The Florida Trip Pt. 04

"I didn't say that!" Kelsey shouted. "Stop putting words in my mouth!" She stood up, face redder than before. Her nose twitched and I saw that she was fighting back tears.

"Maybe I'm a slut," Alyssa said, "That's fine with me. Because, here's the thing, I don't care what you call me. In a hundred years? In less - I'll be fucking dead and so will you. And no one will remember either of us or what we thought or how we felt. We'll be little gray stones and eventually even those will erode into nothing. So, who cares, as long as you enjoyed the ride? That's all I'm saying Kelsey. You can be good, bad, whatever. What you feel about it is what matters. I'm just glad I found out how you feel about me."

Before anyone could react, Kelsey reared back and slapped Alyssa, hard, right on the face. Her cheek bloomed red right in front of us. We raced over and grabbed the both of them, to hold them back in case it escalated. Instead, the two of them just stood there, smoking.

"I'm OK, I'm OK," Alyssa said. I dropped her arms. She stood there, staring, like she was thinking of going after Kelsey. Then she grabbed a plate of food and stormed off, leaving Kelsey standing there. The beautiful blonde really did begin to cry then. I got up to follow Alyssa, but she waved me off.

I went back to our table and sat down. Tried to enjoy my cold food. Kevin never came back.

*

We all endured the world's most uncomfortable meal in silence. These kinds of fights - the ugly ones that seemed to always come with sex and sharing partners - we'd somehow managed to avoid them on the baseball trip. We'd argued, of course. But never like this. This was ugly and worse, kind of unexpected. I guess I thought we were special. That somehow our group wasn't wired this way.

I was wrong.

After we ate, I went over to where Alyssa was sitting. She'd taken a table a few sections away. Her face pinkish where Kelsey had hit her. Sitting by herself with a half-eaten plate of food, Alyssa looked reflective in a way I'd never seen her. Not that my girlfriend couldn't be deep, but she rarely seemed to spend much time reflecting on things. I envied that about her.

"You want me to get you an ice pack?" I asked.

My girlfriend smiled at me, thinly, and shook me off. She told me, not unkindly, that she wanted some time to be alone. Then she gave me a good kiss on the lips.

"I'm not mad at you. I just need a break from," Alyssa waved her hand toward where the rest of us had been sitting, "This." She got up, threw away her trash, and marched off to I don't know where. I don't think she knew, either.

As soon as I came back to our table, Kelsey got up and stalked off in the opposite direction. She didn't say anything, just grunted and disappeared.

Julia asked if I'd go on Everest with her, but I turned her down. "I don't want to risk getting dizzy again," I said. I felt fine. I just didn't want to deal with my aggressive roommate right then. She walked off, sullen as everyone else.

That left me with Sarah and Chloe, which was fine, but the sisters wanted to go meet characters in DinoLand and it didn't interest me. So, I ended up on my own. In that moment, it felt like the best choice.

I walked into Africa and up to the Safari. After about a thirty-minute wait, I got on the truck and we rolled off. The families around me all seemed to be staring at the weird single guy on the ride. Or maybe it was just my own emotions playing tricks on me.

Overall, I felt OK - it's not like I was depressed or anything. It was the group I was worried about. I was angry at Julia and I didn't see that changing. I didn't see much of a future for Alyssa and Kelsey, either. I got on with Sarah and Chloe, of course, but I couldn't imagine Alyssa putting up with the two of them for too much longer. Alyssa tried to hide it, tried to make it seem like everyone was playing around, but I could tell my redheaded girlfriend didn't trust Sarah. I hadn't given her any reason to, either. It had been hard to get everyone back together again, yet we broke apart so easily.

The ride was nice enough. There was a nice breeze as we bounced along the roads and it helped cut through the sweat of the sun. We saw rhinos and an okapi. At one point, our ride was blocked by a giraffe moving amorously toward his partner. But they broke apart before anything un-Disney could happen. I was seeing metaphors in everything. It wasn't a good sign.

The most surprising thing I saw, however, wasn't until the ride was over. As I walked out of the safari I saw her: Kelsey - beautiful, thin, shoulder-length blonde hair tossing softly in the wind - waiting by the exit. She waved at me shyly.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"Just lucky," Kelsey said, "I was going to get on line, but then I saw you coming out."

"Want to go on with me?" I asked.

