The Circle Ch. 39

"I don't want to get hooked on drugs."

"I wouldn't worry about that right now. Do what Dr. Rama tells you, and keep sleeping."

Tracy looked at her brother, "I love you."

Jim squeezed her hand, "I love you more than anything in the world. I just want you whole again. I'll be wherever you are to care for you."

"Your job?"

"I already called and took an emergency leave. I ain't leaving here until I'm taking you home. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. They were very understanding."

"Thanks, bro."

Jim kissed her hand, and then following a gesture from the nurse, left the room.

Tracy remained in the ICU for another four days, and then went to a regular room in the surgical recovery wing.

Jim had followed up on Doug Mayes, and found that he'd been killed in the accident, having died only an hour or so earlier in the same hospital. After searching, Jim had found Brenda Mayes – a pretty older woman who had obviously been devastated by the loss of her husband. Jim explained his connection to the woman, through Tracy, Doug's assistant and whom he mentored.

Brenda said through her tears, "He loved her. I knew that. He wasn't going to leave me for her or anything. I guess she – you? – have some kind of strange living arrangement. Anyway, they were an item in our household. He often couldn't stop talking about her. I wasn't jealous or anything; I was glad he was happy. I knew he loved me too."

Jim nodded, unsure of how to follow up with any suitable remark.

Brenda said, "It's OK. I can see what I said made you uncomfortable. I'm so glad she survived. I want to see her before I leave, if nothing more than to put her name and picture together."

"Picture?"

Brenda laughed, "Doug put a picture of her on our piano."

"And you didn't mind – even with an open marriage?"

"No. I have other men that I also love, but I would never have left Doug. We were in each others' retirement plans."

"Tracy would love to see you too."

Brenda said in a matter of fact tone, "Doug said you and Tracy were lovers."

Jim nodded. "She is a loving person. There are about thirty of us – men and women – who live together. She loves us all, and we love her."

"Sometime I'd like to visit you all. That sounds like what Doug and I were trying to build in a small way. Like you and Tracy, we believed there was never enough love in the world."

A day later Jim and Denise were in Tracy's hospital room when Brenda came and knocked gently on the door. Jim had told Tracy of the conversation.

Tracy lay partially elevated in her bed with pillows surrounding her. The facial bandages had been removed, leaving obvious bruises and contusions along with a dozen stitches in Tracy's right cheek.

Tracy said instantly, "Hi, Brenda. Are you OK?"

Brenda approached the bed. Tears flowed down her cheeks; she said, "Yes. Doug really cared for you. I know he loved you dearly."

"I loved him. He was such a special man. I've cried so much over his loss since I found out yesterday." Tracy patted the bed beside her and put out her good hand to be held.

Brenda sat on the edge of the bed and took Tracy's hand in hers. "I knew about the baby. Doug told me on the phone the day before the crash."

Tracy nodded, "I'd just figured it out that day and I told him." She hesitated, "He might have been the father but I lost the baby because of the crash. I ... I worried about how upset you'd be at that."

Brenda gave a sad smile. "I'm sorry too and not upset. He would have been so proud." The two women studied each other. They were a generation or more apart. Wisely, Tracy's mother remained mute; she hadn't known about the pregnancy until that moment.

Brenda said, "Thank you for all you did for him." She shook her head to clear her mind. She nodded at Jim and Denise; "I've got to go. I have a flight home. I plan to visit after you're back home. I'll see you then. Take care and heal fast."

After Brenda was gone, Denise asked in a gentle tone, "You might have been carrying Doug's baby?"

Tracy winked at her brother. This was one of those moments when parents suddenly learn about their children and the generational gap.

"Mom, there were fourteen potential fathers, although given when I was really fertile, I could have narrowed that down a little. Doug was a strong possibility."

Denise sat up straighter and scolded, "Tracy!"

Tracy explained, "You know how I live. We don't worry about paternity. There are six children in the house and another on the way. Do you realize that Jim may be the father of all of them ... or none. Any of the men could, and that's the way we want it to be."

Denise sputtered.

Jim said, "Mom, that's why we keep using the term 'universal grandmother' when we've referred to you. Any of the men's parents, plus the mother's parents fit that moniker."

Denise studied her children. "I ... knew ... that you flaunted a lot of society's customs, but I didn't realize you did it that much."

"We do," Tracy said in a kind tone; "One way to think about it, is that I am in a group marriage."

"But Doug ...?"

"It's an open marriage for all of us."

Denise looked at her son, "And you might have been the father?"

Jim nodded.

Denise buried her face in her hands for a moment. "I will never tell Gary about any of this. He'd be shattered."

Tracy patted her mother's hand, "And you? Don't be mad or disappointed in us. We are loving beings. We're all consenting adults too. It's how we've chosen to live"

Denise waved her hand, "Oh, I'll get used to the idea. Now that I realize the whole story, I promise I'll try to be more of a grandmother too."

Tracy said in a cheerful tone, "Losing the baby and the ability to have another means I'll be one of the 'universal mothers' in the group – or an aunt, or something like that. Don't feel bad about that. I'm becoming a rather motivated career woman, and I still have all my nieces and nephews to dote on."