The Friends List Ch. 03

"For?"

"You're right. About the past. About the way I treated you. And I'm sorry for it."

Wow. I didn't expect that. "I also don't know if I can accept your apology, yet. But I'm glad we're finally talking about it."

"It's a start," she agreed.

"I don't see Mom and Walt ever breaking up. They're nauseatingly in love with each other-"

"I know, right?" she interrupted.

"And that means you and I, despite our issues, are going to have to deal with each other as long as our parents are still alive."

"I know we are. I'm willing to work on this. I still want to have a brother."

"I'm willing to work on it, too."

I guess that's something, I thought.

Several hours and a lunch stop in Parry Sound later, we pulled off the rugged two-lane highway and turned down the familiar single-lane forest dirt track that led to the cottage. Several minutes later, we were there. The place hadn't changed much since I'd first come here, or, for that matter, since the 1930's. A tiny white clapboard cottage occupied a small plot of mowed land hewn out of the forest. A separate building, no larger than 6' x 6', contained the toilet and shower stall, and a third building, a detached single-car garage, sat near the road. I knew from experience that it was filled with equipment -- canoes, paddles, life jackets, water toys, the lawn mower, etc. Approaching the lake shore, the grassland turned into rocks, with a small wooden dock and a boat ramp leading into the lake. Further than that, there was very little -- there was one other small cottage visible across the lake, but otherwise, the landscape was a Tom Thomson painting come to life -- the northern Ontario tableau of exposed rock faces, pine and birch trees, and a freshwater lake.

Carson sprung into action as soon as we arrived, helping to unload the vehicle, for which I was grateful after his walking out on the mess after Vanessa's big party. Maybe I didn't mind this guy after all. We'd had to bring all our own food, drink and supplies as well as our overnight bags, and Vanessa had organized most of the cargo from the group to come with us. As we were finishing up, a black Mitsubishi coupe pulled in, and shortly after that, a silver Ford sedan.

"This place is beautiful!" exclaimed Jason as he piled out of the car.

"No cell reception, though," Michelle pointed out, checking her phone.

"You won't miss it," I promised.

Michelle's expression betrayed that she'd miss her phone very much, thank you, but she said nothing.

Monique sidled up to me with a butch, tattooed, spiky-haired girl in tow. "Hi, Peter. This is Becky."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too. I've heard a lot about you."

"All good things, I hope."

Becky smiled. "You bet. Monique thinks you're terrific."

Monique blushed.

"Well, I think she's terrific, too." I said truthfully. "Can I get your bag?"

It took us collectively about half an hour to unpack, organize the food, and get the beer into the fridge. Once that was done, we split up into groups. Carson and Jason wanted to go fishing off the dock despite it being mid-afternoon and the fish likely not biting, and Michelle decided to stay close to her boyfriend. Vanessa, Priya and Laura were content to stick around the cottage, put on their bikinis, and tan while getting started on the drinking, and Mark decided to stay with them, since he only really knew Vanessa and Priya well. That left Monique, Becky, myself and Natalie, and I suggested getting the canoes out on the water. Monique loved the idea, so we dug them out of the garage, hosed the cobwebs out, and loaded them into the lake. Monique and Becky climbed into one, which -- thankfully -- was going to give me the alone time with Natalie I'd been hoping for in the other.

Natalie hadn't changed much from what I remembered. She was still a small girl, barely 5'1" or 5'2," very thin, jet black straight hair past her shoulders, dark eyes, and delicate, pale skin befitting her Cantonese heritage. She was wearing the same glasses I remembered from before, wire-rimmed specs slightly too big for her face, and as she stripped down to her navy blue bathing suit to put a life jacket on, I surreptitiously admired her body. She was boyish in figure, with breasts that barely made a dent in her bikini top, but she had a great butt and barely any extra fat on her. I thought she looked particularly cute in her Gilligan-style bucket hat.

"All set?" I asked.

Natalie nodded. "I think so. I've never been in a canoe before."

I quickly showed her how to enter it safely and keep her weight low, then I steadied the tippy boat as she carefully made her way to the canoe's prow seat with a paddle in hand. I quickly loaded a bag with granola bars, beef jerky, mosquito and bear spray and a six-pack of beer into the centre of the boat, then climbed into the stern seat and cast off. Monique and Becky's boat was already a hundred yards ahead, heading out along the lake shore. Monique had been up to the cottage several times with us, and I knew she was an experienced paddler and familiar with the lake's many contours and inlets, so I was content to let her boat lead the way. Within a few minutes, the cottage was out of sight, we'd each cracked open a can of lager, and we were alone in the endless Canadian wilderness.

