The Big Time Pt. 07

"Sue me," said Emma.

"How'd you two meet?" asked Amy.

"Our agent set it up," said Love.

"Oh. So you're not together?" asked Emma.

"No," said Love.

Michael felt a hand on his leg. He looked down and followed the arm up to Emma. "How many drinks have you had?"

"Just this champagne," said Emma.

"She's lying," said Sarah.

"Yeah, she's had a few since we got here," said Amy.

Her hand moved straight for Michael's crotch. "That would explain that," said Michael.

"Explain what?" asked Love. Then she looked at his lap. "Emma! What are you doing?! He has a girlfriend you know!"

"So?" said Emma. She found his cock and gave it a squeeze making Michael jumped in his seat. "That feels nice."

"Whoa Emma, you have no sense of personal space do you," said Michael as he adjusted himself in his seat and grabbed Emma's hand.

"No sense of shame is more like it," said Sarah.

"Maybe I should go help Freddie with the drinks," said Michael. Love stood up and let Michael out of the booth.

"Jeez Emma! You've known him for five minutes and you're already grabbing his crotch?"

Michael made his way towards the bar where he saw Freddie talking to Colin Farrell. The drinks were sitting on top of the bar. Colin was laughing and Freddie looked angry.

"You were in Summer Catch? Hahaha!" said Colin in his normal, Irish accented voice. "My god that was a piece of trash!"

"All I wanted to say was how much I like your work," said Freddie. "Laugh it up. We'll see who the better actor is." Colin burst out laughing again. Freddie became even more rattled. "I have to get these drinks back to my wife." He picked up three of the drinks and walked away, leaving Michael's behind. Even if Michael agreed with Colin, that was no reason to practically bring Freddie to tears.

"Yeah right! Run home to the little missus, don't want to keep her waiting!" said Colin. Michael walked up to the bar and picked up his drink. Cameron Diaz came up next to Colin and tapped him on the shoulder. "Oh hey Cam, I was just getting your drink." Michael snickered. "What the hell are you laughing at?" said Colin as he turned and faced Michael.

"At least it's his wife that's telling him what to do," said Michael. "It looks like your girlfriend has you wrapped around her finger already."

"Oh really? Who the fuck is here with you?" said Colin. "Come to think of it, who the fuck are you?"

Michael looked down at the half empty frilly pink drink in Colin's hand. "Someone who can't handle manly drinks like that."

Colin slammed the glass on the bar. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Colin come on," said Cameron as she put her hand on his wrist.

"This is her fucking drink! Not mine!"

"Hey man, I don't judge guys by what they drink," said Michael. "Pussy little drinks like that are fine if that's the way you are."

"Oh and your beer is real fucking manly!"

Michael sipped it. "I'm just getting started. It looks like that drink just about finished you off."

"That's fucking it. I can fucking outdrink your ass!" yelled Colin.

"Colin," pleaded Cameron.

"I would tell you to listen to your girl, but she's already calling the shots anyway, right?" said Michael. "You don't want to get into a drinking contest with me. I'm still in college."

Colin turned to the bartender. "Gimme a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. Cameron, you know the drill." He looked back at Michael. "It's fucking on." Cameron rolled her eyes as Colin grabbed the bottle and Michael picked up the glasses. Colin pulled a small table away from some people and set it up in the middle of the VIP area. Michael dragged over two stools and they sat facing each other.

"This is really good," said Love as she drank her Long Island Iced Tea. "Kind of fruity."

"There's a ton of alcohol in that, Love," said Sarah. "It's not actually iced tea."

"Really?" said Love as she sipped the last drops of the drink out of the glass. "It's still good."

"Want another one?" asked Emma. Emma was a bit of a joker; she wanted to see Love get drunk.

Sarah noticed a crowd begin to gather near the bar. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure," said Love.

"Let's go find out," said Emma.

"I think I'll just wait here," said Amy.

"Yeah me too," said Freddie.

Emma, Love and Sarah pushed their way to the front of the crowd and were very surprised to see Cameron Diaz standing next to a table with Michael on one side and Colin Farrell on the other. "Okay, here's the rules," said Cameron. "We'll count to three, and you both take a shot. If you puke first, you lose. If you pass out first, you lose. If you can't match the shot, you lose. Got it?"

"What's the prize?" asked Michael.

"You'll see," said Cameron with a mischievous grin.

"No he won't because he'll have his head in a fucking toilet puking his brains out by the time I'm through with him," said Colin.

"Mike, what are you doing?" asked Love.

"Nothing yet," said Michael. "But I'm about to drink my Irish buddy here under the table."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Sarah. "It looks like Colin has done this before. A lot."

