The Fall of Amanda

I found one question on a site that was similar to my situation. It was titled, "Discovered son is obsessed with me sexually. Do I confront him?" The post described how the single mom found writings her 18 year old son had made in his journal about his sexual fantasies for her. She also found he was using her panties to get off. The most highly rated answer blew my mind.

"I am actually a licensed social worker / family therapist working in the field for 20 years in a major city. I've seen everything. What I am going to say may shock you but its my honest non-professional totally personal opinion based on what I've seen. You have 2 choices.

"Choice 1: Ignore it, pretend it never happened. Don't talk about it, don't take him to therapy. Ignorance is bliss and the chances of this ruining your relationship are very high. Its like opening Pandora's Box. Once the idea is out there, it never goes away and will always be between you. It's easier said than done, however, especially based on what you've read and seen about how he feels about you.

"Choice 2 is what I think I would do. What I would tell a friend, not what I'd tell a client. I'd ask you to figure out how you really feel about it before you do anything or confront him. Picture yourself having sex with your son, and bring yourself to an orgasm. I've talked to many women who told me that once the mental barrier holding those images at bay started to have even the smallest of cracks, it was like a rushing torrent was behind it and tore it down quicker and stronger than they ever could have imagined. These women I've spoken to told me that having sex with their sons was the single most powerful emotional and sexual experience of their lives and no matter the fallout or consequences, they could never regret it. If your son is into you like you describe, maybe think of it instead of getting him help or changing him, embrace it.

"You're a single woman. You live with a young man, your flesh and blood, who worships you. You have the chance for a rare and sacred sexual experience few people can even bring themselves to dream about. Maybe you owe it to yourself to see what and who is behind that wall of shame and inhibition. Maybe you owe it yourself to see if you can be a mother to your son fully in every way. Show him understanding. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Spiritually. Sexually. Teach him, show him what love is. Naked, open, honest. Bare your heart to him. Bare your womanhood to him and show him a mother's strength. A mother's love can transcend all boundaries and limitations. You are in the unique position to see just how deep it can go."

People can say anything on the internet so I shouldn't have put any stock in it. But just reading it rocked me to my core. I peeled off my clothes until I was down to my panties. I rubbed myself over them till they were soaked through completely, then took them off. In a trance, I walked naked through my house and put them under his pillow then sat on his nice leather desk chair. I started masturbating, leaking all over the seat. I imagined him coming home from work in his lifeguard uniform and catching me naked in his room. He would grab me and prevent me from escaping as I tried to flee. He'd hold me tight as I struggled with one arm, and take off his shirt and swimsuit with the other. He'd soothe me, dominate me, fuck me. He'd stroke my face and tell me it'd be alright as he came unprotected in my pussy. I imagined us stripping naked in the kitchen, and taking him in my mouth, my nose against his pubic hair, feeling it pulse and shoot into the back of my throat. Teary eyed, I would revel in triumph as I gagged on his cumming manhood. I lifted my legs high above my head, and played around my asshole, wet and slippery from my dripping sex. I imagined him lubing up his dick with baby oil, before slowly invading my impossibly tight hole, my face a mask of shame, pain, and pleasure. I was in a delirium.

"Oh nooo!" I screamed as my orgasm ripped through my entire body in wave after wave after wave. My pubic hair was soaked, my pussy and ass were soaked. I was sitting a puddle on my son's chair. As I was coming back down to earth, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I glanced at the clock. It was 4:30.

What have I done? I got up and grabbed the panties back from under the pillow and desperately tried to wipe up my mess from the chair. It wasn't doing a great job at cleaning it and the room reeked of sex. I did the best I could and got up, realizing I was naked and had to get back to my room before the front door opened because he could see the landing between our rooms from the front door. I ran out, panties in hand, and reached my open bedroom just as the front door began to open. I grabbed my door and closed it, surveying my discarded clothes all over the floor. Did he just see me naked closing the door? I'm out of my mind.

Even if he didn't see me naked, he would certainly know I've been in his room. The missing original panties, the strong scent of pussy, and the lingering wetness on his chair. Hopefully it didn't leave a stain. What was I going to do? I heard him go into his room. Oh, Christ. Is this real life right now? Amanda, what the fuck?

