She Needed the Pain

I handed her the envelop with the pictures of her tryst and said, "Look at them you slut. See what your family, your parents, my parents and all our friends are going to see as well as the divorce court. Look at every one of them.

I really didn't think she saw a one of the images as she shuffled quickly through them with her body shaken by uncontrolled sobbing and her eyes flooded with tears.

"Oh god, oh god, what have I done. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I want you to tell me about it. I don't want the gory details. Just tell me how it started. Tell me how many other affairs you've had. Tell me if the kids are mine. Tell me if you love and want to go with your "master", John Harding."

"Oh Jack, I've never had another affair and I love you and want to stay with you and our kids. The kids are yours. Please don't doubt that. Don't turn me out. Help me. I need you now. I don't have any love whatever for him."

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest; mostly from rage. It was like a white hot ball of fire in my gut that the valium didn't seem to alleviate.

"Tell me the rest and remember if I find you lied I'll make you pay."

"Alright. It all started six months ago when I took that three week course for the tellers job at the bank. John Harding taught the class to me and three other women who wanted to be working part-time. I had some troubles catching on to some of the stuff he was teaching and he had me stay behind after class to tutor me after the bank closed. I was so appreciative of his willingness to give me extra time that I guess I began to let him control me and I found I liked it. I don't know why. One thing led to another and then I began to meet him evenings while you were out of town. We met at the motel near the airport and he began to make me pay for the room. I felt so guilty and cheap about what I was doing and wanted to stop but he showed me a video he'd taken showing us together and what I was letting him do to me and told me he'd send it to you if I didn't do what he wanted. I'm so glad its over. I want to get on with my life but I need to find out why I did what I did. I really need your help and I'm so sorry it all happened. I love you and the kids so much that I can't stand the thought of losing you."

"I think you've behaved so stupidly that I have a hard time believing you. How long do you think you could continue without being caught? Did you ever give any consideration to me and the kids while you were doing it? I think you're more sorry you're caught then sorry for hurting us. How can I trust you again out when I'm not around? Any man you meet would be a candidate for a new affair."

"Oh no, Jack. No. No. I will never do anything so stupid again."

"Now you're going to have to make a decision. Here are your options and I need an answer by tomorrow morning:

1. I will divorce you and take full custody of the children. If you don't agree to full custody and limited visitation rights I will release the PI's report with all the pictures to all our family and friends and let the world know what a slut you are. You are then free to continue your affair with your 'master'.

2. I will agree not to divorce you but you will have to agree to quit your job at the bank, give a deposition to our lawyer on what you've done and agree to certain restrictions on your future activities. I'm giving you this option very reluctantly but our children are still young enough that they need a mother and you are the best candidate. I will not make the PI report public but will hold it as a guarantee of you future faithfulness and respect for me. I also want you to have yourself checked for STDs."

"Oh thank you sweetheart for giving me another chance. You won't be sorry."

"I don't want your answer now. I want it in the morning after you've had a chance to sleep on it. You'll be sleeping in the spare room tonight and for the foreseeable future."

"All right Jack. I understand."

"I hope you do."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next morning I was down early after a sleepless night. When I did fall asleep, I'd had nightmares where I was standing in a high balcony overlooking a bedroom and watching as Ginger had taken on a series of men. I couldn't find away down to stop her and I'd wake up in a cold sweat. I must have cried out because twice times Ginger had knocked on the door asking if everything was okay. When she left I heard her sobbing as she moved down the hall back to our spare room.

I was sitting in the kitchen having a cup of decaf coffee before going back upstairs to shower and get ready for work when Ginger entered. She had an old nightgown on and her robe and looked like she hadn't slept much either.

I just stared at her without otherwise acknowledging her as she came up to me and looked into my eyes.

"Jack, I cannot tell you how sorry I am but I can't keep telling you that for the rest of my life. I can only show you that I mean it. I want to accept your offer to allow me to stay with you as your wife. I accept any conditions you want to make regarding my future activities and I will call and quit my job at the bank effective immediately."

"You understand that you will be my wife in name only. I do not plan to have sex with you and you will be staying in the spare room indefinitely. As far as I am concerned you will be the live- in maid and the care giver of my children.You will receive a weekly stipend as a maid and an allowance to purchase groceries and other items needed to run the home."

"I understand and I will make up some excuse to tell the kids why I'm sleeping in the spare room."

"Good, I'm going to get ready for work."

"Sweetheart, can I make you some breakfast before you go?"

"By the way, you have lost the right to call me 'sweetheart' or any other terms of endearment. My name is Jack and yes, you may have breakfast ready for me when I come down."

"I understand, Jack."

++++++++++++++++++++++++

When I got to work I called Sam and told him to discontinue any further activities on my case and asked how long it would take to get a final report on what he'd found so far. He said he would have it complete it that afternoon as everything was already in his computer, including the photos. Immediately after finishing it he would have a copy sent to me and one to my lawyer, John Masters, via courier. For some reason I didn't know about at the time I asked him to not to reference anything about the video he had taken of my wife at her tryst in his report but to forward it to me. He agreed to do that and didn't question my motives as he had enough evidence with the still photos to support the report's conclusions.