"Don't worry about me Sarah. I know what I'm doing," said Michael. He looked up at Cameron. "Let's do it."

Cameron poured a pair of shots. "1...2...3!" The two glasses were raised and slammed to the table. She quickly refilled them. "1...2...3!" Up and slam. "1...2...3!" Up and slam. "1...2...3!" The crowd began counting along and cheering every drink.

"Hey Elisha, let's go see what's going on," said Mila.

Elisha picked up her drink. "Okay." They went over to the crowd and pushed their way to the front.

"You okay there little man?" said Colin.

Michael stared Colin straight in the eye, picked up his beer and pounded it. The crowd cheered. "I'm fine. Pour the next one." Colin grabbed the bottle from Cameron angrily and poured the next two shots.

"How many have they done?" asked Mila.

One of the bystanders said, "Five I think."

"A drinking contest with Colin Farrell?" said Elisha. "Mike gets more and more interesting every second."

***

Katie Holmes's house.

Meanwhile, Katie was having a different sort of contest with Ali. But this was more a battle of wills than a battle of livers. "Pizza," said Katie.

"Chinese," answered back Ali.

"Pizza!"

"Chinese!"

Katie began dialing her phone. "Hey, it's my boyfriend that's the jackass, so I get to choose." Ali rolled her eyes. "Hi, I'd like to place an order for delivery."

Ali leaned back into the sofa and turned the television on. "Three dozen movie channels and nothing is on."

Katie finished ordering and put the phone down. "That Yia-Yia Sisterhood movie is on."

"What are you, gay?" asked Ali with a laugh.

"Gimme that remote," said Katie as she snatched it from Ali's hand. "I'll find something to watch." She began scrolling through the listings on the television screen.

Now was as good a time as any to find out the juicy details of Katie's fight with Michael. "Katie, so what's the deal between you and Mike? Why are you so mad at him?"

Katie muted the television and put the remote down. She turned towards Ali. "Do you wanna know what he did with Jennifer Love Hewitt?"

"He slept with her?"

"No," exclaimed Katie. "He didn't sleep with her. He kissed her."

"What, you mean like they made out?"

"I don't think so, but it's enough that they kissed each other. I mean why the hell would he do that?" said Katie exasperatedly.

"He's an idiot," said Ali. "How did he end up with Love anyway? Why wasn't he with you?"

"I don't know, he said Simon set them up, remember?"

Ali kicked off her shoes. "Are you sure about that?"

"What?" asked Katie.

"Maybe Love isn't the only girl he's been kissing behind your back."

"You think he's messing around?" asked Katie.

"You never know," said Ali. "I mean he seemed to work his magic pretty quick on you."

"But he was such a sweet and considerate-"

"Exactly. That must be his M.O."

"M.O.? You've been watching too many cop shows," said Katie. "Look, I don't think he's sleeping with Love. She was the one who told me about the kiss."

"Sure it wasn't because she found out about you?"

"I don't think he's sleeping with her. I mean, she claimed the kiss was totally innocent."

"Well then what are you worried about? If she says it was nothing..."

Katie sighed. "I don't know. Maybe it's because he shouldn't have been with her in the first place. He should've told Simon about us."

"Eh, what are you gonna do? Guys suck," said Ali. "They can't appreciate what they have."

"Can't or don't?" asked Katie.

"Can't."

"I'm not so sure Mike falls into that category."

"He's got a dick, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then you're gonna have to learn to deal with the bonehead stuff he's going to do," said Ali. "If you can't, well, you're SOL."

Katie looked over at Ali. "What is it with you and abbreviations?"

"What is it with you and your insane jealousy problems? It was just a kiss."

"I don't know," groaned Katie. "I don't know why I'm so mad with him." She flopped down onto the couch.

Ali looked at the television. "Ugh. Will you please change the channel?"

9:41 pm.

The bottle was empty and both men were still standing. Or rather, they were still sitting, although both were showing obvious signs of drunkenness. Cameron went back to the bar and picked up a bottle of tequila. "I don't know how the hell you two drank that bottle so fast. Maybe we need a change of pace." She poured the tequila. "1...2...3!"

Michael thrust his head back as the tequila tore down his throat. He slammed the glass back onto the table. Colin still hadn't taken his shot. He took a deep breath and then slowly poured the drink into his mouth.Colin wavered on his stool. Cameron poured two more shots.

"Michael doesn't look too good," said Love.

"He shouldn't," said Emma. "The amount he's drank would knock out a horse."

"Colin looks worse. At least Michael doesn't look like he's about to fall out of his chair."

"Come on Mike! He's almost done! Look! He can't even sit up anymore!" cheered Love.

