The Dead Zone

"Damn, I remember her now. She was kind of chunky and was just going through those stages. My sister went through pretty much the same stage. I remember my mom telling me to always treat women equal. Don't say anything you might regret later. I tried to live that way. I also remember Rachel could sing. When our school choir sang, she was always the soloist. Her voice, there's something about her voice. I think I dreamed about her voice," I said.

"Okay, Bro, I believe you. Rachel does have a nice voice. She is always singing around here, but dreaming about her singing? When were these dreams?"

"Toby, I think she sang to me when I was in a coma. I have no way to verify it except some of the songs she sang, I never heard before because they came out after the accident. I'm going to ask her about it later."

"Wow, man, that's pretty deep. I don't know if anyone is going to believe it. I will tell you I believe you," said Toby. "You don't seem to be the type of person who would lie about something like that."

In the next couple of days, I received a lot of visitors. Mom and Dad stopped by for a little bit just about everyday. They tried to bring me up to date on most of the relatives. I was sorry to hear that a couple of aunts had passed away. My brother came by and told me he and his wife were expecting their first child. I guess I was going to be an uncle. My sister came in with her husband. He asked me what my plans were for the future. He owned a hardware store and said I could have a job if needed. He couldn't pay me a lot but it would be a start for me.

I thanked him. I knew he was just trying to help me out. I told him I was going to go to school and finish my degree in computer programming. I would then take some more refresher courses to help bring me up to date on all the computer changes. Besides, I wasn't walking yet and might be able to use a cane or walker pretty soon. A hardware store would be a little hard for me till I was able to walk better.

After my family left, a mad Rachel came in. "What is it, Rach? Do we have another problem?" I asked.

Behind her came in Kelly. I looked at Rachel and smiled. She thought I was smiling because Kelly was here but I was really smiling because of her jealousy.

"Hi, Kelly. What brings you here today?"

"I wanted to see you. I still have strong feelings for you and can't seem to let them go," she answered. She leaned over and kissed me before I could react.

"Kelly, you're a married woman with a child. I loved you, you know that. It's like we've only been apart for a couple of weeks. You belong to someone else now, not me. I can't go on pretending that everything is okay, because it's not. There is nothing I would like more than to make love to you again, but it's not going to happen as long as you are a married woman."

"Can't we be good friends? Maybe you can find a date and we can go out together. I want you in my life; I want to be in yours. Can't you understand that? I love you, I miss you, I wish we could have what we once had, but I know we can't," she replied.

"Kelly, I need to think and I can't do it while looking at you. Please leave so I can think about what you've said. I promise I will think about everything." With that said, Kelly kissed me again and handed me this TV series, 'The Dead Zone'.

"Please watch this. They were able to work it out," and then she left the room.

I looked up and there stood Rachel. She was just staring at me.

"Rachel, I need to talk to you right now. It's not about the personal talk I want to have with you. It's about what happened all the years I was in a coma. I need the honest truth and you are the only one I trust to tell it to me. Will you do that for me?"

"Jeff, I know what you want, I'm not a fool. You want to know what different people said while you were in a coma. I don't know if I can do it. Some of it wasn't very pretty. In case you don't know it, I have some feeling for you and the last thing I want to do is hurt you. Don't you understand?"

"I talked to Toby about you...."

"Oh, my God, he didn't tell you everything, did he, Jeff?"

"Calm down, Rachel. I don't know if he told me everything or not. We'll talk about it later. Right now I need to know what everyone said while I was out. Please help me," I asked.

"Oh, God, I'll try to tell you everything. Okay, your Mother and Father cried when they saw you. They visited almost everyday for about two months. Then it was every other day and than maybe once a week. You could hardly blame them. They would just stare at you lying there. It was hard on them, really hard. Your mom would try to read to you until she would start crying. After the first year they just came about once a month. They always cried when they left."

I was crying now myself, knowing what my parents went through.

"Your brother and sister came every day the first week. After that they came about once a month. Usually one of them would bring your mom."

"Rachel, how often did Kelly come? It's real important that I know the truth."

