Shadows of Desire Ch. 11

Ellarian frowned when he saw the forlorn look in Rowan's eyes. "You have suffered much in your life." She told him, a hint of sorrow in her words. "And for that, I am eternally sorry. Desmond was a monster and it broke my heart that I had to leave you with him."

"I never knew." Rowan said, looking into his mother's eyes. "How much you suffered. I had always thought that you and father loved each other. When I learned the truth..." He trailed off, shaking his head. Ellarian's fate had been far worse than his and it pained him greatly to think of how she had suffered and what she had sacrificed, just to keep him safe. "Why did you never speak of the torment that you faced with my father? And, why did you never speak of your true heritage?"

Ellarian folded her hands in her lap as a gentle sigh escaped her. Speaking of the past brought up so many terrible memories but also good ones as well, intertwined with the bad. How could she explain to him that she had only wanted to spare him the painful truth so that his memories of his childhood would not be tarnished with the sadistic actions of his father? Rowan could see the pain in his mother's eyes but she did her best to answer him.

"The ties that bind us together are often obscured by the mists of fate and necessity. It was a fate written in the stars ages ago. The union between the Fae bloodline and the Vampire bloodline was foretold. Telling you the truth would not have changed our destiny. It would only have hurt you more. I just wanted to spare you that."

"So, you're saying that you had no choice?"

"We all have choices, Rowan. I chose to stay with your father and endure what I could for you, for as long as I could, to keep you safe. Your father never would have allowed me to take you with me in fact, he swore he'd kill you first."

Rowan turned his head and looked away. "It was my fault." He whispered, his heart filling with guilt and shame at being the cause of his mother's torment. "If not for me, you could have left and rejoined your tribe." He sighed sadly. "Having me was a mistake."

"My only mistake was in failing to protect you. Yes, I was forced into a marriage that brought unspeakable pain. Not only to me but to you as well. I was scared. Scared for you, for my people, and for myself. That fear made me complacent and that is a mistake that you, unfortunately, have had to suffer for in my place. I only wanted to shelter you from the harsh reality that we lived in and give you a happy childhood. I suppose I never told you because I didn't want to burden you with the truth. You were so young, so innocent. There was no reason that you should be made to shoulder my suffering as well as your own."

"I understand you not wanting to burden me but not telling me who you were and about where you had come from left me with a disadvantage." Rowan brushed his hand over the soft grass beside him, allowing the long, lush, green blades to slip in between his fingers. He looked up to the sky, deep in thought. Everything had happened so fast. Too fast. Escaping his father, meeting Thaden, and then learning of his true heritage. On top of all that he was now told of this destiny that was his, foretold long ago, and he wasn't even sure if he wanted the responsibility of it. It was all too much for anyone to handle but to have it all thrust upon him at once was just too difficult to bear.

"You should have told me about my destiny long ago. I could have been better prepared. Why keep it a secret?"

Ellarian's gaze softened as she gently placed a hand on Rowan's shoulder. "My love, the road ahead is fraught with challenges and sacrifices. The burden of destiny is heavy. I wanted you to grow without the weight of expectations holding you down. Your choices have always been your own and now, you have a pivotal choice to make."

Rowan furrowed his brow as he tried to force back his tears. "A choice? What choice? My fate was decided for me, before I was ever born. I have no choice at all!"

"But you do. You hold the power to shape your own fate. You can choose to stay here, with me, forever. Sickness and death will never touch you. You will never know pain. You can spend your days in the sun, free of worry and strife, for the rest of your days. Or, you can choose to go back. You can return to your world, to your husband, and to the destiny that awaits you. The choice is your."

Rowan closed his eyes and sighed. He was weary of all the fighting, of the pain and the heartache. He was tiered of the suffering. He never wanted this burden to placed on his shoulders and before, he might have even walked away from it, gone his own way. All he had ever wanted was a simple life, free of worry and the heavy responsibility of ruling an entire Kingdom. Things had changed though. He had changed. He was no longer the frightened little child that he had been, hidden in the shadows, cowering in fear of his father's wrath.

