Second Rate Love

I got used to him going out on a Saturday evening. I would screw his arse off every Friday night, nothing was off the table, anything he wanted. When he came home, he would just look at me and say. "Not tonight."

This went on for about 5 weeks and I still wasn't getting used to it, it hurt every time, especially when he didn't get home until the following morning a few times. Had Sarah fallen in love with him and was she going to try to take him away from me?

Then I got a panicked phone call from Angela on Monday morning. We met in the coffee shop. Angela asked me what time Simon got in on Saturday because he didn't go out with Sarah, she was poorly. Angela got the message from her mother. She hadn't been able to contact Sarah yet. But if Simon went out, it wasn't with Sarah.

I think Angela was more worried than I was. We decided to wait and see.

We met up as usual on Thursday. Sarah told us she came down with a raging cold last week and when Simon turned up to take her out her sister Nikki was there. Simon took Nikki out. Nikki didn't know the full story.

Angela looked at me and said. "Shit, we could have a problem."

She went on to explain that Nikki was one of the nicest people in the world. She was divorced with two children. Her husband had cheated on her and she divorced him. She was the prettiest, most adventurous, most exciting woman in the whole family. This was a problem. It was out of our hands now. All I could do was to show Simon how much I loved him.

After that it settled down Simon and Sarah went out every Saturday night as usual. There was no more mention of Nikki. I started to relax, just a little. Simon did make more of a regular Friday night out with the boys but that was okay.

Simon's company often had a Halloween party. That time of the year was slack in the building trade. It was a fancy dress if you wanted to, most people didn't bother.

We walked in together looking like the perfect couple, as soon as we got in Simon disengaged himself from my arm and headed towards the bar. He came back with a couple of drinks for us. We met and had a chat with the management team including Angela and Joe. When we met Angela and Joe, Angela gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered that Sarah was here. This could be interesting. We circulated a bit, Sarah gave me a little wave, the cheeky monkey.

Simon and I were standing in a corner, all quite mellow, it was nearly time to go home. Angela and Joe came towards us smiling, behind them was a tall good looking brunette with wavy hair, she looked very pretty. A chill ran down my spine.

When they got to us Angela turned to introduce the brunette to us.

But Simon stepped forward, "Nice to see you again Nikki. This is Polly, my wife that I'm currently living with."

I almost missed what he actually said.

Nikki put her hand out towards me, I shook it not realising what was really happening.

Nikki looked at Simon and said. "Are you ready?"

"Yes I am." Simon kissed me on the cheek and said. "I'll see you in the morning." He whispered to me. "Now you will know the pain." He walked away with his arm around Nikki's waist. I would have collapsed on the floor if Joe hadn't held me up.

Sarah came rushing across looking concerned. "What's happened, Nikki doesn't know the plan."

Joe turned to Angela and said. "What the flipping heck have you been dabbling with this time?"

Angela looked at me and said. "That's bad, very bad."

Joe and Angela helped me to the taxi, they offered to let me stay at their place. But I needed to be home when Simon got there. They came with me and made sure I got in all right. Although the heating was on the house felt empty and cold.

Simon didn't get in till past one in the afternoon, he went straight upstairs, but as he passed me, he said. "Trust me, still not yet." He was an honourable man and if he said he hadn't had sex with anybody I believed him. Now I got the full pain, now I realised there was a real risk he could leave me for Nikki. Now I know exactly how he felt sitting outside Jason's house.

The house was strange for the following week, Simon was very withdrawn, I made love to him as often as I could, I did everything I knew he liked.

When he went to work on Friday, he had a small bag with him. He said to me, "Sorry, I'll see you Sunday."

I was a mess, I did nothing around the house, I'm not sure I even ate properly.

Simon got in just before two on Sunday, as he went upstairs he looked at me and said. "Sorry to do this to you. Three."

I didn't think I had any tears left. But there were only two weeks to go before the end of the month. I could hold on. We didn't make love that night, but he held me. I don't think either of us slept well. And I am certain that through my waking moments I felt him crying. I got a phone call from Angela on Wednesday telling me to beware.

Simon got in his usual time. He saw me and said, "We need to talk." There was no sweetheart, darling or honey. Just a straight 'we need to talk'.

He looked at me and there was pain in his eyes. "I loved you with all my heart, a bright shining love, I have loved you since the second time we went out. But you've dulled that love. I trusted you implicitly, but you dented that trust. I love you, and I suspect I always will. But I've grown to love Nikki. I have to choose between you and her. You cheated on me, you betrayed my love. She knows the pain of being cheated on and being betrayed, just like I do. It comes down to trust. I love you both, but I trust her more than I do you. I'm sorry my love.

"I can't go on like this any longer. I've seen a solicitor. I will let you buy out my half of the house, I think you can afford it, if you can't we'll come to some arrangement."