I put my clothes back on as quick as possible and got a new pair of panties. The two used ones were crumpled on the bed. I heard footsteps. A knock on the door of my room.

"Mom?"

Oh fuck, its happening now.. You have to deal with this now.. "Yes, Robbie?" I called back, looking at myself in the mirror. I was a hot mess. I tried to smooth and comb my disheveled hair with my hands.

"Were you in my room?" he called through the door.

"No. Why?" I lied, stalling for time.

"Can I come in?" he asked. Is he for real? He's gonna confront me like this. I started getting mad. I walked over and opened the door to see my son in his lifeguard uniform. My mind flashed to my fantasy of him taking off his clothes and subduing me while I struggled to get away.

"Yes? What is it?" I asked angrily.

"Were you in my room?" my son asked again.

"No. Why do you ask?" I said nonchalantly.

"Because I'm missing something and it seems like someone has been in there."

"Oh, you're missing something. That's funny because I was actually missing something too," I replied, my temper building. Who does this kid think he is? His eyes looked into the room onto the bed and stared at the two tell-tale pairs of panties crumpled on top of the bed.

"Mom.." he began. He looked quite serious. "It reeks of sex in my room. My chair is all wet. You were masturbating in my room. Why?" He said accusingly.

"Why don't you tell me why you're stealing my dirty underwear and putting it under your pillow? Are you some kind of pervert. I'm your mother! That's messed up," I fumed.

"Why are you even looking in my room?" He shot back. "Why are you naked in your son's room, fingering yourself, leaving your pussy juice all over the place, running out when I pull in the driveway?"

I slapped him. "Its my house! I asked you a question. Why are you taking my panties?"

"That's what you do when I'm not home? Its your house so you fucking masturbate all over my stuff? What the fuck, Mom?" He was holding his cheek where I slapped him.

I hit him again, this time on the shoulder. "'What the fuck, Mom?' How about I looked at your computer and saw all your sick incest garbage? I found out you're stealing my underwear. I read all the sick shit you wrote about me." It was all coming out, and I was not in a frame of mind to admit any responsibility.

"And then you masturbated, Mom. You masturbated just like you did the day I first got home, naked writhing around, moaning like a banshee squirting your juices all over the place. How the fuck am I supposed to get that out of my head?"

"I guess you should steal my underwear out of the dirty clothes and sniff your mom's panties while you jerk off, then write all kinds of fucking shit and just put in on the internet where anyone can read it and then tell your sick little friend David all about it and get him to do the same thing to Sylvia!" This was going so badly, I was about to burst into tears. "Jesus Christ, Robbie! I didn't know you were home! What do you want me to say?"

"Mom, I was in the privacy of my own room. What do you care what I think about or fantasize about?"

"You're the one that came in here and started this fight. I wasn't going to say anything.." the anger had all burned away and the tears started welling up.

"Stop, Mom. Don't cry." He started trying to hug me but I pulled away from him and sat on the bed. He sat next to me and put his arm around me. I didn't push him off. "I'm sorry."

I glanced down and saw the clear outline of his erection. Oh, God. What am I going to do? I imagined getting on my knees, pulling his shorts off and sucking it right there. He wouldn't stop you.

"Mom. You read what I wrote, you know how I feel." His dick twitched. "Can you tell me how you feel?" My mouth was watering. I wanted to suck him, make him cum. I wanted to fuck him. I was filled with shame and fear.

"I feel..." I started tearfully, "like you need to go to therapy." He sighed and looked away.

"If I need to go, you need to go," he said.

"Alright," I said defeated. "I'll go too."

He took his arm back from around my shoulder and picked up the two pairs of panties. He selected the newer, wetter ones. "Okay, Mom." He made a big show about adjusting his erection. "Let me know what you want to do." He walked out of the room with my panties.

