Survivor's Remorse

"Why did you call me, Saraya?" I asked.

"You told me that I was supposed to call you if there was a problem," she said. "I got to work and realized that I hadn't spoken to you since yesterday. That's a problem. I miss you Vee. Just talk to me for a little while and I'll let you go."

I connected the phone to my Jeep's phone link and started the drive, talking to her as I drove.

"Where are you going on your vacation?" she asked.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said.

"Then why the hell did you need a vacation?" she laughed.

I could tell that she was glad I hadn't gone anywhere. I also knew that she would be showing up at my house and probably soon.

"Saraya, I needed to get away from you," I said. As soon as I said it I knew I'd made a mistake.

"Oh," she said in a tiny meek sounding voice. That one word conveyed all of the pain she'd felt. But Saraya was a warrior. Her spirit could not be tamed. She came right back at me.

"Well ... We finally found something we disagree on," she said. "Because I never want to be away from you. I have worked to do so I'll let you get back to your vacation."

I couldn't do it. I could not let the stupid thing I'd said be the last words she heard from me.

"I love you, Saraya," I said. It came out unbidden. I just blurted it out.

"Oh," she said again. And again that one small word ... It really isn't even a word. "Oh," is a syllable. It's a sound. But that sound conveyed so much joy that I could almost see the smile on her beautiful face.

It was strange that hearing me say three small words and her name could take her from the depths of despair to the roof of happiness. But that's what happened.

"I get it now," she said excitedly. "You've been an emotional wreck. And then you find out that you loooooooooooooove ME! It's overwhelming for you. I probably fucked up your medication. That's why you've been having these emotional spikes. But don't worry, Baby, we'll get through it, Okay?"

She was talking as loud as hell and as fast as the speed of light. Her excitement was carrying through the phone.

"Vee, I gotta go," she said. "I'm gonna let you get back to getting away from me. But Mister, we're gonna talk when you get back. Not that I'm gonna wait that long to call you again. But we are gonna talk, okay?"

"We're gonna do a lot more than talk," I said.

"Ya think so, Huh?" she asked in a teasingly sexy voice. "Bye Vee."

It was contagious. As soon as we hung up, I knew that I'd made a mistake. I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. What I was feeling eclipsed everything I had ever felt for any other person in my life. Things could not possibly have been worse. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate on my plans with visions of Saraya dancing in my head? And just when I started thinking about how bad that was; it got worse.

My phone rang. I stabbed a button on my steering wheel to answer it.

"Vee," said Saraya's jubilant voice through the Jeep's speakers. "I forgot to tell you something before I hung up," she crooned. Her voice sounded almost like she was singing. She was teasing me and enjoying it immensely.

"What is it, Ms. Whittaker?" I asked playfully.

"I love you too," she gushed. This time her voice sounded as if she had told me her most heartfelt emotion. In a fraction of a second that same rich timbered, voice danced back to its playful tone. "Now stop bothering me at work. Some of us have to keep this company running!" She hung up on me again.

I'm not sure how long I sat there with a sappy smile on my face. The honking horn from the car behind me made me realize that the light had turned green and then turned yellow and cars were driving around me.

Then the phone rang again.

"Didn't you just tell me that you had a company to run?" I asked.

"I needed to ask you something," she said.

"Ask away," I said.

"Do you still love me?" she asked in a little girl voice.

"Yes, I do, Saraya," I said.

"Just checking!" she said.

I got home, took a shower and headed downtown to look for my new love. If Saraya and I were ever going to be able to work together, or even to be together, she had to be corralled.

I saw her as soon as I walked in. She was black. Her ass was incredible and it was love at first sight. As I looked at her lines I was hooked. I couldn't wait to get inside her. But of course there was a problem. There always is. She had a beautiful body but her face...?

A man in a suit walked over to me with dollar signs in his eyes. "Are you interested in that one?" he asked. "It was obvious that he lusted after her himself. But business came first. And he was obviously too interested in the money to mess around with his own stock. Or maybe he was just too smart to want to deal with any emotional ties. After all the way this was going to work was that I would give him a few dollars and then find myself inside of her.

