The Borderline Ch. 01

It all came out in a rush, the fact I'd known about the sermon, my fear about how her reaction and its affect on our relationship. By the time I finished we were sitting in a service station not far from home and she had a strange smile on her face.

"I just didn't think it would be that fucking bad," I stared at her as she laughed, "what?"

"What the fuck have I done to you? You never even say bloody let alone fuck."

"I don't know, I'm embarrassed."

"And I thought I need to calm down," she looked straight ahead, "tell you what, seeing as you're dressed to kill, how's about we head up to the Cuckoo for lunch? My shout."

The lunch was the start of a beautiful afternoon. The Dandenongs are beautiful even in winter when they're wreathed in fog. We visited art galleries, garden shops, William Ricketts Sanctuary and a Devonshire Tea House before heading back down the mountain. It felt as if we were leaving paradise and I wasn't looking forward to the night service. I actually told her I'd drop that part if she didn't want to go through with it but she was insistent.

"A dare is a dare and at least now I'm ready for it, this bastard isn't going to beat me."

The youth service was conducted by John. Thankfully for me, it was a piss poor attempt to emulate the morning sermon, it was as plain as his name and Holly's dare was well and truly over.

"You can take a few days to do yours," she pulled into the driveway and killed the burbling V8.

"No, let's do it right here and now."

"We've got a timer inside."

"And we've both got watches," I swivelled around and reaching forward, hooked my hand around her neck, "ready?"

"One, two, three."

"Go," I leaned forward and kissed her. I felt a slight resistance and then her lips parted and I followed her lead, leaning into her as she worked my mouth. A few seconds later I closed my eyes and lost track of time. Her lips felt soft and her tongue inside my mouth caused me to reciprocate. I'd kissed guys before but this was so different, there was no urgency and I could have kept going but ironically it was Holly who pulled away.

"I think we went over," she exhaled, "sorry."

"Don't be," I panted, "you've got nothing to be sorry for."

My hand was still locked around her neck and she had a hand on my throat. My dare was over but then I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. That caused her to tense up and acting on instinct, I moved my other hand to her throat and slid it behind her collar. We kept kissing, pausing now and then for breath until finally she pushed me away and put her back to the door.

"What are you doing? Going for the bloody hat trick?"

"Maybe," I replied, "but the minister is wrong, there's nothing wrong with it."

"A sentiment I can well agree with," she mused, "but you went further than I thought."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Hey, I'm not arguing," she held out her hand in surrender, "but I have to go for a piss."

"Likewise," I opened the door, "last one in is a rotten egg."

A few minutes later this rotten egg was sitting on the can contemplating her sexuality, not the most romantic spot in the house, but as I stepped out of the toilet and headed for the bathroom to wash my hands I heard her in the bedroom. Nothing had been said but no words were necessary, the implications of our actions in the car had spilled over into the house. She'd put on a Madonna CD and as I washed my hands I tried to convince myself that this could end here and now, all I had to do was say no and I actually resolved to say just that the moment I stepped out of the bathroom, but as I pushed her bedroom door open I faltered.

Holly read my look in an instant and something seemed to change as she held out her hands.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea, sometimes you can have too much of a good thing."

I put my arms around her and held her tightly, relishing her warmth as she rubbed my back.

"You are so special."

"Likewise," I stroked her back, "it was a great kiss."

"It was always one of my better assets," she chuckled.

I felt her breasts against mine and started moving up and down, her rubbing slowed as we started to part and then I leaned my head on her shoulder and kissed her neck. She tilted her head and moved to the left and not knowing what to do I followed. She hit the wall and I kept her pinned there as I kissed her throat. My kisses were soft and swift, I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew I didn't want this to end. I felt her fingertips on my buttocks and delicious sensations moved up my spine as she traced dainty circles. I kissed her throat softly and gingerly moved my hands to her breasts. She groaned as I massaged her breasts and then kissed me again with an intensity that surprised me and pushed me towards the bed.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, unable to reply audibly, my vision was slightly blurred as I kissed her slowly and passionately, I tugged weakly at her blouse but she lifted me suddenly and deposited me onto my back in the middle of the bed. I lay staring at her. She had a serious look on her face as she kicked off her shoes and I recalled all the warnings against sex before marriage over the years. This was the time to say no but my last reserves of resolve had vanished with that last kiss and I was so terribly afraid that I'd fuck up. She might have experience but I was the original virgin. She unzipped my boots and dumped them on the floor and then knelt on the bed and studied me intently. I shifted back slightly and she slowly crawled towards me, I recall my heart was pounding.