With that he took the envelope out of his pocket. Laid it on the table, took his wedding ring off and placed it on the envelope. He turned and walked out the front door.

I collapsed on the floor crying. I don't know how long I lay there. Then I felt a set of hands lifting me up.

Had he come back? I looked up into the face of Angela. "Simon gave me a call, he said you might need help."

I didn't fight the divorce. He was very reasonable with his help. I ended up with the house.

We saw Carrie at Jason's trial where we were witnesses. Carrie looked at me and said. "Did he pull the static electricity trick on you?"

I must have looked confused, she carried on. "He gets a bit of nylon, rubs his hands on it and he reaches out to touch you and gives you a small electric shock, and he uses that as an excuse. 'There's a spark between us, we must get together, we can't defy the laws of nature' that sort of shit."

I was amazed that was exactly what he did. There's no way to fight against it, he told me, it was nature's way for us to get together. I was so gullible.

Carrie looked at Simon and said to him, "That's one of his favourite tricks, it worked on me and at least one other that I know of. But when he did it with me, we ended up getting pregnant and he married me. I know of at least one other because I caught him. I think he's been more careful since then.

"I'm not making excuses for her. She should have said 'no' but it's like a drug, I should know. Please go easy on her."

Jason got 25 years. His lawyers tried to plead insanity, but the psychiatric report said he was completely sane. The fact that he had seduced another man's wife and then tried to kill her husband may not have gone down well. Taking the sledgehammer with him defined premeditation. Nine months after divorce was final, I got an email telling me that Simon was marrying Nikki. It wasn't an invite, he just said he didn't want me to find out by the grapevine. I replied wishing them well and asked where and when it was. He told me.

That was how I ended up standing down the road watching the happy couple after the wedding. Now he was married to Nikki there was no way I would get him back. That was closure. I could move on.

Tears were pouring down my cheeks, a tall man in a dark coat came up to me. "Are you okay"

I looked at him, he didn't look happy either. I looked up the road. "No. Not really."

"Do you know them?" He asked, nodding at the registrar office.

"He's my Ex, I screwed up."

He took a step back. "Shit, she's my ex, I screwed up, as you put it so well."

"Did you nearly get yours killed?" I asked.

"No, but I hurt the one I love the most in the world by my stupidity, I lost my wife, family and house."

Then a whirling dervish came hurtling down the road shouting. "Daddy, daddy, daddy."

I heard 'daddy' mutter, "Shit, I didn't want to be seen."

Simon and Nikki disentangled themselves from the group and walked down towards us. Like 'daddy' I didn't want to be seen either, now we were both blown. I wanted to run away as fast as I could. but I didn't.

Nikki said. "I see you've met my ex, Brad then?"

"No, I was just standing here watching you when he was kind enough to ask if I was okay."

Simon asked. "Are you?"

"Yes, I just wanted to share in your joy." I lied.

Nikki spoke next. "Look, why don't you two come to the reception. There is plenty of food and people you know." She put her hand out and touched mine. "All is forgiven, they won't judge. And now the children have seen Brad. He has to come anyway. You can keep him company."

I had a feeling that whilst I might have been accepted, Brad wasn't. The only reason he was tolerated was because he was the children's father. We accepted. We went and when Brad wasn't playing with his children, I told him what I'd done. And he filled me in on what he'd done.

"I was weak and stupid. She came onto me and I gave in. But, thinking I had got away with it, I went back. I pushed for it this time, I wasn't so smart and got caught. She might have forgiven me for being weak, but not for going back a second time."

We spent a pleasant afternoon together. We exchanged phone numbers. The next week he gave me a call to see if we could go out together, I accepted. Misery loves company.

We got very comfortable together and after about six weeks we got intimate and after about five months we moved in together. Brad and I were sitting watching a recorded rerun of 'Yes Minister'. It wasn't a very good episode. Brad didn't reach for the remote control to fast forward the adverts like he normally did.

But he said, "I will never cheat on you. I've learned from my mistake."

As I reached for the remote control I said. "Nor will I you. I have as well." We had come to an understanding. The second half of 'Yes Minister' was better.

We were invited as a couple to Brad's eldest 13^th birthday party. We were sitting in the back garden watching people. The bliss between Simon and Nikki was obvious.

Brad said quietly, looking at them. "That should have been us, but we cocked up." I knew what he was thinking because I was thinking the same thing. I reached my hand across the table and touched his and then I did something that I rarely did. I used a term of endearment. "Sweetheart, we will be okay."

Was it love we shared, maybe, probably, but it was a second rate love to what we could have had.

​​​I have considered telling the tale from Simon's point of view, but it would repeat a lot of this story. What's the opinion?.