Sun Hee Ch. 08

But something I said struck a nerve, and she pulled back and hunched her shoulders. She didn't like the way my attempt at understanding figured as its own form of control. "You think you understand, huh? You think you know me?" she asked with indignation.

Sun Hee wanted the ball back in her court, and she understood how sex gave her that power. She understood that more and more with each passing day. She knew that a subtle flick of her hair and bite of her lip put thoughts into my head that rendered me dumb.

"Maybe I just didn't want to fuck you?" Sun Hee stuck her tongue out at me saucily. "Maybe you just don't have what it takes to get between my legs."

I gawped. She hit a nerve that made my cock deflate. This wasn't the first time Sun Hee had suggested my penis was too small for her, and her comments were building to a real insecurity. Was size really that important to her? My confidence had weakened since meeting her, even as her own confidence had clearly grown, and though I tried to hide all of this, I felt Sun Hee read me like a book.

Sun Hee regarded me with slow-blinking eyes. The intensity of her gaze held me captive. "I like when you look so vulnerable. I like knowing I make that happen. It makes me feel so powerful." Her camisole was still pulled low over her shoulders, almost on the brink of sliding off her tits, and to prove her point about control, she shook her breasts back and forth - almost, almost enough for her top of lose its hold and fall down. The effect was positively lewd.

Sun Hee laughed as I goggled. My helplessness delighted her. "You're like a little puppy, my lost little puppy dog!"

"Baby..." I groaned.

"Baby, what?... What do you want?" Sun Hee taunted, clearly enjoying the way she made me too speechless to respond.

I couldn't answer. I felt so submissive... so helpless to her tease.

"You want to get back together, that's what you want. Isn't it?" she challenged.

I nodded frantically, both because what she said was true and because I wanted her to keep shaking her luscious breasts.

"What are you going to do then? What are you going to do?" Sun Hee used this particular tone she had that made me especially helpless, like she was trying to help but there wasn't anything she could do. It was the tone a mother used with a petulant child.

"What do you mean?" I gasped, beside myself. My cock throbbed between my legs, and my heart ached. More than anything else, I wanted to know this. I wanted to know what would reconnect us.

"What are you going to do to get me back?"

Such a simple question, such an obvious question. And yet... I didn't have an answer. Weeks of pining, and I still didn't know what would bring her back to me. "Anything..." I groaned, truly desperate for her to tell me.

Sun Hee pinned me with her large dark eyes. For a moment, it seemed she was about to answer, but then she burst into giggles. "Well, it certainly isn't going to be your dick." Her hand was raised toward the camera, her wrist limp in a cruel mime of my penis.

There was Sun Hee, this beautiful and sexy Korean girl, making the universal sign for "loser."

I gasped, instantly emasculated, even as I was intensely aroused, and my confidence drained away. So cruel! And yet also so frustrating. I wanted to have an honest conversation here, but Sun Hee refused to be pinned down. "Please, baby," I said, mustering as much earnestness and confidence as I could.

Maybe Sun Hee realized she had gone too far, or maybe she just had mercy, but she settled down and looked suddenly lost herself. She pulled her shirt back up into place and shrugged. She looked contrite for taking things so far. "My poor, vulnerable little puppy." But then her voice firmed, and she demanded, "But why should I tell you? If you really want me back, find a way. Show me you can be the man I want you to be."

Shoot, she had a point.

"I'm trying," I promised.

"I know..." Head down, she looked up at me through the tops of her eyes. The morning sun had advanced all the way across her tiny room, reminding us of how much time had passed together. Her room now was bright and white, even as mine had dimmed in the late evening.

"I do like teasing you though." Her eyes sparkled, and her hands went back to the straps of her tiny little camisole. "Before I go, should I do something nice for you?" she asked. "Do you want to see my tits?"

She smiled in delight as I nodded eagerly. I was her little puppy!

Sun Hee pulled her straps out to the sides again, stretching the fabric tight across her nipples. "Do you want to see my tits?" she asked again, working me into a frenzy.

Again and again I nodded eagerly. "Yes!" I begged, unable to believe this sudden and unexpected blessing from my princess.