Rachel had tears in her eyes. "Kelly came about three weeks after the accident. She was in the hospital herself for over a week. She came in and saw you and sat down and cried. She told you that she had lost the baby and it looked like she was losing you. She said you would always have a place in her heart and then she got up and left."

"Did she ever come back again?" I asked Rachel.

"Yes, about a year later she came back to say goodbye to you. She said she found another love but still wanted to say goodbye. She kissed you lightly on the lips and left. She never returned till last week when you were awake."

"Thank you, Rachel. You are a real friend. I have a couple of personal questions for you. Do you know the song, 'You Don't Know Me'?"

"Yes, I love that song," she replied.

"How about, "I Can't Stop Loving You'? Do you know it?" I asked.

"Yes, another of my favorites," she replied.

"Okay, Rachel, this is extremely important. When did you last sing them?"

Rachel had tears coming down her cheek. "Please, Rachel, I need to know."

"I sang them to you almost everyday while you were in a coma," she cried.

I handed her a list of all the songs I remembered hearing. I asked her again about her singing to me. "Did you sing any of these around me while I was comatose?" I asked.

She glanced through the list I had written. "All of them," she replied. I sang them all to you," she smiled at me.

I asked to see the psychiatrist. I went in the next morning and told him about Rachel's voice. I mentioned to him everything that Rachel had told me. I remember my mom crying and Kelly saying goodbye, but most of all I remembered being sung to. I could never place the voice so I didn't think it was real.

The doctor told me it was a miracle if I heard anything. I told him I thought I dreamed it but it just sounded so soothing.

A couple of more weeks went by and everyday was somewhat the same. I was slowly falling for my nurse. I didn't know if it was because of what she did for me or if it was a genuine feeling I had toward her.

Before long, Toby had me walking on crutches. When Rachel saw me she smiled. Then I told her the good but bad news. I would be leaving the hospital. She didn't give me a chance to tell her anything else as she ran crying out of the room.

When she came back in, she told me she was sorry for the outburst. It wasn't professional of her and that she should have been glad that I was feeling good enough to leave the hospital.

"Rachel, I'll never forget you. I believe it was you and only you who saved my life. You took care of me and sang to me daily. You were the only one that thought I was going to make it. You fought to make sure I kept the feeding tubes. Why did you try so hard for me, Rachel?" I asked.

"Jeff, you know why. I'm not going to give you the ego trip and tell you why," she said.

"I'm leaving tomorrow. Will you come and see me or can I come and see you?" I asked.

She took out one of her nurses cards and wrote down her address and phone number on the back.

"One more thing, Rachel; will you kiss me, I mean really kiss me?"

After smiling at me, she did kiss me and it felt so good; soft with just the right amount of pressure. We both opened our mouths and breathed ever so lightly.

After we separated she looked at me and smiled. "I've wanted to do that since I was six years old," she said. "There's plenty more where that came from if you're interested."

She left the room and Toby came in. "Why was Rachel smiling? What did you say to her?" he asked.

I just smiled and told Toby I thought I was getting my life figured out. Then we went back to the therapy. Damn, the therapy was hard.

----------------

I rented a small wheelchair-accessible trailer. If I tried really hard, I could use a walker and I was able to use crutches.

My life was really busy. I tried to do my physical therapy every day. Three times a week I'd go to the hospital and do the really rough therapy with Toby. In the evening, I started taking refresher courses in computers. I know that one reason I tried to keep busy was so I didn't have to think about my female situation. I was trying to forget about Kelly which was almost impossible. I kept thinking about Rachel and was wondering if I cared for her for the right reasons.

My dad stopped by one day to see how I was doing. I decided to talk with him about my situation with the women. I was always able to talk to him.

"Dad, I have a problem. I keep thinking about Kelly and Rachel - you know, the nurse who took care of me. Everything is all mixed up in my head. Kelly wants to stay friends but I don't know if I can do that, Dad."

"Son, it's easier for Kelly than it is for you. In her mind, you have been away for over four years. She's probably remembering all the good times you had together and doesn't want it to end. For you it's a lot different. As far as your brain thinks, she was never gone."