"So, how was your first year of university?" I began.

"It was good." I was talking to Natalie's back for the most part, but with the wilderness so quiet I had no trouble hearing her.

"What's your major again?"

"Biology."

"Cool. What do you want to do with a biology degree?"

"Well, my traditional Asian tiger mother wants me to be a doctor, but I'm a little too squeamish to deal with blood and guts and sickness and stuff. I'm actually interested in plants more than anything. I'm planning to do my Ph.D. someday, maybe in botany."

"Does Ottawa have a good program?"

"It's fine. My undergrad is technically in ecology, but it's all general undergrad classes anyway. You don't specialize until grad school, and for that I'm planning to go to UBC in Vancouver. They're the top botany program in Canada."

"Awesome. You didn't want to go there for undergrad?"

Natalie turned to face me. "Of course I did. It was hard enough convincing my parents to let me go to Ottawa. The only thing that convinced them was that Ottawa is such a good school in general. I wanted to go as far away as they'd let me."

"Strict parents?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "By the standards of traditional Chinese parents, sort of. But by the standards of all my friends, yes. Anything less than straight A's is disgraceful. You must learn violin or piano, but no other instrument is an option. No drinking. No partying. No boys allowed until you're of marrying age, then it immediately changes to 'why don't we have grandchildren yet?' As if you go from virgin to married with children with nothing in-between!"

I suddenly wondered if Natalie was still a virgin, and I further wondered if there was a way to find out without sounding creepy or prying. The shyness around me I'd interpreted as having a secret crush might have been just general shyness around all boys, if strict parents were forbidding all contact. Had I gotten it wrong?

"So, have you managed to let loose a little away from your parents?" I asked carefully.

Natalie laughed. "Promise not to tell them?"

"Of course. I wouldn't even know how to contact them."

"Well, at heart I'm still a good girl. I don't want to take drugs or flunk out of school or get pregnant. But yeah, I've got this beer with me, right?" She held up the can and took a swig. "And I finally have a boyfriend back in Ottawa they don't know about. I'm hoping the fact he's Cantonese and from a good family will make my parents accept him, but... we'll see. I'm still working up the courage to tell them."

Fuck. Shit. Goddammit. "I'm happy for you." Are you the girl Monique mentioned? Did she know you had a boyfriend?

"Thanks, Peter. I know I'm not doing anything I should be ashamed of, but it's still easy to believe I am. I was raised in such a repressive environment. Maybe I should have been more rebellious, but... that's just not me. I'm trying to follow my own path now that I'm out on my own, wherever it leads me."

I took up the conversation at this point, talking about my own journey of self-discovery moving away from home a couple years ago, discovering my real self, challenging the assumptions I was raised with. I don't know what I said, to be honest. I was still processing the disappointment. Monique's leading me on had me convinced for the past couple of months that Natalie was the girl with the crush, and I'd built it up in my mind to thinking of her as a potential girlfriend, not just a future hookup. Now, I was back at square one. Who was left?

Samantha. If it wasn't Natalie, it had to be Sam. The only other remaining members of the group were Monique, who was a lesbian; Michelle, who seemed just as devoted to Jason as I'd remembered; and Vanessa, which... ick. We weren't blood-related, but I'd known her for too long to think of her in that way, and our conversation earlier was a reminder, if nothing else, that our relationship was still very strained.

"Peter?" Natalie was staring at me. "Are you all right? You've gone all quiet."

"Sorry. Yeah. I'm fine. I was just thinking about something."

Natalie shrugged. "Looks like the girls have found a trail. You want to check it out?" Sure enough, Monique and Becky's canoe was docked at a gap in the tree cover, and Becky was hopping out.

I steered our canoe to the clearing, and Natalie carefully climbed out, pulling the canoe up on land far enough that it wouldn't drift away. I followed, wading through the water to the shore, and said hi to Monique.

"Where did Becky go?"

"She's already had two beers, and she has a squirrel-sized bladder. She's off in the bush somewhere."

"That's a good idea, since we've stopped anyway," Natalie said. "Be right back."

