The Audit

"You think that's me?" She shook her head. "No fucking way. You and everyone involved with you needs a hundred years in a penitentiary."

"I could make you obscenely rich. Annually. There are people that work for us simply for the fringe benefits. They aren't all mindfucked: members of Congress, law enforcement, the list goes on."

"Fuck your money."

She smiled. "I do like this side of you. It's fiery and that's attractive."

Brenda puffed her chest out with just a bit of pride. "I'm not ruining my life by getting in bed with the likes of you, so kill me or turn me into one of your empty bimbos."

Samuels rose again with that fierce gaze boring through Brenda conveying nothing but pity, "What life, Ms. McLemore? All you do is work. You go to work and go home. You have work friends that rarely translate to real ones. Your social life consists of client meetings that you hate, but you paint on a smile anyway. You go home late, surf the internet, shop online, donate to animal rescue charities, occasionally binge on lesbian porn, and start it all over again the next week."

"You haven't had a significant romantic relationship in a decade and a half. So, tell me, if I wiped you into a floor-mopping drone, what would really be lost?"

She swallowed, a ball of ice forming in her belly as she glanced away from those eyes. She could get wrapped up in indignation at the violation of privacy, but that would just cover the fact that, while it was cruelly laid out before her, none of it was a lie. Part of why she relished finding the first hints of the mystery that led her here was because it offered her a legitimate reason not to go home to a comfortable, expensive, and, at times painfully empty apartment. Sometimes it drove her to drink. Sometimes it drove her to fight not to cry in the dark in an empty bed. "It may not be a perfect life, but it's mine." She hoped the words only rang hollow to her ear.

Samuels had vented her frustration and the voice Brenda heard now was understanding, almost tender. "Women like us have to give up much to excel sometimes. You may loathe my work, but I understand that feeling. I know a lot about you, and I can relate to you more than you think." She opened another drawer next to her desk and picked up the white tablet. "That's how I have an idea of what to offer you."

She swiped through several menus and in response a large-screen television dropped from the ceiling. Brenda heard the motors and turned to it as Samuels worked the menus to start the video.

Brenda's mouth fell open and her eyes widened as she looked on to see her assistant Elizabeth in the black chair, nude, wrists restrained along with her ankles, legs spread with a silver dildo firmly inserted into her shaven bare slit, cable running from it downward and off screen. Her head was restrained as well, putting her eyes in the center of another screen angled above her. The bottom of the television displayed a running time stamp and the lower right corner of the screen displayed a small rectangle with various colors in a seemingly random strobe effect. Brenda looked at the date. "Five weeks ago?"

"Almost as soon as you started snooping, Ms. McLemore. "Lovely body. Really. Dancing since she was three and her body has grown into what was asked of it; long legs, lithe, just a hint of muscle definition. I could easily have gotten a request for a woman just like her."

Brenda tried not to cry, but couldn't tear herself away from the sight of Elizabeth weeping, eyes closed as she struggled in the chair, muscles straining. It was all her fault. If she'd just let it all be Elizabeth wouldn't have paid for it. "What...what's that in the corner...that flashing box?"

Samuels slipped effortlessly into teaching mode. "A visual representation of what the subject sees. All subjects are different. Some like anal. Some like bondage. Some like flowers and romance. Preferences fire the pleasure centers in different ways. If she'd had her eyes open we would monitor her reactions to standard pornography, but if they try to shut it out, the strobe does the job just as well. The first orgasm is free, as we use that for mapping."

Brenda watched the screen as Samuels moved to a time index to see Elizabeth, trails of the tears still on her face as she cried out in pleasure and self-loathing as the dildo vibrated and thrummed, pulling an orgasm from her.

"She's been spying on me?"

"Reporting to me directly, clueless that she has been, of course. Nothing's changed for her that she's aware of."

Samuels selected another time index showing her subject, eyes closed, strobe pummeling her, body covered in sweat, Elizabeth whispering, "I like men. I like David. You can't turn someone into a lesbian. You can't..."

"All you have to do is think of cocks...of men." Brenda turned to look at her, hearing Samuels' voice on the video.

Samuels looked back at Brenda, still the teacher, "There's a node in the chair behind her head that responds to feedback from her mind. It disrupts undesirable thoughts, as you can see by the discomfort on her face. She's struggling to hold the thought. It also rewards her for accepting what I need her to."

The recorded Samuels spoke again. "Don't think about soft feminine lips, supple feminine skin or hot, wet pussies that need to be loved and licked by you."