She pulled the straps downward... the tops of her tits spilled into view... her hard nipples, clearly visible through the cloth, were just about to pop out!

Sun Hee was just about to lower her top...! Her giant breasts once more naked for my gaze...!

And then... Just as she pulled down her top... The screen went blank!!

My computer screen was suddenly black. She had cut the video connection.

All I heard was her laughter, high and delighted, echoing hollowly through the computer speakers.

***

A few days later, Sun Hee and I talked again. It was evening for her, and she had been out with her parents for a family dinner. She still had on the dress she wore to the restaurant: a dark yellow A-line dress that fully covered her breasts and cleavage. The skirt flared out in a way that was more conventionally feminine that she liked, and white lace accented the collar and sleeves. A simple white bow gathered neatly around her slender waist. The outfit was more conservative than I was used to seeing on her, and it was weird how it made her look nice yet somehow plain. Well, not plain exactly, but ordinary. Dressed like a more conventional Korean girl, Sun Hee looked, well, more conventional.

The spirit of daring and adventure that made Sun Hee so radiant was dampened.

She seemed a little nervous or awkward around me tonight, too. I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly, but her eyes seemed to slide away from mine like something was bothering her.

We talked about little things for a half hour or so. I asked her about her family dinner, eager and genuinely interested to learn more about her life.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Sun Hee said, "I have a date tomorrow."

It took me a few moments to register what she said, and then a few more moments to understand what it meant. "A date?" I asked. The bewilderment and vulnerability in my voice made me wince.

"Yes, a date," Sun Hee repeated, this time more firmly.

The sudden heat of anger and wounded pride that swelled up inside surprised me. "You're dating already!? We just broke up?"

Sun Hee bristled. "We didn't 'just' break up," she corrected. "And besides, I'm free to do what I want, aren't I?" The challenge in her voice was clear.

"I-" I caught myself from saying... something that would have made things worse. She was right, whether I liked it or not. I wanted to win her back, but we weren't together now. She was free to do as she liked, and if I did want her back, slut shaming her for going on a date wasn't going to help. "I'm sorry," I said, hanging my head.

Sun Hee's face softened too. "It's a blind date," she explained. "Something my parents set up. They think it is time I start getting more serious about marriage."

"Your parents? Like an arranged thing?" I asked in confusion. This idea seemed so strange it caught me off guard and changed the basic nature of what she was telling me. Suddenly I was more worried for Sun Hee than I was for my own feelings. This sounded like more of the kind of expectations she struggled with when she was home in Korea.

"Not arranged exactly, not like that," Sun Hee said. She explained that it was common for fathers to arrange introductions for their daughters to young men of "good families." Often this meant the eldest son of a coworker or boss. It was just a date, nothing more, unless the two young people hit it off, but for a society centered around status and duty it was a way of strengthening bonds between families, and therefore difficult for the girl to say no. In this case, it was the son of her father's boss, a man in this late 20s who went to a good school and now had a good job.

He sounded boring.

"Oh, so it's not really a date then?" Hearing her explanation made me feel much better, and at the same time, and in a way that filled me with a conflicted feeling of shame, it also made my spine tingle and my chubby swell.

Imagining Sun Hee having no real choice but to go on this date was undeniably arousing, and I was already visualizing her sitting across the table from this guy at a restaurant, dressed up nice for him and on display. That it was the boss's son made it somehow even more intense. There was every expectation the date would remain chaste, but what would happen if this boss's son wanted more? The prospect of her having to submit herself to this superior man, especially when her father had arranged the date, both aroused and horrified me, filling me with a conflicted shame.

Despite the way Sun Hee so intensely valued her independence, or maybe because of it, the prospect of her spreading open her legs so this unknown man could take her pussy was intensely erotic, for both of us I think, and the way that must feel for him, knowing he was taking the daughter of a coworker, filled me with a strange submissive dread and desire.

"No, it's a real date," Sun Hee replied. Her eyes lowered modestly, but her chest heaved more than it should, as though she was having thoughts similar to mine. Her breath caught in the back of her throat. She was clearly imagining the same thing.

"But it's arranged... and you've never even met this guy." I strained to understand. "Will you... will you kiss him?"

