Sorority Girl

The heavy thump of house music was making my head throb. I looked around for my friend, Cecilia, to let her know that I was going to step out onto the patio but she was nowhere to be found. I shrugged a little to myself and headed across the dance floor to the doors that lead out the back of the dimly lit bar. The blast of chilly air that hit my sweaty face felt refreshing and I lifted my chin to breathe in deeply. I let the door swing softly behind me and hopped up onto the railing of the porch and sat down.

I closed my eyes and let my head fall to my chest as I willed the world to stop whiriling so fast. By now I was pretty sure that the music wasn’t the only thing causing my head to ache. The only sounds around me were the slightly breezy night air playing in the trees and the woman singing telling her lover to go out the door and don’t turn around. I sat silently for a few minutes when I heard a voice ask if I had a light. I turned quizzically to see who would ask me a question like that. I am not a smoker…not even a casual I’ve-had-one-too-many-drinks smoker and everyone I know knows that about me. Not that I am a preachy non smoker--it just makes me puke.

I cleared my throat and opened my eyes. “No I—Wow! I mean—Geez!” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could catch them. This guy was gorgeous! He was athletically build without being muscle-bound…a baseball player if I had to guess…and his grey eyes stared at me as if there was something wrong with me. I took a deep breath, exhaled and tried again. “No, sorry I don’t have a light.” It would have almost been perfect if my voice hadn’t been so squeaky. Damn!

“Sorry to have bothered you,” he lifted his hand in a little wave and started to walk off. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. He was the first guy to talk to me at this stupid sorority mixer. I had just signed my pledge card that afternoon and was already a little angry with myself. I had done it mostly to spite my roomate who said that I wasn’t Tri-Phi material, but as it turns out, I was. Last night I had twenty-five girls dressed all in white practically break down the door to my dorm room. They offered me a bid to join the sorority and this afternoon I felt a little like I had signed my life away, but that is what happens when someone says that I can’t do something. Sure I had the only black face in the room, but it’s not like I haven’t been in that situation before. I sighed dejectedly and went back to meditating or willing myself not to puke and I heard the door open then close again.

I opened an eye to make sure that I was alone, then I jumped down from my perch and I leaned over to gaze in to the dead and ragged-looking garden below and the street beyond that. I turned my head in the direction of the door and watched as Mr. Gorgeous sauntered through again. My heart skipped a couple of beats and trying not to let a goofy smile take over my face, I turned back to the street and counted down from ten to one trying to calm my nerves. His broad shoulders were hidden under a long sleeved t shirt that was covered by a short sleeved tee. His jeans were baggy enough to be fashionable, but tight enough to leave very little to the imagination. He gave me a cheeky smirk and stopped next to me.

“Do you mind if I have a smoke?” he asked me in a sexy low voice.

“Not at all,” I answered back. That was the most normal thing that had come out of my mouth to this guy yet. He stood beside me and watched a couple of cars pass on the mostly deserted street. The cigarette crackled softly as he took a drag, then he blew the smoke out of his lungs straight ahead of us.

“Are you having a good time?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah,” I said in a thoroughly unconvincing voice. Mr. Gorgeous chuckled lowly and took another pull. “Are you?”

“Nah, the ladies are beautiful, but there’s not a lot going on upstairs, if you know what I mean.” It was my turn to chuckle.

“Sorority girls aren’t exactly known for being geniuses, you know.”

“Then why are you here?” He pointed at me with his cigarette.

“You know, it was partly because of a dare, and partly to see what it would be like. But mostly, I don’t know why.”

“My name’s Sean,” He said around the cigarette that was between his full lips. He extended a hand and I shook it. I almost turned to jelly right there on the spot.

“Trish.” He held my hand for longer than necessary, then let it go slowly.

“You’re really beautiful, you know that?”

My body gave a shiver of pleasure and I smiled at him sweetly.

“I bet you say that to all the greek girls so that you can get into their pants.” I gave him a saucy wink and turned to rest my back on the railing. It was taking a cosiderable amount of brain power to keep me talking like a normal person, but he didn’t seem to sense how nervous I truly was

“How did you know?” he winked right back and copied my body language. “You are beautiful, you know.” He took one last long drag and flicked the cigarette over his shoulder.