Elizabeth sighed in the chair as the vibrator thrummed to reward her, winnowing away at her resistance. Her eyes opened to embrace the strobe.

"Think about cocks. Think of handsome, sexy men wanting you, fucking you, making you theirs."

Elizabeth grimaced and whined in frustration as the pleasure was muted and the pleasant thoughts broken. Another index, some four hours later showed Elizabeth actively pumping herself against the dildo, eyes wide and glittering to the sight of a tall blonde and a shorter, thicker redhead writhing and whimpering together with Elizabeth calling out to them. "Yeah... God, yes. Hot, wet lesbian holes to finger and lick. I want them. Please. I want them all." Drool fell from her lips as she hissed through her teeth and she was paid it no attention.

Samuels looked at her with admiration. "Feral in bed, I bet."

Brenda was angry, past caring how Samuels might take it out on her. The anger had an edge of pleading to it. "Change her back." Undo it. Undo all of it, and I'll do whatever you want."

The doctor shook her head. "I can't. You can't just change someone's mind back and forth. Fortunately, she's a natural submissive and was easy to shape. She's pretty much as she always was. And she's my gift to you if you agree to help me."

"You can't just..."

"You love her."

Brenda froze at hearing the words from someone else.

"You even look alike. Is that part of it, too? You look at her and see the road not taken in so many ways. And she's half your age. Does she remind you of how much life you let slip by?"

More fingering on her tablet and she spoke. "I look at her every day, wondering if the facade will crack and I see that she's not the person I think she is. But it never does. She's quiet and gentle and sweet and I see her and I can't kill the ache in my soul. I'm glad for her and David. I'm glad he makes her happy, even though part of me hates him for it. In another life she would see me as I see her."

"In another life..."

Brenda's jaw quivered at the reading of her diary and she slapped the tablet away from Samuels who didn't react as it flew into the wall before hitting the floor.

"She can love you now. She will. You will be the most important person in her world. Always. I offer you that other life."

"You can't just make someone love you, you crazy bitch."

"Do you want me to sit you down for the next two days while I explain the neuroscience of 'love?'" She smiled. "That's the easiest of things I can do. Do you know why? There are better than seven billion people in this world. Find me one that doesn't want to love and be loved in return. It's a basic human need."

Brenda mustered all her inner strength. "I'm not helping you."

She gestured for Staci to come to her and it was done. "Just think about it. Elizabeth is fine. She's still my little spy, of course. She'll find ways to keep tabs on you even if you fire her, and I have other methods at my disposal. But, if you leave me be, I'll give you the same courtesy. Try to make things difficult for me with the authorities or attempt to hinder the organization's finances, and I'll act accordingly." Her tone now carried just a hint of menace. "This operation existed long before you and it will continue long after you."

"Take my offer join us and you'll have more money than you know what to do with, though you are doing just fine on your own and you'll have someone to wake up next to. You'll have the one you want to wake up next to. She'll do anything you want because you matter that much to her."

"Take what you want and be happy, go back to your life, such as it is, or try to stop the unstoppable and lose everything. Your call."

Samuels reached into her coat and before Brenda could think of anything to say, another cloud of apples and ozone took the world away.

Brenda spent the rest of the weekend in seclusion at home having woken up in her own bed. She stayed off the phone and the internet, fearing Samuels would know. She tried to stay away from the wine, too and only managed that well enough to keep herself from getting wildly drunk. She stared out at her rather spectacular view of the city, debating the doctor's words again and again in her mind.

She knew she couldn't go to the police. Even if they weren't in the doctor's pocket, Brenda knew she'd be in a seventy-two hour psych hold before she finished saying 'mind control.' If she tried to interfere, Elizabeth could pay for it. No matter how many times she weighed the problem, the only real solution was to leave everything as it was and forget that she knew what she knew. She believed Samuels when she said she'd be willing to let things be.

When Monday morning came, even though she made a point to be in her office well before Elizabeth arrived she felt pretty good about her decision. It was the best course for her assistant and for her. When she arrived in her office not long after the sun rose, the piles of files and boxes were exactly as she'd left them and she resolved to help Elizabeth bury it all and tell her that it was all a wild goose chase.

When she turned on her computer to get started on her morning emails, she noticed the conspicuous notepad file in the center of her desktop. Dread filled her, but she opened it anyway. In the file she found an email address, a cell number, and a phrase that barely made sense along with the words, "Say it or let her see it and she will be what you want her to be."

Brenda stared at it, at war with herself before finally deleting it, relieved that she had.