"Love what are you doing?" asked Sarah.

"I don't want Colin to win. Mike can use a cheering section."

"Are you okay Colin?" asked Cameron.

"Yeaaaaaaahhhhh, suurrrrre, I'm finneeeeee," slurred Colin. He grabbed his drink off the table. Michael unsteadily reached for his.

"Alright, if you say so. 1...2...3!" Up and slam. And thud. Colin's face was flat on the table. Cameron lifted up his head to look at his eyes but they were shut tight. "We have a winner!" She grabbed Michael's hand and lifted it high above his head as the crowd cheered.

"Mike! You did it!" said Love as she grabbed and shook his shoulders.

Emma tapped Love's shoulder. "I wouldn't do that."

"Huh?" said Love.

Michael's head drooped forward and he twitched. Suddenly a torrent of vomit spilled out of his mouth and onto the back of Colin Farrell's head. Love shrieked and jumped backwards as did everyone else in the crowd. Moments later everyone burst out laughing. Michael stood up out of the stool, knocking it to the floor as he heaved another burst of bile all over Colin's head. A couple of bouncers grabbed Michael and Colin and pulled them away so that the mess could be cleaned up.

"That is so disgusting," said Love.

"I told you not to do that," said Emma between laughs.

"Colin is not going to be a happy camper when he wakes up," remarked Sarah.

Cameron rushed over to the bouncer carrying Michael. "Don't throw him out! He's with me. Just bring him to the bathroom okay?" The bouncer nodded and dragged Michael to the restroom. Cameron waited outside the door, the sound of Michael vomiting muffled only slightly.

"Hey Sarah, come on let's go, it stinks in here," said Freddie.

"Oh come on, the night hasn't even started yet," said Emma.

"Fine, but I want to check on Mike first," said Sarah. She walked towards the bathroom with Love following. "Hi Cameron. This is Jennifer Love Hewitt."

"Call me Love," said Love.

"Hi Sarah," said Cameron. "Hi Love."

"Is Mike in there?" asked Sarah.

"Yeah. He'll be fine-" They heard an especially loud grunt as more vomit spilled into the toilet. "-in a few minutes."

"You know Mike?" asked Love.

"No, but I'd like to congratulate him," said Cameron.

"Hey Sarah, come on!"

Sarah sighed. "Coming Freddie. Nice seeing you Cameron. See you around Love." She walked away from the bathroom towards her husband.

"Bye," said Love. "I can't believe he was able to drink that much."

"I know, I can't believe it either," said Cameron. "He won't be feeling too good tomorrow."

The door opened suddenly and Michael stumbled out of the bathroom. "Whoa that sucked." He put his arms around Cameron and Love to keep from falling over.

"Are you okay?" asked Love.

"I think I'm blind."

Cameron nearly fell over as Michael leaned on her. "Come on Mike, stay on your feet."

"Hey look, it's the girl who broke up with my girlfriend." He looked at Cameron. "And MARY!"

"Your breath smells horrible!" said Love as she turned her head away.

"He's also wasted. Let's sit him down," said Cameron. They walked him over to a booth and sat him down. "Did he say you broke up with his girlfriend?"

"I think he meant that I broke the two of them up," said Love. "But I didn't do it on purpose."

"Yes you did, you couldn't keep your hands off me you slut!" said Michael.

Love's face turned red. "Don't call me that Mike."

"Don't take it personally Love," said Cameron. "It's just drunk talk, he doesn't mean it. He doesn't even know he's saying it."

"Okay," said Love warily. "Should we get him some coffee or something?"

"You know that part in that's nothing about Mary where you put that guy's jizz in your hair? That was so fucking funny! How many times did he have to whack off to get that scene right?"

"Coffee doesn't actually do anything. The only way he'll sober up is to let the alcohol pass through his system," said Cameron.

One of the bouncers walked up to the booth. "I'm sorry Ms. Diaz, but the owner wants this man removed from the premises."

"What? You didn't throw out Colin!" said Cameron.

The bouncer shrugged. "I'm sorry but the boss wants him out. You, of course, are welcome to stay."

"If he's going I'm going," said Cameron.

"Me too," piped in Love.

"Fuck you I'm not fucking leaving you fat fuck!" yelled Michael.

The bouncer stepped forward but Cameron jumped in front of him. "We'll take him out, okay?" the bouncer nodded and Cameron and Love dragged Michael through the club and out the door.

"Look at that," marveled Elisha as she watched Michael leaving the club.

"At what?" asked Mila.

"Mike is leaving in a drunken stupor with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Cameron Diaz."

"So?"

"So nothing," said Elisha. "Come on, let's hit the dance floor."