"Relax, we'll go easy peasy, nice and easy. If you want to stop tell me, promise?"

"I promise," I touched her face, "scout's honour."

There are men I've been with since who have some sense of foreplay beyond the usual squeeze your tits and rub your pussy, but nothing since has ever bettered her foreplay and even in hindsight I can say it wasn't because this was my first time with anyone. The women I've been with since are generally good at foreplay but Holly was undoubtedly a true expert.

"Let's just kiss for a while, I don't want you to try anything on me," she kissed my forehead and stroked my front, "tell me what feels good and what you don't like, I can adapt to suit. Good sex comes out of good communication, you talk, I listen."

Our lips met in a tender open-mouthed kiss that seemed to last forever as she stroked my front, barely touching my skin but whenever her fingertips brushed my skin it tingled. Several more kisses followed as she kept stroking, alternating the brushing strokes with more firmer movements. Her weight shifted as she settled in beside me and began rubbing her knee against my thigh and I felt the lace tie being worked loose as she left my mouth and started on my throat. I turned my head to grant her lips access to my throat, my heart was pounding and my nipples were beginning to harden. She undid the top two buttons, a soft tongue teased my throat and before I knew it the next button popped loose and she kissed and stroked her way down the opening V while her knee rose higher with each minute. I cried out when she found my moist lips and thinking she'd hurt me she pulled away. One finger was hooked around the button just above my cleavage.

"Don't," I finally managed.

"Don't?"

"Don't stop, please don't stop."

"Like this?" Holly moved her knee slowly across my lips and I closed my eyes and moaned, which only encouraged her as she undid the next button and sliding the hand beneath my blouse, started massaging my breast. I parted my legs and with her murmured encouragement, let her bring me slowly to arousal. Her soft silky hair flowed over me as she undid the rest of my blouse and by the time it was open I was tingling all over. I offered up my breasts to her as she straddled me and began moving back and forward, arching her back and lowering herself so that her lips dragged across mine. I grabbed her legs and held on, sure that this was the moment the poets waxed lyrical about, but there was so much more to come as she pulled my bra straps down and sliding the cups over my breasts, began kissing and massaging them. My breathing became more ragged the longer she went on until finally I undid my cuffs and reaching behind me, unclipped the bra. Holly pulled the garments free and tossed them aside with a practised ease and then moved onto my skirt and began to slowly unbutton it. She paused a few times to stroke and kiss my legs while I moaned, my back rose and fell, and the words spilling out of my mouth would have made my mother blush if she'd been within earshot.

The skirt lay open some time later and there was a moment of hesitation as she teased my engorged lips, I twitched when she reached my perineum and then she removed my panties and lowering her head, smothered my glistening labia with kisses. I don't know how long it went on, I only know my head was swimming as she took me higher and higher. Her lips and tongue sent waves of pleasure flooding through me as she brought me slowly and surely to orgasm. I've faked orgasms more times than I can remember, guys can never tell the difference. But that orgasm definitely wasn't faked, I felt like I was coming apart at the seams and when I finally recovered I knew nothing between us could ever be the same. I kissed her passionately and felt her trembling and then I was sitting up and fumbling for her buttons. I undressed her and the helpless look in her eyes has stayed with me until now, she couldn't have moved if she'd wanted to and when she was finally naked it was my turn. Admittedly it was clumsy and awkward, I'd never gone down on anyone.

"It's all right, I know the moves," she whispered, "let me help."

She was very patient with her directions until finally she climaxed.

"Fuck me. That was fucking awesome."

I fell into her arms and snuggled into her, relishing the feel of skin on skin and the closeness, she stroked my back and tickled my buttocks. We made love once more that night and that second time was far more leisurely and this time she used a dildo after I asked her to use it on me.

"This could take a little while to get used to," she murmured, "inch by inch everything's a cinch," she grinned and lowering her head, licked my opening.