"You don't have to do it twice, Ben," Kelsey said. Her blue eyes were a bit bloodshot, like she'd been crying. Which I knew she had been. She tucked her golden hair behind her ear, shyly.

"With you? I'd do it as many times as you let me," I said. Kelsey punched me in the shoulder, but I saw she was smiling.

So, we got back on line for the safari. We leaned against the bamboo railings and waited for our turn. The wait wasn't too bad, especially now that I had someone to talk to. Even if the conversation wasn't exactly comfortable.

"I'm sorry about before," Kelsey said, "I know I shouldn't have slapped Alyssa, I just... I wasn't trying to insult her."

"No? What were you going for then?"

"I'm mad at myself, not your girlfriend."

"You still blamed her for what you did, though, right?"

"Maybe," Kelsey said, "OK, I guess I did. It wasn't what I intended to do, but that doesn't make a difference. If it helps I really am sorry. I tried to call Alyssa's cell but she's not answering. Kevin isn't either."

"It's fine. Alyssa's a hardy soul," I said, "She'll get over it and be all over you before you know it." I told myself that was true, even as I doubted it. Alyssa wasn't the type to give second chances, I knew.

"I don't hate Alyssa or look down on her or whatever," Kelsey said, "If anything, I'm really jealous. She's so free. I wish I could be that way."

"Alyssa doesn't want you to be like her," I said, "She wants you to be yourself."

"I wish I knew who that was," Kelsey said, "I thought I had it all figured out, but clearly I'm an idiot. It's like, I tell myself I'm one person and then I act like someone else. This other girl I'm almost too familiar with."

"The one on the baseball trip," I said.

"That's her," Kelsey said, "I don't know, something about baseball must get me super horny or something." Two guys across from us in line turned and stared, not even trying to hide it.

*

After the second safari, Kelsey and I decided to go on Everest. We walked down to Asia, past monkey-filled ruins, and got in line. We stayed silent, mostly, but it was a comfortable quiet. Easy. Sometimes the best talk you can have is the one you keep to yourself.

Maybe the group would be OK, I thought. Kelsey would apologize, and Alyssa would forgive her. Kevin would come back and the couple would get things figured out. Then we'd all have a massive orgy on the lawn in front of our hotel room. Well, probably not. But still, things could get better, and I was happy to hope for that.

As we got closer to the ride, I saw that Kelsey seemed to be fidgeting more and more.

"I don't know if this is for me," she said, "I mean, I like rides, but I'm not sure."

"It's fine," I said, reaching over to squeeze her hand, "See how you can tell? It's just lap bars." We were close enough for Kelsey to look over and see people sitting down in the rollercoaster cars. "If it's shoulder straps, then you're in trouble."

Kelsey smiled thinly and nodded. We climbed on the ride. She looked a little pale but didn't say a word. Our train slowly climbed up the mountain. Higher and higher. On the third leg, though, the track suddenly ended. Our train car hung there. Waiting. As if, it too, couldn't decide where to go next. I looked over at Kelsey and she gave me a very brave smile.

"Ready?" I asked. She nodded her head, very slightly. I grabbed her hand again, across the lap bars. "If I'm going to do something scary, I'm glad I can share it with you."

"Me too," Kelsey said.

The train started sliding backwards. We gained speed. Everything went dark as we were ripped back, fast, along the track.

*

Kelsey got off the ride looking like a new woman. She was smiling broadly, striding confidently.

"I really feel like, I don't know, like I conquered something," she told me. While Kelsey went to look at the pictures of us on the ride, I went found a stuffed yeti, round and puffy with big goofy fangs. I bought it and handed it to her.

"A trophy," I said, "To remind you that you can conquer anything."

Kelsey hugged her stuffed yeti tight and smiled.

*

After Everest, it was mid-afternoon and I needed a snack. I'd heard a place in Africa had Dole Whip and that was worth the walk for me.

"It keeps coming back to the baseball trip," Kelsey said as we walked back toward Africa, "No matter how I try not to think about it, with you guys here, it sort of follows me everywhere. When I was at school it was distant. A whisper. Now I feel it shouting at me all the time and I just want to run. Only I can't decide if I should be racing closer or further away."

We got to the stand and, sure enough, pineapple soft serve ice cream awaited us. We both ordered a cup full and sat down at a nearby table. The sun was really beating down now. How sad was I? Three days into the heat and I was already wishing for a little cold. Buffalo me was going to beat the crap out of Florida me when I got home.