Staying in Annwn with his mother would be a dream come true but dreams were meant for children and fools. He knew he could not stay and, his realized with a heavy heart, he did not want to. He loved his mother and he would miss her greatly but he loved Thaden too. Now, more than ever, he longed to be in Thaden's arms. He wanted to bring their child into the world and watch it grow. He wanted to watch his daughter, Tally, grow into the beautiful young woman he knew she would. He wanted to be there for her through all that life had in store. Scrapes and bruises, first loves and heartbreak, and his eventual grandchildren. He would miss all of it if he stayed in Annwn.

"I must go back." He said, though it pained him greatly to have to say goodbye to his mother once more but he knew he must. "My place is with Thaden, with my people. I have a duty to fulfill and a destiny to embrace. I choose to fight for my Kingdom, to free the Fae, and bring peace back to our land once more."

Ellarian nodded in understanding as a soft smile graced her lips. "Your courage and strength will guide you, my son. You carry the strength of the Tuatha within you. Embrace your destiny and know that I am always with you, even though we are worlds apart, I will always be there, watching over you."

Ellarian kissed Rowan's forehead and the two shared a heartfelt embrace. "I love you, Mother." Rowan said through his tears.

"And I you, my beautiful boy. I always have."

Rowan closed his eyes as reality began to shift around him. Ellarian, still holding Rowan in her arms, slowly vanished, fading out of existence like a ghostly apparition. When Rowan opened his eyes again, the meadow was gone and with it, the comforting warmth of his mother's embrace. He realized at once where he was. He was back in Basmorte. He was home.

6. REGENT

Note* Unkaa is a derogatory term for a member of the unseelie court.

Thaden grimaced when he entered the great hall. Never in all his years had he witnessed a room so dark and drab. Every window was covered with thick, light blocking drapes. Even the double doors that lead out and onto the veranda were covered. The candles that lined the walls and hung overhead weren't enough to give them adequate light though, he assumed that Vampires didn't need the light. They could see perfectly well in the dark. The others, however, were not as adept in the darkness.

"Can we get more light in here?" Thaden announced as he entered the room. It wasn't a question really and the tone of his voice let the servants know this. "Those of us who aren't nocturnal will go blind in this darkness."

"Speak for yourself, Prince." Kenze, a dark Elf from Thorn keep grumbled as he made his way to the table in the center of the room. "I can see perfectly fine in the dark."

"That doesn't surprise me." Jalgrith laughed as he trailed in behind. He was a Dwarf warrior hailing from Cragpoint. "Yer practically a vamp as it is." Both had joined up with the Fae army though why, Thaden didn't know. Dark Elves and Dwarfs weren't exactly enemies but they certainly weren't on friendly terms. Thaden just hoped they could get along well enough to conclude the conference they had all assembled for. Honestly, Thaden would have preferred to wait until Rowan was found before discussing anything but he was out voted in the matter.

Kenze turned and glared at the Dwarf. "Jalgrith, you should learn to keep your opinions to yourself. Your beard has more tangles than your thoughts."

"At least my beard doesn't hide a face that could scare an ogre." Jalgrith let go with a loud belly laugh, obviously pleased with his quip.

"No." Kenze smirked. "You have a face only a mother could love. If she had poor eyesight and bad taste in offspring."

"If the two of you are done..." Riona entered the room, pushing Jalgrith out of her way as she walked to the table where the others had already seated themselves. "We have more important things to do than listen to the two of you bicker."

Riona took a seat next to Tomag who had the unfortunate honor of sitting next to the brooding Kenze. Jalgrith sat near the end of the table between Nasir and Connor, the Lycan Alpha of the northern packs. Caffrey sat at Thaden's left with Thaden at the head of the table, Tomag to his right. Lierin sat at the end opposite to Thaden, Nasir to his left, and Greagor to his right. Dalyor, one of Riona's warriors, sat next to Nasir at the end of the table and closest to the double doors leading into the hall.

Thaden was surprised that Dalyor didn't insist on sitting next to Riona but when he saw the way that Dalyor and Nasir were looking at each other, it suddenly all made sense. Ever since they had first met in the court yard outside the Palace they hadn't been able to take their eyes off of each other. Thaden was glad for his friend. The tension between Nasir and Lierin had begun to earn them questioning stares from the rest of the men. Thaden couldn't understand the contention until Lierin explained to Thaden that after he'd left, Lierin had found his mate. An Elven woman named Thessalia.

