The Boys Next Door

"It's nice and warm in here." I cooed. I laid my head back closed my eyes briefly but couldn't enjoy the feeling very long. The second my eyes closed the world started to spin. Between the hot water and the heavy swigs of alcohol I was pretty smashed.

Derek returned looking more composed. I took my drink from him and set it directly in the cup holder telling myself I'd slow way down on my drinking. He set a pitcher down on the step of the tub and I looked away as he climbed in just in case. This time he got all the way down in the tub and then he pushed a button and the jets started kicking even harder.

We had to raise our voices a bit to compete with the sound of the jacuzzi and soon we were laughing and joking again. My willpower left and I was drinking heavily again and genuinely having a good time with these boys.

That's about where the evening starts to get fuzzy for me. I remember giving them advice on girls and I remember Matt pushing the conversation to sexual jokes and eventually that all morphed into me giving them advice of a sexual nature.

Honestly what I remember most from the hot tub is feeling like a teenage girl again. I forgot myself and my lonely life as a 37 year old divorcee. I was flirtatious like I had been in high school and the more I drank the more I found myself encouraging the boys to joke about my body and my tits. I lost all inkling of enforcing rule number one entirely. The boys took full advantage of this ogling me whenever I sat up with my tits above the waterline.

The last thing I remember from the hot tub is things quieting down, me closing my eyes and feeling really...really...really...good between my legs but with no real connection to the idea of how or why.

After that there's only brief flashes I remember like lying on my back feeling someone go down on me and of being penetrated and wanting so badly to cum.

What the fuck had I been thinking?!

I wasn't even on the pill!

I threw the slimy bikini bottoms on the bathroom floor. Tearing away the triangle top, I was in the shower before it was even warm. I pulled the shower head down, set it to pulsating massage and went to work washing myself.

I took three advil and cried myself to sleep. The tears of a stereotypical hangover girl who went way too far with high school boys...

The next morning I awoke to the sound of my cell phone ringing. It was way too loud. My head was still throbbing and my body now felt sore. I grabbed the phone. It was my sister Amanda.

I forgotten about the pedicure. I was supposed to go with her.

"Hey Amanda."

"Hey! We said 10 right? Where are you?" She probed.

"Shit sorry Amanda. I was up late...I'm not feeling so well."

"Not feeling well...? What kind of not feeling well?" She always sounds like a police interrogator.

"Yeah just a stomach bug or something," I lied. "I completely forgot our pedi. Sorry. Can you just start without me?" My head was spinning again and my stomach started to turn.

"Yep. Already did. But hey! I have to tell you about Sharon's..."

I interrupted, "Amanda,I gotta go! I think I'm gonna puke..." This part was not a lie.

It took a couple dry heave sessions and a shower before I felt capable of starting my Sunday.

I had Derek's number from when he used to do work for me around the house so I texted him asking if him and any friends were available to do some work for me today. I didn't know if his parents monitored his texts so I kept it discrete. Within an hour a procession of guilty-looking and hungover teenage boys filed into my house.

I was too damn nervous and still feeling too sick to start talking so I told them I was going to make some breakfast. They tried to decline but I insisted that there was nothing better for a hangover than a big greasy meal. I felt like shit but made a massive breakfast of eggs, sausage and hashbrowns. After all...the alternative to cooking was talking. I wasn't ready for the talking...I chose cooking.

I served them plates and we all sat quietly and forced ourselves to eat. I gave each of them a Gatorade and when there was nothing else to be done I started talking.

"Guys I'm not exactly clear on what happened last night. I obviously drank way too much but I think I might have done some...other...things I shouldn't have last night." It fell short of sounding like a question as I had intended.

Derek, Liam and Matt looked at each other nervously and then back at me fear ringing their faces.

"I need to know from you guys what happened last night."

They said nothing and sat looking downcast.

"Guys...please..." I pleaded.

