Preludes Ch. 01: Expectations

He apologized for being such an asshole and asked her if she could be discreet about their night together. Rachel had swallowed hard and put on a good face and told him that, of course, she understood and that she was sorry too. They'd hugged and parted, and from that point on, they didn't really interact too much. Chris was still with that girl now, and while Rachel had caught him looking at her a few times, she knew that he just felt too guilty to be around her. She wasn't angry at him, but it had hurt. Chris had been the closest she had come to actually considering dating someone. And after it had fallen apart, she'd gone strictly with the hookup route ever since.

Rachel shivered at the memory as she walked with Shane, but she quickly remembered why she'd been thinking about it. The game. The lacrosse game. No, she wouldn't be going. Seeing Brad was not something she liked doing these days. And that wasn't even close to the biggest reason.

Pine Valley was playing Xavier.

Matt.

Rachel felt her stomach twist tightly, to the point of pain. She had no idea really how it had happened, but in addition to the horrible event that had occurred two weeks prior, she had somehow found herself back at Matt's house that past Wednesday. Two days ago.

He had been texting her somewhat frequently since their "incident" and she'd basically been ignoring him. But as her world fell apart around her, she strangely found herself feeling like he was the only one she had left. Of course, he had been the cause of her destruction, but her loneliness and need for some sort of approval led her back to him. And while it shouldn't have been a surprise that it ended up where it had, what Rachel had done at his house that Wednesday was what was making her stomach tighten like a vice.

What she had done again.

It nearly caused her to lose her footing as she thought about it, but she had somehow been talked into giving him another blowjob. It had been like a bad dream. One minute they were talking, the next she was leaning over his lap, his dick sliding between her lips, while his one hand guided her neck and the other pawed roughly up her shirt. She closed her eyes as she walked with Shane. She didn't want to think about it.

Finally snapping back to the moment, Rachel realized she still hadn't answered Shane's question about the game. She shook her head gently and shot him a weak frown as she spoke.

"No. I don't think so. Just not really into it today, I guess."

Shane's eyes fell momentarily but he lit up again with another question.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, me neither. Well, what about Dan's tonight for that thing? I heard a bunch of people talking about it." He looked at her hopefully.

Rachel let out a gentle sigh and smiled back him. She wasn't totally into the idea of going to a party but she also didn't want to spend another night home alone. She'd done that pretty much every night for the past two weeks. She'd just think of how everything sucked and then she'd cry. And eventually she'd fall asleep. She sniffed her nose at the thought. No. Not again. Not tonight.

"Yeah, you know what? I think I'm probably gonna go." She grinned at him. "Why? You going, too?"

Shane beamed at her positive response and nodded back to her. "Oh yeah. For sure."

He stopped walking suddenly and shot her a bit of a nervous smile. Exhaling, he swallowed and spoke again.

"Well, um, look. Since neither of us are going to that lame-ass lacrosse game, and we're gonna go to the party, would you, um, I don't know, like, wanna grab something to eat later and, like, I could like drive us there or something?"

Rachel raised her eyebrows in surprise. She hadn't expected that. Shane was a pretty confident guy but he was definitely struggling. Was he...asking her on a date?

She caught her face stretching into an automatic smile. She wasn't really attracted to Shane, but his nervousness was kind of cute. Especially for such a big, tough looking dude. For some reason, she thought of Chris again and her sadness over them never becoming anything more than a hookup. She hadn't actually "dated" anyone the entire year since she'd changed schools. She loved being free and doing what she did, but part of her kind of missed being courted or wooed or whatever. Some of the boys she hooked up with barely even mustered the effort to bluntly ask for it.

She scoffed as she glanced around the hallway and felt her smile fade. And look at how life had been for the past eleven days. Maybe she could use a friend right now. She didn't really want to be Shane's "girlfriend," but going on a date or two wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Might actually be fun. And that was something she was certainly in sore need of at the moment.

Rachel grinned again. She was surprised at the answer she was about to give but she also felt good about it. She cocked her head teasingly.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Shane?"

She stuck out her tongue playfully as Shane's face reddened. But he composed himself.