There's a particular timbre my voice takes on sometimes, a peculiar mixture of vulnerability and need, when I somehow want her to say yes and say no at the same time. And if I could hear that myself, then Sun Hee definitely heard it too.

"I might," she answered. Her large dark eyes had become heavy-lidded. "If I like him... or, if he likes me." Sun Hee bit her lip. Her mouth looked full and red and soft. "It will be expected."

Her answer made me whimper. My mouth fell slack, and the hard-on in my pants swelled more urgently. My vulnerable arousal was plain for Sun Hee to see, she knew me too well for me to hide it, and so I knew full well I was humiliating myself in front of her. I couldn't help it. And strangely, the experience made me feel even closer to her.

The next question spilled from my lips beyond my control: "Are you going to sleep with him?"

The question was asked with that same conflicted urgency of tone, both aroused and insecure about her answer. But if I was honest with myself, truly honest, there was also an impulse to shame and control her, as if only a "slut" would consider sleeping with him.

Sun Hee clearly heard it, and she didn't like it. Though in truth her sudden anger likely had more to do with her rebellion against her parents for sending her on this date in the first place. Their expectations for her were a painful source of struggle and self-doubt.

Sun Hee arched her eyebrows and gave me an accusative look. Her eyes flashed dangerously. "We aren't together any more. I don't think that's any of your business."

A few months prior, when I first started to get to know her, she wouldn't have been able to deflect a question that way. Growing up in Korea had taught her to answer questions directly and honestly, and she was accustomed to not having much privacy about her own affairs. But the more Sun Hee learned to dominate me, the more she more she learned to take control of her own decisions.

She held my eye until I looked down in shame. In doing so she forced me to recognize that this was the kind of question she didn't want to have to answer, and this was the kind of self-pitying attitude that had wrecked things between us in the first place. I half-feared Sun Hee would click off skype and disappear in anger.

"You're right. I'm sorry," I said, and meant it. "That's none of my business."

Sun Hee bobbed her head to acknowledge my apology. Then she cocked her head to the side and flashed a sideways smile. Something of her adventurous spirit was returning as we talked. If having her parents set up a date with this stranger had dampened her spirits by reminding her of the gender roles she was expected to conform to, telling me about it awakened in her a desire to rebel. With me she could take control.

She leaned forward into the camera and peered into my eyes intently. "Hearing that I'm going out with this guy really makes you feel vulnerable, doesn't it?"

She already saw the answer. "Yes," I whispered.

"Is it because he's older? And more accomplished?" Sun Hee was genuinely curious. She didn't know much about how men apportioned status and hierarchy amongst themselves.

I really didn't want to answer that, but I was always honest with her. "Yes." The prospect of her going out with this older guy really did make me feel insecure in a whole new way.

Sun Hee's smile broadened at my answer. "I do like seeing you vulnerable." Her fingers played with the lace along her collar. The dress she wore for her parents was too modest to really tease with, but still, the way her breasts swelled against the yellow fabric made my throat tighten.

She flashed that sideways smile of hers, delighted by how she affected me. She cocked her head to the side and asked, "So, what should I wear?"

***

The rest of that day, while Sun Hee slept deeply on the far side of the planet, time slowed to a crawl.

It was profoundly distracting and unsettling knowing that she had a date. And as I went about my own day at home with my parents, doing some chores around the house and having dinner at home, I kept thinking about her. Constantly.

At first my anxiety took the form of concern on her behalf: Who was this guy? Was it safe for her going out with someone she'd never met? But reluctantly I had to admit how patronizing that was. Acting like it was my role to protect her was really just a way of trying to maintain some kind of hold on her. She was a grown woman, free to make her own choices. Then I turned back to self-pity. How could she do this to me?

I appreciated her honesty in telling me, but at the same time I found it cruel and confusing. Did she tell me just to be honest? Was she doing it to tease me? Worst of all was the very real possibility was she told me because it didn't occur to her not to. Maybe she thought of me as just a friend now.

My acknowledgement that it was none of my business who she dated was a hard pill to swallow. The possibility that she really just didn't think of me that way anymore was harder still.

