Santa Claus: Sex Addict

He opened the door, his face contorting in rage, confusion, and shame. He walked stiffly out into the falling snowflakes. I followed slowly and calmly. I leaned on the railing as I watched him stumble down the icy stairs and storm across the parking lot below me. He slipped on a patch of ice and fell on his back with a bang. Then he just lay there, hands on his face, sobbing like a baby. I calmly walked down the stairs and carefully across the slick parking lot. I squatted next to him.

"Come back inside." I pulled his hand from his sobbing face, helped him to his feet and led him slowly back to the room. This time I sat next to him on the bed, my arm around his back.

He sobbed for a while then began to blubber, "You threw the tree out the window!"

"So, it wasn't the cookies after all!" I said in surprise.

"No. I love your cookies. But I have this thing about Christmas trees. It really pissed me off, you know? I have issues, I guess. I was intending to give you a cooking set..."

"Cooking set," I said the same time he did, "Yeah, that's right. I asked for a cooking set with red enamel and little dancing elves on the side..."

He sniffed, "Yes, just so. I felt so bad about the coal, I kept the cooking set all year, just so I could give it to you the following Christmas."

I smiled. "Really? You gave me a present?"

"What...? Didn't you get it?"

"I was burglarized, Kris. They took everything."

"Oh no..." he said with a horrified expression on his face, "I'm so sorry... I didn't know... Oh, you should have seen it! It was beautiful! The elves spent twenty whole minutes making it for you."

I gave him a squeeze, "That's okay. I guess I deserved to have it stolen. I was extra naughty that year. And I'm sorry about the tree. More than you even know. All my ornaments were on that tree. Some of them belonged to my grandma. She brought them all the way from Iceland."

"Anna? I remember her. She was very nice."

"I'm sorry about everything Kris. I shouldn't have listened to my sister."

"Stephanie, eh? She was always the naughty one in your house. But I gave her presents anyway because the rest of you were so good. What did Stephanie do?"

"She said my parents were sneaking into my apartment leaving presents for me from you."

He laughed, "And you believed that?"

"I'm sorry, Santa." He put his arm over my shoulder and hugged me into his side.

"I'm sorry too, Virginia."

I threw my arms around Kris Kringle and hopped on his lap. I hugged him so hard, if he'd been anyone other that Father Christmas, I'd have crushed his bones. But Kris hugged me back with his strong, ancient arms. I looked into his weeping blue eyes and tenderly kissed his eyelids, feeling his magical tears wet on my lips. Then I kissed his face, slowly, peck-by-peck, down his nose and rosy cheeks until our lips met. His silky beard softy tickled my face. We kissed slowly, almost shyly at first but the passion between us was building fast. I felt an erection growing in his pants. A very BIG one, in fact!

I hopped off his lap and said, "We can't do this Kris. Not now. Not yet."

"Virginia," he said, his deep voice thick with lust, "I want to make love to you so bad."

"I know, I know," I said, giving him a kiss on his rosy cheek. "But not until we save Christmas."

That night Kris Kringle laid down on the other bed and told me everything. If you thought my story was crazy. Wait till you hear his!

PART 4

SANTA'S SLOW DESCENT INTO DEPRAVITY

My world has always been one of wonder and joy, music, snow, the laughter of children and good will to men. But all good things must come to an end, they say.

My slow descent into depravity all began with the sex toys.

They weren't my idea. They were Mary's. That's Mrs. Claus to you. I met my wife so long ago, I could hardly remember what made me fall in love with her in the first place, although it was probably her beauty. We were happy in those golden days of yore, but for the last fifty years or so, we'd been sort of going through the motions. We barely had anything to say to each other anymore. People change, I guess, even immortals.