She threw herself into her work and felt almost back to normal when there were two small knocks at the door before the knob turned and her assistant poked her head in and flashed that usual smile that was bright enough to light the world. "Good morning, Brenda."

She couldn't help but smile back, "Morning, Elizabeth."

"Good weekend?"

She thought of what to say before saying it. "Busy, but not bad. Yours?"

"Great." She was almost giddy. "David spent the weekend. We hung out, went to the beach, it was...really, really great."

Brenda took the punch to the stomach with a smile. "I'm so happy for you, hon."

"Me, too. Coffee?"

She gave her head a little shake. "Not just now."

"Okay. Just give a holler when you need your fix."

The door closed and Brenda was left alone again. She tried looking at the numbers before her on the screen and, while she had no problem making them make sense, she couldn't make them matter as the minutes rolled on. It was all just...work. What did it matter? There would always be more work, but, like never before, she was keenly aware of the absence of a life beyond it.

Her mind went from one image to the next, imagining what their weekend was like and, while there was jealousy over that man, it was overshadowed by her own longing and emptiness. Withered old woman with a house full of cats. Nobody to care that I'm gone, but hey, I sure got a lot of work done. She looked with her mind's eye and, try as she might, there was only one person that she wanted to have care.

She opened her email and stared at the blank body of the message for the longest time. Her life had been centered around her intellect. Every step of the way the choices she'd made had been about cultivating that and seeing it take her as far as she could go. For the first time in her life her heart made the decision for her as she filled in Elizabeth as the recipient and typed the words, 'Have you ever sailed seas of lava on a raft of avacado?' and hit 'Send.'

Almost as soon as it was done, the shame was overwhelming. She wanted to sob. She wanted to undo it, but didn't know how. She wanted to rush out there and delete the message, but she couldn't make herself leave the chair. She was ruined having done it at all. Maybe it's all bullshit anyway.

Ten minutes later she nearly jumped out of her skin as two small knocks came again and in poked the head of the blonde-haired, blue-eyed goddess. "Can I...umm...talk to you for a minute?"

She cleared her throat and resisted the urge to bolt from the room. "Sure."

She came in, closing the door behind her, standing there looking young, professional, and like someone with a lot on her mind.

"Want to sit down?"

She took two steps toward the chair, then stopped and began to pace. "Standing's better."

"Okay. What's up?"

Brenda listened as words began to tumble from Elizabeth. Words about how she had been confused about who she was and who she thought she had been her entire life. Brenda just listened, offering help where she could, by answering questions about herself, but mostly just encouraging her to talk. It was all she could think of to do.

When Elizabeth seemed to have finally run out of words, Brenda asked simply, "What about you and David?"

"I've been lying to myself," she said quietly. "I know that now. I was trying to make it seem great and be great because...I couldn't be honest with myself about who I was and what I wanted."

Brenda's throat suddenly felt raw and her heart threatened to burst from her chest, "And what is it that you want?"

"I love you," she said with utter certainty as she approached Brenda who was anchored to her chair "I always have. I can't wait to come to work in the morning. I'm happy to stay late just to be close to you. You make me happy without even trying, but...I guess I always worried that you...wouldn't want me."

Brenda was lost in the moment and those eyes and that beautiful body now straddling her lap finally in reach after years of craving and ache. It felt as she's always imagined and hoped it would. "Why wouldn't I want you?"

She shied away from Brenda's gaze and her cheeks reddened. "Look at you. You're beautiful and smart. You practically own this place. Look at all you've accomplished. You could have anyone you wanted. Why would you want someone who's an awkward, confused mess of a person?"

Brenda brushed that cheek and when Elizabeth leaned into it with a sigh, her eyes misted. Her voice cracked, so she bought it down to a near whisper, "Oh, Elizabeth, honey, you are none of those things."

"Beth. I think I'd like it better if you called me Beth."

She nodded, embracing her, pulling her closer, "I love you, too, Beth."

"Really?" There was disbelief mixed with joy as she smiled that smile again.

"With all my heart." Now tears fell and would not be denied.

They kissed, their tongues playing, teasing one another and entwining with ferocity. Brenda would have been happy to stay in that moment forever. The kiss finally broke and Beth stayed close enough that Brenda could feel her anxious breath against her skin. In that moment's pause, the mind that had ruled her life tried to take over. It told her that all of it was fake. It was all manufactured in some psychopath's lab. It's all some glorified dream. She wouldn't love you if she had a choice.

Looking into those eyes as Beth's lips teased, hoping to come in for another kiss, brain and heart unified in a single thought:

I don't care.

End