The Idiot, the Farmer and Me Ch. 03

Brian stood up from the gallery and complained loudly that the Judge should have remanded him on bail for reports and stuff like they always did, should'a given him a tag like, then pointed out that this wasn't right, wasn't fair and this was 'ginst 'is boy's 'uman rights.

The Judge suggested that Brian sat down and left the legal decisions to her, but Brian wasn't having any of that and demanded justice, calling the Judge a racist 'seein' as how him and his son 'woz gypsies'.

That was shit of course, Brian was Londoner through and through and for many generations, but like many of his kind he would throw it in for threat, drama or sympathy as necessary. He was told to sit down again.

He didn't and made certain just-loud-enough insulting remarks and 'blah blah blah' hand gestures that the Judge took offence to. In a high turn-over London court room like the ones the demon duo were used to, the District Judge would have pretended not to notice but this was sleepy Sussex and just to show exactly how committed she was to the British criminal justice system the Judge gave Brian 14 days imprisonment for contempt of her court and a further 28 for his failure to comply with the court order he'd already accepted a fixed penalty notice for. Brian, unlike his son, complained and struggled all the way as the two police officers escorted him to the cells.

That afternoon Dave came to my house to tell me the news that had spread around the area like wildfire, and was laughing all over his face as I made him tea in my small kitchen, still in readiness for me to drive to his farm that evening.

"But we only got the pictures the day before yesterday!" I said, sitting next to him with tea.

"Truth will out Sam," he said leaning in to kiss me.

I kissed him back delighted to be in his lovely company again. He saw my smile and kissed me again leaning back into the sofa and pulling me onto his lap where we had the most fantastic kiss and cuddle session for a good twenty minutes, first time ever in this house.

Dave had one hand up my short denim skirt and had already pulled off my panties, and undone my blouse and freed my boobs with the other and was already sucking and biting my nipples and frigging me as if it was to save his life. Much as I loved what he was doing and was well on my way to my first orgasm I wanted to drag him to my bedroom to get really comfortable and have another first there - to make love in MY bedroom.

As I rolled my head to one side to both give him kissing access to my neck and also suggest my bedroom, I heard the sound of a key in my front door and it swinging open down the short corridor and Izzy shouting,

"Hi Mum! It's us, are you decent?"

A laughing Dave had already stuffed my tiny knickers in his jeans pocket, while I pulled my open blouse across my bare tits and tried desperately to straighten out my undone bra and fasten buttons.

"Oh!" said Izzy pausing in the doorway as Dave and I rearranged ourselves, me still sat on his lap and pulling my skirt level to cover over what he had so recently been playing with, "one moment Babes," she said to Ed pushing him back into the hallway for a moment.

I stood and straightened everything, pulling off my bra through my short shirt sleeves in that way that most intrigues men, stuffing it down the side of the sofa cushion.

"OK honey," I said, feeling outrageously naughty and ready to meet my daughter and son-in-law dressed but minus underwear.

"Well hello Uncle Dave!" she said with a big smile.

"Dave!" Ed added in a similar greeting.

"Hiya mate!" he said, "Hiya Izzy, you both look great!"

"So do you!" said Izzy noticing my clothes in disarray if not actually missing, my red cheeks, my hair half down and her husband's much-loved uncle next to me with a hint of a wicked smile on his face.

"I'll get the tea!" said Dave. He told me later that the last thing he wanted to do was take anyone's hand with his fingers still wet from my pussy!

Ed sat on one armchair while Izzy plonked herself in her other, the most mischievous look on her face.

"Soooo..." she said letting it hang in the air, "you two have been... err... getting to know each other then?"

"Bloody hell Iz," said Dave returning with a tray with a sugar basin, a plate of biscuits and some spoons which he must have found by searching because I'd never shown him, "your Mum is gorgeous, can you blame me?" it was the perfect interruption and my lovely Izzy just beamed her happiness across to me, her face illuminated by her big smile I loved so much.

"Did you have a good trip darlings?" I said, hearing the kettle click and the water being poured. I'd already heard him washing his hands!

"It was great Sam," said Ed, watching his wife's face as she couldn't stop smiling.

"It was really great Mum," she said with a chuckle, "have a great tan. You've topped up yours I see," she was looking at my brown legs, chest and arms.

"Yes," I said, "a couple of days by Uncle Dave's pool."

"It's fantastic isn't it," said Ed coming to the rescue, "most refreshing swim ever, Julia and I both learned to swim there."