We weren't intimate anymore. Hell, we hadn't had sex since 1985. And that was only because we'd just gone to see 'Santa Claus, the Movie', and she was happy about how good she came off in the film. After drinking a bit too much hot toddy that evening, she started getting frisky. Well, that was fine with me. I'd always thought she was a beautiful woman. She doesn't look like they always depict her, you know. She hasn't aged a day since the moment I fell in love with her on that Bavarian mountainside in 1702. She still looked twenty-two, with red hair and a shapely figure, long legs, beautiful ass and large breasts. Absolutely 'smokin' hot', as they say these days. She was a tall girl, almost six foot three. In heels, she towered over me. A true Bavarian beauty! So when she started getting feisty after the movie, I looked forward to a good old-fashioned roll in the snow, but it was just as disappointing as ever. She quickly lost interest, and I couldn't maintain an erection. It was a dud all around. To tell you the truth, Mary had always been a bit of a cold fish. For the first hundred years or so she'd indulged my passions, but she'd never seemed all that interested in sex. Or at least not that interested in having sex with me. Why else would we have been childless after two centuries together, the only two humans at the North Pole? We stopped having sex entirely after that sad encounter.

So when, just over a year ago, Mary came to me with the sex toy idea, well... I was just flat out flabbergasted.

She called me into her plush office on the third floor. She was sitting at her computer, her red hair pulled up into the enormous bun she liked to wear. I so much preferred when she let her hair down, but it had been in a bun since the mid seventies. She was looking particularly fetching that day in a tight red dress with white fur lining. It was low cut. She hadn't dressed that way for ages. My eyes twinkled at the almost forgotten sight of her cleavage. But I knew she'd dressed up for a reason. The last time she did this she'd talked me into building her this office, which was three times larger than my own. She was a very persuasive woman!

"Kris, we need to expand. We're reaching the kids, yes, but as soon as some idiot tells them you don't exist, well, they stop writing."

"I know, Mary, but the world population is growing every year. I'm not sure it's a good idea to expand. I'm not sure it's even possible to find more believers."

"Kris, just hear me out." She pushed a button on her computer, and a group of female elves scampered out of a tiny little door. They began to turn a series of cranks, lowering an enormous projection screen over the crystal windows that lined one wall of her office. Then a PowerPoint presentation came on. The first slide was a complicated flowchart. Mary flashed me her best smile and said, "As you can see from this chart here, the age of disbelief is getting younger and younger, outpacing the increasing population. Manufacturing facility four and five have gone unused for almost ten years! You don't want to even know how many elves have been living off the dole, waiting for work to pick up. It's not a good situation."

This wasn't news to me. "Well, what do you have in mind? We've tried everything to keep kids believing. Cartoon shows, video games, promotional toys at fast food joints... but it's just not working."

She flipped to another slide, "Not exactly true, Kris. This slide shows that there is a significant population of adult women who still believe in you. Almost twenty million, based on this list of believers."

"Yes I know. Women tend to have a greater capacity for magical thinking. But the majority of them don't write letters after they grow up. We only deliver presents to people who ask."

"Kris!" she snapped, as if I was the biggest idiot in the world. Was I missing something? Mary always had a great mind for business, but I had a hard time following her sometimes.

She calmed herself and said with exaggerated calmness, "Okay Kris, we've talked about this before. I've always said that's a stupid policy. Okay, it makes sense for minors. Parents wouldn't like us just sending stuff to kids who don't believe in you anymore. They have enough broken toys lying around the house as it is. But we're talking about adult women here. If we send them something they want, instead of something they asked for, well, who'd be upset? Who'd be hurt? Who'd complain?"

She could get so impatient with me sometimes. "Okay, Mary, okay! I get the point. But if they don't ask for something, how do we know what to give them? They'd probably want clothes, but what sizes are these women? Who's going to take their measurements? I know who's naughty and who's nice, and all of their names, but not their bust sizes!"

Mary gave me an icy look. "No, no, you don't understand what I'm getting at. We don't need to send them highly individualized gifts. We just need to come up with something that every woman wants. What every woman needs... something with that essential Christmas quality. What is it that we make here?"

"Toys?"

"Toys! Precisely. We don't make clothes! That's what parents give. Not Santa Claus! You give toys."

"You want to give toys to grown up women?"