"Well, I mean, yeah, I guess. Look, no big deal. Just figured that it might make sens-".

Rachel cut him off with a gentle touch on his arm. "Yes." She nodded again and giggled at his look of relief. "That sounds like fun. Um, what time?"

Shane gave her a time and she told him her address and they walked to class both smiling. The rest of the day went by quickly, and before she knew it, Rachel was home, almost humming as she enjoyed a nice, warm shower. For the first time since the fight, she had something somewhat happy to look forward to.

Shane wasn't her dream guy but she didn't care. It was nice. And it made her feel a little less worthless. His dinner offer was a far cry from Matt's casual request for her to slide down off the couch and suck his dick. Or any number of her previous hookups that more or less followed the same script. Rachel let the water run all over her body as she smiled to herself. Maybe things would be okay.

Shane showed up on time and Rachel said goodbye to her parents as she headed out to meet him with a slight spring in her step. He had a big, red truck and Rachel bounced a bit as she pulled herself up and hopped in. She was wearing tight, dark jeans and a mint green V-neck shirt. The cut of the shirt showed her cleavage a little, but it wasn't too scandalous. She didn't want to throw her boobs in Shane's face but she also wanted to look nice for him. He was taking her to dinner after all.

The pair dined at a little sushi spot across town that Shane had suggested. Rachel loved sushi and she'd been to the restaurant before. It wasn't a five-star place, but sushi wasn't the cheapest thing in the world and Rachel had tried to convince him that they could be more casual. But he had insisted.

The meal was excellent and it had been exactly what Rachel had been missing. A nice, quiet night out to relax and focus on something (anything) other than the dark hole in her life. She had felt a little weird though because Shane had seemed so quiet. Different than he had been that afternoon. Almost a bit tense. But Rachel had shrugged it off as him being nervous and she'd pretended not to notice the few times she'd caught his eyes go to her front of her shirt. When they finished up, he'd paid for everything with a smile and they'd left together to head towards the party.

They'd been driving for a few minutes when Rachel suddenly got a strange, uncomfortable feeling. Shane was still acting funny and she had done everything to be bubbly and talkative and to make him feel at ease. He shouldn't be this nervous. They were kind of friends and this had been far from the first time they'd talked.

The uncomfortable feeling progressed to a lump in her throat as she watched the passing scenery and realized that she didn't think they were going the right way to the party. She kept quiet though, assuming that he knew a different way or something. But her stomach sank when she felt him pull the truck over towards a seldom used parking area, overlooking a small river that ran through the outskirts of their town. It was a place that teenagers went to make out. Or more...

Rachel had been there before. With an old boyfriend, Tyler, a few times. And with another boy or two as well. She felt her pulse quickening as they pulled into a far spot and Shane put the truck into park. She looked over at him suspiciously. But she already knew why they were there.

"Um, I thought we were going to Dan's. Isn't that what you said earl-?"

He smiled at her, his eyes still serious, and cut her off with a touch to her hand.

"Oh. Yeah well, I mean, the party will be going for a while. I just, you know, figured that since we were still out on our date that maybe we could have a little fun first. Like, just the two of us." He gave her an obviously suggestive wink that she didn't need.

Rachel swallowed and her body tensed. It was strange because she was certainly the furthest thing from a prude and she'd been in that exact parking lot for similar reasons in the past. In fact, all things equal, she might have hooked up with Shane that night during or after the party just because that was how she was.

But for whatever reason, his abrupt change of plans made her feel insulted. And low again. She had let herself believe that he'd simply wanted to take her out on a nice date. Her terrible experience with Matt that week had left her never wanting to just casually blow some guy ever again. She just wanted to be liked and needed and not only for that.

And now, that was exactly what Shane was asking for. It was the whole reason he had asked her out in the first place. Dinner and a blowjob. Rachel would be good for it. She felt an unexpected swelling of anger begin to take over.

" 'A little fun first'?" She repeated his words back to him with a cold stare. "Really, Shane? So that's why you asked me out at all? Just so I'd-." She swallowed and felt the first hint of tears beginning to form.

