Rebecca Anne

It was eleven-thirty when Becky came in the door. She looked terrible. Her left eye was black, her nose was bandaged and she had a large Band-Aid on her forehead. I took one look at her and said:

"Damn! Stan's wife must have really been pissed."

Becky stopped dead in her tracks and said, "What do you mean by that?"

"When I called her this afternoon and told her where she could find you lovebirds I thought she would just barge in on you, call you a few names and then tell Stan not to bother coming home."

"Oh God" she choked, "You know" and she ran from the room. I gave her a minute and then I followed her into the bedroom. She was standing there looking at the two suitcases on the bed when I walked into the room, walked over to the bed and picked up them up.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving."

"Leaving? Why? Why are you leaving?"

"I'm not going to live with a cheating whore. I thought I made that clear when I told you how I would have handled John's wife if it were me. I'm not staying in this house or sleeping in this bed knowing that you probably brought your lover here and fucked him here."

The blood drained from her face and she cried out, "No. No Rob, I never did any of that. You have to believe me, I didn't do it."

"Too bad I don't believe you Becky."

I picked up the suitcases and headed for the door.

"Please Rob, don't leave me. Honest to God Rob, you have to believe me, I didn't do anything."

"Well Becky, let's just see if I agree with your definition of not doing anything. Last Thursday night I watched him walk into the Top Hat and kiss you before he even sat down. And then I watched him run his hands all over your body while you danced so close with him that you couldn't pass a piece of paper between the two of you. Next you walked to his car and necked with him for half an hour. That might be nothing to you, but it certainly was something to me. And how about Friday Becky? I followed you and Stan from the Top Hat and when you pulled into the Motel 6 our marriage was over."

"You followed me?"

"Yes Becky, I did. I saw a lawyer on Monday and the divorce papers should be ready in another day or two. Meanwhile, I'm getting out of here."

"Oh God Rob, you have to believe me. Honest to God Rob, outside of some hugging and kissing I haven't done anything."

"I only have your word on that Becky, and right now you are not a person I can trust, now can I? I'll call you in a day or so and let you know where to find me if an emergency with the kids or the house comes up."

"Please Rob, don't go" she cried as I headed out the door with the two suitcases.

+++++

I checked into a motel for two nights and then at work the next day I refused to take any of the eleven phone calls from Becky. Saturday I turned off my cell phone and went to the ball game. When it was over I went and got a bite to eat and headed back to the motel. When I got there I turned my cell phone back on and it immediately beeped. It was Becky and I asked her what she wanted.

"Please come home and at least talk to me."

"Tell me why I should after what I personally saw."

"Please Rob, come home and let me explain."

"If I come home and let you talk there better not be any lies or bullshit. You need to be aware that I know a hell of a lot more than you think I know so if I catch you in one lie, no matter how small, I'm out of there. Understood?"

"I understand. Please Rob, just come home."

It was bullshit of course. I didn't know more than she thought. I'd pretty much spelled out what I knew Thursday night, but Becky didn't know that. She also didn't know that the whole moving out bit was phony. All it was was a way to give her a couple of days to stew over her behavior and to give her a taste of what she could expect from me if she ever did cheat on me. I had pretty much made up my mind that she hadn't given in to Stan, but I wasn't absolutely sure which was the reason behind that "I know more than you think I do" statement. If she thought I knew more than I did she would be more likely to tell the truth and nothing but.

+++++

I walked into the house at 2 PM on Sunday and followed a nervous Becky into the kitchen. She had coffee made and I poured myself a cup and sat down at the kitchen table and waited. Becky got a glass of water and sat down across from me. She stared down at the floor for a minute and then finally she took a deep breath and said:

"First, I have to say I'm sorry for what I've put you through, the thoughts I've given you, but I have to ask, why did you follow me?"

"You were showing all the classic signs of a woman who was cheating. Dressing better for work and all of a sudden, after years of never working late you started working late one or two nights a week. Your night stopping with your co-workers went from always being home by eight to your coming home later and later. It was all there, but I wasn't paying attention until you all of a sudden asked me about affairs. I asked myself why you would do something like that and that made me curious and that's when I started noticing things and lo and behold I found out that you were cheating on me. But we aren't here to talk about what I did Becky; we are here to talk about what I found out when I did what I did. Now get to it or I'm leaving."

"Rob, I've been silly, I've been stupid, but I have never cheated on you. Did I consider it? Yes I did, but I never did it. You have been the only man in my life and I've always wondered what another man - a different man - would be like. But all I did was wonder Rob. I never did anything. The thing with Stan was just some flirting that I was stupid enough to let get out of hand.

"I don't know if things like this happen to men, but I reached a point in my life when I began to feel unattractive. I'd stop with the people from work and there would be a steady stream of guys coming over to the table and asking the other girls to dance, but I rarely got asked. Of course there were good reasons why I wasn't asked. The other girls were all fifteen years younger than I was and most of them were what men call "hard bodies." They were all single and I was married and my rings were on prominent display. I knew what the steady stream of guys were after - all of us girls did - and so the guys all went for the young and single instead of the old and married, but that didn't stop me from feeling like the ugly duckling in a group of swans.

"It was while I was in that unattractive mood that I met Stan. He came in one night with some friends. I was sitting at the table alone watching all the other girls out on the dance floor and he came over to the table and said:

"I couldn't help but notice that the best looking woman here is the only one not out on the dance floor."

