Taking a Chance

I struggled to get the words out, but I did. "Nat I may have fudged a little last night when I said I was falling in love you with you." Natalie immediately recoiled thinking the worst that I was going to recant my earlier words I was sure. I continued by grabbing her in my arms, "I am in love with you make no mistake about that. But there is more... I love you Natalie Goldman. God it felt good to finally say that." Nat immediately relaxed in my arms. It was like she turned into a wet noodle as I hugged her close to my body. I could smell her hair, feel her presence right there all around me. She slowly reached her arms up to hug me closer as she regained her strength. She felt warm, all over.

She whispered in my ear, "If you ever do that to me again I swear I'll bury you in the backyard and nobody will ever find you. It's a good thing you're a decent man, Tim Cramer, and that I know it. Otherwise, you would be one sorry sack of shit right now. Oh, and for the record, I love you too." Natalie bit my ear. Not hard, but enough to grab my attention.

She withdrew from me slightly and gave me a full on kiss that melted my underwear. My thoughts were swimming between her, my Mother and my Father. Under different circumstances I would have picked her up and carried her off to my bedroom like a caveman to make passionate love to her. Now wasn't the time and we both knew it. She broke the kiss first.

When we broke our kiss, I softly told her, "Natalie, I'm sorry, I don't ever want to have secrets from you. It was important I shared my feelings with you. I hope you understand how conflicted I am due to the speed with which this is happening. I barely have time to process it."

Natalie smiled at me with a thousand megawatt smile, then started to break down in a laughing fit. I couldn't help it, I started laughing too. Before long we were both grabbing our sides from laughing or crying so hard it hurt. It was probably the tension of my Mother's condition. It could have been the realization of new love forming. Who knows? But it was therapeutic. We calmed down. I took her hand, leading her to the sofa in the living room.

"Tim, I'm worried about your Mother obviously, but your Father is really hurting. What can we do?"

"I wish I knew. Let's let him sleep for a while. If his night was anything like mine last night, he didn't really get any sleep. The nurses were in every fifteen minutes. I swear I don't know how anybody gets better in a hospital." I said a little frustrated.

"I'm going to take a nap on the couch for a bit, why don't you join me? Then I'll make us some lunch and we can head back to the hospital."

For a chance to hold Nat in my arms again, even on the couch, sounded great to me. I readily agreed.

We cuddled together and did actually sleep for about thirty minutes before I felt Nat stretch her long legs over mine. She was sleeping with her back to the couch spooned into me. I was facing the outside of the couch. I turned my head to hers. She kissed me on the lips. My troubles seemed far away for just a few seconds while we kissed.

"It's almost one, let's go make some lunch. I'll get sandwiches going, you get your Dad up. Deal?"

Reluctantly I agreed, groaning as I stood. I went to my Mother and Father's room pushing the door open. I found my Father in his boxers and T-shirt draped across the bed face down. I leaned over and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. He immediately came full awake and rolled over. "Is something wrong? Did the hospital call?" His questions came out at rapid fire machine-gun pace.

I calmed him down. "Dad, nothing has changed. We haven't heard from the hospital. We're going to have some lunch, then head back to the hospital. Come on, get some clothes on and come downstairs. I love you Dad. It's going be OK." He nodded as I left the room. I don't know if I was as confident as I sounded.

I remember growing up. My Father and Mother both were always there to comfort me whenever some childhood tragedy struck. It could have been falling off my bike, or losing my first girlfriend; both my parents would always be there to tell me it was going to be alright. I always believed them, like I hope my Father believed me now.

Nat was coming along well in my parent's workmanlike kitchen. I helped her finish the sandwiches with some pickles, chips and drinks. I set the plates on the table in our dining room on my way to check on my Father. He was just coming down the steps dressed, when I noticed him. It looked like he had shrunk from his normal 5'10" stance. He was hunched over coming down the steps unevenly. This event with my Mother had taken its toll on him. "C'mon, Nat made sandwiches, everything is ready." I helped him the last few steps.

