Sin Eater

Enough games. "Jennifer." No 'honey'. No 'dear'. No affection. Just bone tired resignation to getting this over with. "Please. Let's just get this done."

"Donnelly Ferguson."

"The missing kid?" I asked, incredulously. She nodded. "Goddamn it!"

Donnie Ferguson had graduated high school the year before and was supposed to go off to one of the big universities back east. But a week before he was supposed to leave for orientation, he disappeared. His car was still in his driveway, his closets still full of his clothes. No note. No word from him. Maybe he had some money on him, but there had been no withdrawals more than $50 over the previous month. He hadn't been accumulating cash in a planned escape.

His story was everywhere for a few weeks. His folks were on the news, making appeals for any information. There were billboards put up. Fundraisers were held to keep awareness and pay for private investigators around the country. All for naught.

Donnie's folks were really taskmasters. Always wanted him to overachieve. Tough parents. By all accounts, he was a good kid. Smart. But a bit quiet. I could identify with that kind of kid myself. Aside from that, he was one of those sensitive, love-nature types. His journals that he'd left behind had talked about his desire to travel the world and commune with nature. That kind of stuff.

The world went on though, without any signs from Donnie. After a while, there were other tragedies to take the spot light, and Donnie's story just faded a bit, and then a bit more. I heard rumors that he'd just had enough of the pressure cooker of his home life and he'd gone off to chase his own personal dream. Of course, some other people said he joined the French Foreign Legion, and then others said he was abducted by aliens and was being butt probed. Point was, no one knew for sure.

"I had Donnie in his junior year for AP History. He was a really bright kid. Maybe a little day-dreamy but he was sweet. A bit pretty for a guy. But he wore it well.

"Now before you say anything, I did nothing inappropriate with him then."

Who was she kidding? Again, I knew the ending of the story. She's already confessed that she fucked the little brat. She could read my face.

"Please. Just listen.

"I worked with that class and one of my senior Political Science classes on a model UN team which would go to New York. Donnie was in on that group. His folks had money and wanted him to get the extracurriculars for his college application. They visited me a few times after school and for PTA to make sure Donnie was 'achieving his potential'. You know I hate helicopter parents, but Donnie's were the textbook definition. Just ball-breakers. I can only imagine what it was like for him.

"Anyways, we made the trip to New York. I was one of the official school escorts and other parents chaperoned as well."

I stiffened. Those trips happened every few years and Jen always put a lot of prep work into each of them. The actual trip was almost an afterthought, based on how much prep work she had to put in beforehand. Time spent with the students, going over the logistics and everyone's responsibilities. Was that where she bonded with him? When she first fucked him? I felt like I wanted to puke.

"Nothing happened with him there." For the first time that evening, Jen touched my hand. I didn't jump like I expected. I didn't collapse either. I could barely hold eye contact with her, but I felt I had to.

"Not like that anyways. What did happen is that one night, after a class dinner in Manhattan, we talked. About him. Kid stuff, you know. Like the pressure he felt from his parents. The uncertainty of going off to school. He wanted to go to school as far away from home as he could. He knew his parents were unreasonable and he knew he would always be under their thumb while he was near.

"The poor kid, he just needed some one to vent to. To let him know that these years and his parents would not define his life. He needed to know that there was hope and freedom waiting for him.

"I couldn't make any promises to him, of course. But I told him there's always a chance to start over, where no one would know what you had done before. A chance for a clean slate. He thanked me and that was it.

"Any contact we had for the rest of the trip was in the context of the UN visit or the return trip home.

"We finished the trip, and rode out the rest of the year. He did well in the class. I think he got an A- for the whole course. We didn't really talk again, but I would catch a look from him in class every now and then. It was along the line of him thanking me for listening. I got the feeling that he didn't have many receptive ears among his parents, family or friends. They were all concerned with their own lives and issues. Or their plans for him. No one really seemed to care about him.

"Senior year, I didn't have Donnie at all. I'd pass him in the halls, among the hundreds of other students and every now and then there was that casual recognition. But that was it.

"I chaperoned at the Senior prom, and that's where it began.

