The Circle Ch. 45

A woman asked, "You have several married couples in The Circle. How do they reconcile the open lifestyle sexually with their marriage vows?"

Bob and Alice looked at each other. Alice responded, "I've never heard any of them talk about it that way. I'm guessing that their response would be that they vowed to love and honor their partner, and in helping them flourish in an environment that is even more loving and caring than a single person could be, they believe they are exceling at their vows."

Bob picked up the thread, "The words 'forsaking all others' is probably at the core of your question. I happen to believe that those words create a boundary so tight that one partner might use that to force their mate to forego even talking to another person. It's like saying, from now on, I'm the only person you'll talk to or even like, let alone love. You must let me be everything to you and no one else, regardless of whether I'm doing a good job of it or not, in all the areas you might find interesting. But what about if they then have kids, or meet great neighbors? What about the fantasies they develop? Is sex the only distinguishing factor? If it is, in the sphere of things we're talking about, set up a group that is sexually restricted, but know that such a boundary prevents some realization of loving and caring."

The questions went on, and the frank answers continued for another hour. Eventually, Bob announced that he wanted to shift the meeting to one more oriented to setting up a new group.

Bob asked, "How many of you want to be in a group similar to The Circle? As you think about that, look around you at the other people in this room. These might be your new partners in that endeavor."

Nearly every hand in the room went up. Bob was surprised.

"Then Alice and I want to leave you with some sense of organization so that you can get together again and start to move this idea further. Alice and I, or others in The Circle, will be available to help and coach you through the foundation steps, and always be available to answer questions. We love and care about you all."

Bob got agreement that ten people of the forty in attendance would take the steps to lead further social gatherings, even taking steps to foster forming a more serious undertaking. He figured that with ten, the effort might survive, and if a man or woman was seriously interested, they might emerge as the first president or leader of the subgroup.

One woman stood up and suggested another meeting in two weeks. She lived not too far away and offered up her living room as a meeting place, and said she'd get from us everyone's contact information from us so she could email directions. Most of the others could attend, but all pledged to keep in touch with the formation effort. They also agreed that they would call their effort The Burlington Circle – named after the town we were holding the meeting in, just so they had a shorthand name for what they were doing.