Put It In Writing!

I dream of Nina at night too. That's so strange to me. I never even spoke to her after that night. We never fought about it, yelled and screamed, called names. She became a recluse. The kids beg me to take her back. She doesn't date, doesn't go out, she just sits in her old room in her parents'' house and cries . I miss her so badly it hurts. So every times do, I go up to my bedroom, and sit in that sturdy antique chair. I break out into a cold sweat every time, as I can literally feel my bonds again. I feel my heart breaking. I feel my face being beaten. That's all it takes to make up my mind. In my case, alone wasn't lonely, it was good. I'll put that in writing too.

Nina spend only fourteen months in jail. The fact that she had tried to stop Jeff twice, and had administered first aid and called for the ambulance convinced the judge that she had never intended to go as far as Jeff. She was however an accomplice, and the mastermind of the plot to trick me into that day, so jail time was a must.

Jeff didn't make any of his opportunities for parole. He was sentenced to 8-10 years. And served all 10. Seemed he and his cell mates couldn't get along at first. They didn't see he reasons he felt he should have a life of privilege because he was a doctor. Especially since he would never be a doctor again. He was caught harassing members of the medical license review boards, desperately hoping for reinstatement. Turns out he wasn't a citizen of the US and was deported to his native Canada after being convicted of the harassment. Two time loser, you know. The Canadians were equally astute in denying him a license to practice medicine as well. Smart people, Canadians.

But you know time passes. My daughter went to college, fell in love, and got married. Jeff paid for the wedding. Well, he and County General. Nina was there, and since my kids had made amends with her years before, I wouldn't have it any other way.

It was awkward at the rehearsal after I walked my little girl down the aisle. I really didn't feel comfortable sitting down next to Nina. Once my Daddy duty was done. So I stood. In retrospect it was a shun, and yes she probably deserved it. I hadn't had to be close to her until then, you see. She respectfully stayed away. It was big of her to take it with grace, and not let it get her. I admired her for that.

I admired her so much, that the next day, during the actual ceremony, "who gives this woman?" and instead of saying "I do," or "her mother and I do," I turned to her, offered my hand, brought her to her feet, and said "We do." Then I and joined her by taking the traditional seat beside her in the front pew. She looked up at me, and all those old feelings of comfortable pre-Jeff love flooded back. I can't tell you how I missed her.

So we sat together at the reception. We danced he appropriate dances. We held hands. Everything felt good, everything felt right. I even got an erection on the last slow dance of the evening, and I know she noticed, because she drove her thigh right up on it like she had when we were young.

Somehow she wound up in my hotel room to talk. But we didn't talk. Somehow we thought it would go easier with wine. It did. She fell into my arms extremely easily. Her dress fell from her shoulders easily. We suddenly became naked easily without fueling for one piece of clothing. She guided my to taste her sex effortlessly, and she took mine deep in her throat with comparative ease. When the time came, I glided into her dripping pussy with equal ease, and remained there for a long slow dance of mutual delight. She came easily. She came again. And once more before clamping down to squeeze one out of me. We kissed and fell asleep in each others arms.

We awoke that way the next day.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I cheated us out of our golden years together. I really need to talk to you about it, but I don't want to spoil the beautiful night you just gave me. All I could think about, from the moment you took my hand and stood me up to give our daughters hand, all I could think about was you holding my hand, at my wedding. The last ten years have been hell for me. I've been so lonely, but I can't bear to socialize. I get physically ill at the prospect of being with another guy. I left the hospital and went to work as a nurse in a public clinic, because the idea of using anesthesia or anything through an IV drip is repulsive. There is rarely any of that in my new job.

"But the worst thing is the depression I've felt being without you. I need you in my life. I'll take it all to my grave if I have to, but I would really like to tell you all about that weekend. I need to get it off my chest, if you'll let me."

I didn't have to consider the request long. I never dwelled on the why, simply on the what. But I have to admit the thought of why had crossed my mind many times. How does a perfect marriage go to hell that quickly? This woman I had loved more than myself had suddenly revealed herself to be a total stranger, ruining our marriage and her entire family's life. I nodded for her to continue, and braced myself for a new heartbreak.

