The Ghost of Red River Falls

"Counselor," Danielle started ,"your client has engaged in a series of acts that have caused great emotional injury to my client and demonstrated that she has never been fully committed to this marriage. The terms my client has offered to Mrs. Fitzgerald were extremely generous and fair, considering they were newly married and both parties will keep only the assets they had when they entered into the marriage."

"I understand that, Ms. Nichols," Dunkirk replied. "But my client has stated that she will agree to those terms...but only after she has had an opportunity to try and talk her husband into reconciling their differences first. Beside, Danielle, you and I both know that a judge is likely to order counseling first, and especially if one party or another requests it."

Danielle looked at me for guidance and I simply nodded to her to go ahead.

"Very well, counselor. Your client was the one that requested the meeting so she could talk to her husband. Why don't we hear from her, then?"

"Good," Dunkirk said. "You can go ahead whenever you're ready," he said to Wendy.

Just then the door to the conference room opened and Nate Parmelly burst in.

"Sorry we're late and sorry for interrupting," he said with a big grin. I was puzzled as he walked over to Wendy and reached down for a hug, which she eagerly returned. I could see a smirk cross Ed Parmelly's face as he assumed another member of Team Wendy had shown up for support. But then Nate made a production of walking all the way around the conference table and pulling up a seat directly behind me and then patted me on the shoulders.

I turned in my chair and said, "thanks" as we warmly shook hands.

The smug look on Ed's face disappeared and was replaced by a deep scowl. To my amazement Greg, Bobby and Melinda all filed into the room and took up seats on either side of Nate. I exchanged warm looks with all of them as they took their seats. They, in turn, exchanged glances with Wendy who smiled at each of them. Suddenly, I realized that this meeting wasn't going to be so much of a confrontation between me and Wendy as it was to send a message to Ed and Joanne Parmelly.

"Jack," Wendy finally began, "why did you never tell me about Connie? Why would you keep such a traumatic thing like that from me?"

A pitcher of water and glasses had been set out on the table and I took a quick sip and cleared my throat.

"Well," I said, trying to find the right words, "I guess I knew your situation and all of the pain that went with it. I didn't want you to think that the base of our relationship was simply the commonality of having shared extreme losses. I was afraid you might think that I had never gotten over Connie. I didn't want you to ever have to worry about whether you came first and foremost in my life."

"But it is such a huge part of your past, Jack! In light of everything that has happened between us, didn't you think that it might actually help us if I knew about Connie?"

"No, I didn't. I learned to put that pain behind me a long time ago. I didn't want to victimize you by bringing it up, especially because of the way she died. It's bad enough that I have that in my own head. I didn't want you to have it in yours."

"But here we are, Jack. And if we go our separate ways now, we'll never know if it would have helped or not. That's why I want us to give our marriage another shot, Jack."

"Wendy," I said, carefully, "there are much bigger issues here that have created a wall between us than just me not telling you about Connie."

"Are any of them so big that we can't overcome them, Jack?"

"I'm afraid they might be, Wendy. I can't forget what I saw that day when I came home from the hospital." I saw a look of smug satisfaction on Ed's face when I referenced Wendy's act of masturbating to the video of her and Kevin. Obviously, Ed knew about it. How he knew, I couldn't guess. I had a hard time believing Wendy would tell him that. She must have confided in Joanne who, in turn, related the event to Ed.

"I can't explain what came over me that day, Jack. And I can't apologize enough to you for it. But I truly am sorry. And I'm sorry that I avoided dealing with it by running off to Hawaii. It was inexcusable on my part."

"Yes, Wendy. It was inexcusable. And the end result of that act is part of the reason for why we are sitting here staring at a divorce."

"I know it was bad, Jack. But it isn't like you caught me in the arms of another man. I know it was weird and I know I have to deal with it and get to the bottom of why I did it. And I am more than willing to find those answers with the help of a counselor, Jack!"

I sat forward a bit. "Look, Wendy, finding you re-enacting a lovemaking session with Kevin was, indeed, bad enough. And I'm sure that I can, in time, find a way to get past that. But what I have a hard time believing is that you expect me to get past the issue with the sperm samples."

