Seeking and Finding

When his meal was finished he tried to pay and leave a nice tip but the head manager would not hear of it. He said the meal was on the house and the manager himself provided the tip out of his own pocket. He said he was just so glad to have John as a guest.

As John walked home he heard someone running up behind him. It was his sister.

Stop. He was going to have to stop that. She wasn't his sister. She was just ... the owner's daughter. That's all she was. She was just a woman like any other woman.

"Hey. Um, I was wondering if I could have your phone number."

"Get it from the office."

"I know I could do that but it seems unprofessional. Is it ok if I ask you for it?"

John stopped walking and took out his phone. He showed her his number and she copied it.

"Great, so I'll give you a call."

"And why would you want to do that?"

"Well, you like movies don't you?"

"I haven't seen many."

"Then it's time to fix that. I get off at 11."

"I know."

"Right. Because ... Anyway. We might be able to catch a midnight show."

"I wouldn't know."

"I'll call, if you're not busy or anything."

"I'm free all night."

"Great. Don't fall asleep on me. Promise."

"Ok." John thought this sounded childish. "I promise."

She went back to work and John just headed home. He wondered if she really would call him. If she did would he really go to the movies with her? Why not?

It was about 11:15 when she called him. She wanted to know if he was ready but then even though he was she didn't feel like going to the movies until after she'd had a shower. By the time she went home to John's parents' house ...

Stop, he told himself. They weren't his parents. They had nothing to do with him. They were just some people. They were random people, not his parents.

So by the time she went home and had a shower at HER parents' house, it was too lake to see anything at the movie theater. That should have been it but for seemingly no reason she asked if she could come by his place with some DVDs. John told her he didn't have a DVD player. She offered to bring her own but John told her he actually didn't have a tv either.

She wanted to come by anyway and she drove over to his building with her laptop which had a DVD player built into it. She invited herself up and when John opened his door he discovered she'd also brought wine with her.

"You live like a Spartan." she said.

"I never have time to go shopping."

"Where can we sit?"

"The only place I have is my bed but I'm guessing you don't want to do that."

"Um ... No, that's fine. Have to make due, right?"

"Sure."

She set the laptop up on the little coffee table that was John's only table and they sat next to each other on the bed watching the film that started.

"I've been meaning to ask you," she began. "Why don't you like me?"

"I don't dislike you."

"Really? I sort of got the feeling you did."

"I don't know why."

"I don't know. It's like, everyone is so worried to say or do anything around me but I know it isn't me. It's because of my father. But you don't act like that."

"Well, what has your father got to do with me?"

"Good point."

"Now can I ask you a question?"

"Ok."

"Why did you want to see me tonight?"

"I don't know. There's something about you. I can't put my finger on it. But ... well um ... there's something about your hair. Does that make any sense? I mean, I know we're not supposed to go off looks but there something about your eyes and your hair that is just so interesting."

"So I'm just a pretty face?"

"Don't take it like that. That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I mean, I feel I can trust you. I don't know why but when I look at you I feel like I could tell you anything and you wouldn't judge me. Isn't that weird?"

"A little bit. You basically just met me."

"I know and it sounds stupid but don't you feel that?"

John thought for a moment. Yeah, he actually sort of did. When he thought of her as the idea of her, he felt himself being angry but when he actually looked at her real person in the face he felt nothing but positive feelings for her. That was strange.

She looked at him in the eyes and he returned her gaze. She ran her fingers through his hair and they brought their faces closer together. His face confused her. She couldn't tell if he was confident, or angry, or sad. She noticed the scar above his lip on the right side. A proper mustache would hide it but John was clean shaven. She didn't know why but she felt like she wanted to care for him.

John knew what she was going to do and he let her do it. She put her arms around him and she came close to him. They were both ignoring the film and she nestled her face into his chest.

"This feels good." she said.