We all sat at the dining room table in a melancholy funk. Nat had made ham and cheese sandwiches. Not surprisingly, they tasted great. Maybe it was her company that added the flavor. I know I could never thank her enough for being with us throughout this ordeal. We ate lunch in relative silence. It's tough to make lighthearted conversation when someone else's life is unknown. As we finished lunch, it was clear to all of us, we needed to be back at the hospital. I cleared the lunch dishes, while Nat freshened up in the bathroom. My Father went out on the deck. He was probably going to smoke. It was clearly a bad habit, he hadn't quite quit yet, but was much improved since I grew up. This was the first time I suspected he was out smoking. I knew now wasn't the best time to remind him of kicking bad habits.

My Father opened the sliding glass door and came back in closing it behind himself. The smell of fresh cigarettes strong on him as he closed the door. I gave him a sideways glance. I guess he saw my disapproval, but brushed that aside. "Are we going back to the hospital? I want to get going soon." My Father announced grabbing his wallet and keys from the side table next to the door. I sensed his normal impatience and anxiety.

"Yes, let me just get Natalie, and we'll go." I called up the steps for Natalie. I heard the toilet flush then the rush of water in the sink.

"Son, not that I'm prying, but why is she here? This is a family matter. She may be your girlfriend, but she's not quite family yet. It's not that I mind, she's been great. Clearly she's a looker too, but what is she to you?" I didn't know it, but Natalie was standing at the top of the steps listening to my Father asking his questions.

There it was, in black and white, summarized by my totally non-politically correct Dad. "Dad, you know what? That may be the easiest question you ever asked me. Up until a few hours ago, it may have been difficult to describe what Natalie was. Now it's simple. I love her, and I'm going to be with her the rest of my life. Any more questions?" I smiled like I had just announced I was running for President. He looked at me with a blank stare on his face then relaxed.

"Good. I'm happy for you. She seems like a great gal. She seems to feel the same way about you, in case you hadn't noticed. You just take care of her like I tried to take care of your Mother."

I started running up the stairs to see what Natalie was doing when she quickly came around the corner. "Oh there you are, we're ready to head to the hospital. Are you all set?"

"Yes, let's go." I noticed she had a broad smile on her face. I couldn't understand why.

We arrived at the hospital around two in the afternoon. Half-way through the day shift. I checked with the nurse's station. No change in my Mother's condition. She had now been unconscious for almost two days between her stroke and surgery. I was starting to lose patience and faith.

"Why don't you sit and talk with her Tim? I did that for my aunt. It seemed to help. I'll keep your Father company out here. Go!" Natalie barked her last word with drill Sargent like precision.

I entered her room. She looked so frail in the bed with all the medical apparatus surrounding her. Although when I looked at her, she almost seemed to have a little smirk on her face. I was sure it was just the angle from which I viewed her. I sat beside her in the chair my Father occupied just this morning holding her hand. It was all a one sided monologue on my part just imagining the questions my Mother would ask me. I could hear her in my head.

"Mom, I love you so much. God, you have to come back to us. It's not your time yet. What would Dad do? You know I caught him smoking this afternoon? I thought you broke him of that habit. I know, old habits are hard to break. I'll bet Natalie could break him. Who is Natalie? Great question. You haven't officially met her yet, but she's met you. Well... she's a wonderful woman I met not too long ago. I can hear your question Mom. Why haven't I told you about her? Right? I guess I was a little afraid to tell you. Well I don't know why I was afraid, but today it became very clear to me that I love her. I told her too. Maybe that's why I was afraid to tell you. I didn't want to jinx it. But here's the best part. She said she loves me too! How crazy is that. We love each other Mom. Hell, I don't know where it's going. She lives in New York. She's beautiful Mom. You'll love her when you meet her. She's smart, funny, and oh yea she cooks too. She's very successful at work. How about that? All the things Cynthia wasn't. Do I want to marry her? Was that your question? Yes. No, I don't know how she feels about it. She was married before, just like me. She might be OK with getting married. We've been so worried about you to even talk about anything like that. No I don't know how she feels about kids either. Jeez, I know you want grandkids, but give me a chance would you? Yes I want kids. Am I sure this time? Yes. You'll see. As soon as you meet her I know you'll see how great she is. I know I'm sure you'll feel the same way. But you have to promise me you'll meet her. Will you promise me? You have to get better. We'll get you the best care possible. I promise. Dad? He's a wreck, what did you expect? I'm glad I'm here. I know, you were always the strong one. But you always let him think he was. Why did you do that? Do all women do that? Rhetorical Mom, no need to answer. Chrissy is overseas again. Yes, I promise to call her as soon as I can. Yes I agree, I need to tell my sister all about Natalie. You remember your promise Mom? You're coming back to meet Natalie right? Maybe you and Chrissy can meet her together. Maybe you could go to lunch sometime. Promise me Mom? Thank you. I'm going to hold you to that promise."