Outside the club Love looked around for her limousine. "Do you need a ride Cameron?" she asked.

"Yeah I do, do you mind? Colin drove me here and I'm not riding back with him," said Cameron. "Especially since he's covered in Michael's vomit."

"I don't mind," said Love as she found her limousine.

"Thanks, I appreciate that," said Cameron. The driver opened the door and they pushed Michael inside.

"Quit shoving!"

Cameron went to the privacy window and told the driver where she lived. She looked back at Michael. "Hey! Stay away from the beer!" Cameron grabbed the freshly opened can from Michael's hand.

"Get your own!"

"Can you keep him back Love?" asked Cameron. Love sat next to Michael and put her arm around him to keep his back flat against the seat. "Thanks."

With no drink in his hand Michael turned his attentions to Love. "Has anyone ever told you how nice your tits are?" He dropped his hand to her thigh.

"Are you sure he doesn't know what he's saying?" said Love as she pushed his hand away.

Cameron sipped Michael's beer. "Just pray he doesn't try and kiss you," said Cameron with a laugh.

Michael immediately leaned into Love with his mouth causing her to recoil and push him back. "Eww! Stop!"

"You didn't have a problem with kissing me before!" said Michael.

"You weren't drunk out of your mind before!" said Love. "I think it's your turn Cameron!"

Cameron put her beer in a cup holder and moved to the back of the limousine. She pulled a container of Smints out of her purse and pumped five of them into Michael's mouth. "Don't swallow those."

"I never swallow. Do you?" Michael began laughing hysterically.

"Jeez Mike," said Love.

"Wanna find out?" asked Cameron.

"Cameron!" said Love in shock.

"I'd love to find out!" Michael reached for his belt.

Love grabbed his hands. "Michael!"

"Do you wanna go first?" asked Michael.

"Not here Mike," said Cameron. "If you can contain yourself for the rest of the ride, then I'll show you." Love stared at Cameron in surprise.

***

Katie Holmes's house.

"This movie isn't any good. Change it." Ali got up and headed towards the kitchen. "Want something?"

"Grab me a bottle of water?"

Ali came back with a Coke and a bottle of water. She handed the bottle to Katie. "I think it's time to discuss his punishment."

"What?" asked Katie as she twisted the cap off the bottle.

"You have to keep him in line. You can't let him think he can get away with kissing other girls," said Ali. She sipped her Coke. "Unless you're intending to break up with him. But we both know that just might kill him."

"Funny." Katie pushed Ali with her arm. "I'm thinking that cutting him off from the goodies for a little while oughta be enough."

"Oh now that will kill him."

Katie hit her with a couch cushion. "What do you think I should do?"

"Easy. Have a little fun of your own and rub his face in it," said Ali.

"What, like with another guy?" queried Katie.

"Yeah."

"I don't want him to break up with me, Ali," said Katie. "If we're breaking up, it's going to be me with him, not him with me."

Ali scratched her head. "Well, there is another way to do it so that he won't be too mad about it."

"Oh really?" asked Katie. "And how do you propose I cheat on him so that he'll be okay with it?"

"That's an easy answer too." Ali leaned into Katie and kissed her full on the lips.

Katie pushed her away. "What the hell was that?!"

"Revenge," said Ali matter of factly before she kissed Katie again, this time slipping her tongue inside Katie's mouth.

Katie shoved her away again. "What has gotten into you Ali?!" said Katie as she stood from the couch.

"Nothing, Katie. I just happen to think you're very, very pretty."

Katie put her hand on her head as her mind raced. "Since when have you, you know, um, liked girls?"

"It's the way I am, Katie. It's not like it's an acquired taste," said Ali. "Actually maybe it is in your case."

"What do you mean, MY case? I don't like girls!" said Katie.

"I'm kinda hoping you might come around," said Ali. She stood from the couch and advanced on Katie. "Or at least have an open mind?"

"Uhhh, you know I'm not a prude or anything," said Katie as she backed away from Ali. "But this is just too weird."

"Don't you want to have a little fun at Michael's expense?" asked Ali. "He did kiss another girl."

"Not like this! This isn't what I meant!" exclaimed Katie.

"Oh come on," prodded Ali. "Don't tell me you're not curious."

"No! I'm not curious at all!" said Katie as she turned around and walked away into the kitchen. "God Ali why did you do that?"

Ali followed Katie into the kitchen. "You're not mad at me are you?"

Katie rubbed her lips with her fingertips. "What made you think I would be into this sort of thing?"

"I'm still hoping you might be," said Ali as she came around the counter towards Katie. She did not retreat. "Katie, we've been friends for a long time. I know you as well as anyone. I care about you. A lot. I would never do anything to hurt you."