The thought of some other person in that warm fleshy space would drive him crazy if he allowed himself to become attached to her.

"Beautiful body," I said. "But her face is kind of fucked up."

He shrugged his shoulders and looked at me. "Hey, that's the way they made her. But you can get used to it. And think about everything else you're getting."

"You're right," I said. "Besides, in less than an hour, I'll never have to see that face again." He looked at me crazily, but we started the dance. Unfortunately from talking to some friends, I knew the game. I knew what the going rate was and refused to pay a penny more. Once we agreed on a price, I wrote him a check and found myself the owner of a brand new 2015 Mustang GT.

I found my heart beating faster, but I had to remember, that just this once, it wasn't about the car. It was about what I intended to use the car to get.

He wanted for me to wait and pick the car up in a couple of days. I called the bank and had them clear the check over the phone. He offered me an oil change and to wash the car. I declined, because I didn't need any fluff. Besides in less than two hours the car would be ripped apart and when it was put back together it would be completely different.

Less than an hour later, the car was on the lift inside of one of the bays at MSS. Motown Speed Shop is a tuner shop that specializes in performance engine modifications. I know the owner and he was extremely happy to help me with my project. He owed me a lot of favors anyway, and I was ready to collect.

As soon as I had closed the door we started working. Time was short. We had barely two weeks to change the car into an outright beast. We ripped the engine and transmission out first. We also took out the drive train. The factory suspension had been improved since my last Mustang but many of the components simply weren't beefy enough.

We took out the seats, the dashboard and the center console. The factory exhaust system and headers had to go as well. It was a long day it took us more than eight hours just to carefully tear the car down.

When I left MSS, I had an appointment that I'd made a few days earlier. I drove my jeep to a restaurant near my house. The man I was there to meet nervously awaited me.

"Hello, Rick," I said. I held out my hand for him to shake, but he shied away from me. I guess he was worried that I might still want to take another crack at kicking his ass.

"Rick, this meeting is my way of apologizing to you," I said. "I think that we can help each other."

"How?" he asked.

"You need money, right?" I asked. "Your divorce is kicking your ass, right?"

He nodded his head. "And from what I've been told, you're already behind on your child support payments. You're also behind on Janice's alimony, right?"

He nodded again. "And since you're behind on the payments, Janice won't let you see your kids. That is a really shitty position to be in, but I have an idea. You have the solution to your problems within your reach." He raised an eyebrow.

"Do you have any idea how much money I'm paying Wendy in alimony? Let's put it this way, Wendy gets more than Janice's alimony and child support combined. If you married her you'd have a right to a part of that money. There is also the fact that I would pay you an amount in the low five figures, in cash for your help," I said. "I will also agree to speak to Janice about letting you see your kids. She and I have become friends. We shared a lawyer in our divorces."

"But the marriage isn't real," he said. "She just wants to make you jealous. She isn't giving up on you. Her latest idea is to take you back to court to try to throw out the divorce so you'll have to start all over again."

"And that's where you come in," I said. "That's why I'm paying you the money. You have to convince her to go through with the fake wedding. You have to convince her that I am beginning to want her back. Tell her that the idea of losing her is driving me crazy.

"But if it's a fake wedding how do I get any of her money?" he asked.

"It won't be a fake wedding, but she won't know that," I said. He smiled. I could tell that he liked the idea.

"And right after the wedding, I'll give you the money," I told him. "So even if she tries to get a quickie divorce you'll be able to collect for at least six months. And I'll make another deal with you. If she can come up with a way to get a divorce in less than six months I'll double the money."

"You've got a deal," he said. He had to be a complete moron.

"Great," I said. "Do a good job and you'll have a hell of a lot of money, plus I'll talk to Janice about you seeing your kids."

"What day would you like the wedding to happen on?" he asked.

"Well, our divorce is final in ten days. You should make it the day after the divorce is final. And make sure that Wendy knows that I'm coming. That will make her sure to want to do it," I told him.