"You know, for just one second I thought maybe someone was going to be nice to me again. For once." She glared at him and crossed her arms. "The answer is 'no'. And screw you for expecting that I'd naturally just lean over and-."

Shane's eyebrows lowered and he cut her off with a growl.

"What? Screw me? Wow, Rachel! So, like, you just blow whoever, pretty much if they just ask. Don't tell me you don't. That goofy bitch Jim?" He laughed. "Really? And didn't I hear you just fucked that pussy Brad and some other dude at the same time? Tell me that's a lie, too." He stared at her frozen face and smirked. "Yeah, thought so."

"And now, I take you out. I buy you some nice ass dinner. Pretty much be the only friend you've had lately and you treat me like this? That's hilarious." He glared hard at her and shook his head.

Rachel set her jaw and fought against the tears with all her strength. She steadied her voice and fired back with piercing sarcasm.

"Oh no, you're right. I'm sorry. You're a real fucking sweetheart. You con me into some 'date' just so you can drive me out to this shithole for what? A blowjob? Then you throw all that stuff in my face?" Her voice cracked and the tears splashed over her tone.

"What I do is none of your business, and if that's why you were nice to me, then no fucking thank you."

She brought a hand to her eyes and looked away from him as she tried her best to push the tears back. Her heart pounded in her chest and her hands shook as she stared out her window and wondered what Shane's next move would be. Finally, she heard him scoff and roughly throw the truck back into gear. She flinched as the wheels spun out of the space and the vehicle jerked hastily back on to the road.

They drove in complete silence and Rachel realized (much to her relief) that he was taking her back home and not to the party. She didn't want to be seen right now and she certainly didn't want to be at his mercy for a ride if it came to it. After what seemed like an eternity, Shane pulled up to the start of her driveway and put the truck in park, his eyes fixed straight ahead. He didn't say a word.

Rachel unbuckled her seat belt and looked back at him nervously. He had been an asshole. Of that there was no doubt. But she suddenly wondered if her response had been too harsh. She knew her reputation. Maybe it wasn't so outlandish for him to expect that she'd-. She sighed and cleared her throat.

"Look. I didn't mean to-. I do appreciate the dinner and I'm sorry if there was a misunder-."

Shane cut her off with a vacant tone. "Yeah, whatever." He didn't look at her.

Rachel sighed again and turned to hop gingerly out of the car. She jumped back as Shane immediately pulled away the moment the door shut. She watched for a few seconds as the red truck disappeared quickly down her street. Swallowing hard and hanging her head, she turned and walked back towards the house.

She blew off her parents' questions and went straight to her room and collapsed on her bed. What a disaster. All her good feelings from earlier had disappeared and she felt even lower than she had before. She smirked. Here she was again. Alone in her room. The very thing she had tried to avoid.

She began to feel all of the bad thoughts creep back to her as they did every night when she sat by herself. Rebecca. Brad. School. She had just recently asked her soccer coach if she could take a little break from the team. She'd explained that she had a lot going on at home and just needed a week or so to clear her head. Her coach had allowed it and told her to come back as soon as she was ready. But Rachel already knew she wasn't going back. She didn't feel like doing much anymore.

She tossed around on her bed for what seemed like forever before finally rolling over and looking at the clock. It wasn't even nine yet. She'd been home for only twenty minutes and she couldn't stand it any longer. She had to do something. Go somewhere. She felt her stomach knot up as she thought about Shane again.

Had she overreacted? It wasn't the first time a guy had casually asked her for some head in a less than charming manner. And on the occasions when she didn't submit, at worst she usually let them down gently. Or in a light, joking way. Sometimes she had to be firm, but she had never exploded like she had with Shane.

She'd just let herself believe that it might be different this time. And when she'd seen that it wasn't, something had gone off inside of her. She had so much pent up emotion lately and the idea that she might explode was far from unreasonable. Unfortunately for Shane (and her), her fuse had finally reached its end in his truck.

She winced as she replayed the scene in her head. Shane. He had been an asshole. But what had she expected? He was right. She'd gotten on her knees for a lot less. He'd probably figured that buying her dinner and driving her around would be way more than enough to cover the tab. No wonder he'd been so shocked when she'd gone off on him.