When it was clear neither Matt nor Liam would start talking, Derek stammered. "Well...Mrs. M. we had sex..."

My stomach turned. "You and I had sex?"

"No Mrs. M...I mean...uh...all of us...had sex..."

My heart dropped and I felt the tears coming on. I tried to fight them back with a big breath, tried to keep outwardly calm but failed miserably as more rolled down my cheeks.

"Mrs. M...I'm so sor-" Matt started but I cut him off.

"Just wait ok...just...the last thing I remember is sitting in the hot tub and now you're saying that ALL OF US," I gestured around the table, "...ended up having sex...Now I need to know EXACTLY what happened last night...?"

The boys all looked down. Matt spoke next not lifting his eyes, "It was me Mrs. M. I started it all."

"Started it how?"

"Well...we'd been in the hot tub and joking around...about your boobs and all..."

"Yeah, I remember that."

"Well... you were pretty loopy by then...and...well...we all got kinda quiet. You had put your head back... and kinda closed your eyes..." He paused.

"Look, you guys aren't in trouble so there's no need to keep stalling. Just...what happened?" I was starting to get impatient as more tears flowed.

"Sorry...uh...I was drunk too and I kinda..." He was getting flustered.

"He started touching your boobs." Liam blurted out.

Matt nodded shamefully.

"But it wasn't like bad though...I mean you were still sitting there with your head back and eyes closed but you liked it. You were like...moaning" said Liam. "Like...you liked it."

A tear rolled down Liam's face as he started to get really distraught. "I mean...I swear...it wasn't like we raped you...right...?"

"Oh God... what have I done to these boys?" I thought. Matt and Derek looked on the verge of tears themselves. Part of me really wanted to blame them but I knew I'd fuck these boys up for life if I did.

"No..." I had to dive right in and try to correct the situation. "If anyone did anything wrong it was me. Do you understand?" I looked for signs of relief in them but they were slow to follow.

"Listen guys...I completely fucked up. I should have never been drinking with you. I am completely at fault here." I looked up getting emotional again. "I was so stupid..." I trailed off.

"I really really fucked up guys. And I am so...so...sorry. But don't think for a second that what you did was..."

"Well...Mrs. M...we're not gonna tell anybody." Derek offered. "But didn't we like...take advantage of you...?"

"No Derek...no..." I stopped him. "I'm old enough to know better...I should have been...old enough to know better."

The was a long pause before Matt spoke. "So...all we gotta do is...all of us promise not to tell anybody...right...?"

"Matt...it's not the simple...I..." My words trailed off as I didn't know what I wanted to come of this at all anymore.

Matt picked back up. "I mean...why not. I think it is that simple. You didn't rape me. I wanted it too. I enjoyed it too...up until this morning when Liam started talking about it being...wrong...you know...?"

"Matt...honey..." My mind was going into overload. I had no idea what to say or do anymore. I wanted to just crawl in my bed in the fetal position and cry for a week alone.

"But he's right Mrs. M..." Derek chimed in. "If we don't think you raped us and you don't think we liked it then we all had consent right...? So consent makes sex okay...right...?"

"It's not that simple..." I trailed off unable to think of a reply.

"We knew what we were doing Mrs. M. We're not kids. We knew...We wanted it...I wanted it and I don't want to regret it either...I mean...it was pretty awesome." He smiled slightly and the other two looked equally hopeful.

I was feeling drained and small. I couldn't debate them. "Just tell me exactly what all we did last night. I mean...who and how...you know..." I had to plead again to get one of them to start talking.

"So...I didn't just touch your boobs... You were moaning like you enjoyed it and you said something about your pussy... So...I...uh...I put my hand in your pants and was touching you down there." Matt continued cautiously watching my reactions.

"Okay..." I tried to say calmly.

"And you um...you got really loud then. You were moaning loud and saying that it felt good and you kept telling me not to stop." He continued. "The all of the sudden you told me to stop...I was scared I did something wrong or hurt you with my fingers...but you said it was just too hot in the tub and you needed out."