This is insane. I was almost too embarrassed to even try to get a therapist, but I figured I need to do it now. I went on my insurance website and called several different numbers, reaching only reception desks telling me the wait was a month or answering machines. Finally I got an answer. It was a woman, Judy. I told her my son I needed an appointment for me and my son and just said we were having a family crisis and behavioral issues. I really didn't want to tell this lady the details at this moment. She was probing and asking a lot of questions. I beat around the bush for a while but then I basically told her my son was coming onto me sexually and I needed help. She asked if she could speak to him. I lied and told her he wasn't home just then. Sorry Dr., he's busy jerking off with the wet panties I just masturbated in and let him take. She gave me an appointment for that Friday, saying she usually takes off that day but that I sounded like I needed help. She explained that people who go through the act of trying to call numbers and find someone is a difficult process when you're in pain or struggling and she tries to make it easy as possible. I thanked her and hung up.

I walked down to my son's room and paused outside his door. I lifted my hand up to knock and then stopped. What the hell? I might as well see what he's doing. Its only fair. I opened the door and saw him sitting up in bed, completely naked. He took the panties away from his face when I opened the door, but he didn't stop the other hand which was working over his hard, beautiful and thick cock. I could see the glistening of precum on the tip and I almost buckled at the knees. That looks good, I thought to myself. He never stopped stroking and I never took my eyes off it as I began speaking.

"We are going to see the therapist Friday morning, 8 a.m. So.. enjoy your sickness while you can."

"Okay, Mom. You enjoy yours." He started stroking faster and grunting and I tore my eyes away and escaped.

How was I even going to begin to tell this to a therapist? She's gonna call the cops on me. I'm going to have to tell Robbie to not tell her the stuff that I've done. How's that going to work, Amanda? I didn't know. I had three days to figure it out.

We basically avoided each other for the next few days. The more distance I got from it, the more I was really regretting my behavior. I should have taken Option 1. Ignore everything, pretend it never happened. Instead I made up my own option, which was be confused and fuck everything up. You can always do Option 2, I thought. Go to him. He won't deny you.

Sylvia texted me on Thursday asking if I was alright. I told her I wasn't and asked if she'd come over during the day when Robbie was at work. When she came over, I let her in and we sat in the living room.

"I did what you asked. I snooped on my son's laptop, and all hell broke loose..." I told Sylvia the entire story, I had to get it off my chest.

"Jesus, Mandy," she said after a long pause. "Are you going to tell the therapist all that? I'd be afraid to."

"I already crossed the line, didn't I," I asked.

"I don't know." She looked around, uncertain. "I'm in the same boat pretty much. I feel like I'm losing control."

"What are we gonna do, Syl?"

"Well..." She looked at me and paused, measuring her words carefully. "Why don't we get our minds off of it today? We can go to a spa. Just treat ourselves and relax today. Tomorrow, you are going to see the therapist so there is no use worrying today."

I agreed and went to a spa. We got manicures, pedicures, massages. Sylvia even talked me into getting a full wax. I marveled at how perfectly smooth and soft my pubic area was.

We went to the mall and had a bit of a shopping spree. We picked up new bathing suits. I got a new white skimpy bikini with the side tie strings. Sylvia got a similar one in pink. Why? I don't know. We wanted to feel good and not think about our sons?

When we got back to my house, we changed into our suits and sat out by the pool with a glass of wine. It felt good to treat ourselves. I had avoided being by the pool this week after the encounter with Robbie. It felt like it'd be seen in the wrong light if I was in a bikini around him, but if I was hanging out with Sylvia he would probably keep his distance.

I had heard his car pull in but he didn't come out or say anything. Sylvia went inside to go to the bathroom. When she came back out, she hurried over to me, looking worried.

"David is here hanging out with Robbie," she said.

"Really?" I responded. "What are they doing?" This was unexpected.

"They are in their shorts. They asked me if we mind if they hung out by the pool," Sylvia said. I heard the sliding glass door open and the boys came out.

This is awkward, I thought.

"Hey Mom, you mind if we hang out by the pool?" Robbie asked.

"Of course not. Its your house too," I said. At least there was safety in numbers.

The boys seemed at ease and didn't act weird, so the mood became light and we all were talking and laughing about different things. It was early evening and the sun was starting to leave. Sylvia at one point stretched her neck, and David offered her a back rub.

I don't know if that's a good idea, I thought. But what could happen? He got behind her and she sat up on the edge of the lounger. Sylvia seemed okay with it, so I didn't say anything.