As Natalie's cute butt disappeared into the bush, I nudged Monique. "Did you know she had a boyfriend?"

"I only found out a couple of days ago," Monique replied under her breath. "She and I were never close one-on-one friends. We only ever hung out in a group setting. Sam told me."

"I really thought it was her," I said dejectedly.

"Natalie always thought you were cute," Monique replied, "but she was a virgin up until this year. She was the last of us to lose the V-card, and she's not really the casual sex type. But she definitely liked you in high school. I wasn't bullshitting you about that."

At least my instincts weren't wrong. "I wish I'd known."

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know for sure she had a boyfriend until today when it came up in the car. I heard she was dating a guy in Ottawa, but it wasn't serious at first, since she was so worried what her parents would think. I didn't realize it had become a real relationship. Plus, I knew you weren't going to do something stupid like send her a dick pic or something. You know how and how not to hit on a girl. You didn't send her a dick pic, right?"

"Of course not."

"Then you're good. She still likes you. She was really excited to see you this weekend. If she and Weiyin ever break up, you've got a shot."

"Thanks."

Monique hugged me. I liked the feel of her tits in her bikini pressed into my bare chest, and I held her close for a moment.

"I still really appreciate you, Monique Lachance. I never would have hooked up with Kirsten without you."

"And I never saw that coming," she giggled. "But it was so good for both of you, so I'll take the credit for being the matchmaker."

Becky emerged from the bush at that moment, and a few moments later, Natalie returned as well.

We spent the next two hours canoeing, making small talk, and working our way through the beer we'd packed. I realized I'd been feeling under self-imposed pressure around Natalie, and knowing that she had a boyfriend now, I relaxed in a way I hadn't realized that I hadn't been. I'd been building up the possibility of sleeping with her for two months now, and now that I knew it wasn't an option, I was back to seeing her as a friend, not as potential. I still found her just as charming as I always had, and she was easily the smartest of Vanessa's friends, able to hold a knowledgeable conversation on topics as disparate as foreign films, the northern extension of highway 400 that was under construction, the various plants and trees around the lake, hockey (she was a Columbus Blue Jackets fan, somehow), and the merits of the new iPhone 4 that had just come out.

I still really liked her, and despite myself, I was happy that she was starting to discover herself away from her parents' influence. I didn't even know if I was ready for another girlfriend myself, given that I was so much enjoying sleeping around these past nine months, but knowing for sure that she liked me made me feel better. By the end of the canoe trip, I felt content with that knowledge and was no longer quite as bummed out.

We finally made it back to the cottage in the early evening. Jason and Carson had apparently caught a couple of yellow perch and a lake trout, and they were preparing the barbecue for grilling as Mark sat in a lawn chair manning a huge cooler. Monique and I pulled the canoes out of the water, then Mark tossed each of us another beer.

"Good canoe trip?"

"Yeah, it was nice to get out on the water."

"Sounds awesome. Maybe Priya and I will get to go tomorrow."

We sat down with Mark, and soon, the dinner was ready -- between them, the group who'd remained behind had pulled off a surprisingly good meal. Natalie, Becky, Monique and myself volunteered to make lunch the next day in return.

After dinner, Jason and I got the campfire going, and I paced myself with the drinking, keeping myself buzzed without going overboard as the sun sank lower in the sky. The conversation was pleasant enough, and I mostly kept quiet as the group of girlfriends kept up a steady stream of chatter about people I didn't know, teachers I'd never had, and TV shows I didn't watch. Several of the girls and Carson soon pulled well ahead of me in terms of alcohol consumption; I wasn't really keeping track of anyone else, but I did notice Natalie slowing down along with me.

A couple of hours later, the sun had set behind the trees and we'd liberally doused ourselves in bug spray to ward off the mosquitoes. The summer heat remained, and it was oppressively hot and sticky even after dark. Soon, the stars started coming out, first slowly, then by the millions.

"Is that the Milky Way?" Priya asked, looking up.

"Yep," I answered.

"I grew up in Scarborough. I've never seen so many stars before with all the light pollution at home. It's so dark up north."

"It's nice, eh?" Vanessa interjected. "I love it up here so much. This cottage is my happy place. Apart from our campfire, there's no light sources anywhere."

I looked around, and sure enough, she was right. There was no moon, and the one cottage across the lake we could see was pitch-dark.