She had been visiting from Fairhollow with her family and apparently it had been love at first site. Lierin proposed immediately and their wedding was scheduled for early spring. Nasir had not taken the news well. It had come as no shock to Thaden that Nasir had harbored feelings for Lierin. He'd suspected as much. Nasir had been his friend since childhood. They had grown up together, played together, and even trained together. He had noticed almost at once when Nasir began to see Lierin as something more than his Prince and best friends older brother. What did surprise Thaden was that Lierin had felt the same way. For the past five years the two had been involved in a secret love affair that ended when Lierin met his mate.

Naturally Nasir was heart broken. Lierin tried to explain to him that he had no control over who his mate would be. The Gods had chosen her for him and Lierin could not deny the affection he felt towards her. He never wanted to hurt Nasir, obviously, but he wasn't going to reject his mate for him either. To do so would not have been fair to any of them. Nasir tried to be happy for Lierin but over the weeks his resentment grew, causing a rift to form between them. Nasir didn't believe in fated mates. Even though both Thaden and now Lierin had found theirs. Nasir still thought it was all silly romantic fancy. That was, until he met Dalyor. When their eyes met, everything changed. They had each found their other half.

Looking at them now, Thaden wondered if they were going to be much use during the conference and he considered sending them off. It was clear to all that the welfare of Basmorte and her people were the furthest thing from their minds. Not that he could blame them. If Rowan had been there, with him, standing in the great hall facilitating this meeting was the last place he would want to be.

Even now, among the others gathered together to discuss the whereabouts of Caroline and the future of Basmorte, all Thaden could think of was Rowan. Where was he? Was he safe? He was still alive. Thaden knew that without a doubt. He could feel him through their mate bond but it was strained and unclear. It was like he was close by but not. There was a veil between then and one that Thaden did not know how to penetrate. He only hoped that Rowan could feel him too, feel how worried he was. How lost and alone he felt and eventually come back to him.

Two servant girls entered the hall bringing more candles. The flickering light barely cut through the inky blackness but at least it was enough that he could now see the faces of those seated around him. He thanked the girls who then bowed before hurrying out of the room. Looking around the room, Thaden was at a loss of how to begin. He'd never had to hold the attention of a room this way. Lierin had always been the diplomat. He was much more suited to such things. Were they home, in Rosegate, Thaden would have stepped back and allowed Lierin to handle matters on his own but Basmorte was Thaden's responsibility now. At least until Rowan returned.

He began by going around the table introducing everyone. Most were already acquainted. Only those representing the Fae were unfamiliar. At least to everyone else. The dark Elf and the Dwarf seemed to be acquainted with each other even prior to joining with the Elven army. Thaden assumed they knew each other from the countless skirmishes that the dark Elves and the Dwarfs have had over the years. Nothing that they fought about was of any consequence really. They could find fault with nearly anything. One encroaching too far onto the others land. One accusing another of stealing a chicken, or even getting upset over a look that was felt to be offensive. The truth of the matter was, they both loved to fight and would literally fight over anything.

With the introductions out of the way, they could finally discuss what they had all come for. Knowing the fate of Basmorte and the former Queen.

"Have we learned anything new regarding Lady Caroline?" Thaden refused to use the title of Queen when referring to her any longer. With Desmond dead and Rowan, the heir apparent, yet to take the throne Caroline was, technically, still Queen. However, her decision to flee rather than face trial had forfeited any claim she once had on the throne as far as Thaden was concerned.

"I've had my men search the castle." Caffrey spoke up, answering Thaden's question. "The Elves have scoured the forest for both Caroline and Prince Rowan. So far, there is no sign of either. It's as though they had just vanished."

"Caroline must be hidden near-by." It was Greagor who spoke now. "She wouldn't risk traveling before nightfall."

"She's been aided by Agren in the past. Is it possible that the witch is hiding her now?" Caffrey asked.

Thaden sighed and rubbed at his temples. "Anything is possible at this point." He said.

"And what of Prince Rowan?" Greagor looked at Thaden, his eyes full of concern. "Does anyone have any idea of where he could be or what has happened to him?"