John didn't say anything but in his mind he had to agree. This felt very good. It seemed to satisfy something in him that he hadn't even known was hungry before. It was like an exposed nerve was finally being soothed. There was a warmth between them. He felt his entire body relax and his usual stiff frame loosened up.

It was a very fluid motion to move from that sitting position to one that saw them both horizontal on his bed. They laid there together for a while watching the movie but then Heather asked if John had an air conditioner. He didn't. All he had was a fan. Heather debated in her mind what she should do. The fan was going to do her no good with the type of clothes she was wearing. But she couldn't just get comfortable in this guy's house, she barely knew him. But somehow, she felt like she could trust him. She felt safe with him.

"We're both adults, right."

"Sure." John agreed.

Heather got out of his bed and stripped down to her panties and the tshirt she had on under her blouse. She got out of her bra and did her shoulder gymnastics to get it off without taking off her shirt. Then she turned Johns fan on and felt a refreshing gust of wind cool her off.

She turned back to John who was still wearing pants and a polo shirt and she laughed. What would he think of her? It didn't matter. She got back into bed with him and he held her. She turned to him and looked at him in the eyes. She kissed his face and he flinched at first but she tried to let him know he had nothing to fear from her. She kissed him again and then she moved in for a third kiss. The third kiss was not on his cheek. She aimed it for his lips. Together they shared a light, warm peck on the lips. It gave Heather butterflies. She felt happy. She smiled and then turned to look at the movie. She was exactly where she wanted to be.

As the movie continued John found himself not looking at it. He was looking at Heather's legs. He did a gambit to put his hands on her and she didn't object. He ran the tips of his fingers along her skin. She was so smooth. There was something about the shape of her hips and the way it all just moved together that was very sexy.

Sexy?

Sexy!

Yeah. ... Sexy.

She was sexy. He smiled.

Ok. On the one hand, he shouldn't try to do anything sexual with her. She was biologically his sister. But he legally wasn't supposed to know that. That legal status had been stripped from him. So it was sort of like he was legally obligated to act like she was not his sister and even if she biologically was his sister he was legally not supposed to know that so he had to act as if he didn't know that.

Of course on the other hand, he did know that. That was the entire reason he moved to this town in the first place. He came here looking, if not for her specifically then for her parents, who were also his parents.

His body felt like taking action but John's mind restrained himself. Then the movie ended. His sister didn't move. John pointed at the computer and said that the movie was over but his sister didn't move. John got up out of the bed and to his surprise, Heather was sleeping.

The next morning she was still sleeping when John woke up. He didn't really have anything to make breakfast with so he walked down to the fast food place and got two breakfast meals. When he came back into his apartment he found her sitting on his bed getting her clothes in order.

"Good morning." he said.

"Hey. Did we ... um ... you know?"

"No. You fell asleep."

"And you didn't try anything?"

"You were sleeping. What could I do?"

"Nevermind."

"I got you breakfast. I hope you like pancakes."

She ate quickly so she'd be able to get home before her parents could think of too many questions for her. As she was leaving she turned back to him and in a very automatic way she said "Bye, I love you."

"You do?" Even as John was countering her statement something in him felt very pleased to hear those words. That was actually the first time in his life he'd heard those words directed at him.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Force of habit."

"Whoa. You can't say it and then take it back."

"But you know what ..."

"Say it again."

"Huh?"

"Say it again."

"I love you?"

"Yeah, but say it like you mean it."

She looked at him and then took a breath. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Really?"

"Why not?"

She leaned into him and gave him a peck on the lips. "Ok then. I ... I love you."

"See you later."

John was left in his apartment wondering to himself how much of this he should take seriously. He needed an exit strategy. While he was still thinking of one Heather called him on the phone. They didn't talk about anything important. How could they? She really just wanted to hear his voice. John was unaccustomed to being on the phone for so long. His arm was getting tired and he did not like how the minutes and then hours were just passing by without being productive.

"You know so much about my family. Tell me a little about yours."

"There's not much to tell. Um ... there's me of course."