"I forget what I was doing, but early in the evening, Donnie came up to me and introduced me to his date. The crowd kinda parted around them as they approached. And I saw why. Her." Jen's eyes blazed with the rare fury she reserved for when she didn't get her way.

"'Mrs. Rhinehart,' he said. 'This is my date, Zolli. She's an exchange student from Belize who's been staying with my family.' I knew who she was, of course."

Jen stopped and looked at Zolli. I finally realized there was more than anger in that glare. There was fear. My wife was genuinely afraid of this woman.

Turning to me, Jen's eyes were saucers. I could see the white all around the iris. "You don't understand. It was her! But it was her from fifteen years ago! From the gym with Randall ... from the bar with Jerry. She was young and so, so beautiful. But there was no way it could be her; she hadn't aged!

"I wanted to run away screaming. Not only could she not be there, but also that if she was, I knew what it meant was going to happen. And I couldn't let that happen. But I was frozen.

"Everyone was staring at Donnie and his date. That year's graduating class had some lovely girls in it. Real pretty things. But her? She eclipsed them all just walking in. Her dress was a vibrant green wrap that ended above her knees. It looked like it was made of banana leaves. The dress left little to the imagination. Sandals wrapped up her calves and tied below her knee. Her face was accented with just enough make up to highlight her incredible dark and smoky beauty. And her hair hung down, but was banded with what I swore was gold ringlets. Like 24 carat gold. With those and the necklace and bracelets she wore, I guessed she wore close to $100,000 worth of gold and jewels.

"You don't understand Carl. She looked like a goddess!"

Zolli's smile was quick and genuine, as she recognized the praise.

"And there she was on the arm of sweet, kind, lost Donnie Ferguson. And she was just eyeing me. There was no way either of us were escaping there. And everyone else just was staring at us. At her.

"I don't remember what was said, but I must've thanked Donnie for the introduction and I introduced myself.

"'Donnie, you're eighteen, right?' He nodded. 'How old is Zolli?' She began talking, but the surrounding noise was enough that I had to lean in. I did it without thinking, but soon her lips were at my ear, and I got a good whiff of her scent. It was sex. Sex on top of something dry and dark. Rotting wood. And something even worse below that. I was barely able to resist her there.

"But she whispered in that voice, 'Donnie tells me how good you were to him. How you helped him when he needed it. He'd like to repay you in any way you'd choose.' And I pulled back, and that knowing smile she had, with the pretty, even teeth across dark lush lips. The one I couldn't resist. No one could.

"I smiled. Well, I think I smiled. But I excused myself and went to the toilet to splash water on my face. Again, with just a few words, she had planted a seed in my head that there was only one way to satisfy it. I don't know why I even tried to resist. I mean, after Jerry and Randall, hadn't I learned my lesson already?

"The evening passed, and Donnie and his date moved as if they were in a bubble. People just parted when they came near. Staring. I knew the feeling. But out of all of those people, I was the one chosen. By her. The rush it gave me to know that I was the one, it was amazing.

"At some point, I got my number to Donnie. He knew, too. I had never felt any kind of desire for that kid until she had planted the seed. I don't know why he chose me. Or if it was him that chose me. Maybe it was her all along? Despite having the most beautiful girl that had ever gone to one of the school's prom on his arm, Donnie kept looking for me. No one else noticed. She just danced with him and laughed, knowing the spell she had cast and that all eyes were on her.

"Prom ended, and the kids went their ways. I came home and tried to fuck you through the mattress and bedspring. I had to do something, anything, to keep that horrible witch's spell from working.

"I may as well have been trying to block out the sun.

"By the time the senior class graduation exercises were done, I was jumping at shadows. Each time my cell phone rang, I dreaded seeing who it was. When Donnie finally called, I cried for an hour. But I felt the pull.

"We met in a coffee shop two towns away; there was no way we could be seen together. He was almost apologetic, but there was a magnetism between us that I could not escape. I gave in, and we went to a motel. He was young, beautiful and very inexperienced. I had to teach him everything about pleasing a woman. He made up for it with the sweet attention of youth, with his awe of a woman's body and his gratitude. He didn't have stamina, at least at first. But he recovered so quickly."

