Shut In

If it was Eric, he was early, but she was ready so she opened the front door and asked, "What are you doing?"

There were silver trays laying on the porch on either side of him, and he was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Um...these are for you," he said as he handed her the bouquet. "I hope they're okay."

"They're...beautiful," she told him truthfully.

"Roses seemed inappropriate for a non-date so I took a guess and thought maybe you'd like these."

"Wildflowers. I...I love them!" she said before looking down at the covered trays.

"Oh. That. Um, well, I knew exactly what you had in the refrigerator, and as much as I loved the bacon and eggs, I thought something nicer might be, well...nicer."

Eric bent over and lifted one tray exposing a steak, a baked potato and asparagus with a slice of cheesecake.

"I know you eat bacon, so I'm praying you eat beef. The other tray is identical so if you don't..."

"I do," she said, her eyes wide with surprise. "I'm...I'm speechless."

Eric picked one of the trays up and brought it inside then went back for the other while Nicole went to put the flowers in a vase.

"These are so pretty," she said as she moved them to the vase. "Thank you, Eric."

"You're very welcome, and speaking of pretty...you look amazing."

Eric was wearing jeans with a sweater over a button-down shirt, and looked very handsome, and Nicole told him so.

"Thank you, but you really look...wow!" he said without sounding over the top.

Nicole smiled then came around to look at the 'spread' and said, "This looks absolutely delicious. Did you do this?"

"Me? No. I had some help," he told her.

"Oh?"

"Um, yeah. Hank's wife was in the store when I went in to see about buying what we needed, and she overhead who it was for and insisted on cooking it."

"Sarah did all this?" she said with a smile.

"Everything to include the trays. Well, Hank went and go them for her. Oh, and before I forget, Sarah said to tell you she misses seeing you."

"Ah! That is so sweet. And this is very nice, Eric. Thank you yet again."

"We don't want it to get cold so...are you ready?"

"I am," she said as he came around to help her get seated.

"Oh, I have a bottle of wine in the car. One sec, okay?"

Although Mike had also brought her flowers and a bottle of wine, Nicole never thought about the similarities because the two men were so completely different.

By the time they finished eating, Nicole had completely forgotten about the fiasco with Mike, and even better, she was amazed at the number of new things she learned that she and Eric had in common.

As they began sipping their second glass of wine, they moved to the living room where Eric made sure to sit across from her. As much as she appreciated his understanding, a part of her was wishing he'd sat where Mike had sat and that he'd reach over and brush back her...

"How does that sound?" he said.

"Oh, my. I'm going to be completely honest and admit I was kind of daydreaming," Nicole told him with a kind of 'my bad' expression on her face.

"I know I'm not a great orator, but...ouch."

"No! You're not boring. At all. In fact, I love talking to you. I...I just kind of let my imagination run wild for a moment, so I didn't hear what you said."

"Okay. I suppose I can live with that," he told her as he smiled at her.

"What I was saying is that you have to take this in increments."

Nicole was still lost so she waited for him to fill in the blanks.

"Overcoming whatever this thing is that's keeping you here."

"You can say 'phobia', Eric," she told him.

"I'm not convinced it's that bad, but then I'm no psychiatrist. Not that you need one," he added very quickly.

Nicole laughed and told him that was 'high praise'.

"So how does it work?" she asked.

"Well, from what I've read, you can work you way out of any...phobia...with really small steps, and in many cases surprisingly fast. For instance..."

He fished out his phone and clicked a few times then asked her if she was afraid of snakes.

"I don't like them, but I don't have a snake phobia," he told her.

He handed her the phone then explained who people who are deathly afraid of even the sight of a snake can be desensitized in a very short amount of time.

He watched her scroll and read as he spoke.

"That's amazing. But does it work on other things?"

He reached for the phone, and as he searched for the other article he'd found, asked, "Are you a germ 'phobe'?"

Nicole laughed again and told him something similar to his concern for her with regard to snakes.

"I'm not a fan, but I don't freak out thinking about them nor do I wash my hands a hundred times a day," was her answer.