“I hope that landed in the street, Sean.” I said turning to take a peek out I thought I saw the butt glow orange but I couldn’t be sure. “Otherwise we may have to call the fire department here pretty soon.”

“I never miss my mark,” he said cocking an eyebrow. Somehow it felt like there was more to that statement than just talking about where his cigarette had landed. I cleared my throat again and slid a glance out of the corner of my eye.

“I think, Sean, that I am going to walk back to campus. It was really nice meeting you. Hopefully, I’ll see you around sometime.” I knew that I would definitely see him again, seeing as how his fraternity was the brother frat to my new sorority.

“You’re leaving?”

“As soon as I find my friend and let her know,” I said nodding.

“Can I at least give you a ride home? It isn’t safe for a woman to walk around by herself at night.”

“Are you my knight in shinning armor?” I joked as he stood over me. His square jawline was just a bit stubbly and I wondered what it would feel like to run my tounge over it. The tiny tingle between my legs that had started when he called me beautiful was beginning to develop into a full blown throb.

“Do you want me to be?”

“Nah, I can take care of myself,” I said with more confidence than I felt. It would be nice to be taken care of for once. I had been with someone all through high school and we had broken up just before I had come to college last year. Now here it was, the beginning of my sophmore year and I had been out with a couple of guys, but that mostly consisted of watching a DVD in his room and then quick meaningless sex afterward. Not that I don’t enjoy movies or sex, but sometimes a woman wants and needs a little more than that.

“You’re tough, I like that.” Sean touched my nose with his fingertip then he traced my cheekbone. His touch made me squirm with more pleasure than I was willing to admit was there. He bent his head as if to kiss me but then he stopped just centimeters from my mouth. “Do you taste as good as you look?”

“I’m sure that I do, but why don’t we find out another day?” I whispered. I took a step back and hurried away from him before I kissed him for real.

* * *

I was sitting in The Quad enjoying a break between classes when Sean ran up and sat beside me on the bench. His dark hair gleamed in the sun and his grey eyes twinkled.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you in awhile,” he pouted.

“I’ve been busy with pledge stuff. Who knew it was important to know where, when, and by whom the fucking organization was founded.” I shrugged a shoulder at him and chewed my thumbnail. This great looking frat boy made me nervous. Guys like this never came along in my life and if they did they were most certainly not for me. Sean turned the bill of his baseball hat to the front and lay down on the bench with his head in my lap all in one smooth motion, then he winked at me.

“I’m starting to get a headache. I was wondering if you could massage my head?”

“Uh, yeah, why not?” I pulled off his hat and then I lightly combed my fingers through his wavy hair and thought idly that he could use a haircut pretty soon. I let my fingers brush over his forehead and then I gently rubbed either side of his head at the temple. I worked my way to the joint of his bottom jaw to the top and kneaded the juncture. All the time, I kept my eyes on him and watched his eyes go smoky. The message there was completely readable and scary. He wanted me, Trish. The short, cute girl from Missouri in his bed.

“You should let me take you out—as a thank you for the massage.” He said hoarsely.

“No, but thank you, the offer is really sweet.” I pushed him up as the clock over the student center struck one o’clock. I was late for my history class. “Sorry, but I have to run.” I stood up and grabbed my bag.

“Trish?” He called after me. I turned around but kept walking slowly. “Someday you’ll go out with me.” Sean said pointedly.

“We’ll see,” was my answer as I turned around and ran off to class.

* * *

“Don’t forget girls! Tomorrow, friday, is our famous Famous Revival party!” Our pledge mom was reminding us at the end of our two hour long meeting. We had all started to get up when she remembered to give us this last minute announcement. Not that we could forget, it was all that any of the sisters had talked about for the past two weeks, and all of the pledges were excited to go. Me, I was just excited to get away from my roomate for a couple of hours. We had been fighting viciously for the past four weeks and it was no coincidence that it all started around the time that I had joined Tri Phi. I got my books and went to the library planning on hiding out there until Allison went to sleep. That way there would be no opportunity for fighting.

I was sitting in a window seat staring out onto the last night Ultimate Frisbee game going on when I heard someone clear their throat trying to get my attention.

“Hello, Sean.” I murmured without turning. I could see his reflection in the glass.

“Trish! What a pleasant surprise!” He sat next to me and gave me a grin.

“Is it really, or have you been following me?” I swung my legs to the front and smiled back.