But we were broken up. And even if we did get back together, certain... limits with Sun Hee just had to be accepted. What she had demanded of me was far more than other guys would have tolerated, and most guys would have long since accepted the break up and moved on. Most guys would already be fucking someone else, dating someone else. But not me. I was still hopelessly stuck on Sun Hee, and instead of letting go I was eroticizing the pain. The prospect of Sun Hee with another man only fueled my desire for her. My helpless need made me feel broken, like I had been rewired. Like Sun Hee had rewired me.

When I thought about her date I got hard. When I closed my eyes I saw Sun Hee pressing her body against this unknown man. My cock ached every time I imagined it, but instead of begging her to stop, my mind urged her on.

Worse was when night came and it was time for me to go to bed. As I struggled to fall asleep, Sun Hee was waking up alone in her little bed - and later that day, would be getting ready for her date. She wouldn't be alone for long.

No skype call came from Sun Hee, further driving home the truth.

I was cut off and alone. She was either too busy to call, or simply didn't want to.

It was sobering to realize I truly couldn't control what happened.

The brute fact that she was so far away radically amplified the feeling of helplessness. I couldn't go to her, I couldn't stop her, I couldn't even call her. What she did or didn't do on her date was - literally - beyond my control.

Alone in my bed, I jerked off. I imagined him on top of her, his naked ass pounding in between Sun Hee's legs. In my mind's eye he was making her cum. Of course he was making her cum - he was older, successful, confident, masculine. And she was submitting to him. Her whole body was wrapping around his, urging him deeper as she cried out in ecstatic orgasm.

My warm sperm spurted uselessly across my stomach as Sun Hee's cries of pleasure echoed in my mind.

The shameful release should have banished her from my thoughts, but instead it had the opposite effect. I ended up spending a fretful night of lucid dreams and sweaty sleep. In my dream state I was floating above them as they fucked. Sometimes Sun Hee made eye contact in the dream, sometimes she didn't. Always she was cumming.

In the dreams, she seemed to cum harder when she knew I was watching.

When morning finally came I awoke sticky with sweat and cum. It was early evening in Korea for Sun Hee. She would be showering and getting dressed for her date. Taking extra care with her makeup and perfume. Picking out a dress that showed her best features. This was just a blind date, a casual first meet-up. But this was the boss's son, and it would be important for her to make a good first impression. She would be at her best tonight.

Dinner, a walk, and then... maybe...

The possibility made me hard again, even as I felt shame over my arousal. Nothing would happen, I told myself. Yet it could not be denied some part of me wanted something to happen, and I believed Sun Hee wanted that too.

As the minutes ticked by, I waited by the computer, foolishly believing she would still call.

Of course she didn't. She didn't need me.

So instead I panicked and decided to reach out the only way I could: an email. The email became a paragraph, and then a page. It was full of begging and pleading. Passive aggression. Rereading it from her point of view, I saw how pathetic I sounded, and I came to understand more clearly how some of my own past behavior had driven her away.

I was acting like this date was about me - but it wasn't. It was about Sun Hee, and her pleasure.

I resolved to do better. I resolved to win her back. And that meant deleting everything, and being honest, even if it was hard. The honest truth was that I did want her to have fun. I wanted her to be happy. And she had made it clear that her happiness depended on enjoying sex. So that's what I wrote.

The final message I typed out read: "I hope you have fun tonight. I hope you fuck him."

I felt such a charge seeing that message on the screen and knowing what it would mean for our future if I sent it.

In a fit of fatalism, I clicked send.

***

At 7pm her time, I felt sure Sun Hee was off on her date with the boss's son. I wondered how it was going. Was it awkward? Did she like this guy, or hate him? Was the date going well?

By 8:00 they would be at dinner. He would be showing off his wealth and status, and she would be calling him oppa, marking her submissiveness. She would be on her best behavior, needing to make a good impression like a dutiful daughter. If he was handsome and confident, she would want to fuck him, and probably he would already sense that, savoring his control over her.

Yet somehow it excited me even more to consider that she might dislike the guy yet still fuck him anyway. Arrogant, obnoxious and powerful, he would simply expect sex from her as his due, and she would submit to him, her body for his pleasure. Would this excite her more, even as she rebelled? Was she desperate to get fucked?