With a deep sigh, Rachel took out her phone and began to type.

Heyy. Are you still driving to Dan's?

She put her phone down and trembled at what she was doing.

-Just pulled up. Why?

Look I'm sorry about tonight. I didn't mean to go off on you. Just a lot going on you know?

-Its fine.

Rachel sighed.

Can you meet me back at the river lot? Like 20 mins?

-Why?

I want to apologize...

Rachel set her jaw and waited. There was a delay before his response. But then:

-Okay.

Rachel slipped her phone back into her pocket and rose up slowly off her bed. Part of her couldn't believe what she was about to do, but part of her felt like she had to. It didn't really make sense. Shane had been a complete dick to her, and despite any rumors he might have heard, that was no reason to expect that she was down for whatever he wanted just because he bought her some Japanese food.

But a twisted part of her felt like maybe she did owe him. Maybe she had overreacted. She was beginning to realize that she just wanted someone to validate her. That was why she had gone back to Matt that week. He validated her. In the crudest and most superficial way. But it was better than nothing.

Rachel walked over to the mirror and gave herself a glance, smoothing out her soft, sandy blonde hair. Her eyes flicked over her cleavage and the generous expanse of her chest. She really did look great. She was going on a date after all...

When Rachel got back to the lot, Shane's truck was already there. It was dark out. Close to 9:30. She brought her white Civic up a few spaces away, as not to be obvious if someone happened to come by. She knew the drill. She was no rookie here.

She sighed as she turned her car off and she gave herself one final look in the mirror. As if it mattered if a hair or two was out of place. She shook her head. Was she really going to do this? The girl in the mirror simply swallowed in response. Yup. She was.

The night air had gotten chillier and Rachel gripped her shoulders as she made her way over to the red truck for the second time that evening. Just as before, she reached up and pulled herself into the high entrance way and popped onto the seat with a bounce. She shut the door gently and exhaled as she turned to look at Shane. He still looked serious, almost annoyed. His look conveyed that this better be worth his while. She bit her lip and shivered again, this time not from the cold. It would be.

"Shane, I'm sorry about before." She spoke softly, her eyes aimed down towards the radio area of the car and not at him. "I didn't mean to explode like that. I was just caught off guard by your, um-. Well, your expectation."

She swallowed and looked up at him. He was watching her patiently. She sniffed gently and furrowed her brow. Was he going to apologize too or...?

Getting no response, Rachel cleared her throat. "So, I mean, anyway-. And it was, you know, really sweet of you take me to dinner like that. So, I'm sorry."

She paused and looked expectantly again at him. Still only silence. She'd been sure that he would jump in and offer a few words of apology as well. She looked back down and set her jaw. Her stomach beginning to knot further, she'd been about to speak again when he cut her off.

"Look, Rachel, it's okay. I get it. I just didn't think you'd be all-. I've just heard how you can be so I didn't think it was a big deal."

Rachel felt her face burn. Wow. That was it? He was...forgiving her? He'd "heard how she could be"? Was he not going to at least meet her in the middle and take a little responsibility for driving her unexpectedly out to the middle of nowhere and demanding that she-. She swallowed again. And here she was willing to-. She smirked. Wow.

Realizing that it didn't really change anything except to make her feel worse about the whole thing and what she was doing, Rachel looked back at his blank face and spoke again.

"Ummm, okay. Well, anyway. So, I mean, like I said, I'm sorry, and since you were nice to me tonight (Really? Had he been?) I, um, wanted to do something nice for you, too." She bit her lip and stared into his eyes.

Shane's demeanor finally changed as he processed her words and the meaning behind them. Giving her a warm smile, he let his eyes drift across her body as he felt his pants tighten. He reached down to unbuckle his seat and spoke with a slick grin.

"Well, that's very sweet of you."

Rachel's jaw tightened and she involuntarily grinded her teeth together as she watched him bring his right arm up to the back of her seat to open access to his lap. She still couldn't believe he wasn't going to offer even the slightest, weakest apology. All she wanted was the tiniest sign of contrition, seeing that she was about to go above and beyond.