"Dad, how do I deal with it? Even though I care deeply for her, she is married and has a child by another man."

"It's not going to be easy. You are going to have to make a decision whether you want to break up her marriage and family and try to start over. I don't think you want to do that. She made her decision when she chose to go on with her life while you were in a coma. I don't blame her, by any means. None of us believed you were going to make it except that nurse. For some reason she always said she had the belief that you would recover. She was right against all odds."

"Dad, that's my other problem. I think I love Rachel but I don't know if it's because she cared for me and stood by me, or if my feelings are genuine for her. Do you know what I mean dad?"

"Her feelings for you are from caring for you, that's a form of love in itself. Why don't you ask her out and see where it leads. Find out if your feelings for her are just because she took care of you. See how you two get along away from the nurse-patient relationship."

"Dad, I have another question. It's about money. Who's paying for all this medical stuff I've been having? Four years in a coma has to cost some big bucks. Surely you and mom don't have that kind of money and I know I certainly don't."

"After the accident, our insurance paid for the early medical bills. During that time, Kelly sued the trucker's insurance company. It was determined that the truck had gone left of center when it hit Kelly's car. Kelly ended up with a few hundred thousand dollars for the loss of the child and her auto expense. I don't know the exact amount."

"What about my expenses, Dad?"

"When the insurance company came to us about your suit, which we had in your name, we decided to have them pay all medical expenses that you incurred. Since you didn't look like you would survive, they agreed to it. We didn't want to receive money due to your death, but we did want your medical expenses taken care of. It has cost them a bundle of money since you lived and were in a coma. They came to us last year and said they would file a suit against us if we didn't pull the plug on your support systems. We couldn't afford the lawsuit so we agreed to pull it at four years. That's when Rachel argued to keep your feeding tubes in. We agreed with her and the insurance company let the food support stay."

"See what I mean, Dad. I owe her. I owe her big time."

"The insurance company will only pay for about another six months of therapy. So, I better leave so you can get back to the exercise."

"Thanks, Dad, thanks for being there for me. I love you."

"I love you too, Jeff," replied Dad.

As I mentioned earlier, I was going to school at night to finish my Bachelor of Science degree in computer programming. I was able to repair personal computers at my home to pick up enough money to survive. There was plenty of work to keep me busy. I made sure I only took jobs that I was sure I could repair. There sure had been a lot of changes in the programming in the last four plus years, but the basics were the same.

The following week, I went to physical therapy and talked with Toby. We finally got me on crutches. My legs worked but it was like a child learning to walk all over again. I had to keep building up those legs muscles. I asked Toby about Rachel and he said she kept asking about me. She was a little hurt that I hadn't seen her. I told him I was going over to see her today. So after therapy, I went over to the other building where Rachel was. It was a long walk so I used a wheelchair.

As I went to her floor, I saw her talking and smiling at a young doctor. He kept putting his hand on her arm and I found out that I didn't like it. They were both smiling at each other when she turned and saw me. I thought I heard her tell the doctor that she would see him later as she came quickly toward me. She was smiling as she bent over to give me a hug.

"God, I missed you. How are you? What are you up to? How come you haven't called me?" she said.

"Slow down, Rach. I missed you too. I'm going to school, doing physical therapy and trying to make a few bucks repairing computers in whatever time I have left over."

"I'm just so glad to see you," replied Rachel.

"Who were you talking with? Is he a doctor? He sure acted friendly toward you."

"He's just a good friend," she said. "Why, are you jealous that he was talking to me?" She smiled.

"No, I'm not jealous. It's your life and you can do what you want. Is he married?" I asked.

"No, he's single and, yes, I've been out with him. Now, let's talk about you and me. What made you come here today?" she asked.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go out to dinner with a guy in a wheelchair. If we wait a week I might have the crutches mastered." I smiled.

"I want the guy in the wheelchair. I'm free Friday night. How does that work for you?"