Thaden closed his eyes. His head was pounding from the stress of the situation. He had no idea where Rowan was but the one thing he did know was that he should be out there, looking for him, not sitting around talking about what ifs. "Is it possible that he could have been taken during the fight with the Lycans? That was the last time anyone saw him and no one really knows what happened while you were all unconscious."

"We were knocked out as well." Connor growled, taking offense that it would even be suggested that the Lycans had anything to do with Rowan's disappearance. The Lycans hadn't originally been invited to the conference but Connor had showed up with a small group of warriors from his pack and asked to speak with the leader of the Elven army. His fear was that the Vampires would retaliate against the Lycans for the attack. Connor appeared as confused as the rest of them over what had happened and even somewhat shocked to learn that Thaden had taken control of the city.

When Connor was first questioned about Rowan he didn't really even know who he was. He knew of course that Desmond had an omega child but the boy had been nearly forgotten about. Connor did recall meeting Rowan when he and the bog giant were attempting to cross into Rosegate. He swore that day was the first and last time he had seen the boy. Of course Connor had seen Rowan the night of the attack but he had very little, if any, memory of that night.

"My pack and I woke up in the forest, confused and disoriented. We're still trying to piece together everything that had happened but I know that your Prince is not with the pack. I share a mental link with my pack mates. I would know if any were trying to hide him. We are victims in this as much as the rest of you so don't go blaming us just because you can't keep hold of your little Prince!"

"Calm down. Connor. No one is blaming you for anything. Thaden is only trying to eliminate all possibilities so we can get to the truth about what happened." Lierin did his best to defuse the situation before it got out of hand.

Connor huffed, leaning back in his chair, he crossed his arms over his chest as he glared daggers at Thaden. "Just seems like every time your brother loses a lover he points the finger at me."

Thaden was on his feet in and instant, the pounding in his head was only getting worse and Connor wasn't helping any to ease the stress that Thaden was already under. "Maybe I wouldn't point a finger at you if you'd learn to keep to your own territory, dog!"

Connor sneered at Thaden and growled. "I already told you that we were not at fault here. That witch of a Queen did this! Or, are you referring to Nadine?" The room stilled at the mention of Connor's mate and Thaden's former fiance. Connor smirked. The animosity between them had always peaked when discussing Nadine though now, the jab at Thaden's ego didn't have the effect that Connor had expected, or wanted.

"You and your mate are of no concern to me, Connor. My only concern is the whereabouts of my mate and seeing him safely home. Surly you can understand. Would you be any less suspicious if it were your mate who vanished after an unprovoked attack?"

Connor's features softened as the gravity of Thaden's words sunk in. "No." He conceded. "In fact, I'd interrogate every man, woman, and child in the city until I found her."

"Interrogate." Jalgrith snorted into the mug of ale he'd been nursing ever since the meeting began.

"Something you care to add, Dwarf?" Connor turned to Jalgrith and sneered.

"Please, I just find it hilarious that you consider ripping someone to shreds as interrogation. I mean, most would find it beneficial to question a suspect before you kill them but, to each their own." He chuckled to himself as he took another, large, gulp of his ale.

"Though I am loathed to admit it, the Dwarf has a point." Kenze leaned across the table and locked eyes with Thaden. "Wolves aren't known for their mercy, or their honesty. They probably have your Prince locked in a cage somewhere beaten and half alive."

Connor narrowed his eyes as he stared at Kenze. The dark Elf, his sharp features etched with accusation, faced the Alpha. He raised an eyebrow arrogantly as he tried to provoke the wolf into challenging him.

"How dare you." Connor spat. The undertones of a beastly growl rumbled through his chest. "Your accusations are baseless, unkaa! On my honor, I have nothing to do with the Vampire's disappearance. It's preposterous to even think so!"

"On your honor? Since when do animals have honor? You're all mindless beasts with no concept of loyalty or civility." Kenze hissed, unyielding in his stance.

Thaden's fists clenched at his sides, his concern for Rowan turned to outrage at Kenze's assumption. "Do not speak as though Rowan's fate has already sealed. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that he is still out there and will be found safe, and alive!"