"I remember it well!" said Dave returning with the tray and four mugs of tea, "time to arrange another Barbecue Ed!"

And that was that; we drank our tea, ate biscuits while Ed and Dave regaled us with stories of their past and the fun to be had on Orchard Meadow Farm, not the sort of fun that I'd had there of course.

After an hour Dave said that seeing as it was a Friday evening and none of us had eaten, he would go and get takeout food for us all, indicating to Ed to come with him.

The second the door clunked closed Izzy was next to me and holding my hands, her face beaming at me.

"So tell me about him!" she all but bounced on the sofa just like she had when she was younger, "you obviously went skinny dipping with him!"

"What?"

"You own one bikini and one swimsuit Mummy, and I had both of them with me in Cancun!"

I laughed and let down my guard a bit.

"Oh Baby girl, he's soooo lovely!" I said with a long-held sigh.

"And you're quite close I see!" she said stroking my shoulder where my bra strap should have been.

I let my guard down completely.

"Guilty," I said pulling my bra from the cushion and holding it up, "I'm not completely sure where the matching panties have gone!"

"Oh Mum!" she burst out hugging me, not in shock or disgust but in total joy, "I'm so happy for you!"

"You are? Really?" I said.

"YES!" she burst out again, "I've been hoping for years that you'd find a nice bloke, and bloody hell but you've found one of the nicest!" She hugged me again in delight wiping her eyes, "There," she said, "you can put your bra back on while our men are out."

I did, and recounted what happened after she left for her honeymoon; dancing with Dave, then him and Chrissie staying in my room, breakfast, his phone number and a stolen kiss, dinner a few nights later and kissing and petting in his car then staying at his place the next weekend and a couple of nights since.

"Oh Mum!" said my Darling daughter, with tears in her eyes again, "I'm so pleased for you!"

"So am I Baby," I said, "Your father isn't mind you..."

"What... now..." she growled slowly, her face losing its glow.

I told her about Brian and Carl out in Sussex looking for the farmer-teacher, Uncle Mike turning up the pictures two nights before, emails and court orders and their arrest and Carl's imprisonment for at least eight months and Brian's for forty two days.

She laughed softly at that,

"Mum, I'm going to fucking kill him honest!" she closed her eyes and shook her head, "He's not bothered with us for bloody years, WHY does he feel the need to constantly try to fuck things up NOW!"

"Who?" said Ed as he stepped into the hallway.

"MY... FUCKING... DAD...," she snarled. She stopped and sniffed, "Ooh curry! Knew there was a reason I married you," she said softly and suggestively.

We sat down with trays on our laps and had the most splendid Indian food, chosen with care by 'our men'.

We ate and laughed, and Ed came up with a date for a Barbecue at the farm and called his Mum who was as glad to hear from him as I had been to hear from Izzy, and the date was set. I could also hear that she seemed a bit pleased that Uncle Dave was with us, I think she'd guessed why.

At a bit before midnight we all started to yawn and I made it pretty evident that Dave was staying with me. We all kissed goodnight, and made our farewells finishing with Izzy whispering not too quietly to Dave that Mum really needed her panties back as they were a matching set.

Without so much as a missed breath he pulled them from his pocket,

"Sorry Sam, sure I would have remembered eventually," and handed them to me. That was that, no elephant in the room or embarrassed words not spoken.

I took Dave to my bed and stripped naked for him, and we made love until almost 2AM, with countless orgasms for me before he eventually joined me and had his, and we fell asleep.

We woke up at silly o'clock the next morning, as he slipped into me from behind like he had done every morning I'd woken up with him. I fell back to sleep for a bit afterwards, waking with my alarm to a mug of tea and a freshly showered Dave, my amazing lover.

We went back to the farm in two cars and arrived in time for me to make lunch for Chrissie who had been helping Grampy John with the animals. He gave me a big smile and an even bigger hug when I got there.

"Hey Sammy!" he said with a big grin, "I'm glad you're back, I hardly got to see you last weekend!"

"No problem Chrissie Darling," I said, "I'll be here until Monday morning when I have to go back to work!"

"Are you staying for dinner?" he said, "Grampy John and Dad try their best but their Sunday lunches aren't..." he took a breath and lowered his voice, "Aren't as good as when a lady cooks dinner."

"Oh Baby!" I said slipping an arm around his shoulder and whispering back to him, "I'll cook all weekend for you I promise!"