"Jeff was never important to me. I harbored this fantasy about having a huge cock, you know, like the porn stars have. It started before I met you in college. Friends and I watched a porno one night, and he guys were huge. It looked so incredible, seeing those big thick dongs filling those tight little pussies. All we could talk about was how much we wanted that, and how far the guys we dated were from measuring up. Suddenly, this circle of girls was slamming their guys and their teeny weenies, and riling themselves up into a big cock feeding frenzy."

"We wound up at a sex shop looking at dildos. The guys in he place were all drooling over us, and kept hitting on us. One of the girls grabbed a 9" dildo off the display and held it up to them. 'Any of you old pervs who wants to talk us up, drop em show me you have at least this, or bug off!' They backed off, and we picked several big dildos to go home and try. When we stepped up to the counter, the cashier tallied it up, and told us he could get us a real guy that size. He told us he'd bring the guy to us, but only if he could watch. What can I say we agreed. We were horny, curious, and a little stoned, and all that made it seem like a great idea."

"When we got to the apartment, the sex frenzy continued. We unpacked the dildos and began frigging ourselves like mad. Bottle of wine materialized, and a bong was going round. Dildos were passed around so we could each try different sizes. My head was swimming when the guys arrived, and my pussy was stuffed with a thick 8" dong. "

I looked up somewhat startled. I was 8", and relatively thick, at least compared to other guys in locker rooms I had used.

"Yeah, exactly. You're thinking that my fantasy cock was exactly like yours, like the real cock that came attached to my husband. You are right. That dildo set me off perfectly, and I wound up refusing to share it with the other girls, or trying anyone else's. I was like a baby clinging to its bottle. I wore myself out that night, and years later, when we started making love, and I realized my dream guy had my dream cock attached to him, I was hooked. Undortunately, there were two other little seeds that were sown big time that night, and they grew pretty strong over the years. The first was that later I realized that I missed out on the bigger dildos. And then there was the attraction that grew from watching the live show."

"You see there I lay with a fake cock in my pussy, and the sex shop clerk comes in with this guy, this big guy. He makes the little guy strip down, and show us he was wearing panties, and his little weenie was straining against them. 'You did well, pantiboi,' the big guy said. 'If you stay good tonight, I'll let you clean up any chick I fuck, and maybe one of them will let you have sloppy seconds." With that, the big guy dropped his pants and ripped of his his shirt to reveal the hottest body I had ever seen, and a huge thick cock that was growing by the second. The girls were on the cock in a flash, and when it stopped growing was a couple inches longer than my dildo, and as thick as the guys arm."

"My friends took turns mounting him, some even rode his mouth as they waited their turn. It was fascinating to watch his monster open up their tight pussies, and his stamina was amazing. The girls came quickly, and a rotation evolved around this man. The first time he came, my roommate had the honors of pumping it out of him. His sperm oozed from her pussy, and she screamed about how good it felt. But by the second time he was ready to cum, my attention had focused on his little friend. He had a toy in his ass, and his little penis was in a perpetual state of ooze, even though he didn't touch himself."

"Most of the girls had several shots at the big guy. At the end of the night, the big guy looks at his friend and said "Ok, little man, this fine woman has agreed to let you have the last turn tonight. Put the hood on that little buddy of yours, and show her what you're made of. The clerk grabbed a condom from his jeans pocket, ripped it open, and as he rolled it over his cock, came in his own hand. The girls and the big guy erupted with laughter. 'Now watch this,' he said. 'Clean that rubber up, wuss.' The kid put the condom to his lips, and licked up every bit of his own spunk. He turned red with the humiliation even before the girls started laughing."

"Most of the girls went home as the guys got dressed. I asked the little guy why he did it, and he told me the big guy was his wife's bull, and he was a cuckold. I had never heard that label before, so he explained it as a submissive husband, who allowed his wife to have sex with other men. His wife was dominant to him, but very submissive to strong guys, and was currently in a bull relationship with the big guy. He watched out for customers at the sex shop who might please the bull, and in exchange the bull expressed appreciation by commanding the cuckold's wife to take care of her husband. Because he had arranged this night with the big guy, the bull would force his wife to have sex with her husband every night that week. He would get to make love to his wife without sharing and without the bulls interference 4 times, since the bull had come four times with other women, and his wife wold have to blow him to completion three times for the public cum cleaning he had done, including of his own condom deposit."