I looked up and saw Natalie staring at me in disbelief from the doorway which was partially open. She must have been listening at the door. She looked so sad I just wanted to take her in my arms to comfort her. She stepped towards me whispering, "That was the most loving, articulate one sided conversation I ever heard. Oh Tim, promise me, you'll love me half as much as you love your Mother." She started sobbing. I held her tightly.

"Nat, my Mother and Father mean the world to me. You are now part of that circle of close family just like my sister Chrissy, who I haven't even told you about yet. She'll love you, by the way. She's traveling on business over in Europe." I saw over my shoulder my Father coming back in the room.

As he entered, I detected the smell of fresh cigarettes on him. "Dad, the smoking isn't going to help you or Mom. I overlooked it this morning, but no more OK?"

He could tell from my look I was serious. He nodded, resuming his spot beside my Mother holding her hand.

My Mother twitched. I caught the movement out of the corner of my eye. Natalie saw it too. My Father felt it. Her hand moved. I had a genuine smile on my face. I knelt down on the other side of the bed to hold her hand taped with IVs. "Mom, it's Tim, and Dad is right here."

The hand I was holding twitched in my hand. "Nat, go get the nurse and Doctor. Hurry! I think my Mother is waking up." My Father was crying again. Nat raced from the room screaming for a Doctor or a nurse.

I continued holding my Mother's hand like my Father. My Mother's eyes slowly started opening. I'd never been so happy in all my life. My Father got up and tried to start hugging her. I cautioned him with strenuous hand motions for him to be careful. Duly chastised, he sat back down again.

My Mother's eyes were now almost fully open. I was sure she was confused, about everything that had happened. We could explain it to her in time. I wanted to see if she recognized us. "Mom, can you squeeze your right hand if you can feel me hold your hand?"

She squeezed my right hand very weakly. It was barely perceptible, but still there. It meant her brain was still fully functional by my layman's definition. I breathed a small sigh of relief. "Mom, Dad is holding your other hand, can you squeeze your left hand to let Dad know you can feel his hand? Squeeze your left hand Mom." I implored her a little more urgently.

She squeezed his hand. I saw the delight in his eyes. I could only hope it was stronger than when she squeezed my hand. The Doctor had said the paralysis might be on her right side. Nat returned just a moment later with a nurse in tow. "OK, I need everyone to let me examine the patient. I've already called for the Doctor. You all need to go outside for a minute. I promise you all can see her soon as I've examined her. Now scoot."

We all left single file out the door. My Father was last to go, sniffling and wiping his nose on his handkerchief. He almost ran into the Doctor on the way into the room. "I'm going to run some neurological tests and let you know how things are. Just sit tight, this won't take long." My Father nodded his understanding. He joined us on our chairs in the hall.

I reached out to hold Nat's hand to my right and my Father's to my left. "Let's all be focused on the best outcome for Mom right now. I'm feeling more positive than I have since this began." I trailed off. I felt confident somehow that my Mother was back. I don't know how. Maybe it was my talk with her in the room just a few minutes ago. While I was sure she couldn't hear me, I could feel her emotions coming through me while I spoke with her. I took strength from both Nat and my Father. Enough that I could weather anything the Doctor told us after his examination.

As I finished that thought, the Doctor emerged, with a blank unreadable face. I started to panic slightly, until his expression changed to a slight smile. I immediately relaxed.

"Mr. Cramer, your wife is fully awake. She is partially paralyzed on her right side, mostly her right leg, and some in her upper body, but her neurological tests indicate she can recover from the stroke. She's very weak. Given physical therapy, and time, she should be able to resume normal activities."