"Well, I've always wanted to go skinny-dipping, and if I don't do it when it's this dark and this sweaty and this private, I'm never going to," Monique piped up. "Who's with me?"

"I will!" Laura immediately responded. She was looking right at me.

"Do you want to, babe?" Jason asked Michelle. I knew they'd been together since the ninth grade, and I suspected he just wanted to see someone else's tits for a change, but I couldn't fault him for that.

"Why not?" she answered slowly.

Soon enough, alcohol and peer pressure had all of us stripping down around the campfire and making a beeline for the water. I barely looked up at anyone else as I jumped in the lake, cool but refreshing in the roasting night air. Becky, Monique and Carson had beaten me into the water, but as I surfaced and turned back towards land, I saw Priya and Mark, hand in hand and about to jump in. Priya's dark brown skin was beautiful and her tits were spectacular, big and round but still perky. Mark's cock made me giggle, flopping all over the place as he ran.

The rest of the gang followed close behind, splashing in one after the other. Vanessa was the last in the water, and I couldn't help myself but to look as she ran down the slight embankment and cannonballed into the lake. I'd never seen her naked in the time we'd lived together; never had much of a hint of her sexuality, but despite myself I could admit she was pretty. Her body was pleasantly curvy, her large tits had a slight downward sag to them, and she apparently shaved down there. Her body didn't turn me on, but I chose to interpret her being willing to skinny-dip in my presence as a good sign -- of some kind of trust, if nothing else. And apparently I trusted her enough to do likewise.

We swam around playfully as a group for a while, splashing and frolicking, and despite the nudity it didn't feel sexual so much as liberating. I'd also never skinny-dipped, and with the idea of hooking up with Natalie stricken from my mind and the cold water keeping any hint of an erection at bay, I was enjoying it as innocent fun more than as a sexual experience.

Suddenly I felt a pair of tits pressed into my back, and a pair of shaven legs wrapped around me from behind. "Guess who?"

"Hi, Laura."

"Having fun?"

"Yep. You?"

"It's fun being naked," she replied, her voice dripping with arousal.

"Yeah, it's cool that everyone is nude but it's not sexual at all," I pointed out.

"Oh. I guess."

I looked over at Michelle and Jason, who were embracing in the water, with her straddling him. I didn't think they were full-on fucking or anything, but they were clearly enjoying a moment together. I then noticed Monique and Becky clearly flirting with each other, as were Carson and Vanessa. "Okay, maybe it's sexual for some of us."

I felt Laura's hands on my chest, caressing my chest hair, and I felt her breath on my neck. Even in the cold lake I could feel warmth from between her legs pressed into my lower back. I took that moment to disentangle her. "Laura, we talked about this," I whispered, trying to protect her from embarrassment. "Please don't make it weird." She looked disappointed, but she nodded and slunk off, and I took that moment to hop out of the water.

I'd been expecting to get dressed again, but I found Natalie alone by the campfire, her hair wet, cross-legged and still completely nude. Her pale skin was still liberally dripping with lake water. I took a second to admire her tiny tits and stiff, dark nipples before forcing myself to sit down and look at her face.

"Done with swimming?" I asked innocently.

"Yeah, I've never really learned how. I don't know where the towels are, so I'm letting the fire dry me off. It was nice to cool off on such a hot night, but now I'm content to sit around."

Just then Priya and Mark appeared, noticed Natalie and I were still naked, and nonchalantly sat down in the nude themselves. Within a few minutes the rest of the gang had appeared, and without it ever being discussed, soon eleven young people were crowded around the fire completely naked. I still wasn't thinking in sexual terms, and was honestly enjoying the tableau in front of me -- tiny Natalie, chubby Michelle and Laura, the smaller breasts of Monique and Becky, the larger ones of Vanessa and Priya. I saw stretch marks, tan lines, and flaws on everyone's bodies as well, but I couldn't have cared less -- my body wasn't perfect, and it was refreshing to see that no one else's was, either.

The boys' bodies were also a study in contrasts, with Carson's muscular, hairless jock body a contrast to Jason's doughier shape and Mark and my more average frames, though Mark was at least three inches shorter than my 5'11," and had less body hair. Jason's cock was also semi-erect -- apparently they had been fooling around under the water. Either that, or he was just overwhelmed by staring at seven pairs of tits. I could sympathize.