He grinned and put an arm around my waist and hugged me. It was just the cutest thing ever.

As promised I stayed and helped around the farm all day and having got my bikini back from Izzy jumped in the pool and splashed around with Dave and Chrissie until it was time for tea and I cooked a huge pile of a special recipe of sausages that were made by a local butcher using all ingredients from Dave's farm. They were wonderful and I cooked a huge pile of mashed potatoes to go with them using some vegetables that Chrissie picked that very afternoon from one of the polytunnels.

We had a night sat in the garden around the firepit chatting about life, the farm, the swimming pool, what GCSE's Chrissie was going to study when he started at secondary school that September, if he was going to go to University and what he might study. He had met my Izzy some time before at family parties and was impressed that she was a medical professional like his big sister. There was no doubt that he was going to go on to higher education like his Dad, Mum and big sister. He went to bed and kissed me goodnight just before and was soon followed by John who slept in the spare room.

Dave told me that although it was technically the 'spare room' it was Grampy John's room really and the old boy slept there three, four, sometimes five nights a week, going back to his nearby cottage, now lifeless after the death of his wife 'Nanny Emily' who had never really recovered from the death of her daughter Paula five years before and had died eighteen months afterwards according to those that knew her, from a broken heart.

They had all spoke fondly of Nanny Emily and Mummy Paula with the occasional wistful stare, but never once did I feel that I was intruding.

Soon it was bedtime again and in Dave's room I stripped naked just as I always did, thinking that perhaps with their joint recollections the last thing he would want to do was make love. So we just cuddled, then we kissed, then the kissing just got better and better and soon we was rolling over me and we were making love strongly and passionately, one of our best sessions ever.

Next morning I woke to him spooning me and I felt his erection slipping into me, again!

It was so wonderful and I have to admit that it was the only way I really liked to wake up these days.

I slept so well and so deeply when Dave was there. He didn't snore, he didn't make a big point of farting in bed, he didn't steal all the covers choosing instead to spoon me asleep, his groin pushing into my bottom with his hands holding me intimately, either my hips, my belly or my big tits, the hard nipples extending into his palms as he slowly slid into me, working up the necessary moisture with not a word said - just both of us really enjoying the closeness and the contact with the other, him not stopping until I'd reached orgasm.

Sunday was another lazy day and I was up and doing with the rest of the family sorting breakfast, then with a smile at Chrissie asked what he wanted for Sunday lunch.

I cooked a big dinner having discussed it with Dave the night before, roasting a chicken that had been running around the farm the day before, now nestling in a roasting dish with potatoes and parsnips that were dug that day.

Paradise.

We ate strawberries, blackberries, gooseberries and raspberries from the farm with whipped cream from his cows. We sat in the lovely cool garden with everyone heading to their beds as it was a school night, me getting a kiss goodnight from Chrissie.

I stayed that night as well and decided that I was going to be brave and do something I'd read about so often. Dave had gone down on me and sucked and licked me to orgasm quite a few times now, I decided that I was going to return the favour.

I pushed him back and climbed over him and I think he thought I was going to ride him and he grinned. I thought back to the porn I'd read, especially the Australian one, and before I knew it i was sinking lower and and that huge cock that had fucked me so wonderfully so often was at my face.

The Australian brunette hadn't known what to do either, so with the words I'd read so often in my head I started by putting my mouth over him and just sinking down a few times.

"Oh Samantha!" he groaned, and I looked up to him and raised my eyebrows enjoying my power over him and watching his responses to my sucking and mouthing. I licked the bits that my heroine had licked and it had the same response as in the book, with my lover rolling and writhing under me for a change.

"I've never done this before," I said taking a break from mouth-fucking him, looking up his muscular body, just like the Aussie girl had.

"It really doesn't show," he breathed then adding some moments later, "I'm getting really close Sam," he said and I could feel him starting to get up.

I put a hand on his chest and pushed him back down and speeded up my movements, I'd decided he was going to come and my sexy control must have done it for him as within seconds he cried out and the first spurt was hitting the back of my throat, then the second. I let him slip out to feel the next couple hit my face, me still wanking him through his pleasure just like my literary Aussie brunette instructor had done.

I even put it back in my mouth as it softened, hardly noticing the taste of him such was my complete focus on his pleasure.

"Was that OK?" I said lazily grinning at him and giving him the occasional lick across his helmet, loving the flinch he gave when I hit the right spot.

