Reaching Out Ch. 03

"I'm not afraid when I have you. You know that. You don't frighten me. You take my fears away, James. Giving me this; the ring and everything it means, it doesn't scare me. It makes me free. It makes me know that I have you, and if I have you, then I'm free. That isn't scary, that is wonderful." She said softly, reaching up to touch his cheek gently, her fingers light as a feather on his skin. James smiled at that, happy to hear it.

"Good. Then we'll go find me a ring together. We can go out tomorrow, if you like. I would love to have a match for yours." He said, rubbing her back slowly. Dana smiled, nodding.

"I'd like that." She said, climbing up to straddle him, leaning down to kiss him softly. The kiss lingered, growing from a small peck to a longer, more intimate kiss. His hands rested lightly on her waist, loving the feeling of having her on him and in his hands. She sat up a little and smiled at him, her hands on his chest.

"No judgment, right?" She asked, her smile fading a little.

"No judgment. Not now, not ever. I'll never judge you Dana. I love you, you're safe with me." James said. He was worried that she might be scared about something, judging by the way she had tensed up a little on him. Her hands had gone still, her legs holding tight to him on his waist, her breathing a little rough and sharp. Her neck was tight and her shoulders stiff.

"James, I, I don't," She whispered, her hands starting to shake a little on his chest. He could see that she was close to tears, but he couldn't figure out why. He pulled her back down and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. He felt the first tears on his neck as he rubbed her back.

"What is it Dana? Whatever is wrong, we can take care of it together, I promise." He whispered in her ear, running a hand through her hair. She was quiet for a moment, just crying silently while he held her and waited.

"James, I'm scared. We're all alone now. We're all alone and I'm scared and I don't understand. I thought that I wanted exactly this, but it scares me. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I'm supposed to do." She finally said, one hand slipping to the side of his neck, pulling him closer to her.

"You only have to do what you feel. That's all. We aren't alone, we're together, just like you said. I have you, and you have me. It may feel different than when we were at mom and dad's place, but you'll get used to it in time. All we have to do here is be ourselves, how we feel. That's all. I just want you to be you. That's all. All I want is you." He said, his voice quiet and soothing as he ran his hands along her back and through her hair. He thought that moments like this were bound to pop up here and there, that they would be unavoidable. He would just have to be there for her, to give her the reassurance she needed to get through them. It was something he fully intended to do for her, to make sure that she was okay with everything going on.

"Is it that easy? It can't be. There has to be more to it than that." She said in a rough whisper, her lips tickling his neck. She could feel how relaxed he was; his slow pulse and his slow hands doing a lot to calm her down. Her fear was deep and gripped her tightly, but it was having a hard time standing up to the influence James had on her. Especially now, the way they were. With him holding her, soothing her, his hands moving in a hypnotic and relaxing pace on her body, it was hard for the fear to remain the way it was.

"It is that easy. You'll see. Trust me. I'll be here with you the whole time. You can hold my hand, put your arms around me, kiss me, talk to me; anything you want to make you feel better whenever you want it or need it." He said, smiling a little. She turned to look at him, her gaze sharp and focused, her eyes searching his. She saw only truth and sincerity in his face, and love. Plenty of love. Dana gave him a little smile, feeling a bit better about everything.

"Okay. I'm going to want to hold onto you a lot. You know that, right?" She said, her finger s rubbing lightly on his neck as she spoke.

"I know, and I want you to. I want you to hold me whenever you can." James said, squeezing her tight. Dana giggled a little and kissed him, happy all over again. James thought about her previous lack of physical contact again, about how it must have been going so long without anyone touching her. He still couldn't imagine what it must have been like, not really. He knew that dad wasn't one much for hugs normally, and that mom tried to give Dana her space, tried to be nonintrusive. Dana was starved for physical contact, and had only started getting it regularly since they had begun their more intimate relationship. He would see that she had all the contact, all the touching, all the holding, all the hugging, all the kissing, all the everything she needed or wanted. He would make up for the deprivation as best he could.

Dana just held him, her face in the crook of his neck, kissing lightly there, her hand still rubbing lightly on the other side of his neck. James kept his hands moving on her, letting her know that he was there for her and always would be with just his hands.

Dana slid off of him and curled up next to him, pulling his arms around her. James held her, his chest against her back, his hands on her stomach. He buried his face in her hair, enveloping himself in the smell of her, his legs tangling up in hers, as he felt every inch of her and the way her body responded to his. She gave a soft, slow sigh as her hands ran down his forearms to rest on top of his hands. A happy, contented sigh that mirrored the relaxation he felt throughout her body. He felt like he did back when they had first spooned like this, showing her what it felt like to lay with someone. He looked forward to many, many nights spent sleeping like this.

"James?" She asked softly, smiling a little.

"Yeah?"

"We're free now." She said, squeezing his hands and pressing against him a little tighter.

"Yeah." He answered, smiling as well.

*****

++After some trouble with medications not playing nice together, there were some problems with seizures and some other, just as unpleasant side effects. It took quite a while to find a combination of medications that did what needed to be done without leaving me any more of a wreck than I already am. Now, I have a nearly completely revamped medicine cabinet and am still learning how all of it makes me operate throughout the day. I am also dealing with how it affects my concentration, my focus on writing, and how well I can sit and create make-believe worlds while trying to remember to take the damn things. Getting back into a story as involved as RO (you wouldn't believe the amount of pages of notes I have written about how Dana and James are built as characters) wasn't easy, and that didn't help. It took a lot of trial and error to find out how Dana and James acted again in writing them (if I even have, they still feel blocky and strange to me now, when I write them), but I wanted to see this one through to the end and get what I had in mind out and posted. I didn't want this to languish unfinished, and I didn't want to leave everyone that enjoyed the story to wonder what might have been. So, here it is, in the form it took due to time, circumstance, and need. The storyline is the original framework; the way it is built is the construct of circumstance. I will try to continue to write; I don't think I could stop that now if I tried, really. I don't know how much I will be writing, or if it will all be erotica, but I will continue to write. You have all made sure of that, due to the feedback I receive here, on Lit. Writing has been an off and on hobby of mine for a long time, but nothing I ever took seriously or showed to anyone before I started posting here. When I saw that people actually liked to read what I write, it made me realize that perhaps I am capable of writing something that means more than just an idle story to entertain myself, alone. True, I had only begun writing erotica since I started here, but it gave me a lot of confidence in writing in a lot of other areas since then. So it was all of you who made me find something that keeps me going. Whether you know it or not, you've made my life far more livable simply by reading. For that, I could never thank you enough. wD++