My Father immediately stood and hugged the Doctor. I've never seen my Father so demonstrative with anyone, especially a stranger. It surprised me. "Can I see her Doctor? I have to see her." When the Doctor nodded, my Father was like a little kid, granted an extra thirty minutes of TV time before bed. It was clear to any observer, that my Father loved my Mother without any conditions.

"Yes, but she must rest. I'm not going to prescribe anything for her, other than blood thinners, to minimize the chance of blood clots, but you all have to let her rest. Please do your Mother and me a favor and go see her, but don't agitate her. Tell her you love her and make your goodbyes quickly."

We didn't need to be told twice. My Father was first, heading back to the room followed by Nat. I stayed behind to thank the Doctor. "Tim, your Mother is very weak on her right side. It's going to take a lot of time to regain usage. She's going to be in a wheel chair for at least three to six months. She'll probably walk again, but it is always going to be with some type of assistance. She's going to come out of this, but not without some difficulty as well as some long term effects. I'm going to need you to break this gradually and gently to your Father. In his state, it doesn't appear he can hear all the facts flat out. Take care of him. He's going to need you and your wife's support to get through this just as much as your Mother is." I digested the facts, but chose not to correct him in his erroneous conclusion that 'girlfriend', as she was introduced by my father, equaled 'wife' in regards to Natalie. If I had anything to do with it, she would become my wife, I vowed to myself.

I entered the room. My Father was seated again on my Mother's left side, with Nat holding my Mother's right hand. She seemed remarkably lucid given the circumstances. But that was my Mother. Strong beyond all measure. I bent down and kissed her forehead. Her lip turned up on the left side forming a snarling smile. I took it for the smile it was.

"Hi Mom. I was just in the area, and thought I would stop in to say hello." I smiled with my arm around Natalie's shoulder. "It looks like you've had the pleasure of meeting Natalie Goldman. I'm glad, she's been here with us since Dad called Friday night. I told you all about her earlier." My Mother titled her left lip into a smiling gesture again almost like she knew or could remember my one sided conversation with her. Natalie looked surprised, but I guessed she heard my soliloquy with my Mother earlier. My Father seemed to just be happy my Mother was conscious. I felt more confident than I had felt since this began.

"Mom, you need to rest. We've talked to the Doctor and he thinks you're out of the woods. You just need to rest, and he gave us explicit instructions to let you have it." I said this more for Nat and my Father than my Mother. She was barely holding her eyes open. The excitement of seeing everyone again, including someone new like Natalie who was totally new to her must have been confusing.

"Dad, Nat and I will wait out in the hall while you say good bye to Mom." My voice made it clear he had a few minutes with Mom then I expected him to join us to go home. I was going to heed the Doctor's advice even if it didn't agree with my Father's wishes. I firmly touched Nat's shoulder and she stood following me out of the room, gently closing the door on her way out.

Once in the hall, I said, "in case I haven't told you lately, I'm so grateful for you being here with me and my Father." She wanted to say something, but I held up my hand. "This isn't the right place or time to talk about the future for us. But you need to know that from the bottom of my heart I see a future with you. Without you, it would just be meaningless. Take that to the bank. Mine preferably. I love you." I finished with a little humor to trying to defuse the tenseness I know we all felt.

Natalie put her arms around my neck pulling me down to her to meet her at eye level. "Tim Cramer, I love you for all the good times we're going to have, all the bad times we have to go through together, but most importantly for all the wonderful times in between." She kissed me fully on the lips hard, slipping me her tongue which fired me up from my already adrenaline overdosed body. My Father came out of the room looking like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Nat and I broke our kiss.

"Let's go home kids. I need a drink. It looks like you two need a room." My Father announced nonchalantly as he exited the room heading for the elevator. Nat and I held hands following closely behind.

We picked up carry-out Chinese food on the way home. It was around six when we arrived. My father headed straight for his chair as soon as we got in the door. "Tim, fix me a drink, would you?" My father commanded. I knew what he wanted. He wanted about five ice cubes in a low-boy old fashioned glass with NBG filled to almost over flowing. Nothing but Gin. Beefeater. Nothing but the best 94 Proof alcohol for my Father.