“I wasn’t following you, I was researching a paper and who did I see but the prettiest Tri-Phi pledge ever.” He motioned to me.

“You have the worst pick up lines ever!” I laughed. I put my hands on my knees and made to get up when Sean placed a hand on my thigh.

“Please, don’t run away again. Let’s talk.”

“I’ve heard all about you and your reputation around campus, Sean O’Reilly. And it occurs to me that I am nothing like your type.” I took a deep breath and continued. “Maybe you should find someone else,” I said gently. “I’m not looking for anyone right now. I have enough problems without adding a man into them.”

He sat next to me looking stunned, then he said breathlessly, “What have you heard?”

“You know,” I mumbled. “You’re the campus player, you chase anything with a pussy and long blonde hair, that kind of stuff.”

“Do you believe it?” He demanded. His eyebrows bunched together in frustration.

“Should I not believe it?” I challenged.

“Trish, I don’t know who you are hearing this from, but that isn’t me, I swear it.”

“It doesn’t matter, because I’m not interested.” I shrugged. I could have kicked myself for saying these things, but I was sure that I would get hurt in the long run and it was better to be safe than sorry. I didn’t want to like this guy…at least not more than in a friendly way.

“You won’t even give me a chance?”

“We could be friends?” I laughed when I saw the scowl on his face.

“If that’s all I can have, then that’s what I’ll take.” Sean said with a sigh. I let out a sigh of relief myself. I hate having that “Let’s-be-friends” talk. I always feel bad, but not as bad as I have felt when I was on the receiving end of the speech. And I was never going to be on the receiving end of that shitty situation again if I could help it!

“Would you like to go outside and have a cigarette with me then, Buddy?” He stood up and smoothed the front of his jeans down with his palms.

“Yeah, sure.” I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I staggered a little under the weight of my books but managed to catch myself.

“Do you have bricks in there?” he laughed and steered me to the closest exit. The one that lead to the front entrance of the brick castle-looking library.

“Mostly children’s books, actually. I’m an Education major you know.” I sat down on the top step and Sean sat next to me. He was so close that our arms touched as he leaned away to pull his Marlboro pack out of his pocket and my eyes watered from the wonderful boy smell of him. I inhaled the smell of his hair and closed my eyes to savor it. This was the sexiest guy I had ever had the pleasure of being next to. Why was I being such a jackass and telling him I just wanted to be friends? I was half in love with him already.

“Really? How do you like it?” He squinted as he lit his cigarette and was kind enough to blow the smoke away from me while I pondered my answer.

“I really don’t. To tell the truth, I don’t really like children.”

Sean laughed so hard that he choked on the smoke in his lungs and started to cough. He pounded his chest with his fist and kept laughing.

“It’s really not that funny, in fact, I think it’s really sad. I just don’t know what else to do with myself.” I bristled a little.

“I’m sorry,” Sean said wiping tears from his eyes. “Something about the way you said that just tickled me.” He tossed his cigarette away. “I don’t think I really wanted that.”

“Just wanted to get me alone, huh?” I stood up and bounced down the steps. “I should get back to my room, hopefully Allison will be asleep by now.”

“I’m not going to bite you, you know!” Sean stood and followed me down the stairs.

“Hey! Where are your books?” I asked suspiciously.

“I’ll come back and get them later. Let me walk you across campus, it’s late and I wouldn’t want anything happening to you, Buddy.” He slid my bag down my arms and readjusted the straps to his shoulder size then we started off across campus. We chatted all the way from the library to the front of my dorm where I fumbled to get my acsess card out of the back pocket of my jeans. I swiped the card and the door clicked with a buzz and I held it open.

“Hey, thanks, Sean.” I smiled at him as he handed back my books.

“No problem.” He gave me a wave and turned to walk back down the steps to the sidewalk leading back to the library.

“Hey, are you going to the party tomorrow?” I asked lamely. I wasn’t quite ready for him to leave just yet. I was starting to get used to the mice that seemed to tumble in my tummy when Sean was around.

“That depends on if the prettiest girl in the pledge class will save me a dance,” he said turning back to face me.

“I’ll have to ask her, but I don’t think she’ll mind.”

“Then tell her I’ll see her at The Boot tomorrow, and tell her not to be late!” He jumped down all the stairs at once and whistled as he walked away.