"It was a pickup line and I knew it, but he wasn't going to get anywhere and I knew that too. But it came at just the right time; it made me feel good and so I got up and danced with him. He danced with me several more times that night and we chatted as we danced and he asked the age old question, "Do you come here often" and I told him that I was there every Thursday. The last time we danced I told him that it was time for me to leave and he said that maybe he would see me again sometime.

"The following Thursday he was there again and he asked me to dance several times and after one of those dances I went back to the table and one of the girls jokingly said:

"It looks like the Ice Queen has an admirer."

"I never knew that the people I worked with thought of me that way - that I was some sort of unapproachable Ice Queen. It stung me. It shouldn't have, but it did so I got it in my mind that I had to prove them wrong so when Stan started paying more and more attention to me I didn't shut him down. I let the people I worked with see that I wasn't unapproachable. Then one night Stan walked me to my car and I let him kiss me goodnight. The next Thursday it happened again and one of the girls saw it and suddenly the office was abuzz with talk about me and my 'boyfriend.'

"I liked the way people started looking at me. It was almost like I had suddenly earned their respect and I fed on it. The next Thursday I let Stan kiss me a couple of times while we were dancing and next it was necking in the car in the parking lot after leaving the bar. I didn't feel unattractive anymore and my co-workers were looking at me like I was hot stuff. The guys I worked with were suddenly more relaxed when they were around me. It was like I was suddenly more human to them, someone they could be comfortable around.

"Stan started pressing to take things farther, but that isn't what I was looking for, but at the same time I was afraid that if I flat out refused he would drop me and things would go back to the way they were before he asked me to dance that first time. I didn't want that so I strung him along. I let him think he would eventually get what he wanted.

But that said, in the back of my mind there was the same thing that had always been there - "I wonder what another man would be like." I wondered what Stan would be like. I found myself wondering if I had enough nerve to have an affair. I thought about it and thought about it and then I had the bright idea of asking you if you had ever had an affair. I knew you loved me and I was pretty sure that you knew that I loved you and I felt you would be honest with me. I felt that you would know that if you admitted to an affair somewhere in your past that I wouldn't storm out of the house. I was thinking that maybe on one of your business trips you might have had too much to drink and ended up taking a woman to your room. If you would admit it I could say to myself, "Hey, Rob did it and it hasn't hurt us so I should be able to do it to." You said that you had never had an affair so I was back to wondering, but at the same time I really wanted to try another man. Nothing new there, I had felt that way since before we got married and I had never acted on it.

"Stan kept working on me and one day I decided to do it. I met Stan at the Top Hat and we drove to the Motel 6, but when we got there I just couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself get out of the car. I wanted to go into that room Rob, I really, really did want to go in there, but I couldn't. I would have been very, very careful and you would never have known, but when push came to shove I couldn't bring myself to cheat on you. I knew that if I did it I would never be able to look you in the eye ever again and I couldn't have that. I love you and I just couldn't do that to you.

"When Stan drove me back to the Top Hat I thought that was the end of our relationship and that I was going to have to go back to being the Ice Queen, but I was wrong. The fact that Stan got me to go to the motel just convinced him that with a little more effort he could get me to go all the way. I was surprised when he called me Wednesday and asked me to meet him. I didn't want to go back to being the Ice Queen so I met him and then Thursday he was at the Top Hat when we stopped after work. I swear to you Rob, I have never cheated on you, not ever. I've necked with Stan, I let him finger me a couple of times and I've rubbed his cock through his pants, but I've never cheated, never gone all the way, and I swear to God Rob that is the truth."

She sat there looking at me expectantly and I just looked at her for several moments before saying:

"I'm not happy about this Becky. I'm not happy that you met this guy after work, I'm not happy that you have been lying to me about having to work late, I'm not happy that you have been necking with him and I'm not happy with what you were doing on your Thursday nights.

"You might not consider letting yourself get felt up by another man cheating, but I can't say that I feel the same way. You might not consider necking with another man cheating, but again, I can't say I feel the same. Even if I do accept your claim that you never went into that motel room with Stan I'm not at all happy that you did go to that motel with him in the first place."

I finished my coffee, got up and rinsed out the cup and put it in the dishwasher and Becky said:

"What are you going to do?"

"You have given me a lot to think about Becky. I'm going to go and sleep on it. I'll call you in a couple of days" and then I left.

I waited two days and then I called Becky and told her that I would be moving back home and then I said:

"But at least for a while I'll be sleeping in the guest bedroom. I'm still not happy about some things and I still have a lot more thinking to do."

That lasted four days and on the fifth day I woke up to find Becky in bed with me. "You want to sleep in here fine," she said, "But wherever you are is where I'm supposed to be. You want to sleep on the couch then that is where I'll also."

+++++

Will Becky ever do more than just wonder about what another man, a different man might be like? I don't know. What I do know is that Becky now has a very clear understanding of my position on that subject and she knows just how I will react if she ever strays and I find out about it.

Footnote for the curious:

Stan's wife broke one of his ribs and cracked two others the night she grabbed Becky by the hair. She didn't divorce him, but I hear that she keeps him on a very short leash. Stan has not been seen at the Top Hat since that night.

Becky still stops on Thursdays and she is always home by eight. She hasn't mentioned whether or not she is back to being considered the Ice Queen.