"Tell me about your parents."

"Oh, well ... my mom ... she ... died."

"Aw. I'm sorry."

"It was a long time in coming but it still hurt when it happened. And after that my father and I really drifted apart. He just loved my mother so much that when she died he just seemed to completely shut down. He pushed everyone away, even me."

"That's so sad. I'm so sorry."

"Anyway, he died not too long ago and I had an older brother but he ... died fighting the terrorists."

"You've really had a hard life then."

"Not as hard as some."

"So, where did your family first come from?" she asked as her way of searching for a happier topic.

"Oh, well, we've been her since forever. Our original family name was Wells. Back during World War II my great grandfather changed it to von Brunnen as a way of protesting interment camps. Well in German is Brunnen you see. He legally had his name changed and then went down to the sheriff's office and dared them to arrest him for having a German sounding name."

"So he was like a hero sticking up for the little guy."

"Yeah, I guess he was."

It was lunch time by the time he was finally off the phone with her and she wanted to come have lunch with him before she went to the restaurant for work. She had made something at ... HER PARENTS' house. It was a very light and fresh dish which was nice but John knew it would not tide him over until dinner.

When she left his apartment for the second time that day she again said she loved him and he said it back to her. She leaned in again for a kiss but instead of just a peck, this kiss was much deeper and had much stronger sexual overtones to it.

Heather thought it was a great kiss and she went off to work happier than John had ever seen her. John was left there analyzing and brooding. He had to make a decision. It was clear what direction his sister wanted this to go. They were not going to just be friends. She thought she was dating him.

Ok, so he's not supposed to date her. But why? Because she was his sister. But he was not supposed to know that. They had the same parents but they were not supposed to have the same parents. She was his sister but she was not supposed to be his sister.

John felt like this whole thing was unfair. He could not receive any of the benefits of being her brother but somehow that also meant he could not get the benefits that came with being no relation. He thought about her body. Those long legs. Those perfect breasts. That thin waist. She was definitely in shape. And her skin was so smooth. And she was so pretty.

John didn't actually feel sexual towards her but he felt like he wanted something with her. But what could he have besides something sexual. There was nothing else. They weren't going to be just friends. That never worked, at least not for John.

He was almost there. He was almost to the point of deciding that he was going to get either one benefit or the other. He wanted to see his parents. He wanted to know what they would say. What did they really think about him?

He walked down to their house. He rang the doorbell and John's father answered the door.

"Hello. Can I help you?"

"I have a message for you."

"Ok. What is it?"

"Can I come in?"

The older man grimaced. "We're a little busy in here. What is the message about?"

"It's from your son."

John's father was taken aback by that and he stammered when he asked John to come in.

John stood and waited in the extremely large kitchen of the home. His mother eventually came waddling in with his father following her.

"He better not be wasting my time." said the fat woman.

"Please sit down Mr. ..." his father began but then he realized he didn't know John's name.

"von Brunnen." John said and then he proceeded to stand even as his parents both sat before him.

"Ok, so, what's the message?" asked his father with fear in his voice.

"He's dead." John examined their reactions. The fat woman wasn't bothered at all. There was no change in her but his father seemed to be devastated. "He wanted me to let you know his fate."

"Is that all?" asked John's mother.

"How?" John's father cut in.

"He bled to death." Again the mother was unfazed but the father had a look of horror on him.

"Why? What happened?"

"He was being brought to a court hearing on some matter. His social worker stopped for gas and while she left him alone in the vehicle he found a document in some file she had. I don't know what it said but after that he was obsessed with turning himself into a girl. He thought that if he could be a girl then his parents would finally love him and come to get him."

John's mother just rolled her eyes at this. It was clear she did not care to hear these kinds of details but Johns father was hanging on every word.

"But how did he die? What happened to him?"

"He ... cut himself ... down there. The staff at the orphanage found him in a pool of blood in his cell. They rushed him to the hospital but by the time they got there it was too late. He was DOA."