She smiled and stood. Her dress was not only low cut, it was short too! Wow, she had some gorgeous gams. She was wearing high heels. I hadn't seen her in anything but sneakers since the sixties. Boy, they made her legs look great! And I don't think I'd seen such a gleeful expression on her face since 'Santa Claus -- the Movie'. She clapped her hands and the female elves turned the cranks again, raising the projection screen out of sight. Mary walked over to a large table I hadn't noticed before. I couldn't take my eyes off her ass. She'd been dressing so dowdy for so many years, I barely recognized her backside. She directed my attention to a table which was covered with a large draped piece of red silk. I could make out the lumps of maybe twenty or thirty objects under the material. She took a corner of the silk in her hand and looked at me.

"Kris, I want you to try to keep an open mind here."

"Uh... Okay."

She whipped away the silk cloth, revealing a bunch of bizarre objects. I didn't know what I was looking at. But suddenly it dawned on me that a few of these items looked suspiciously like male genitalia! On closer inspection, some of them looked like female genitalia too. One of them was nothing but a big pair of disembodied breasts, painted with amazing realism. I also saw a large box next to the table that was unopened, but had pictures showing what was inside... a freakishly realistic female sex doll.

"Mary," I said. "You... uh... want me to deliver... these things as Christmas presents?"

"Not these things, Kris! I bought these out of a catalogue for research purposes."

"Research?"

"Well... I don't know which of these items are actually... you know... most effective. I've never actually used a sex toy. So we'll need to test them a bit and use the findings to design our own. We really only need one or two designs, manufactured here with the superior quality only we can achieve. But by restricting it to one or two models, you won't need to kill yourself remembering which present to give to which woman. You just need to make sure that you separate the children's toys from the women's toys. Besides, we only have a few months until Christmas so we need to assembly line these things to get them out in time. But maybe next year, if things go well, we could expand the line."

By that time, my mind was officially blown. A hundred thoughts were whirling through my noggin. It was an insane idea, but it made a perverse kind of sense. And Mary's ass looked so luscious in that short red dress... her breasts were almost falling out of the top. I kept thinking, 'research?' I wondered if she meant... that she and I would do this research together? Gulp. That was really an exciting idea to me. Not just having sex with Mary, but having sex with this new, sexy, energized Mary. It could be just the thing to reinvigorate our sex life.

That's the moment I drank the Kool-Aid.

"So... Okay... Research... yes, that sounds like a good plan... uh, how, uh, do you suggest this research thing would be, uh, accomplished?"

She smiled at me, relief transforming her often-severe features. She threw her arms around me and kissed me on the lips... for a second. "Oh Kris, I knew you'd get it! Don't worry, I have it all planned out. What are elves for, after all, but for working out this sort of thing?"

Elves? Shoot. "But, Mary... the elves aren't human. If they tested these toys... well the results would be unreliable."

She thought about that for a while. But the way the thought about it, so cutely, holding her elbow in her hand and tapping the tip of her nose with her finger, told me she had the answer to my question already in mind, but wanted to pretend she was thinking it up on the spot.

"Good question, Kris. Good question. You're not Santa Claus for nothing. I suppose... I suppose that since I'm the only woman on the North Pole, I'll have to test these toys myself."

I smiled, "That's a good idea, Mary. I'll be happy to help..."

"Oh, you're too busy for that kind of thing. My elves can help me."

"But..." It was a crushing disappointment.

She saw the look on my face and realizing that I might call off the whole thing said, "But of course, you'll need to look in from time to time. You know, observe. These toys will be used mostly by women for their own pleasure, so I need to see how well they work without a man in the room... other than, perhaps watching through a window or something. Yes, that would be good. We'll set up an observation room for you. But you shouldn't interrupt the tests. That wouldn't be... scientific."

It wasn't what I had in mind... and I could always call it off later... but the thought of watching her test these toys... well it was still pretty exciting. And she looked so happy, all I could do was give her a thumbs up sign.

Later that week her tests began.

But first, let me tell you a little about elves.

Elves are magical, immortal creatures, who have their own language, culture, and customs, most of which are a mystery to me. The elves of the North Pole were bound to me in ancient times by... well, maybe I don't need to go that far back. Suffice it to say that they are literally Santa's elves. They pretty much do my bidding, selflessly and eagerly. I have always had a joyful, loving heart, therefore so do they. You could say that they're linked somehow to my psyche, though not all of them. I've noticed over the centuries that a small percentage of female elves are more loyal to Mary than me. Perhaps the ancient forces that bound the elves to me, made a provision for my future wife. But for whatever reason, Mary had complete command of a group of thirty female elves. The other ten thousand and two were mine.