He found the site where a well-known TV doctor named Oz took several people who quite literally lived in morbid fear of germs and bacteria from feeling ill just thinking about them to actually licking the inside of a trash dumpster in less than one day.

Nicole shivered at the thought but understood the concept without watching the video.

"I trust you're telling the truth," she said as she declined to see the evidence.

"The point is, I think we can work through this by starting out slow."

Feeling hopeful for the first time in months, Nicole said, "Okay. I'm in. Where do we start?"

Knowing how sensitive it was, he pointed to the couch then asked if he could sit there.

"Oh. Sure. Definitely," she told him.

The part of her that been wanting him to sit there just minutes before fell silent as her interest in conquering this fear took center stage.

"I took some photos when I left your property, so I want to start out where you park your vehicle and go from there. Is that okay?"

"Sure. Let's try it."

"Okay. Here's the first image. Tell me how it makes you feel."

Nicole saw her Land Rover and noticed the photo was oriented away from the driveway.

"Nothing. Other than how old my Rover is," she said with a smile.

"Okay. Next. This one is taken from the same spot but is looking in a different direction."

Just as she suspected, this one was looking down the long, unpaved driveway that led to the road.

"That makes me feel a little anxious," she admitted.

"Fine. We'll stay right here until it doesn't," he told her.

For the next couple of minutes they talked about the Land Rover, getting in it, and discussed the driveway as she periodically looked at the photo.

It didn't take long before Nicole said, "It's not making me feel queasy anymore."

"Great. Now how about this?"

It was taken where the driveway meets the blacktop, and that made Nicole shiver.

"Worse than the driveway?"

"A lot," she told him.

It took half an hour of looking at it off and on while they spoke to get her to a place where it didn't bother her much.

"So far so good?" Eric asked.

"This is really incredible," she told him.

From there they moved to a picture of the road extending in the opposite direction of the way Tim and Matt drove that fateful night.

It was nearly midnight before she was desensitized to the road from that angle.

"Feel like pressing your luck?" he asked.

"I guess that depends," she replied. "What's next?"

"We could look at another image or we could get in my car and drive out to the road and come back here."

Fear briefly welled up in her before she said, "Let's do it. The actual ride part."

It was downright chilly outside but not 'Maine cold' yet so Nicole only grabbed a thin jacket which Eric helped her with before going outside. He also opened her door, and that only made her like this younger man even more as she climbed inside.

"Okay. If at any time you feel like we need to stop you let me know immediately, okay?"

"I will," she promised.

"Are you okay so far?" he asked before starting the car.

"I think so," she told him.

He started it then asked the same question. He then put it in gear and asked again.

He drove 2-3mph then stopped well short of the blacktop.

"Keep going," she told him, her eyes fixed on the beams of light ahead of them. "I think it helps being dark for some reason."

"Maybe it keeps the peripheral 'clues' to a minimum."

Nicole understood what he meant and told him he could go right up to the road. He did so then stopped and put the car in park.

Nicole looked left then to the right—the direction her husband and son had driven the last moments of their lives.

She took several deep breaths then said, "I...I think I'm okay."

"Great. Let's back up and go home," he said.

"No. Wait," she told him as she reached over and put her hand on his right arm which was ready to shift the car into reverse.

"Okay."

They sat there with the car idling for a minute then Nicole said, "I...I want to see."

"See?" Eric asked.

"Where it happened."

She'd gone left every single time she'd left the house even though it was farther into town that way because going to the right meant confronting the worst of her fears.

"Why don't we wait and try that tomorrow?" he suggested very gently.

"No. This is working, and I want to press on."

"If you're sure."

"I am," she said as she turned toward him and smiled.

"All right. Then off we go."

Eric turned the car to the right and again asked her to tell him to stop anytime she felt the slightest bit of stress. When he put the car in drive, he felt her hand clamp down on his arm. As he turned the car, he felt her let go then reach for his hand. He let her take it then squeezed back when she began holding on tight.

As they drove along they didn't see a single car which was the norm for this time of night. As they got closer to the place where it happened, Nicole was nearly cutting off the blood supply in Eric's hand, but there was no way he was going to mention it let alone let go.