"I know, I know. That's what I don't understand. I couldn't make out everything you said on the phone that night. What about the sperm samples?"

"Kevin's sperm samples."

Wendy was shocked. "Who told you about them?"

"Does it matter?"

"No," she said, composing her thoughts. "I guess it doesn't. And the sperm samples don't really matter, either."

I was taking another sip of water and almost choked.

"What??? They don't matter? How in the hell can you say they don't matter?"

I looked over at Ed and Joanne. They were both shifting uncomfortably in their seat as Kevin's sperm samples became the topic.

"What difference would they make now? We knew how sick Kevin was at the time. We wanted to believe he had a chance to get well, Jack. But we also knew that even if he got well that the treatments might mean he was never able to have children of his own, especially from the radiation. So that is why we had the samples taken. So we could use them to start a family of our own when Kevin got well."

"I understand that, Wendy," I said, rather cold and calculatingly. "But why were those samples shipped to a clinic here in Red River Falls just last week?"

Wendy looked shocked and confused. "What are you talking about, Jack? Those samples are at some cryo lab way out West. Honestly, I had even forgotten they were still there!"

"They were," I explained, "up until last week. Those five vials of Kevin's sperm are now at the McMillan Women's' Clinic and are in the hands of Doctor Virginia Howard who is scheduled to conduct an in vitro fertilization procedure on you at a time of your choosing."

Wendy gasped. "What in God's name are you talking about, Jack? I would never in a million years do such a thing! Is this some kind of a sick joke? Do you want to divorce me that badly that you're willing to try some kind of demented stunt like this?"

"Ms. Nichols," I said, "would please show my wife the emails from the clinic?"

Danielle reached into her attaché case and retrieved the confirmation emails I had forwarded to me from the clinic. They detailed the procedure, what Wendy could expect during the procedure, and what the odds of success were.

Wendy covered her mouth with her right hand as she flipped through the pages with her left. She genuinely appeared shocked and horrified by what she saw. The enormity and depravity of the prospect of carrying the child of a man who had been deceased for years was finally making an impact.

"Jack! Baby, please!" She began crying out loud. "Please tell me that you know I would never try anything as sick and perverted as this!"

"I want to believe that," I said softly, "but I also am afraid that you might be able to get talked into it by the right people...by people who seem to have an exceptional amount of influence over you."

She looked puzzled. "Who...who are you talking about?"

I simply nodded my head in Ed and Joanne's direction. Both Ed and Joanne sat there and looked absolutely petrified. And Ed was seething, too. Nate, Greg, Bobby and Melinda all stared back at their parents with looks of absolute disgust and revulsion on their faces.

"Ed and Joanne? No. They would never try something like this."

"Look at the last page of the emails, Wendy," Danielle said quietly. "There is a financial statement attached. You will see that the procedure has been pre-paid in full by Mister and Mrs. Parmelly."

Wendy sobbed as she looked back and forth between the emails and Ed and Joanne. Mike and Christi, Wendy's parents, were too shocked and stunned to even say anything. They were trying to make sense of the situation and couldn't believe what they were hearing.

"Goddamn you, Jack!" Ed Parmelly seethed as he stood. "Look what you've done!"

"No! No! Ed, please tell me that none of this is true," Wendy pleaded. "Please tell me you would never have expected me to go through with any of this!"

Ed approached her and took her hands in his. "Look, Wendy...Joanne and I...well, we...wanted to...to...talk to you about this in Hawaii. We wanted you to just...consider...what it would mean to us if you could do this."

"Oh, my God!" Wendy flinched and yanked her hands out of Ed's grip. "You actually expected me to do this? You actually thought I would agree to this?"

"Wendy, please," Ed pleaded, approaching her slowly. "Just think about what this would mean! Think about what it would mean for you! And for Kevin! It would mean that a part of Kevin would live on! Part of Kevin would be alive again!"

"Jesus Christ, you sick bastard," said Wendy's father, Mike Hasseman. "How in the hell do you think you could have talked my daughter into doing something this awful?"

"It is NOT awful!" Ed barked.

"It sure as hell is!" Mike yelled back. "And it is satanic and ungodly!"

"No, it isn't! You just don't understand! Why would God allow us the miracle of in vitro fertilization if He didn't want us to use it???"