* * *

I was waiting with the rest of my pledge sisters on the porch of my dorm building waiting for the bus to take us to The Boot where Revival was supposed to take place. I felt a little out of place among the rest of my “sisters.” It still felt strange to call them that. I grew up an only child and the idea of siblings was, and is, foreign to me. I was peering into the parking lot when I saw a shadow rather like a dandelion loom over me from the back. I turned around and saw Lizzie Uddo, one of my new sisters.

“Hey, Lizzie!” I started out with a smile, until I noticed the scowl on her face. I felt my face collapse and I began to worry, what could I have done to make a fellow Tri Phi pledge so angry? I didn’t know Lizzie very well, but I certainly had no reason to want to piss her or the rest of the pledges off…we still had 11 more weeks of pledgeing to get through, and I already had an ongoing fight with my roomate to worry about.

“Are you seeing Sean?” She asked bluntly.

“No!” I put my hand to my necklace and started playing nervously with the clasp that was hanging at my throat. She stared me down, until I finally blinked and turned my head away. “Look, we’re just friends, that’s all.”

“Make sure that’s the case,” Lizzie said in a tight voice. “I’m asking him to the fall formal and everyone knows that. Anyway, you aren’t even in his league, I don’t know why I was worried.” She flipped her frizzy mane and stalked off with a laugh back to her friend Cherie. I sat still for a heartbeat to catch my breath and when Cecilia came to me to tell me that the bus was there to take us to the party I looked at her with eyes that threatened to spill tears.

“Do you want a little time before you go?” she asked kindly. I nodded silently and then whispered to her that I would catch a ride from someone later. “Are you alright, Trish?”

“I’m fine, I just need to run upstairs.” I rushed back into the building and into the elevator before she could ask any more questions. I managed to make it back to my room before the sob burst out of my chest. Sure I knew I wasn’t the type of girl Sean would have dated anyway, but it still hurt to know that someone else thought that. I threw myself on the bed and had cried for a good five minutes before I realized that I wasn’t alone in the room.

“What’s the matter, Trish?” Allison, my roomate was sitting at her desk jiggling a pen between her bony forefinger and thumb. She stared at me with cold blue eyes that were narrowed in an expression that looked an awful lot like gloating.

“Look, Allison,” My voice sounded pitiful even to my ears. “Right now, I could use a friend and if you aren’t going to be that, could you just leave me alone?”

“I take it that Lizzie had a talk with you then?” She gathered up her books and notebook and shoved them into her backpack.

“How the hell did you know that?” My temper was about to get the best of me.

“Who do you think told her about you and Sean?” She gave the bag a final zip and glared at me. “You know, I thought we were friends, but obviously friendship means nothing to you. We have been roomates since last year and you went to that sorority instead of mine.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” I sat up and pushed my disheveled hair away from my sweaty tearstained face. “This is all because I didn’t choose your sorority? Allison, we’re friends no matter what sorority I join. But obviously friendship means nothing to you. Fuck you, Allison and fuck your fucking sorority!” Yelled at her.

“Fuck me?!” she screeched back, her mouse brown hair flying. “Fuck you, Trish! You get everything you want, damn whatever might happen to anyone else. You are a selfish bitch who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone but herself. I hope you rot in hell!”

“What the hell is going on?” I yelled at her back as it went out the door and slammed behind her. I burst into a fresh set of tears and drifted off to sleep when all my tears were cried out and my eyes were swollen.

BRING--BRING! BRING—BRING! The sound of the telephone woke me up with a start. I looked around my room in a daze and saw that I had been asleep for hours. The room was dark and the streetlight from across the parking lot was the only bit of light in the room. I stuck my head under the pillow and waited for the phone to stop ringing. I didn’t think I could handle talking to anyone just now. I just wanted to wallow in my own self pity.

There was a knock at my door and I sat very still and quiet until I thought they would have gone away, then I heard the doorknob turn. I held my breath and peeked up just enough to see that the figure in the hallway had the sillhouette of…SEAN!

“What are you doing here?” I whispered more to myself than to him.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright,” he whispered back as he stepped into the room and shut the door. He made his way over to my bed and sat on the edge with one knee on the matress and the other foot touching the floor. He reached down and carressed my face then smoothed my hair. I took a shuddering breath and turned away from him. “I was wondering where you were. You promised to save me a dance.”