"After he explained his complicated cuckold fantasy. I began to explore it on the Internet, in movies, and in books. The whole cuckold psychology literally ate me up. A woman in control, having anyone she wanted while her man stayed home and cared for the kids."

"Then came you. You with my dream cock, you with your patient art of making love, you who love me without question or demand, you were my perfect guy. In twelve years of marriage, I felt nothing but your love, your respect, and your sharing of everything. You were too strong for me to insist any of the things connected with cuckold fantasies. I pillowed talked everything with you, you know. Sharing me, watching me with another guy, domination, swinging even. You wouldn't bite at anything. We even role played some. You came in one night to find me with a dildo, talking dirty to an imaginary lover. You grabbed the dildo, tossed it in the garbage, and proceeded to make love to me while telling me how you'd beat the crap out of any guy I brought into our bed. I brought cuckold pornos home, and you ridiculed the assholes for not manning up and kicking the guy and the cheating wife out on their naked asses."

"You're all man. Any attempt I made at getting these things to happen, even at a fantasy level, you ripped to shreds. So I took a chance on your love. You always told me you'd do anything I wanted, because you loved me so much. I gambled on that. I came up with that asinine scheme that risked living my fantasy against your amazing love."

"Jeff flirted with me for years. He was handsome and charming, but I never let my guard down. When I decided to do this, he seemed perfect. He has a reputation as a ladies man, and I assumed any good lover must have a great cock. I mean how else would I find a clean, good looking candidate? Trust a stranger? No way. Jeff had a reputation with some of the single nurses. I bought into it. He couldn't hold a candle to you. He was a shitty lover. Wen this all came down, I let those single nurses know how low their standards were. I was even tempted to fix them up with you after we split, just to let them know how good it can be."

"Jeff was selfish. He was impatient. He was clueless about how to touch a woman. He wanted all kinds of kink, but was such a germophobe, he even disliked kissing. All take no give. And he was so fucking small. Half of my fantasy was having a bigger guy, and you dwarfed him. Then you just stared at me. Your cock didn't even twitch with the beginning of an erection. You hated it, and we both knew it. Jeff was determined to make you jealous, I wanted to stop after I realized the size of the mistake I'd made. I wanted to minimize the damage and beg you to forgive my stupidity. But he talked me into drugging you, and going out on the town while you slept. He thought if we caught you while you were coming to, we could catch you off guard."

"I didn't want to use the drugs. I knew it was risky, very dangerous and very illegal. Then he told, me how easily he could let everyone know what had happened. He blackmailed me. Of course he also assured me he knew what he was doing, the drugs were foolproof, you wouldn't be totally coherent when you woke up, you'd see us and get aroused recognizing me in a live sex act. He claimed that was a subconscious desire of every male, to see his mate fuck someone, then to take sloppy seconds as a way of reclaiming her. I guess the survey that he got his info from never met a guy like you."

"When we came home, you were already awake. I guess he miscalculated the time the drug would be effective, or else he stayed out too late. It was obvious you were pissed. The look in your eyes, let me know how deeply you were hurt, and how deeply I had hurt our relationship. I knew we would never be the same. I was appalled when he forced you to take his dick into your mouth. That he forced you while you were bound was disgusting. I could have warned him that he was stupid to think his dick would survive that little plan. But I wanted to see you put him down, and I knew you would. I cheered when you clamped your teeth down. You really hurt him you know. He is incapable of getting an erection now. You severed nerves and blood vessels that make him unable to have sex ever again."

"But then he recovered and started beating on you. You couldn't defend yourself. He was in a rage, and I couldn't stop him. It was all my fault. I put the unstoppable force up against the immovable object, and you got the worse of it. You spend your life helping and protecting me and the kids, and I put you squarely in harm's way, with your hands bound. I'll never forgive myself for that. It's my shame for the rest of my life. When I did get him stopped, he was a coward. He got dressed and ran. I called 911, and started first aid. You know the rest."

