couch. "Then I read the other half this morning while in the bath."

"What did you think?" I asked nervously based on her reaction.

"I absolutely love it and I want to star in it."

All of a sudden there was an awkward tension in the room, at least from my end. My mother had a beaming look on her face as if she had just found something she was longing for. She looked determined and refused to take 'no' for an answer. On the other hand, I knew what it would mean if she actually did star in it.

"Are you serious? You want the lead role? Did I give you the right script yesterday?"

She nodded. "I know what you're thinking, that this would be weird between us because of the sexual content involved. But you're an adult and so am I. We can be mature about this because we're both dedicated artists in our own regards. That's how I see it."

"But mom... You're my mom. I mean, you're my mom."

"You don't think I know that?" she replied with an eyebrow raised. "The point is that you need a lead actress who's willing to give you everything she has on screen in order to make this story mean something special. That's what this story is to me, something special. I truly love this script because it reminds me of myself at a younger age. Acting has always been my passion and it's been forever since I've done it. Trust me, we can make this work."

I gave her a skeptical look. "You realize that a large majority of this script contains sexually explicit dialogue and a number of nude scenes right?"

"You realize that I've done nudity on stage before don't you?"

"This is different. This is on film. Once it's recorded, then it's recorded. It'll be sent to a small studio and everyone there will see it. If this film gets approved and made with a bigger budget, then they'll expect you to star in it. Once that happens, then EVERYONE will see you naked. Do you know what most guys do to themselves when they see a woman get naked in a movie?"

"But you don't have any problems filming this with some other actress, right? How about when I was about to recommend a friend for the part, would you have given her that same exact warning? I don't think so mister."

"All I'm saying is that this is going to be really odd doing this with you. I mean, you're my mother."

"I know I'm your mother, you keep on reminding me," she quipped.

"It's obvious that you won't take 'no' for an answer," I replied. "Maybe we should give this a couple of days for us to think about. Then we can make a better decision about all of this."

"What's there to think about? I love your script. It really speaks to me in a way that no other book or movie has before. Plus I've already gotten the character figured out and how I would portray her on camera."

I paused and thought for a moment. "If you're absolutely sure about this, then what I'll need is just a few screen tests from you. I'll read the lines of the interviewer, but I won't be on camera. A male actor will be hired for that part later. The camera will be on you the entire time."

A big smile grew on her face and she bent over to plant a big kiss on my cheek.

"You've made the right decision."

***

We agreed to start filming a few scenes later that afternoon. Through breakfast and lunch, my mother's attention was focused squarely on the script, and how she was going to perform it.

The time came and we were both trying to relax. We sat in the dining room, which was meant to portray the male character's dining room in the story.

"You seem kind of jittery," I pointed out.

"A little. It's been a while since I've been in front of the camera. But it's like riding a bike, I'm excited and I don't think I've lost my touch."

"Glad to hear it. I just hope this doesn't get too awkward between us. This is the first sexy scene of the movie."

She smiled, "We're both professionals here. It shouldn't be a problem."

I put the final touches on the position of the camera. It was pointed solely at my mother from a slight angle. Her hair was done nicely and she was dressed in a classy outfit.

"I've always wanted to say this: Lights, camera, action!"

***

The button was pressed and the recording started.

"Did you enjoy your time as a nude model for painters?" I asked while portraying the role of the interviewer.

"It was a fascinating experience," she replied in character. "As it turned out, being a waitress didn't pay enough to cover rent and college. I saw an add on the campus bulletin board and I decided to give it a shot."

"Did you enjoy it? What was your first time like?"

"Nerve-wracking. It was easily one of the one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do at the time. But I'm glad I did it."

"Why is that? It sounds like you enjoyed more than just the money."

She gave a seductive smile which lit up the room. "It was my introduction to exhibitionism and the start of my sexual exploration as a young adult. I was a prude all my life, living in a sheltered environment. I was raised to be modest, so taking my clothes off and standing in the middle of a room for people to observe was a total shock to me."

"Did you find yourself enjoying it more than just for the money? It sounds like an experience which really changed you in a certain way."

"It did," she nodded. "I found myself becoming more aware of myself. I was more in touch with my body and my sexual desires. I had only been with a few men at the time, and I had never had an orgasm with any of them. But after I started modeling nude, I found myself having them more frequently by myself. It became an addiction for me. Being nude in front of others gave me what I needed in order to touch myself afterwards and feel an orgasm flowing through my body like an ocean wave."

"So you're an exhibitionist. Did you find that discovering your sexual fetish help you when you made love to other men?"

She flashed the same seductive smile again. "It did. I actually have a few stories to tell about that..."

***

"So how did I do?" she asked, beaming with pride after the scene was over.

"You were awesome! Seriously, that was twice as good as I expected it to be."

Her eyebrows raised as she gave me a playful look. "Didn't think I could pull it off?"

"You know what I meant by that. You're as talented as they come. I'm talking about..."

"...the whole mom thing right? I told you it wasn't going to be an issue. We're just two adults being professional about work we love."