"Orphanage? But he was supposed to have been adopted."

"He wasn't."

John saw a tear roll from his father's eye as his father brought a hand up to cover his mouth but then he heard his mother speak.

"You finished? That's five minutes of my life I'll never get back."

"Shut up you stupid bitch." John's father yelled at her.

"Great, and now you're going to have one of your childish temper tantrums."

John's father bore his teeth. "That was our son."

"Don't blame me. It's not my fault you males go hurting yourselves."

John's father flew into a rage. He backhanded his wife so hard she fell out of her chair. There was an audible thud when her large body hit the floor.

"Get up. Get up NOW." the husband screamed at his wife. "You fucking whore. Get your fucking fat ass up."

His wife was not moving fast enough for his liking and so John's father knelt down next to her. She tried to put her arms up to defend herself but he held both her hands in just one of his. Then he balled up his fist and punched his wife in the center of her face. Then he punched her again. Then again. Blood few up into the air. The next blow was about to come down when someone grabbed the husband's arm.

"Sir, are you hurt?" John asked his father.

His father looked confused for a moment.

"Are you ok?" John repeated. "She nearly killed you. She didn't stab you with the knife did she?"

"What?"

"If you need a witness to tell the police what happened, don't worry, I saw everything. It was the most clear textbook case of self defense I ever saw."

His father finally understood what John was saying. The two men stood up and shook hands. The father took a hard swallow and then thanked John for bringing news of his son, even if it was sad news.

John left them, not knowing what either of his parents would do next. There son was dead. He'd made it so. Now John was free to be his own man.

Later that night when Heather got off of work she came by and found John feeling very happy with himself.

"Sorry, I smell like food." she said.

"Don't worry. I'm used to it."

"It wouldn't be out of order to ask if I could use your shower, would it?"

"Go ahead. Shall I watch you undress or would you prefer privacy?"

She laughed. "Um ... You can watch if you want."

John stood in the doorway of the bathroom and admired her body. She played like she was bashful but then let him see her trimmed pussy hair and cute pink nipples. The show ended when she got into the shower.

Could a legal fiction overcome objective reality? John felt like Casandra from the old legends. He knew the truth that no one else did. But in these modern times humans didn't live by truth. They lived by convenience. His study of the law had taught him that. That was the reason why men who should have been disqualified for public office were allowed to hold power. That was why the guarantees against government tyranny were ignored. That was why a man guilty of murder would only be punished for aggravated battery and a man guilty of nothing would have to be punished at least a little to satisfy the judge. That was why every law from the constitution to the local ordinance was a dead letter unless you had the violence to force others to your will.

In truth, he was her brother. But for his own convenience and hers he would not be that. He would be something else. He would be what she wanted him to be. And then he would mold her into what he wanted her to be. And through her everything that had been taken from him would be restored.

John waited for the girl to finish her shower. She exited his bathroom with just a towel around herself. John smiled at her and she giggled. Then she ran to him and threw herself into his arms. She couldn't wait to be kissed by him. In no time at all she was on her back in his bed and he was on top of her. As they kiss she ran her hands through his hair and then let her hands felt the strength in his arms. She felt the muscles of this chest.

John put his weight on his right hand and then with his left hand feel her body. She arched her back when he brought his fingers to her pussy. She opened her towel to reveal herself to him. She spread her legs giving him access. His middle finger slid along the smooth, wet folds of her sex hole. John brought his face down and took one of her nipples into his mouth. She pressed his head into her chest with one hand and grabbed at his body with the other.

John's shirt came off and Heather gasped when she saw the scars he wore on his body.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Another time." he answered and then he kissed her. She reached for his pants to get him out of them.

It was strange in a way. This felt like putting the last piece of a jigsaw into place. Something would now be complete. Doing this thing was not what scared him. What actually scared him was what to do afterwards. Would he be willing to dedicate his life to this woman? Would she do that for him?