The Internship

Beth was not placated, "What about the captaincies? Could you still get one? You deserve to be a captain! You've worked long and hard for the honor."

Jim now wore the mantle of a mentor, or perhaps team captain, "That's not why I do it. You know how cross connected the county is. Those things mean more than just leading a team or having a "C" on your uniform. I think if I'm there my leadership qualities can be seen. When you take responsibility, it means it's on your shoulders, especially if it goes bad. A winning team can sometimes glide on its own winning momentum. But when someone is down, getting them back to where they should be, or shielding your guys when they're giving their all but not getting the breaks, well, that's important. Folks may watch how you handle it, but more importantly, it's work that needs to be done. I'm happy when someone achieves what they wanted, or more than they ever have before, or busts out of a slump. Sure, that's personally gratifying, but it's more important that the person's life has been improved."

Beth studied Jim now. He was a better leader than she'd realized, "Do you think they watch that? Isn't it more important to win?"

"Winning is important! But people are more important. Sometimes it's more important to make sure they know they can win than the actual winning. Anyone can accept a trophy, but we all need someone to help us up when we're down. That's another sort of win, Beth."

She stared at him for a long while.

"Sometimes it's more important to be a team player than to win. I don't want to ever denigrate winning. It's hugely important. Perhaps I should have stated it that a there are different ways to win. I think people see that." He sighed, "We have to make the most of the opportunities we have, and not lament the ones we don't."

Beth had a funny idea. It didn't seem like one of hers, it just popped in there. She knew people watched folks who were down, and sometimes if they handled it with grace and determination, regardless of the circumstance or outcome, the people watching were energized to make needed changes in their own lives. She was sure people were watching Jim. She'd changed his trajectory. People saw him give up what he'd worked for to serve her. Some may think that he was henpecked or worse, but most knew his quality. Maybe they'd see how he helped her, maybe they'd understand when they saw how see gazed at him. Jim gave of himself to help his mate and his team. Maybe the county had seen that in the conspicuousness of his plight. Maybe somehow, she hadn't completely derailed him. Maybe somehow despite her, Jim's path wouldn't be completely wrecked.

* * * * * *

They dressed and walked and walked around the city, talking constantly, and planning their revised future again. Hours later they ended up close to the building where Beth worked. There was a little coffee shop there frequented by many of her fellow employees. She liked it and thought it might give him a feel of where she'd been when spending this time away from him. It was the weekend, she thought it was safe from running into co-workers; she didn't want to subject him to work conversations. Frankly, she didn't want to share him right now. Beth pulled Jim into the cafe smiling at him the whole way.

They ordered and sat down at a table to the right of the entrance. Beth sat on the bench seating along the wall and Jim sat with his back to the door in a chair across from her so they could look at each other as they spoke. Beth was so in love with him and hated the fact that she had a terrible secret. Still, she beamed into his face, oblivious to everything except being with him.

Beth didn't see Marcus, who lived closer to the building, come in for one of his specialty coffees. Waiting to place his order he turned and spotted her immediately. His face brightened just seeing her. He took a step away from the counter to greet her, suddenly the change in their relationship came crashing down like a weighted stage curtain.

Then Marcus realized Beth was with her boyfriend, who was looking into his own coffee while relaying some story that had him chuckling. Beth was riveted, motivated far beyond listening to an amusing tale. Marcus watched Beth's eyes watch her boyfriend. She drank him in and yearned for more. Marcus felt his lips purse, Beth had never come close to looking at him like that, even in that super poignant stare when she was telling him she had to be the woman her man needed her to be.

Marcus saw in her eyes her great love for Jim and appreciation for him, and yes, because he knew to look for it, the tremendous guilt. Then there was something different, sadness. Then Beth's eye's flashed back to that appreciation and love. Marcus found himself pursing his lips more acutely. Beth just glowed with it: she loved Jim so.

Marcus though it through, a good girl tying to be the most she could, pushing herself too far beyond her limits. He'd misinterpreted the signals thinking she wanted something different when she just wanted to improve herself. He thought he was protecting her, keeping her fragile facets from harm, propping her up.

'Dear Lord," he thought, 'she needed to be protected from men like me.' At least he was kind and caring, a user would have demolished the couple. He looked at the man sitting with Beth. His lips pursed more. Yes, a user would have broken them up, by pushing her beyond her ability to keep her mistake a secret. He looked at the man: he was powerfully built and exuded a competence others could feel. A man who used Beth badly would possibly pay with his life.

Marcus saw Beth's cascade of decisions in a different light now. He'd understood her decision, even respected it. What he saw now was a crystalized vision of what that poor woman would go through for years, keeping a secret she wished she didn't have. The damage was done. She loved this man to death, yet she'd done the worst thing she could think of to him, and she could probably never tell him. She'd done something she'd never intended to her loved one. She was desperate to keep the two of them together and his heart intact. She loved him enough to protect him by keeping that awful secret the rest of her life. Marcus felt a pang that didn't sit well realizing he was someone else's terrible secret. What a terrible mixed-up bag of cats.

Marcus looked away, an idea forming in his head. Beth Loved her man enough to become strong enough to live with the demon of that secret because she was protecting him from it. Marcus knew she would absolutely grow strong to protect Jim; that demon didn't have a chance. Jim and Beth would happily grow old together.

Marcus looked in Beth's eyes again as she continued to drink in the man of her dreams. He watched all the emotions continue to play out: love, regret, desire to protect, but mostly that tremendous love. Despite the conflicting situation, he found himself smiling. Yeah, just like Beth told him, there was something about love that he was going to have to get serious about. He wanted to be a better man. He didn't want to be carefree as much as have someone he was committed to. He needed to change. He wanted to change. In fact, that was going to start right now, as an act of kindness for someone else.

The barista broke his thoughts by asking him what he wanted. He looked back towards the counter at her and smiled. "I want everything ... to be all right." His eyes twinkled for a second, "I've made a mistake, I'm sorry. I'm going to have to fix that now. No order." He smiled very brightly at the confused gal who was warmed by his gentle uplifting words.

Marcus made sure not to be seen as he walked out of the coffee shop. He enjoyed the warmth of the sunlight as he headed back towards his apartment, knowing he had what he needed now too.