I then called John Masters and updated him on what Sam had found out and that a copy of the report would be at his office later today. We made an appointment for me and Ginger to be at his office the following day after he'd had a chance to read it.

"John, I want you to look at the report with the thought that I'd like to go after the bank and John Harding. I'm bringing Ginger tomorrow so you can listen to her story and to provide her deposition for any case that we pursue."

"Okay Jack, I'll read the report when it gets here and be in a position to discuss it tomorrow when you get here."

The rest of the day I made some phone calls cancelling joint credit cards and took my lunch hour to move accounts to another bank in my name only from the one Ginger had worked. I also set up our savings in my father's name as a trust fund for the children.

When I got home that night I brought my copy of the report with me and after dinner, while the kids were busy doing homework I sat down with her in the family room and showed it to her. I did not mention anything about a video as I'd stopped at our new bank on my way home and rented a safe deposit box for it. Ginger sobbed as she thumbed through it and realized how thoroughly it had been prepared to document her adultery.

"I don't know what to say Jack."

"I just want you to know what I will have in a safe deposit box if you fail me again."

"I understand."

"I want you to be at John Master's office tomorrow morning at ten and be prepared to make a deposition about your affair with John Harding. You also need to find the name of a good psychiatrist and make an appointment to get in to see him as soon as possible. "

"Yes, I'll be there and I'll do anything you say. I want you to know I called the bank today and quit my job. I did not try to contact John Masters at all. I also got the name of a psychiatrist today and the earliest I could get into see him will be next week."

"Alright."

My chest still felt tight and I was still popping the valium periodically to try to keep things under control. I was beginning to feel depressed and very sad. That night I had more nightmares and determined that I may need the help of a psychiatrist myself before this affair all played out.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next day I took off from work at quarter to ten to meet with John and Ginger, who was driving her own car to John's office. I had told my boss that I was having some personal problems that needed to be resolved and he understood and told me to take the rest of the day off if I needed it.

When I got to John's office the next morning I found Ginger in the waiting room and together we went in to see him.

John greeted us and waved us to chairs facing the desk.

"I've read the PI's report and now I need to talk with Ginger to determine what sort of a case we might have to pursue a case against the bank, John Harding and any other individuals that might have been involved in it. So why don't you tell me about it Ginger."

Ginger looked at me. "You're going to pursue a case against John and the bank?"

"I'm going to try to destroy John Harding and the bank should pay because it all started in their classroom."

Ginger quietly turned away and her shoulders shook as though she were sobbing. After a few minutes she turned back and said, "I'm ready to tell you about it." Tears were running down her face and John handed her a box of tissues to use. After she dried her eyes she began to tell John essentially the same story she'd told me before. When she was done John thought a moment before speaking.

"I think we have a case to pursue against the bank and John Harding and anyone else who may have been involved especially if they were also employees of the bank. First, Ginger, I need your signed deposition. I'll go over a few points you need to emphasize and then I'll turn you over to my secretary and she'll transcribe your story and then we'll have you sign it and she'll notarize your signature. Then I can proceed to have the bank, John Harding and persons unknown served with the necessary papers. We'll go in for about a ten million dollar judgement but I must warn you the leverage they will try use is publicity but they will be just as anxious to avoid some publicity on this as we are. We'll also proceed to get John Harding fired and the return of any photos or videos he has."

After waiting to get Ginger's deposition completed I returned to work. I thought about going home but I didn't want to be alone with Ginger. When I thought about her I felt the rage build up again and I just couldn't face looking at her or being with her. I began to seriously think about a separation as the best answer to our problem but our children deserved a family and I vowed to stick it out even though I knew I was going into a mental condition caused by rage and depression.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Chapter 3

For the next two months we lived together and even though the rage abated I found myself coping with bouts of depression that at times left me almost incapacitated. I had to take a leave of absence from work. As Ginger started with her psychiatrist I began to go to one myself. It took another two months before he was able to get my medication adjusted to where I could almost function almost normally again and return to work. I know the children suffered because of my condition and the poor relationship I had with their mother.

So our lives together went on and after a year it had improved to the point where Ginger was sharing our bed again although we didn't try to have sex for a month or more. I found myself impotent with her when I tried to initiate intercourse but after the doctor prescribed viagra we were able to have sex again. Eventually, we managed to settle into a normal husband/wife relationship and I could give up my dependance on viagara. Our family interrelationships began to return to normal.

In the meantime our lawyer, John Masters, pursued legal action against the bank and John Harding. The outcome was that an out-of-court settlement of three million dollars was negotiated with the bank. The bank fired John Harding and his wife divorced him. We received a judgement against him for half million dollars and he had to move away and start a new life in another state so he could find another job and pay his alimony and child support. I took the money we received from the bank and Harding and put most of it into a trust for the children and named John Masters as administrator.