"You've changed, Ed," Wendy sobbed. "This isn't like you! Kevin would never want me to do something like this!"

"Kevin wanted to live, Wendy! You don't understand! This would be a way for part of Kevin to live on!" He was getting desperate.

"How could you think that I would even agree to something like this, Ed?"

"Because you were his WIFE, dammit! You were supposed to bear his children! You swore an oath before God! This isn't wrong, Wendy! This is a chance to make something right! It was wrong for Kevin to be taken away so early! He never had a chance! This is giving him that chance! A chance to extend life beyond his own!"

Wendy slowly backed away from Ed as she could clearly see the madness bubbling over in his mind. A genuine look of fear was on her face as Ed crept closer. I jumped from my seat and stood between Wendy and him as I was afraid he would get physical with her if she didn't agree to the IVF procedure. Without even realizing it, I had grabbed Wendy's hand and she had started squeezing it for all she was worth and hid behind me.

Soon Mike, Christie, my parents, Nate, Greg, Bobby and Melinda all surrounded me and Wendy in a show of solidarity.

"What the hell is wrong with you all?" Ed shouted at his kids. "Is this how it is going to be? You're all on his side now? Is that what you want? For this loser to replace your brother?"

"Kevin is dead, Dad" Nate said, calmly. "You need to face that reality. And you need to let him die, too. You can't force everyone else around you to try in vain to keep him alive."

"What the fuck would you know about it, you little fairy! You don't even come close to comparing to your brother! Your brother would be embarrassed as hell to know that he had Tinkerbell as a brother!"

"No. You're wrong," Nate said, eyes glistening with tears beginning to fall. "You're wrong about that. Kevin knew that I'm gay. He was the first one I had the courage to come out to. He is the reason that I'm out of the closet with everyone. Unlike you, Kevin never tried to get me to go back in the closet. The only one who is ashamed of me is you!" Greg, Bobby and Melinda all put their hands on his shoulders as a show of support. I reached out with my right hand and took Nate's left hand in my own.

"This has gotta stop, Dad," Greg added. "We know how tough it was losing Kevin. You weren't the only one in pain."

"We all were, Dad," Bobby added. "But you gotta let go of the bitterness and anger. It is going to consume you and bring you to an early grave if you don't."

"And we'd like to keep you around for a while," Melinda added, "if not for yourself, then at least for us and your grandchildren."

"You don't know," Ed said, shaking his head and getting ready to explode. "You have no idea. You'll never understand! Kevin had a destiny! That was taken from him! We can at least get some of that back!"

"No, Dad, we can't," Greg said. "It sucks that it is gone. We were all devastated. But this is an unholy way of trying to get him back, Dad. This is nothing more than scientific witchcraft! It isn't going to bring Kevin back! All it would do is bring a child into the world who would never have a chance to know his real father! It wouldn't be fair to the child, it wouldn't be fair to Kevin and it sure as hell isn't fair to Jack!"

"I don't give damn about Jack! I only care about Kevin!" Ed returned his gaze to Wendy. "Wendy...please reconsider it. Please think about what it would mean for all of us."

"No, Ed! I won't do it! Kevin would never want this!"

Ed stood there, his anger reaching a boiling point. Then he vented his anger towards me. "God so help me, Jack-fucking-Fitzgerald, I will NEVER forgive you for this! All of you can go to hell!" He turned and barked at Joanne, "Come on! We're getting the hell out of here!" Joanne stood there, her hands covering her mouth and trying to stifle her quiet sobbing. "Joanne! Let's go! Now!"

Joanne looked at her children, pleadingly. Then she looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry, Jack. You're a good man."

"The hell he is! He's a fucking bastard and you don't need to talk to him!" he said, grabbing her by the arm.

"Hey! Parmelly!" my father yelled. "If you talk to my son that way one more time, I'm gonna rip your goddamned head off and shit down your fucking throat!" My father doesn't get pissed very often, but when he does, watch out!

Ed just gave everyone in the room one last pissed off look and dragged Joanne crying out of the room. The place was silent and had the feeling as though a bomb had just gone off. Wendy broke out in full sobs and collapsed into a chair.