"Let me guess," I said as we sat down, "We were all having fun and you felt left out."

"Left out?" Kelsey said and laughed, "Oh God no. I feel like I was doing everything. To everyone. Like I was this cum-hungry, orgasm-crazy, nympho. Then we got home and that girl went away and I was so..."

"Happy?" I asked.

"Terrified."

"Of what?"

"Everything," Kelsey said, "Who I'd been. Who I was going to be. What if that was like, temporary sex insanity? What if it wasn't? And then I went off to school and met Kevin and I felt like I was getting this fresh start to be the person I thought I was supposed to be. When you guys called, I mean, I knew I was going to say no. There was no way I was going on another road trip. Risking everything. And then I found myself saying yes. And I thought, OK, this is a test. A chance to show that I've really changed. Apparently, that's a running theme. I tell myself I've changed and then I'm topless in the pool. Or swapping boyfriends during sex. Or making out drunk in Epcot. And round and round we go."

"That's not Alyssa's fault," I said, "Or anyone's."

"No, it's my fault. I know," Kelsey said, "My choices. I'm sorry if I'm making it sound any other way. I don't know who to be anymore."

"I'd rather you be yourself," I said, "I like that Kelsey. So does Julia and Sarah. And I bet if you introduced that Kelsey to Kevin, he'd like her, too."

"I'm just afraid," Kelsey said, "Afraid that the girl you're talking about will never be happy."

"How can she be happy if you don't let her exist?" I asked.

*

After our snack we went over to DinoLand to ride - what else? - Dinosaur. I was half hoping to run into Sarah and Chloe over there, but the sisters had obviously moved on to something else. The line was pretty long, but it was indoors. The A/C seemed to cool our conversation, as well. It had gotten awkward again.

Kelsey leaned against the wall, hugging her new yeti friend close to her chest. There was a couple in front of us wearing matching red t-shirts that said, "I'll be your Mickey" and "I'll be your Minnie" respectively. Maybe it was my mindset, but they seemed really suggestive to me. 'I'll fuck anyone,' basically, though I doubted that was the intent.

Kelsey looked at me and cocked an eyebrow. I smiled and whispered what I thought about the shirts.

"Maybe we should get some of those for the group," she said.

"I don't know if that's the sort of thing we should be advertising," I said.

Kelsey sighed, as if coming to an uncomfortable conclusion. "I can't help who I am," she said, "I have to be me, and fuck whoever thinks otherwise."

I leaned in and kissed Kelsey on the cheek. She turned my head and kissed me back, square on the lips. It wasn't sexy, exactly, but this was the stunning, blonde Kelsey kissing me. There wasn't really space on the scale for chaste.

Kelsey stepped back and studied my face like it was something wonderful. "If you tell Kevin I did that I'll rip your nuts off," she said.

"Clearly you've been spending too much time with Julia."

*

We got in the little Jeeps and travelled into the past. After Everest, this ride was really next to nothing. Kelsey raised her arms and cheered as we dipped under an attacking dino. It made me glad, seeing her able to let go and have fun.

After the ride I texted Alyssa. It was getting close to dinner time and I wanted to make sure she knew where to meet us. She responded by calling me. That is never a good sign. I walked a bit away from Kelsey, so I could talk to my girlfriend in private.

"Look, I'm not mad," she said, "Like I said, I just need a break from the group."

"Kelsey feels bad," I said.

"Well I don't," Alyssa said, "I meant the whole thing. It's my body and what I do with it is nobody's business. Certainly not little Kelsey's."

"She and I talked about it," I said, "She understands what she did. She really is sorry."

"Good for her," Alyssa said. "I still don't feel like doing the whole 'I'm sorry, you're sorry let's be sisters' thing. At least not tonight. I'll grab dinner on my own and meet up with you back at the hotel room."

When I walked back, I saw Kelsey slip her own phone into her pocket. Apparently, Kevin had given her a similar speech about needing a break.

"He says he's not mad at me," Kelsey said, "He's OK. We're OK." She put on a happy face. Like a smile could mask all that hurt.

We started walking back to the front of the park. We made our way over the bridge, back to Discovery Island. As we went, I felt an unexpected sadness wash over me. Another day was coming to an end. When we'd started our Florida trip, it felt like we had all the time in the world. Already we were more than halfway done.

We found Sarah and Chloe standing near the Tree of Life. The two girls seemed locked in serious conversation, but there were simply too many topics for me to guess at what they might have been saying.