Eventually, I was able to reduce my medications for depression and anxiety and we started marriage counseling. Ginger found out from her psychiatrist what some of the causes were in getting involved with John Harding and learned how to guard against letting submissiveness trap herself into a similar situation in the future. After a few years our marriage resumed the comfortable relationship we had known before her affair though I kept closer tabs on her activities then before. Ginger never went back to work

As we approached our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary our eldest son David had graduated from college, was married and had given us a grandson, Eric. Ginger and I were both doting grandparents. Sandra was a senior in college and Michael was a freshman. We were proud of our children and their accomplishments.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Chapter 4

It was a couple of weeks before our twenty-fifth anniversary that I noticed a subtle change in her behavior and activities. I couldn't believe she would was involved in another affair after all these years. Our sex life was still good, I thought. I tried to give her her share of orgasms so why would she stray? I began to watch her more carefully and I began by checking her email account. Though it appeared she'd made some attempt to hide it, I discovered emails from someone named Charles thanking her for something she'd done for him and begging her to meet him for a proper thank you. Her responses were initially noncommittal but he persisted until she finally agreed to meet him at a hotel room on the Saturday evening before our anniversary, which fell on the following Monday. He told her he'd reserved room 524 at the hotel and would meet her there at 6:30PM.

My old chest pains were developing again, as well as my depression and my rage. How and why would she be unfaithful to me again? I'd already made reservations for the two of us for an anniversary dinner on the Monday evening and I began to think of it as a farewell dinner for our marriage. I decided I wouldn't hire a PI this time but just go and confront her with her lover at the hotel, then go from there.

Saturday morning she told me that she had to go to the hospital that evening for a couple of hours to visit a sick friend. Trying to act as natural as I could I acknowledged her information with a nod and went back to reading the morning paper. The day past slowly and I had to dig around until I found my old container of valium to keep myself calm.

About six o'clock Ginger took off and after waiting half an hour I followed her to the hotel. When I got there I mulled how I was going to gain entry to the room she was using. I found an old baseball cap and jacket in the trunk of my car and took it with me and went into the hotel. It was an upscale hotel and sold cut flowers in the shop off the lobby. I bought a large bouquet and took the elevator to the fifth floor. Finding room 524 I donned the cap and jacket and holding the flowers in front of my face I knocked on the door. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I waited. I was a nervous wreck.

"Who is it?" I heard my wife ask through the door.

"Flower delivery, ma'am." I answered; trying to disguise my voice.

I heard the door unlatch and she looked out and said, "I didn't order any flowers. You must......."

About that time I dropped the flowers and pushed my way into the room.

"Where is he?" I demanded.

"Oh Jack, you're right on time. There isn't anyone. I just did that to get you down here. The kids are putting on an anniversary dinner for us tonight and they wanted to surprise you. Now put on your suit on the bed there."

I remember going over and looking in the bath to confirm that she was alone and then I spun around to look at her as she stood looking at me with a smile on her face. My mind was numb for a few seconds and then something snapped and I felt a rage building up that seemed to overwhelm me. What the hell had she done? She knew the problems I'd had years ago getting over her affair. Why did she use a similar situation to get me down here? Just as I was about to lay into her everything started to go black and I felt myself falling and sliding into a deep hole.

I heard Ginger cry, "Jack." before everything went black.

So now it was the next day and I was in an ICU unit at the local hospital.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Chapter 5

I was introduced to a series of tests that morning and while I waiting to hear the results I visited with my son, David. Sandra and Michael were home looking after their mother..

"Dad, mom is being sedated. She doesn't understand why your mad at her and why you won't see her."

" David, I'm seriously considering divorcing your mother. That's why I want to talk with John Masters."

"Why dad? Why? What did she do to make you want to do that?"

"Do you know how you're mother got me to the hotel?"

"No, she just said she'd get you there."

"Before I begin the story, can you tell me how come your mother was brought in on the anniversary dinner plans?"

"She found out when Michael inadvertently left the folder with our hotel price quotes and other material that pretty much told what we were planning. So we decided to surprise you anyway. She said she'd be responsible to have you in the banquet room by seven o'clock. So we left that part up to her."

"Well, it all goes back to when you were twelve years old. You didn't know it at the time but I discovered your mother had an affair that was very sordid. Subsequent to that I had essentially a complete mental breakdown and was out of work and in therapy for months. I was thankful that the company where I work held onto my job until I could get back on my feet. I never really forgave your mother for that but over time we've become fairly comfortable with one another again. I used to have almost uncontrollable rages against your mother and at times despaired of resuming a relationship together and its taken a long time to get over it.

In order to get me down here your mother decided to invent a new lover that she was going to have a tryst with at the hotel Saturday evening. I fell for it and when I went to the hotel room to confront her and her lover all my old mental troubles and now possibly heart problems have appeared. I'm so mad at her that if I weren't sedated I'd probably die or kill her. I can only assume that your mother, being a normal rational individual, had to realize what would happen and was hoping I'd have a heart attack and leave her with all our assets and no one alive to tell about her affair."

"Gosh, dad, we were never aware of this. I remember when I was a kid you were sick for a long time. I didn't know until now what the problem was. Its hard to believe she would deliberately do something like your suggesting, but I can't see how she could ignore your previous problems."