A bit later, Robbie was sitting on a chair next to a table and when I walked past him after filling my wineglass, he grabbed my arm and pulled me onto his lap.

"Robbie!" I yelped. "What are you doing?"

"Relax, Mom. I'm just messing around." I felt kind of silly and I didn't want to make a big deal of it in front of David and Sylvia. But I also felt very naked and exposed in a bikini on my son's lap. My boobs were very close to his head and my flimsy bottoms and his thin shorts did very little to disguise what was underneath. And he was quickly hard. I sipped my wine and we all continued chatting. I was starting to feel a sense of dread. Why am I sitting on his lap in a tiny bikini when we are going to therapy tomorrow to discuss his sexual attraction to me?

Sylvia seemed to be enjoying the back rub and we were all continuing to talk pleasantly despite the awkwardness and tension that was growing. Robbie put his hand on my thigh and caressed it and whenever I adjusted position I was squirming on his erection. It was getting to be a little much, so before long I tried to get back up on my feet. Robbie sneakily held one of the strings on my bikini bottoms so when I stood up, one side became undone. I grabbed it to keep it in place, one hand on the front one on the back.

"Don't do that!" I snapped, but Robbie was laughing like it was all just a joke and he was just teasing me. I decided not to get angry but before I even had the chance to fix it, he pulled the other side loose and half of my bottoms fell away, the other side uselessly held up by my hands. "What the fuck, Robbie?" My smooth bald pussy was lewdly exposed. I frantically bent down to grab my bottoms and get it back in position but I felt my sons hand touch my naked ass and reach for my pussy from behind.

"Amanda.." Sylvia called out. She had a glazed over look in her eye and David had stood up and was next to the lounger where his mother was sitting. She was gripping the waist of his shorts and pulled them down, releasing his hard cock for all to see and sending it slapping against his stomach. At that moment, Robbie's fingers made contact with my wet naked lips.

"Noo, baby," I pleaded softly and turned to look at him. His strong hands pulled me back onto his lap and spread my legs wide. "This isn't right.." I protested weakly as his fingers returned to my sex. His other hand held one of my legs up under the knee so that he had perfect access to his mom's pussy.

"Mommm.." I heard David groan and looked over to see Sylvia put his cock into her mouth. I wrapped my arm around my son and rocked my hips with the motions of his fingers.

"Baby.." I whispered to him. "We need to stop.." Even as I said that I ground my pussy into his hand. His palm was making contact with the smooth skin of my freshly waxed mound.

"Its so smooth, Mom," he said, ignoring me.

David had undone Sylvia's top while receiving his blowjob and it fell down around her waist, exposing her tits. I looked around towards my neighbors houses. We had a wooden privacy fence but they could still see our backyard and pool area from the top floors of the house. That made me frightened but the sun had now almost fully set and we had no outside lights on. Robbie had paused fingering me to shimmy out of his shorts underneath me. I hadn't consented to fucking my son right now and I contemplated running inside. The sun was setting fast. My wet, aching pussy was inches away from my son's now exposed hard cock and the 'Danger' alarms were sounding in my head.

Suddenly Sylvia stood and untangled her bikini top and bottoms and removed them both. Either her abrupt motion or a timer switched on and we were suddenly bathed in bright yellow light from the patio. I was the only one wearing any clothing at all and it was just my useless top. Robbie was positioning his cock against my opening. Sylvia was standing up, french kissing her son and stroking his cock.

"Wait!" I yelled.

Everyone stopped. Sylvia shot daggers at me. I scrambled off of my son's lap and stood up. "We need to go inside." I ordered and walked straight for Sylvia and David and practically pushed them from behind. I turned back to Robbie who was still sitting. "Come on." He got up and hurried inside. All the swimsuits remained where they had fallen.

We came into the house through the sliding glass doors in the kitchen and I ushered everyone quickly through to the living room and turned on the overhead light, but dimmed it a bit to give the room a warm glow. Everyone was kind of in a daze, maybe they didn't get what I was doing. I took my bikini top off finally and brought Robbie in for a passionate kiss as his hard cock stabbed against my belly. He got it. I wasn't fighting him off anymore and he responded passionately to my kissing.