The retiring sheriff had shown him the exact spot, and there was still a marker there with the names of both of the men Nicole loved on the shoulder with the date of the accident and the letters 'RIP'.

"You all right?" he asked very quietly.

He glanced over and saw tears streaming down her face but didn't say another word.

"I need to get out," she said as she let go of his hand.

He wanted to pull off the road, but Nicole had already opened the door and was stepping out. He let her go then pulled over and joined her.

By the time he walked up to her, she was sobbing as she stood in front of the sign, touching it almost reverently as the tears flowed. Eric wanted to comfort her, but he was afraid to even touch her, so he stood next to her as she cried.

"Matt!" she said as she touched his name then did the same for her husband.

"I miss you both so much!" she said in a jagged voice racked with grief.

At some point, and without warning, Nicole turned to Eric and put her arms around him and continued crying. Very slowly he put his around hers and held her. Neither of them were aware of how cold and dark it was as they stood their letting this beautiful woman grieve again for the worst loss a wife and mother can ever endure.

When her breathing began to level out Eric quietly asked if she needed more time there.

"No. I'm...I'll be okay," she said as she slowly pulled away.

She turned and touched each name one more time then let Eric know she was ready to go home.

They drove in silence until they reached the driveway. Before he turned off the engine, Nicole looked over and said, "I don't know how to thank you, Eric."

"You don't have to thank me. If this was of any help at all then that's thanks enough."

"It was," she said sweetly.

To his surprise she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and said, "Thank you," again.

Not sure what to think or even do, Eric said, "I uh, I should probably go home."

"Oh, right. It's late, isn't it? Very late," she said.

Nicole smiled in the dark then said, "To normal people anyway, right?"

"It is late, but that's not the reason why I think I should leave."

Nicole sat there and looked at him as her smile faded.

"I understand. You have think I'm some kind of nut job. Between my 'phobia' and all the mixed signals I've sent tonight after telling you how upset I was after Mike was here, I...I can't really blame you."

"No. That's not what I think at all," he told her quietly over the hum of the engine.

"I'm afraid to ask what you do think," she told him. "I'm not even sure I know what I think anymore."

"Nicole, I'm no shrink. But you've been through so much with the loss of your family. That by itself is reason enough to lose your mind, let alone..."

"Hey! Are you saying I've lost my mind?" she said, suddenly almost playfully.

"No. I didn't say that at all," he told her.

Then he smiled and said, "I might have been implying that, but I most definitely did not say it."

Nicole laughed, and the way she laughed told him she was feeling better, and that made Eric very happy.

"You're right. It's been a very difficult last couple of years. And as much as I hate to admit it, living up here by myself has probably just made things worse. It might even be the reason I found it so hard to leave."

"I hope I've helped in some small way," he said.

"More than you can imagine," she told him.

"I'll walk you to the door if you like," he offered.

"Yes. I would very much like that."

Eric left the car running as he went around to get her door. She let him help her stand up and thanked him before he walked her up the steps.

"I apologize for keeping you up so late," she said to him as they stood near the front door.

Eric smiled but didn't say anything.

"So now that I can leave home again, I'd...well, if your offer still stands...I...I would love to, you know, maybe go out with you sometime," she told him.

"It definitely still stands, and I would like nothing more."

Nicole smiled then Eric said, "With one exception."

"Oh? What kind of exception?" she asked as the dim porch light allowed her to just make out the features of his very handsome face.

"This," he said quietly as he leaned down to kiss her.

Not only did she not flinch or pull away, Nicole raised her arms and put them around his neck and kissed him back.

"I like your exception," she said sweetly as the kiss came to an end.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he said just above a whisper.

"It's very dark out here, Eric, so all of my flaws are well hidden," she replied modestly.

"I haven't seen a single flaw no matter the light," he said as he took her face in his hands before kissing her again.

This second kiss stirred the embers that had nearly gone out inside her since the last time she'd made love with her husband. The degree to which they flared up scared her, and as much as she wanted more, she was grateful he wasn't staying.

"Goodnight, Eric," she said as her body trembled from both his touch and his kiss.