Still she put those thirty female elves to good use during her tests. When she first told me her plan I was worried how the elves might react, but I needn't have worried. Elves don't think like humans.

Elves are about four feet tall, more or less, but aren't stocky like human little people. No, they are proportionally similar to humans, just smaller, but with disproportionately larger heads, hands and feet. Their fingers, in particular, are quite long and nimble, which makes them so good at toy making. They're ancient creatures, but if you saw one, you'd probably think they were in their twenties or thirties. In spite of their size, they don't look anything like children. Even those with youthful faces have something in their eyes that makes them feel ancient. They have long pointy ears, as you might already know, and slanty elfin eyes. Their bodies come in a variety of shapes, but all of them, no matter how fat or muscular, are really quite delicate and beautiful to behold. They have blue skin, of various shades and hues, ranging from snow white, to indigo blue. Some of them are almost green, but those ones are rare. Their skin sparkles, as if there are tiny flecks of glitter all over their bodies, but this glittery stuff is actually luminescent and appears to move about under the surface of their skin. They glow faintly in the dark, the glitter rippling with pale colors. It's kind of eerie to behold so I usually keep the factory brightly illuminated.

Elves have long white hair, which they enjoy braiding up in various ways, based on ancient Celtic knot patterns, or maybe Celtic knots are based on elfin hair... I'm not sure which came first. It's really the only art I never taught them. Everything else: the factory, the toys, their clothing, those were all my designs. Left to their own devices, elves would go nude and live in holes in the ice, but they were happy to dress as I wanted them to and live in the village I designed for them. Back when I set those rules, I was a bit of a stick in the mud myself. I didn't like them walking around naked, probably because they were temptingly beautiful. Both male and female elves are quite... sexy, I guess, in a weird alien way. Particularly the females. So, from the very beginning, I made them were silly red and green lederhosen with the big pointy shoes and jingling bells. I did this, essentially, to desexualize them and it worked. I'd pretty much stopped thinking about them as sexual beings long, long ago. Actually, I didn't know, or care to know, anything about the sex lives of elves. All I knew was that they didn't have babies very often. Maybe only one or two a year, more if the demand for toys was increasing. But after toy demand slowed down twenty years ago, the elves stopped reproducing entirely. Now the entire elf population were adults. That wasn't a problem. Accidents aside, they were immortal.

It's difficult to befriend an elf. They are so eager to please, there's no back and forth with them. I thought my status as their eternal boss was an insurmountable social barrier between us. We understood each other's languages, but I really wasn't part of their personal world after closing time. I'd hear them whooping it up in their little village, having parties that I was never invited to and feeling generally left out. I guess that's why I befriended the reindeer. They're more open to conversation, though they enjoy talking about hay way too much, and I really don't like playing their reindeer games. They can get pretty competitive and mean. Well, you probably heard how they hazed Rudolph that time.

And since Mary and I had drifted apart, I'd sort of gotten used to living a lonely life of isolation in which every year was the same as every other.

Mary's sex toy experiment was a welcome change of pace. I could feel the energy spreading through the factory as word got out of what was going on. Mary set up a special test room on the fourth floor, where we used to make cowboy toys, before they went out of fashion. I tried to visit several times that first week, but Mary's elves told me the tests were only beginning and Mary was too shy to share the results just yet. But after my third attempt, I pulled rank and pretty much barged in. The elves apparently were prepared for that contingency, so they led me to a special viewing room that had been set up just for me, where I could watch the proceedings through a sound proof two way mirror without Mary seeing me, hearing me, or even being aware of my presence. The room had a great big plush couch for me to sit in, and Mary's elves asked if I wanted any refreshments.

I didn't even hear the question. My eyes were riveted by what I saw going on in the test room. Mary was naked, on her back, in a big fluffy bed, working a vibrating rubber cock in and out of her vagina. She was enjoying herself immensely. Three female elves, dressed in white robes, were sitting around her. One was taking notes in a little book. The other two were just watching, their heads cocked to the side with fascinated expressions on their faces.