"Oh, g-g-god, Jack," she wailed. "I-I-I'm s-s-so s-s-sorry!"

I knelt down in front of her and grabbed her into my embrace. I held her that way and tried my best to calm her and reassure her that she was going to be okay. Everyone else crowded around us and joined in a massive hug of healing.

"Oh, Jack! I can't even imagine what you must think of me right now!"

"I think you're beautiful! And you're the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with!"

"No, Jack," she said, shaking her head. "I'm the woman you should hate and want to divorce!"

"I didn't want to divorce you, Wendy. I just felt like I had no choice. I felt like I was never going to be loved by you as much as you loved Kevin."

"I'm so ashamed, Jack," she wailed. "Ed was right. He always knew what to say to me to get me to do what he wanted as far as Kevin went. He always knew how to push my buttons. And I let him."

"Ed was a manipulator who did so to cover his own pain," I explained.

"He's right, Jack (*sob*). If he had gotten to me in Hawaii and stated his case, he probably would have talked me into it. He would have made me think it was a great idea to have Kevin's baby and that Kevin would have wanted that. I don't know why I never saw it all before - our house, the pictures, Kevin's stuff - Ed could never let him go and he was never going to let me move on."

The realization that Wendy might have gone through with it was like a punch in the gut. But instead of getting angry, I just held her closer. I knew beyond a doubt that there was going to be a lot of therapy in our future - both because Wendy needed it and because I needed to know that I wasn't chained down by my own ghosts.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I reassured her. "It didn't happen. We're going to work through this. We're going to work on our marriage. And we're going to work on ourselves. If you give me a chance, Wendy, we'll come through this much stronger and better people. Will you give me that chance?"

Wendy looked at me through her drenched eyes in shock. "Are you serious, Jack? You file divorce papers on me and you're the one asking for another chance?"

My heart skipped a beat as I was afraid she was going to tell me to go to hell. But she answered my question by grabbing my face and pulling me in for the most sensuous, mouth-watering kiss we had ever shared. Even our tears blended together and in that moment, I knew for the first time in a long time that Wendy and I were going to make it. Everyone else sensed it, too, and they all filed out of the conference room, each stopping to hug us once more on their way out. I looked at Nate Parmelly and mouthed the words 'Thank you' as he was leaving. He simply winked and smiled.

Wendy kissed me again with as much passion and love as the first. Her lips told me everything I needed to know - that Wendy was mine...and mine only.

EPILOGUE

A lot has happened since that day in the conference room. Almost all of it has been for the better. Wendy has been promoted to the chair of the Foreign Language department at Red River Falls Community College. She is now only teaching one class per semester and has more regular work hours. She no longer teaches the English as a Second Language course, which she really misses, but was able to incorporate that program into the academic curricula of the college, giving new immigrants an opportunity to earn their first college credits at no cost to them. Wendy gained regional and national attention for her program and I couldn't be more proud of her.

I had been furthering my own education over the last few years by obtaining a Master's Degree in Public Safety Administration. In addition to that, I had also successfully completed several National Fire Academy courses in Andover, Maryland that focused on International Building Construction, International Building Codes, Fire Behavior and Investigation, and the world-renowned National Fire Academy Arson Investigator course. This resulted in my getting promoted to the Fire Marshal position at the Red River Falls Fire Department. I worked regular business hours now, unless there was a fire or incident, and Wendy and I were able to spend even more time together.

Wendy and I each found an individual counselor to work with. Both of them specialized in grief counseling, which we both needed. Mine also had a lot of experience working with Veterans with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and I began to realize that I had a lot of the same symptoms. Some were probably from Connie's accident but a lot were also from different experiences I had in my job as a firefighter and paramedic over the years. Anyone who has done that job, or been in law enforcement, for as long as I have has seen a lot of unpleasant things. My therapist helped me to learn from it and deal with my stressors.

We also found a terrific marriage counselor that helped us grow together as a couple and strengthen and enrich our marriage in ways that we never even thought of. One thing that we employed right away was our counselor's suggestion that we never sleep with a stitch of clothing. She said that couples who slept naked had the benefits of skin-on-skin contact when they slept, were more likely to cuddle together when sleeping, and that helped to form much closer emotional bonds.