I couldn't believe how much I had acted like a drunken bitch in heat.

"So we helped you out to lay on the trampoline and you...uh..."

Numbness began emanating from my stomach. "Okay...what else?"

"I guess you cooled down quick and you untied you bikini bottoms and uh...started...like touching yourself...down there. You kept saying that you wanted...um..."

"Just say it. It's okay..." I said tonelessly.

"You wanted...to get fucked...you kept saying. So I did...and it was awesome." Matt broke a grin and immediately suppressed it. "I mean I did...and I came but I guess you didn't and...you were still asking for it but...I couldn't go anymore yet...so..."

Matt trailed off and looked to Liam and Derek.

"So then I did..." Derek said quietly. "And then Liam did too..."

Goddamn...I felt so stupid and so slutty...I'd been in a drunken gangbang. The thought kept ringing in my head.

After a long pause I said. "Okay...and then your parents came home?"

"No..."said Derek. "Um...you weren't...I guess...done yet so...Matt went again..."

I'd gotten wasted and let three teenage boys gangbang me and drop four loads of cum in my pussy. I was so sickened thinking of it I collapsed onto the table and started to weep.

I felt arms around me as Derek came around the table to hug me. Then Liam and Matt held my hands, none of them knowing what to say.

"We're so sorry Mrs. M..." Liam offered after again.

After a few minutes of crying I realized that this was going nowhere and was probably pretty uncomfortable for them. I excused myself to use the restroom and told them I'd be right back.

I washed my face with some cold water and looked at my swollen face in the mirror. It was not a pretty sight. After peeing and taking some more advil, I attempted to regain my composure a bit.

The boys were sprawled out in various positions on the table exhausted. I wanted some alone time to process all this but I knew I needed to set things right with them at least better than they stood right now.

They perked up as I sat down with them and I considered where to start.

"Are you okay Mrs. M?" Derek asked.

"Yeah. I'll be okay. I just really fucked up..." This wasn't how I wanted to start this conversation at all but I had no other ideas. "Listen guys...I want to emphasize to you that I consider this whole thing to be my fault...I mean..." I trailed off.

"But did we hurt you though...?" Derek was looking about ready to break.

"No." I said empathically. "No. I don't think you guys did anything wrong. I'm sad because I shouldn't have let myself go that far. I'm not sad at what you guys did...I just...I regret what I did. You understand...?"

They didn't appear placated or convinced.

"I should never have been drinking with you guys. I shouldn't have gotten so drunk and acted like such a drunken whore...I shouldn't have..." I had nowhere else to take this.

Matt chimed in again. "Mrs. M, honestly it was pretty awesome...I mean it. Up until this morning anyway...So I don't think you should feel guilty about it." The other boys nodded in agreement.

"You didn't hurt us...and...well you're saying we didn't hurt you so we should be glad it happened...right...?" He looked to Derek and Liam and they nodded again.

"Guys...I appreciate that you had fun but...someday you'll learn that there's a big difference between what is fun and what..." I was searching for it. "...between what is fun and what people will accept as allowable...like in...society... You know what I'm trying to say...?"

Their nods of approval did very little to comfort me. "I mean if someone ever found out what we did there would be consequences...severe ones...not just to our reputations but...I'm in this place now where I was supposed to be the responsible adult and I fucked it up and now...my only option is to ask you guys to hide it from the world."

"Mrs. M we would never tell anybody!" Matt said incredulously. "We don't want to get in trouble."

Derek and Liam again nodded their agreement.

"I know...and I'm thankful for that but...I guess...I don't know...There's just bigger implications than just that...or even...just the possible consequences..." I sounded like I was pleading with them now. I was going nowhere quick.

Matt jumped in again. "I'm sorry Mrs. M that you're so sad about this but I don't agree that there really are other implications...I'm mean...you're saying that you feel guilty about this because a bunch of other people who will never know about this would not like it if they did know. That's screwy Mrs. M...cuz they really will never know..."