When I got home I was beat. Helping to tear the Mustang down had exhausted me. I had just got out of the shower and was heading towards my bed when the phone rang. I answered it and heard nothing.

"Is anyone there?" I asked. "Wendy?" The person on the other end of the line immediately hung up. I did my best super villain laugh and dove for my bed. As soon as I landed the phone rang again.

"Vee, how long is this Damned vacation of yours going on? Today was awful. I missed you sooooooo much. Especially since ... You know?" she was talking a mile a minute again.

"Saraya, today was the first day of my vacation," I said.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "It seems like you've been gone for at least a week. I started working on my survey today. I was trying to be nice, I really was, Vee. It wasn't my fault."

"What wasn't your fault Saraya?" I asked.

"I transferred your girlfriend to headquarters," she said.

"Huh?" I said in confusion. "You're ... I mean who are you calling my girlfriend?"

"Vee, you are a very smart man," she giggled. "Did I tell you that I love you?"

"What did you do, Lucy?" I asked.

"She started it. I was being a professional until she started acting like a Ho-fessional," she said. "I don't have to take that you know. I should have fired her ass."

"Saraya!" I said.

"Okay, it's that little bitch Kerri," she pissed me off.

"Saraya, Kerri is a lot taller than you are," I said.

"I don't care. She's still a little b ..." she said. "Anyway, I asked her to help me compile the list of companies and the contact people in each one. Things were going well and we were talking and everything. But then I noticed that she kept asking me questions about you. No matter how many times I changed the subject, she always brought it back to you. I think she has the hots for you."

"She's like twelve," I said.

"She's built like she's twelve," said Saraya. "But that bitch is twenty two years old. She's a full grown woman. Six foot two inches of full grown woman with no ass and no tits."

"Saraya, you're kind of tall yourself," I said. "You're at least five foot eight in your heels."

"So anyway, I asked her why she was asking all of those questions about you," said Saraya. "The bitch started telling me how adorable you were. So I asked her if she thought that maybe you were just a touch old for her and she told me that any age gap that was less than ten years didn't matter.

Agnes had come into the office by then and trying to be diplomatic, Agnes reminded her that there was someone who was already interested in you. She told Aggie that since I had started talking to you before your divorce was final, it shouldn't matter if someone else took a crack at you.

I was just about to take a crack at her ass, when Agnes came back in the office with a letter.

"Kerri, didn't you put in for a transfer to head quarters?" she asked.

"Yeah, but that was months ago. It was before things got so exciting around here," Kerri told her.

"It's been approved," said Agnes. "You start tomorrow!"

"But I've changed my ..." Kerri tried to tell her.

"Good luck, Kerri," Aggie told her. "Break a leg."

"Break your fuckin' back," I said after she left. "Did you think about me today?"

"Only once," I told her. "But it lasted the whole day."

"Ohhhhh!" she said. "Vee, I made a decision this morning, after we talked. I have something very important to tell you when you get back."

"How do you know I'm coming back," I said. "I may be putting in applications all over town."

"Not a chance," she laughed. "You wouldn't leave me for anything."

The next morning I was back at MSS. We tore down the engine and replaced all of the internals with sturdier parts. We replaced the camshaft, water pump, fuel pump, radiator, serpentine belt and pulleys. We needed a different size belt because we deleted the air conditioning system to save weight and because the AC leaches power from the engine.

We also replaced the trans with one of the new beefier automatic transmissions. The Trans had to be specially made to handle the power. We put the engine back in the car before installing the new supercharger and intercooler. We replaced the heads and swapped out the factory plugs for iridium plugs that burned hotter and lasted longer.

By that time the new dash with all electronic gages had been installed. The boost gage for the supercharger was built into the new dashboard. I'd always hated the homemade look of adding a pod of gages on the hood or on top of the dash.

The new head unit had only an iPad that was wired into the EMS. It would serve as stereo and as the controller for everything. New apps could be downloaded from the Internet. It was also an awesome GPS system. I could also play games and watch movies or TV shows on it. The main reason for the change though was to save weight. The stereo alone in the old system weighed over twenty pounds. The iPad weighs barely a pound.