I cringed from the mental pictures.

"We met maybe half a dozen times over the next two months. And while it was not great sex, it was sweet and reminded me of us so many years ago. An innocence that I'd long forgotten about. It was ... I dunno what I'm trying to say. Or justify. But it was a chance to both remember for me and to give this kid hope that he was finally about to escape his parents.

"I felt my guilt and shame overpower this attraction I had, and then, one day it was just over. I called Donnie, and while he was a bit sad, I think he knew it was over too. I mean he was such a sweet kid."

I felt my anger flare again. Yeah, a sweet kid sleeping with someone else's wife.

"But he was grateful and understanding. It was an easy separation. I felt nothing for him beyond the good will and hope for a young kid to get away from the pressures he had. And I returned to you, angry and sad that I once again failed you. Hopeful that you'd continue our life together. And scared that I had still not developed my self-control. I ask so much of you. I know I do. But I don't hold myself to the same standards."

Jen's face was in her hands and she sobbed. I knew she had been honest; honest to the point of pain. Honest to the point of the destruction of our marriage. She was tired and had nothing left.

Zolli came forwards and gently placed her strong hands on Jen. Jen shot up, a fierce energy in her.

"How did you do it? How did you make me do that? How did you stay so young and beautiful?"

"Jennifer," she began. "We have our parts to play. I didn't and can't make you do anything you don't want to do. I can only suggest. At any time when I spoke with you, did you say 'No'? If you had, I think you'd find that your self-control would have been much stronger. As for how I look, well ... I've always been able to fit in to a situation. Much like today," she twirled her hands at herself, showing her comfortable middle-age look. "This suits my needs for today."

"So that's it?" I asked. Jen was sobbing in her hands again.

I was more than a bit pissed off. I was trying to process all that happened and felt a bit worse for the bargain made when I agreed to listen to Zolli.

That changed when Zolli's eyes flared at me for a moment. She pursed her lips. "Carl, would you be so kind to prepare two bowls of that wonderful food for Jennifer and I?"

We were gonna eat? I shook my head and rose, heading off to the kitchen. I heard Zolli speaking quietly to Jen as I ladled out the still-steaming risotto. The earthy smells were both comforting and resonant of Zolli's power. I brough the two bowls into the living room and handed them to the ladies.

"None yet for you Carl, if you don't mind." I did mind. I had been through a shit evening, and despite the torrent of my emotions, I was starving. But I didn't complain.

Zolli held her dish and began. "Jennifer Rhinehart, I have heard your confession. You have sinned against your husband by sleeping with three men outside of your bond. I would offer you the chance to absolve your sins and remove them from your past."

Well, if the first part of the evening wasn't weird, this was now absolutely insane.

"What the fuck?" Jen echoed my own thoughts.

"I am -" and Zolli's true name was uttered a third time in my living room. It was a word of power and of compassion. The ripple of energy and the attending rank rotten odor that followed made me happy I didn't have a dish in my hand. "I am the two-faced in that I both create sin, but also remove it. From you, through this ritual, I can remove your sins entirely. Take them from your soul. Make them as though they never happened. You will have no memory of them. It will be as if they never happened.

"Would you accept this gift?"

I think the stunned silence from both of us was noted. I'm sure Jen's thoughts were that this was an opportunity to relieve herself of the guilt and shame she had been under since Jerry. A chance to be the woman she thought she always was.

I was a bit more cautious. I hated what she had done. Hated it. But it was also a part of her. As I thought about it, that guilt kept Jen in check. I wondered if she would have been tougher to live with had she been 'little Miss Perfect'? It was a bit selfish of me; I admit. But then again, Jen had cornered her own part of the selfish market. Could I continue to live with her, with her confessions out like that?

I'll be honest. I wasn't hopeful that I could live with her with that in the open. I was afraid of what my next actions would be.

"Really?" Jen's tears had stopped, and for the first time this evening, there was a bright, hopeful look to her face. It made her look years, if not decades, younger. "You can make it so that it never happened?"

Zolli nodded, a small smile at the corner of her mouth. "I am the sin eater. I would take those marks on your soul and consume them. I can then reuse the sin for others. In time, I can offer them the same confession and absolution. It's what I am."