"OK?" he said, "That was fucking amazing!"

"I read how to do it in a book," I said, "I was just waiting for the right rancher to come along."

He reached into his bedside table for some tissues that he handed to me, waiting until I was level with him and dabbing at the spat of his semen on the front of my hair.

"Only fair I reciprocate," he said, french-kissing the mouth he'd come into moments before.

"Oh yeah," I said rolling onto my back and parting my thighs, "Please, be my guest."

Laying back against the headboard I put my hands behind my head so I could watch him, and felt so amazingly brazen! That lasted a few minutes until he was all but chewing on my so sensitive clitoris an I rolled into my first orgasm, then the next, then the next, then... WOW!

I woke the next morning to that wonderful cock of his spearing into me from behind again, and much as new brazen Samantha wanted desperately to push him on his back and ride him, I just lay there in wonderful silence feeling him do his magic and loving ever fucking second, his fingers reaching round to my still sensitive clitoris and bringing me of yet again until he lost himself deep in me.

We kissed and cuddled, until he dragged himself out of my arms and to his labours, my very own handsome hot rancher!

I showered, made him some breakfast and kissed him, Chrissie and John before I headed off to work. It was really hard, fuck but i was in love with this guy!

"Not again!" shouted Den from the other end of the old school hall that we occupied as our playschool.

"What?" I said smiling, knowing exactly what she meant, and much as I'd tried to hide it, my 'just shagged shimmy' was evident. I grinned, "all weekend Babes," I said, "Friday night we were just getting down to it when Izzy and Ed called in," I blushed, "Most embarrassing! Dave had undone my blouse and my bra and pulled off my panties. Fortunately I still had my skirt on!"

"You lucky bitch!" she said with a smile, "and afterwards?"

I stifled a yawn,

"Played with me and screwed me until two in the morning," I said, "to his place Saturday, he had me again that night, awwwwww it was amaaaaaazing!" I hugged myself, "I... I blew him, first time ever - to anyone."

"Sam-my!" crooned my sister with such a look.

"And he had me again this morning before I left." I felt a little emotional tremble and Denise saw it, coming across to give me a hug.

"Like I said, lucky bitch!"

"You keep looking Den," I said hugging her back and being the caring big sister, "he's out there somewhere Babe."

"I'll do that," she replied switching on the office phone and finding we had three messages.

My shoulders sagged as soon as we heard the voice, that useless, hopeless fucking Idiot could even wreck my wonderful mood by proxy!

The first, the second, and the third, all him and getting more drunk and angrier as he failed to contact me, annoyed at hearing my voice in the initial message and thinking i was actually there.

The first call was simply a collection of "Sammy... Sammy... you there? Fucking... why 'int yah... SAMMY?" while the second one was more of a realisation that he was talking to a machine and a load of swearing about that and he disconnected. Finally he realised that the machine was his only option and angrily left his third call.

"Switch your fuckin' phone off will yah? Just 'cos yah turned the bastard off don't mean that we don't have nuffin' to say to each 'uvva! I can still fuckin' find yah see? Yah can't fuckin' hide FROM ME!" he snarled to the recorder, "Well I wanna tell yah that I 'int fuckin' scared o'yah - fuckin' Haymer girl or not! An' I definitely 'int scared of that bruvva a'yours nee'vah! Never 'ave bin, never will be!" He brayed a laugh, "Ack'chully, I reckon I could prob'ley 'ave 'im," there was a slurp as he obviously took a pull of some more fighting beer. "I'm givin' yah a final warnin'" he said solemnly, "FINAL!" there was a pause and it sounded like he burped, "You leave this cunt to 'is teachin' and his farmin' and we'll say na'more 'baht it... I'm a fair man Sammy!" this was followed by a real ripsnorter of a belch and a contented sigh as if he'd realised what a thoroughly decent bloke he was, "No one can say I in't that; No..." more wind could be heard, "you fuck 'im off an' I'm prepared to be the 'bigga man and forget aaaaaall abaaht' it..." He was obviously going back into a room somewhere as we could hear the sounds of a pub. "So you ring me Sammy yeah? You ring me an' let me know when luvva' boy is 'istry and we can get back on a sensible footin' can't we..." there was some chat in the background, "yeah, nuvva' one o'these please Frank yeah..." he remembered he was still on the phone to me, "I'll expec' yah 'cawl tomorra Sammy... TOMMORRA GET ME!?" He disconnected the call - so brave when talking to a machine!