It was a different feeling, having something inside me but she was so patient and gentle, easing it in bit by bit and withdrawing again until I finally climaxed. That orgasm sent waves of pleasure flowing through me and when it came to my turn I found that using a dildo was easier for me although I did flick my tongue over her lips now and then. My tongue jobs have certainly improved since then, thank God! Eventually however, exhaustion overcame us and we fell asleep in each other's arms. Ironically the song that woke us the next morning was Madonna's Over the Borderline. I smiled and snuggled into her and told her I'd love her forever.

I've developed a real phobia about telling someone I'll love them forever. In my case I'm quite sure the fates laugh hysterically whenever I do. They're cruel beyond imagining, spiteful little harpies who delight in tormenting mortals. Our forever love lasted until the first week of January, by then I'd tossed in my job at the Christian book store and landed a job at Eastland in another book store. I never came out to the church but they knew anyway, because Pastor Smith mentioned my name in church just before Christmas and warned the congregation that because I had fallen into sin, I was no longer welcome at church and not content with that he called my mum and told her. Mum told him to mind his own business and hung up but it left me with mixed feelings because word passed from that church to my old church, and that made life harder for my parents. It was just a foretaste of what the fates had in store though when Holly's mother collapsed at work and was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer.

Holly flew back to England to be with her. It was a chance to reconnect with a woman she'd always distrusted and hated. Her mother died not long after and left her a house and a sum of money that wasn't exorbitant even by today's standards but it gave her options she'd never had before. One of those options involved going back to medical school to qualify as a doctor, one of her dreams and who was I to stand in the way?

It all seemed logical back then. I would stay in Bayswater North and get another boarder and when I was able I'd fly out to meet her. Today that arrangement would work, but we've also got the Internet, cheap international calls, Skype, Face Time and good old fashioned texts but back then it was snail mail, extortionate phone charges and in an emergency the telegram. Absence can make the heart grow fonder but distance keeps you apart and the longer we were apart the more the passion faded until eventually we reached our breaking point and said goodbye. I know it hurt her because she cried over the phone but it damn near sent me insane. I had a change of heart six months later when I enrolled at Monash university to do my economics degree and wrote her a long letter that was returned with the ominous 'return to sender not known at this address' scrawled across the front. The last information I received when I finally wrote to her college was from a friend, telling me that she was now studying in Switzerland. She promised to pass on the letter but I never heard from Holly or her friend again.

Steve 'I'm such a legend' Gibson was a walking talking advertisement for big hair and I know my mind wasn't right because I would never have married him. Hindsight is always 20/20, I was trying to recapture something of my innocence and I still found men attractive. The marriage lasted twelve months and gave me a daughter, Jacinta. The second marriage to David lasted sixteen months and gave me the twins, Jennifer and Holly. David was pushing for a third but by then I was starting to feel like a baby factory, the fact that I was actually earning more money than him was a contributing factor to the breakup. When he left I decided that the fates had conspired against me. I was a twenty two year old single mum with a two year old and twins, if not for my family I think I would have had a nervous breakdown. I spent the next sixteen years as a single mum working in the banking sector, I was determined that if I sucked at marriage then at least I'd try to be a good mother. I quit my job in 2007 and started my own accountancy business.

In 2011, after a push from my girls I got back on the horse again. I kicked off with men but soon gravitated towards women, men are more uncertain of themselves and always trying to 'connect' with me. The women are more confident and demanding, but ultimately unsatisfying because I'm subconsciously holding them up to Holly's standard and that's a cardinal sin in any language. My last relationship ended six months ago in a blazing row at two in the morning.

To compensate or at least take stock, I focused instead on my business and family, dad and mum are retired and my two sisters have kids of their own. As a result of my affair with Holly, they're all remarkably open minded about homosexuality in general.

Nevertheless, Holly's ghost kept moving through my dreams until the morning I read that article and finally got back in contact via Facebook. The night she accepted my friend request, we chatted for over two hours on Facebook and despite so much water under the bridge she's the same Holly I fell madly in love with, it's as if we never parted. My family have all added her to their Facebook contacts as well. Mum's comment on her page made me smile, 'saw your light on, thought I'd drop in and keep you company.'

We've both been through so much but I get the feeling we're both on the same page. Neither of us know if we can rekindle an old flame but we've agreed to meet at her house in Britain. I've got so much to organise and what about my girls and grand kids? But as each day comes to a close I find myself getting younger, if such a thing is possible.

Soon I'll be heading over the borderline.

To be continued...