The front seats were replaced with lightweight racing seats. The back seats were simply deleted. The tires were replaced with super sticky racing tires. The rims were up sized to 19's. I hated the look of 20's and the added weight wasn't worth it. I picked out blacked out Bullitt rims. I went with black six piston Brembo brakes in the front and four Piston Bemba's in the rear.

The front and rear fenders were replaced for fenders with ventilation and ducts to cool the brakes. The factory spoiler was removed and replaced with a duck type spoiler from Saleen. We also added Saleen side skirts that had openings for my new dual side exhausts. Last but not least that ugly assed front was replaced with the front fascia and splitter from the Saleen black label series. That made her face as pretty as the rest of her. As luck would have it, the new carbon fiber driveshaft arrived an hour before we finished putting everything else together.

It took us eight days to do all of the work. We still had to tune the car and try to find any bugs in it. Dyno testing measured my output at just under 700 horsepower. The car was also 269 pounds lighter than before.

I had turned a beast into an absolute monster. The car was just barely street legal. It was not the kind of car you'd want to go out and get the groceries in. Another problem would be parking lot bars and speed bumps. The new carbon fiber splitter was barely two inches off the ground. The whole car sat so low that driving over a curb would be impossible. Steeply angled driveways would be challenging.

The good thing was that except for the fact that the car had it's belly so low to the ground and the carbon fiber splitter jutted out a good four inches in front of it, the car looked like another blacked out Mustang GT.

If I didn't need to test the car out and just drive it, I would have ended my vacation earlier. But as it was, I was going to a wedding on Saturday that would free me of Wendy for good AND slap the shit out of Rick, one more time. Janice and I would get one final laugh out of it.

That evening I called Rick to check on our plans.

"She's all for it," he said. "And she doesn't know that the marriage license she signed wasn't a fake. She thinks we did it so we'd have something to show you just in case you thought the marriage was staged. I told her that you might not fall for it.

She also doesn't know that the minister I got is real too. My only problem is that she's been hemming and hawing about it all. She's beginning to think the idea is stupid. I know you've noticed that she's been calling you and hanging up a lot more. She does it just to hear the sound of your voice.

What's really crazy is that she's started to back off on the sex. I think she feels guilty about it. We only fucked four times so far this week," he said.

I gave him an address. "Bring her to this bar at nine tonight. Sit in one of the booths close to the bar. Keep your heads down and try to disguise yourselves. Make sure that I don't see you, but even if I do see you, I'll pretend I don't. Just don't let her jump up and try to talk to me, if I lay it on too thick. That would probably fuck the wedding up."

He looked confused, which didn't surprise me. Rick wasn't very smart. But I knew he'd bring her.

I was later than I thought, but not by much. Saraya had refused to let me off of the phone. I had to promise her that I would call her as soon as I got back. I also had to swear that I wasn't going out for an early evening booty call.

I'd picked the bar and the time because a friend of mine worked there. He was in on the gag and I'd even given him a few chosen questions to ask during our conversation.

I walked into the bar and grabbed a stool right in front of George.

"Shit, Vee. You look awful," he said.

"Yeah, I'm still trying to get over Wendy," I said.

"Must be rough," he said. "You always talked about her like she was the love of your life."

"I thought she was," I said. "But I got sick. Not physically or mentally, it was an emotional thing. I fell into a depression over wrecking my car. It was totally my fault. I was racing a God damned motorcycle, for God's sake. It had gotten to the point where I would race anything that moved. After Wendy, that car was the most important person in my life. Wendy and I didn't have any kids then, so the car was like my baby."

"You seem to be fine now," he said. "Yep, I'm back to normal. I even got another Mustang. The funny thing is that Wendy was always the most important thing in my life. We had plans for how we wanted to do things. I have the car back. I'm bringing home a lot more money, if we were still together, it would be time for us to start making some babies."

"Why can't you just get her back?" he asked.

"Dude she cheated on me," I said. "I was trying to get over it. We were in therapy. I was getting better. But she just couldn't wait for me. She cheated on me again. If she loved me so much why couldn't she support me while I was sick?"