"Jen," I said, placing my hand on her leg. "Please. There's always a price."

She turned. She was so hopeful. So beautiful. "But honey, this is a chance to fix what I did wrong! To remove the black marks I've made. Against you. Against us! You know I'd do anything to be what you deserve. You've always worked so hard and yet always been there for me and Angie."

I sighed, and shook my head. Jen was willful. It was one of the things I loved so very much about her.

I nodded, but I was not happy.

"Zolli, I accept your offer."

Zolli smiled, warm and genuine.

The ritual consisted of both of them taking a spoonful of the risotto. Jen was instructed to say the name of one of her lovers. Zolli would take her own spoonful and repeat the name. Then they both would eat. This was to be repeated for each of her sins.

"Afterwards, you will feel much the same, but your memories of those events will fade, and soon there will be no recollection at all. Each event will be as if you said 'No' and moved on with your life. Time will heal itself around those events and your soul will be purified. It will take time but by the new moon you will be free of them."

They performed the ritual, and as Jen said each name, I'd have sworn that a black wisp of smoke came from her mouth and drifted to our guest, where she absorbed it.

By the end, Jen was crying again, but these were tears of relief. Of joy. She held me and sobbed.

I felt much the same as before. My memories were a turmoil and threatened my own soul. I was not so happy. What did that mean for me? Could I just forgive her for confessing? If these events didn't happen, then could I just forget them? My wife had this potential to cheat on me within her; could I just forget that?

So, the end result of this was it goes away and there's no evidence but I still had a memory; the same as if I had some fantasy story about my wife cheating on me, but it was nothing more than words on a page? It was all in my mind?

What if I didn't want to forget?

Jen got up from the couch and danced around the room. She swung by Zolli and hugged her, giving her an affectionate peck on the cheek. Even Zolli looked shocked and amused. She continued to celebrate, singing as she danced, hooting and laughing.

"Oh, my God! What a relief!" she cried. "I was so afraid I was going to lose everything! This is going to be so great!" She continued to bounce around, but then realized that I was still sitting.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Jen, there's always a price."

"But this is for our own good!" She was genuinely puzzled that I wasn't happy that she had just essentially gotten a free pass for cheating on me multiple times. A 'GET OUT OF SIN FREE' card.

"Jen, you cheated on me-"

"Not anymore!" she sang.

"But you did it. You were given the chance to cheat on me and you never said 'no'. This doesn't change that. What will happen in the future? Would you be able to refuse some guy who wants you? You're still a beautiful woman. Men want you. And this doesn't change that. I can't watch over you all the time. I won't do it."

Her brows came together and her good mood suddenly clouded over a little bit. Jen was always smart. Yet, she hadn't quite anticipated this.

"In a way, that guilt shaped you and made you the woman you are. A good woman who would listen to me. Not often, but as often as I needed you to hear me. I'm afraid of what else this will change in you.

"I'm happy that you're happy. Really. But whether you know it or not, you cheating has always been important for us. Many good things came from it."

Jen looked puzzled.

Zolli had been waiting patiently. Jen smiled and stuck out her hand.

"It's been nice to see you again, Zolli, but I want to talk my husband. I have a lot to make up for!"

Zolli's smile became much sadder. It was her eyes that conveyed the change. They were remarkably expressive.

"Jennifer, I am happy that you have found relief from your sins. But that was not my main purpose in coming tonight. This visit was not about you, at least initially.

"Wait, what?"

But it was now time for Zolli to act again.

As she said the words, I hung my head.

"Carl Rhinehart, I am-"and with the puff of rotten wind and the ripples of energy that passed through the room as she named herself, I balled my fists.

"You have sinned against your fellow man and you must confess to atone for your crime. I name you, Murderer!"

Jen fell to the ground.

I went and picked her up and placed her near the couch. I had always been strong. Really strong and moving her was simple for me.

"Honey, what did you do?" Jen's voice was a whisper, and her eyes were wide and empty. I wondered how much of this would stick with her, and how often I would need to repeat it to her. Soon she wouldn't remember why, just what I had done.