"Goodnight," he said quietly as he lowered his hands, touching her arms and then her hands as he did.

Their fingers briefly intertwined before slowing slipping apart.

As he turned to walk away Nicole stood there unable to move. She knew that tomorrow she could try and sort through the onslaught of feelings she was experiencing. For now, her mind was a jumbled maze of emotions she simply couldn't possibly wade through. And as he drove away, she had no desire to even try. She only wanted to bask in the feelings she was experiencing for as long as they could last.

Once his taillights disappeared, she went inside and sat down. Unlike the state of confusion she experienced after Mike left, Nicole was feeling things she hadn't felt since her second date with Tim all those many years ago. The feelings were so strong, so overpowering, that she got up and went to the bedroom and undressed.

Nicole laid down and let the cool of the satin sheets spread across her back as she relived the last few minutes on her front porch. As she imagined him kissing her, her fingers slowly moved to the one place on her body that was screaming out for her attention. Her middle finger slowly circled the swollen nub surrounded by wetness, the likes of which she hadn't known in so very long. As his lips 'met' hers her body exploded with pleasure in the shortest amount of time in her life.

Once the spasms stopped, she began again. This time was slow, deliberate, and delicious as she allowed herself to imagine more than just his kiss. It was the first time she could ever actually feel someone other than her husband entering her by just imagining it, and while she was fully aware this was only fantasy, it didn't stop a second massive release just minutes later without the aid of the small, personal device she normally needed to 'get there'.

Now pleasantly spent, Nicole pulled the covers over her and for the first time in nearly two years, she fell asleep without a single unpleasant thought or fear.

At his place, Eric was too exhausted to sleep. His father used to say that, and even though it made no sense to him when he was a boy, he understood the meaning now. He was so tired he couldn't relax as he, too, relived the events of the last few hours.

He couldn't stop thinking about how amazing Nicole looked. She wasn't wearing anything special, but she looked so soft and feminine and beautiful to him. Dinner was pleasant but it paled in comparison to the conversation and just being near her.

Helping her get through this issue was one of the most rewarding things he'd ever done, and that it could happen so quickly was due to being able to access so much information so quickly online. He couldn't know if it would 'take', but he felt like Nicole at least had a chance now.

And then there was the first kiss. Soft and sweet and delicious, but no match for their second. As his hand reached for his 'special place' Eric knew it was going to happen even though he'd sworn off doing it a hundred times. Once every two or three weeks, no matter how hard he tried to resist, he would inevitably end up 'taking things in his own hands' or rather—hand.

He didn't even try to fight back when he lay there imagining each of the kisses they'd shared or the way she felt so small and wonderful in his arms. Her long, soft, silky hair. the smell of her perfume mingled with some kind of wonderful shampoo.

He made it last as long as possible, but the tension was so high it only took a couple of minutes to produce a huge gusher of white gold from the one-eyed geyser.

Only then could he finally relax and fall asleep, and when he did, his last thoughts were of her.

Nicole woke up at eleven the next morning and smiled within seconds of realizing she was awake. She showered, got dressed, and fed Zeus then picked up her car keys and got ready to go into town for the first time in what? A month? She wasn't exactly sure and really didn't care. Just the thought that she could made her smile.

She was doing fine until she started down the driveway. When the old fears welled up inside her, she stopped the car and sat there waiting for it to pass.

"Everything's okay. It's all in your mind. There isn't any threat," she told herself as she breathed deeply and exhaled slowly.

The anxiety passed and she continued driving. She got to the road, and after looking both left and right without issue, she turned right. As the marker approached she reminded herself the marker was nothing but a sign. It wasn't alive, it didn't have feelings or even meaning beyond what she gave it, and that it couldn't harm her.

As she drove on by she looked right at it and said, "I love you both very much," fully aware no one was there to hear her.

For a brief moment she felt guilty for feeling free, but that feeling also passed very quickly.

Nicole stopped at the only coffee shop in town and ordered four cups to go. The owner told her how much he'd seeing missed her and how good it was to see her out and about before telling her, "These are on the house."