Shooting Matt Ch. 03

I collapse back on the bed. I'm stunned at how stupid I've been. I've been telling myself the past two days that I have the advantage. I'm older, more disciplined. Yet, here I am, pining away in front of this kid about how I want to hold hands at the movies. Jesus. I mentally beg him to leave, to avoid having to actually do so.

"Hey, Mr. B, you okay, bro?"

"Yeah, Matt. Just beat all of a sudden. I'm glad, really glad, I made you feel good but I'm really bushed. How about a rain check, huh? I have to work tomorrow. I think I'll hit the hay early." I sit up. "Thanks for mowing the yard. You didn't have to but I appreciate it."

He looks lost again. I stand up. "I'm going to take a shower and hit the sack, Matt. I had a blast, seriously. That was the most fun I've had in ages." I start toward the bathroom. "Don't worry about locking the door. I'll take care of it after my shower. See ya, kid."

Out of the corner of my eye, as I fiddle with adjusting the shower, I see him climb off the bed and leave the room.

I replay the scene over and over as I stand under the shower, not the scene of him dropping his shorts, or the scene of me rimming his ass, or even the scene of his magnificent ejaculation into my mouth. No, the scene of him telling me to get a grip, that he just wants to have some fun not marry me. I tell myself he was the one that over reacted. I wasn't asking to marry him. I wasn't asking for anything. I was explaining to him why his fantasies weren't realistic. But, try as I did, I knew he was right. I'm the kid with the fantasies, not him.

I climb into bed soaking wet. I wake in the middle of the night, starving. I walk out to the kitchen to make a sandwich, and to lock the side door I had neglected to lock before crawling into bed to hide.

Liam is sleeping on the couch.

"You going senile, pop? Neighborhood's not bad but still no place to leave the door unlocked. I could have been an axe murder or something."

"You okay? Nothing happened with your mom did it?"

"No, pop. I'm fine. She's fine." He hesitates. "I need a break from her, though."

I nod my head. "Yeah, I know the feeling." I turn toward the kitchen, acting as if since he's left for college I always walk around the house naked. As I open the door to the fridge, I call into the living room. "What are you doing on the couch? Why aren't you sleeping in your room?"

"Uh, well. Jeez, pop. Matt's sleeping in there."

I stand there, staring into the bright interior of the refrigerator, unthinking.

Fuck me.