"Friday's fine. I'm able to drive my dad's van. He loaned it to me for as long as I need it. I have therapy Friday so I'll meet you here after work and take you home if you like."

"No, this is my first date with you. It's special. I'll give you my address and you can come by around seven and pick me up." She laughed.

"Seven it is. I'm looking forward for us to finally having our little talk," I said.

She leaned over and kissed me lightly and said she had work to do and would see me Friday.

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I was busy the rest of the week. On Wednesday after I got out of school, I was repairing a computer when there was a knock at my door. I yelled, "Come in," since I didn't want to have to grab the crutches and answer it. A police officer came in and asked if I was Jeff.

"Yes, I'm Jeff. What can I do for you, officer?" I asked.

"I'd like to talk to you. My name is Dave Rogers and I'm also Kelly's husband. I think we need to talk. Kelly's been a mess every since you came out of the coma. We have a son, Davy, and have been a happy family. Of course I love Kelly and my son. I'm willing to fight for them if necessary. I was hoping that we could talk man to man and save a lot of embarrassment."

"Dave, as you know, I've been in a coma for over four years. Everything to me seems like just yesterday. You should know that I love Kelly, but I'm going to do my best to go my separate way. Kelly stopped by and told me she loved you. I know she's mixed up right now but when she gives it more thought she will know this was the best thing for both of us. All I ask is that you stay by her side and love her. This situation is no one's fault. It just happened," I replied.

"You know, I was hoping you would have just died. It would have been the easiest way for me. Kelly wants us all to be friends. Right now I don't think I could do that. Maybe somewhere up the road, maybe, but not right now," said Dave.

"I'll try, Dave; I do think you're right about not being close right now. It would be hard on me too."

I went over and got the 'Dead Zone' tapes and told Dave to give them back to Kelly. I told him to tell Kelly that we are real people, not a fantasy. We had some good memories together and that I'll always remember the good times. Dave and I shook hands and he left.

He wasn't a bad sort. Kelly could have done a hell of a lot worse. I could tell after talking to him that he loved Kelly and his son. My coming out of a coma affected everyone. Here was this police officer doing his job and, 'Boom' now he has me to worry about. I wondered how I would have dealt with it if our roles were reversed.

After Dave left I actually sat down and felt a bit sad. I knew I did the right thing but it still hurt. As Mom said, "Life goes on" and now I would have to go on without Kelly. I decided to put my efforts into a relationship with Rachel; I really cared for her.

I went to physical therapy on Friday and told Toby about my talk with Dave. He pretty much agreed with me that I did the right thing. I then told him about my date with Rachel for that night. He wished me luck and told me what a great person Rachel was.

I drove by at seven on the button. I was starting to get out of the van when a beautiful Rachel came down the steps. I guess she figured it was a job to get out of the van and came to my rescue.

"You look beautiful," I said to her.

She smiled as we headed out to a nice place for dinner where we could have a good meal and quiet conversation. After we ordered, I asked her how it'd been since she didn't have me to sing to.

"Jeff, I miss you. Believe it or not, I used to look forward to coming in and telling you about my dates and how things went every day. It was like you were my best friend and I could tell you everything."

"Dates? You go on dates. I never thought of you as dating other people," I remarked.

"Jeff, I've always loved you. You know that. I've told you that a dozen times. I do have a life outside of the hospital. Yes, I date people; I have friends and family just like you and everyone else. Surely you didn't think I just sat around waiting for you to recover so I could have a date? I'm sorry, that didn't come out right. I wanted you to recover. I wanted to be with you, but I do have a life too. Some weekends I go to the amateur night at the Bristoe Lounge and sing. I don't want to be a professional but I do enjoy singing."

I was a little surprised but what was I thinking? She was smart, beautiful, a fantastic personality and had a great voice. What was I thinking? She could be with most any man she chose.

"Jeff, are you alright? It was as though you were off in another world for a few seconds," she said.

Our dinner arrived and we began eating. She told me more about herself and her family. She led a pretty busy life. Eventually the conversation got back around to discussing me. I told her about Kelly and she tried not to smile. I could see she felt a little more relaxed.