"You're right," I replied. "Are you ready to start doing the next scene where you and the interviewer meet again?"

She thought for a moment. "I am. But I have a suggestion if you don't mind."

"I'm open to anything you have to offer."

"In my opinion, the story becomes overly sexualized when the lead character opens up about her sexual history. I'm sure there's a better way to approach this story than that."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked. "I think you've got a good point, but I thought it was the best way to open up a sexual dialogue between the two characters. It also makes the lead character a little more interesting since she has a provocative background."

"How about me telling some of my own personal stories in place of that? Nothing overly raunchy. But I've done plenty of nude scenes in theater performances and it was a sexual experience in its own right. I think it would add a touch of class to the film and make the performance all the more believable."

I paused for a moment. Hearing my mother read sexually explicit dialogue was one thing, but hearing her talk about her own sexual history and fantasies was something else entirely.

"I don't know mom. Are you really comfortable with using your own personal experiences?"

"Why not?" she shrugged. "It's not like anyone is going to know that it's real. People are obviously going to assume that it was in the script. I really feel like the story will be more realistic and my acting will be a lot better because of it."

"Fine," I replied. "That does make sense. As long as you're comfortable I'm okay with it."

She gave me one of her patented stern motherly looks. "Be honest- this makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it?"

"Probing in to my mother's sexual thoughts wasn't exactly what I had in mind with all this," I said jokingly.

"Look, how about we make a deal? We can improvise parts of the next scene, and if one of us starts to get uncomfortable, then we'll just end it there and leave it at that. I can go further with the dialogue once you hire an actor for the part of the male lead."

"Then it's a deal. I'm ready when you are."

She smiled, "I didn't even need the break."

***

The camera was turned on and we filmed the scene which took place the next day.

"I didn't think you'd be back," I said while in character. "The last woman I tried to interview walked out on me, and the woman before that told me she was coming back but never did."

"Have many women have you interviewed?"

"Just three. You're the third one."

"I don't scare away easily. Besides, you seem like an honest guy, and there is a lot of honesty in the writing samples you've showed me. So what's there to be afraid of?"

"Most people are afraid of revealing their most intimate thoughts to a stranger," I replied. "Especially when it's face to face and being recorded."

"None of us would be alive if it weren't for sex. That's how I see it."

"I knew there was something special about you. Now let's begin; you were last telling me about your foray into the world of acting. How did that go? Did you get what you wanted out of it?"

"Acting gave me a new life. It was a career that I loved, and that I gave myself to completely. I was passionate about it and I found myself spending night and day thinking about how to approach a scene. It became my other addiction. Landing a good role in a theater is extremely difficult, and I needed that rush of being in front of an audience. When I got it, it was unbelievable. There's nothing like it."

"And sexually? Was there any connection there?"

She grinned. "I'm so glad you asked. The second role that I had ever gotten contained a lengthy nude scene at the end of the show. I figured that's how I got it, because most of the other talented actresses had refused to do nudity. Months later, our first show came and I was scared out of my mind. Afterwards, I ran home to my small apartment and gave myself a sexual high like I had never felt in my life. I kept imaging the looks on the hundreds of faces in the crowd when they saw me nude on stage. It was simply amazing."

"It sounds amazing as well. Did you have any partners during that time? Or was it just yourself after each performance?"

"I had a few," she replied. "But there was someone who was deeply special during that time. I fell in love with the director of that show. It was the first time in my life that I had ever been in love. It was a new experience that was both scary and exciting. We were friends at first, and when he separated from his wife, I was there to console him- just as friends. Our relationship eventually made a romantic turn and I learned that sex is so much better when you're in love. I had never made that connection before."

"That's an interesting point. You think sex is better when you're in love?"

Her eyebrow rose, "You've never been in love before have you? You wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"Never have," I replied. "I thought I was a few times, but I wasn't. I doubt it feels any different. But enough about me, tell me more about your relationship with him. What else did you feel?"

"You'll figure it out one day, about sex being better with someone you love. As for me and him, I experienced a sexual renaissance of sorts. Everything I had ever known about life was forgotten. It was as if the world only revolved around us. That's what love feels like. We would do a show, and after I got dressed backstage, we would run off as soon as we had the chance and we fucked each others brains out. That was the most emotional period of my life. And it was because I was in love with him."

*** THE MASTURBATION SCENE ***

I woke up nice and early the next morning to show my bosses the footage I shot with my mother. But of course, I didn't tell them that she was my mother. How could I? I only gave them her stage name, and if they wanted her real name, it didn't matter because I use my dad's last name. No one would ever find out about this little fact because it's only a small indie movie.

I was proud of what we made and they thought it had potential as well. They watched the 30 minutes of footage we shot and they all agreed that the leading lady was terrific. They thought my mom was both stunning and seductive in her performance as the lead character. They were in love with her and felt that she had a ton of potential working for their studio.

But as usual, business is business and they decided they needed a little more footage before they could finally invest in my project...