I tried to argue but Matt kept going. "I mean...you say yourself that something can be fun behind closed doors. This is behind closed doors so how about you just decide to not worry about it...and we decide to not worry about it...?"

"Matt...it's just not that simple..." I started.

"No wait Mrs. M... Did you have fun hanging out with us in the hot tub...?" Matt asked.

"Matt...honey...it's just not that --"

"Did you or didn't you?" He demanded.

"I shouldn't have even been there!" I said firmly.

"That's not the question I asked...now did you or didn't you?"

"Yes Matt I did but that doesn't --"

Matt interrupted again. "I know I had fun in the hot tub. Did you guys?" He looked to Liam and Derek.

"I did Mrs. M." Derek looked solemnly to me. Liam nodded in agreement.

"And I know I had fun after the hot tub..." Matt continued. "...didn't you guys?"

Derek and Liam looked down and didn't answer. Matt shot up and demanded his question of them again.

The both affirmed without their eyes leaving the table beneath them.

Matt was waving an arm around as he continued. "Now Mrs. M. I know you don't remember much from the trampoline but you sure as hell sounded like you had fun too."

"Matt sit down!" I yelled.

"Nope. Sorry but I think I'm done here." He threw his hands in the air and started to walk out.

"The only problem I see with this thing is you don't want to admit it was fun for you too." He called back before opening the door and leaving.

I wanted him to come back. I wanted him to make him listen and make him see what was wrong with all this. But, at the same time, I also just wanted him to leave. I had no more viable arguments to make.

Derek, Liam and I sat quietly for a minute or so before Liam started. "Mrs. M...I know you didn't like what he said but...I have to say...I want to agree with him. I mean...my only problem with this whole thing is that...that it made you sad."

Derek nodded agreement. "We promise we won't let this get out so why not feel okay with it...?" Derek added. "I mean...I lost my virginity to a beautiful older woman in a hot tub last night...and it was awesome." He broke a grinned that infected Liam after that.

I was stunned...I hadn't even considered the fact that last night was probably the first time for all three of them. These boys had all lost their virginity gangbanging me on a trampoline.

A wave of shame came over me again and the tears started rolling down my cheeks again. "God dammit guys..." I choked out. "It's not supposed to happen like that... You're first time is supposed to be special...it's supposed to be with someone special! Not some old drunken hag on a trampoline."

I started to sob and both Derek and Liam moved in to hug me on either side. We sat like that for a few minutes until Derek brushed my hair behind my ear and looked deep into my eyes. "Mrs. M...it may not have been like everyone else's virginity stories but I wouldn't trade it for any other in the world." Liam agreed and he continued. "It's every teenage boy's biggest fantasy...the hot older lady next door... We didn't just get the fantasy though...We got the real thing!"

I couldn't help but chuckle through my sobbing and turned to hug him. It was the kind of warm, strong hug you don't want to end. We held there briefly and I turned to give Liam the same hug.

"It was really awesome Mrs. M and I really will remember it forever." Liam whispered in my ear. "Please don't feel bad about it."

We separated and I could see a tear running down each of his cheeks.

I never saw Matt again. Liam I saw only one more time leaving Derek's house while I was pulling weeds in my front yard. A knowing smile and a wave was all that transpired.

Derek and I ended up having sex one other time. That is a subject for another story but I will say the second time I did a much better job of it. It wasn't another shameless drunken hook-up. It really was a growing experience for him. I showed him all the things that I wish every other man I ever fucked had known.

On my best days I can almost see glimpses of what the boys saw in this whole thing; the "fun" they referred to. On those days I can almost feel like I helped them grow up or pass a milestone.

On my worst days I try not to dwell on it too much but it does get me pretty low every now and then.

I'm hoping that writing this anonymously will help me to reason it all out and someday finally decide for myself whether I should feel good or bad about the whole thing.