"I told you I'd do anything after that weekend. I promised I'd make it up to you, if I could just play out those fantasies. Now I know they are nightmares, and regret everything except promising to make it up. I still mean that. I will never be with another guy again. Until last night, I thought I'd never have sex again. I knew you hated me. But I owed you. I had to honor your request to leave you alone forever, because I promised you that. I'm so glad you let me off the hook from my exile, even if just for that one night."

"I'm glad you let me tell you my story too. I really needed to tell it. And now I want to tell you that I will always be only a phone call away. I ruined your life, and in doing so exposed you to brutal danger. Damn it, I risked your life on a fantasy, how stupid and heartless was that! I owe you my life. You can call me. For sex, or to clean your house, or to serve you and your friends drinks for a game, or poker night, or to cook and serve dinner for you and your date. I'll mow your lawn, or wash your car, and when it is done, I'll clean up after myself, and quietly go home without bothering you. And the next time you call, I'll grovel at your feet thanking you for the opportunity to make up for what's did to you in one more tiny measure. I am yours, forever, in any way you want. And if you don't want me, I will stay away. But if I do, know that I am still yours, and no one else will have me in any way, ever again."

She looked at me earnestly. I believed her. But I didn't want a slave. I didn't want a personal whore. I didn't want a maid, a cook, or a valet. I wanted that weekend gone. I wanted back where we were before her hair brained scheme. I knew that was impossible. She took it well when I told her this. She didnt break down, but the disappointment was evident on her face.

She got up and started to dress. I watched her from the bed. I saw the scar from the Caesarians that had served as my children's door to the world. I admired her perfect breasts, and instead of seeing them as the sexual attractions she had offered to Jeff to maul, I saw my children nursing at them. I saw the elegant curves of her arms not wrapped around Jeff in that moment of stupid passion, but tenderly reaching for me on our wedding night. I saw her luscious lips, not those that wrapped hem selves around Jeff's filthy cock, but as those who kissed me goodnight for the best dozen years of my life.

"You know, you made a lot of mistakes, but the worst was failing to divorce me."

Well there it was, a moment of perplexing confusion. She froze, unable to decide on a response.

"I never wanted a divorce. I look back, and know I was foolish to want an adventure, but I never wanted to lose you. I never wanted to ruin our marriage."

"Nina, you broke that marriage. Jeff broke me. It all broke the kids' hearts. I had to work my ass of to stay sane enough to fix myself. It took along time, and I struggled both physically and mentally. The kids helped. Your parents helped, without your mom I'd have jumped off a bridge somewhere. And we owe your dad for guiding the kids so well, until I woke up from my funk and became a dad again. But that marriage? That's gone. We can't pull that one back ffom its grave. Put it to bed for good. Divorce me."

Now the tears finally fell. I guess all those years of still legally carrying the status of being my wife kept a hope alive, even just a bit. Now telling her it is time to punt was finally too much.

"Divorce me. And let's start again. Go out with me the night the divorce is final. Let me take you to dinner at Angie's. We'll stay for dancing, then we'll go up to the lake and sit and talk. Maybe we'll even have our "second" first kiss. We might stay out too late, and have to explain being late to your mom..."

You weren't there the first time around, or you'd recognize the details of the first night we made love. We both agreed many times that after that date, we knew each other was "The One." You couldn't recognize it, but Nina did. She threw herself back in bed and those elegant arms pulled those perfect breasts warmly against my body, while those luscious lips sought mine and that scar rubbed up against my groin as we groped our way into a new session of making love.

Of course I had some conditions. Hell I planned to get something out of this. Fantasies were never to be hidden. They were to be discussed openly, shared without secret, and talked about carefully afterwards to determine if they were to become a continuing pursuit, or remain a one time event. I would allow her to cuckold me, and could find herself a big cocked guy to do so. She could hardly believe it. She kissed me hard, fast and long, and unloaded all her sexual dreams and kinks. There were several. I would be crossdressing under my suits, and occasionally in full regalia in public. She would be making me serve her naked, maybe with company present. I would be tied and fucked with a strap on, and might have to do things to another guy. She went on and on, but then realized, here was a flip side to this record.