Sarah gave me a very cursory hug when we came over. Chloe nodded seriously.

"I'm sorry," Kelsey said, out of nowhere. Suddenly all three girls raced together, hugging and sobbing.

"It's OK," Sarah said, "It's OK."

"No, it's not," Kelsey said, "You're supposed to be my best friend and I've been such a jerk this whole trip."

"No, you haven't," Sarah said.

They were having this weird wailing conversation. Talking it out between the tears. I stood to the side, a bit awkward. Unsure whether to join or just let them have their moment. People walked past as if nothing was happening. Group cries, apparently, were nothing new for a day in Disney.

Finally, the three of them separated and slowly put themselves back together.

"Sorry Ben," Kelsey said, and the three of them laughed like they might start weeping all over again.

"It's OK," I said, "I'm glad things are getting worked out."

"We're getting there," Sarah said. She reached over and squeezed Kelsey's shoulder.

"Seems like the best way to solve this is over copious amounts of meat," I said.

"Typical boy," Kelsey said.

"I meant dinner," I said.

"Sure you did," Sarah said, but there was something about the flirting that felt off. Like she was reading the lines without putting any heart into it.

"In any case," I said, "We just need Julia and we can go." I wasn't looking forward to seeing my roommate again, but maybe it was time for everyone to apologize out in the open.

"Julia texted me she's not coming," Sarah said, toneless. "She's going to get dinner here in Animal Kingdom and meet up with us later. Something about making the most of her time in the park."

Was it wrong that I felt relieved in that moment? It was like I'd been granted temporary parole - too excited about my momentary freedom to worry about the upcoming permanent punishment. I was happy, I reminded myself. Kelsey was back on my good side. I had sexy Sarah and her suddenly lewd, maybe not-so-lesbian little sister. Nothing to worry about at all.

Everything was fine.

*

We took a bus from Animal Kingdom to the Polynesian Hotel for dinner. The bus was crowded, again, and I found myself separated from the girls. The three of them stood around a pole and whispered to each other like high school co-conspirators. And I couldn't help but feel like the anxious geek, awaiting the horrible consequences of their next plot.

The hotel lobby was immense. It made where we were staying look like a hut on the side of the road. Everything was dark wood and bright, happy music. Clearly, this was a place for a far better class of person than me. We were all too hungry to really take notice. We went straight up the escalator to our restaurant.

Back when we'd planned this trip, we'd made reservations for dinner at 'Ohana, picturing this triumphant group feast. We'd sit around a huge table, toasting each other, getting good and drunk on fire-roasted meats while Hawaiian music played in the background. It was going to be a celebration of our trip. Of us.

Instead Sarah, Chole, Kelsey and I crowded around a small square table, strangely subdued. Kelsey's plush yeti rested on the table. The lighting was dim. Outside our window, we could see the shadow of Cinderella's castle in the distance - like it was only a dream.

I'd thought after the big group hug that things had gotten better, but instead it seemed that only applied to the women. Whenever I started a conversation, it fell flat. Short answers and taut nods. Even our waiter seemed to notice. He darted away after taking our drink orders as if he was afraid we might explode.

"Well this is lovely," I said.

"What's going on with you and Julia?" Sarah asked. Out of nowhere, just like that. I wish I could say that it was unexpected. All three girls leaned in, like I was about to give them the million-dollar answer.

"Nothing," I said, "We're fine."

"Bullshit," Sarah said, "Julia told me what happened. That you gave her the best cum she's had maybe ever and then treated her like crap all day. So, what the fuck is going on?"

I looked around, nervously, hoping that no one had heard us. Plus, it saved me from having to look Sarah in the eye. I couldn't remember ever seeing her this angry and it was frightening. When Sarah had stood up for me the day before, it had felt like being protected by a mother bear. Now that I was under that same attack, the description seemed almost too tame - me cowering under her grizzly glare.

I could only respond by arguing back, like my claws had even the slightest chance. "What do you think happened?" I asked, "She beat the crap out of me. Again."

"Come on Ben," Kelsey said, "That's how Julia is. You remember? With all the, you know. The slapping and stuff?"

"She likes it rough," Sarah said, "That's all."

"No, that's my point," I said, "That's the whole fucking point. No, she doesn't. She's not rough, or aggressive or any of that. She just likes to beat up on me."

"I can't imagine why you think that's true," Sarah said.