The Keeping of Lena Ch. 01

Renz was the first to emerge, and he was ever as handsome as she remembered. Ten years, it seemed, had thoroughly and completely...enhanced him. Another layer of muscle had been added to the lean, athletic form of his youth, making him appear broader, stronger, and far more forceful. His boyish smile, impish as always, was now intensified with the wisdom of manhood. There were a few more laugh lines surrounding his gray eyes, and his dark hair was just slightly beginning to silver at his temples.

Ten years had passed, but Renz hadn't aged. He'd settled, perhaps, for the volatile impulses of his younger years appeared far more controlled than they used to be. He'd evolved from a randy cub into a calculating beast, a seductive predator with the playful charm of boyhood and the beguiling allure of maturity. A lethal combination.

But at newly thirty-seven, he still appeared vibrant and active. He bore no pain or sorrow of the last ten years. No bitterness or disappointment. Tonight, he bore only the hopefulness of youth.

That was the blessing of being a man, and the curse of being a woman. Her pain hung heavily around her neck, pulling on her heart like a gilded albatross. But Renz was completely unscathed.

And as she watched him, he wore that same secret, triumphant smile that in their six years of marriage she had grown to loathe.

The source of that smile soon followed after, timidly walking behind him, and she knew immediately that this was the one called Lena.

She was certainly a pretty whore. There was no doubt about that. But her frame was slight, fragile even. She was but a dwarf, a little pixie, next to Renz.

Renz's tastes had clearly changed. Over a decade prior, Renz's lusts had led him towards unhappily married women and skilled prostitutes. Renz had liked his women to be classically beautiful, polished, and well trained. His women needed to be able to surprise him; he'd have lost interest if they didn't.

And of course, they needed to be voluptuous, for Renz had always needed something for his greedy, eager hands to squeeze.

But this Lena was nothing like those women. She was an innocent, uneducated and untrained. She stared up at Renz with wide, vulnerable eyes. No one had taught her how to charm a man. No one had schooled her in the art of mystery or seduction. Everything about her was open and on display. She was pathetically transparent.

The foolish girl wore her love for him like a crown on her head, and for a brief moment, Ilise felt sorry for her. She was blissfully unaware of what Renz would do to her now that he'd captured her love. She knew nothing of the inevitable heartache she would face.

Lena's skin was flushed, her scandalous red gown somewhat out of place, and it was easy to deduce what she and Renz had been doing for the last hour. Renz had fucked her, and apparently well...she had the type of drunken, uncaring bliss that only sexual release could provide.

Perhaps ten years had taught Renz not to be such a selfish lover.

The cocky grin on his face indicated he'd been very well drained, at least for his momentary satisfaction. It was a smile she recognized, had seen often enough whenever Renz would disappear with his newest plaything. But the seriousness in his eyes as he stared at Lena was certainly something entirely new.

He looked at her as if nothing else in the world existed.

They exchanged hushed words, Renz fully entranced by whatever it was the maid was saying. His gaze slipped down to her body several times, a sign that his arousal was beginning to increase again.

But instead of turning his attention to the ballroom filled with the bored wives and eligible daughters of the empire's wealthiest, Renz kept his gaze on Lena.

He took her into his arms and kissed her, pulling her body far closer to his than decent. But they were perfect egoists, both completely unaware of the world around them.

Lena was the first to leave, and Ilise watched Renz as he watched her, and for the first time that night, she found herself puzzled. It was the first time she didn't recognize the man she had once called husband.

******

She found Lena in the women's lounge, grabbing fruits far more quickly than decent. It was a slightly comical site, the unrefined maid reaching for berries and popping them into her mouth quickly, nervously glancing around the room like a timid mouse stealing crumbs.

Ilise cleared her throat, but Lena did not appear to have heard her. She kept rapidly eating, a consequence of her recent sex with Renz, no doubt.

Or perhaps, a consequence of another life growing inside of her by now.

"You might slow down, there. You wouldn't want to burst out of that lovely gown," Ilise said.

Lena heard her then, and she looked up at Ilise with bashful eyes. Her mouth was clearly still full, and she gulped ungracefully, cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

Lena stood up then and release a faint cry as she gazed at Ilise. Ilise could feel the young girl's wide, pretty blue eyes fixing on her gown, her face, the necklace at her throat. Her expression was one of confusion, and maybe faint recognition.

Ilise nearly laughed when the girl suddenly entered an ungraceful curtsey.

"I apologize...that must have appeared rude. I'm Lena," she said timidly.

Ilise smiled at her.

"I know who you are, Lena. I've been anxious to meet you. I'm Ilise...Renz's first wife," she replied.

******

******

It took several moments for Lena to realize that Ilise was waiting for her to speak, but she was far too dumbfounded to form words. She felt as if all mental processes and emotional responses had reached a sudden halt, and Lena was completely unaware of how to feel or what to say next.

Ilise placed a sympathetic hand on her wrist, slightly beckoning her to awareness.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lena," she said, her smile slightly humored. Lena felt overwhelmed with a sudden wave of recognition, and her heart began to palpitate. This was Ilise. The Ilise. The woman who wounded Renz more than any other person in his life.

"L-likewise," Lena replied quietly. She gazed at Ilise, finding herself unable to form an opinion about her. Given who Renz had described her to be, how he'd described himself to be when they were married, Lena expected to see an angry, broken, hurt woman.

But Ilise did not appear vengeful or even slightly cross. In fact, she didn't appear emotional at all. She was disturbingly pleasant and completely at ease. She was perfectly styled and controlled, and Lena began feeling embarrassed for staring at her with such obvious surprise.

"You really needn't be so nervous, Lena. I assure you I only have the best of intentions for you and your...fiancé now, it appears?" Ilise said, glancing down at the ring.

Lena felt her cheeks and neck flush with embarrassment, and she cursed herself for accepting the ring from Renz again. There was no way to really explain her not-quite-engagement, especially to her not-quite-fiancé's first wife.

Before she could speak, Ilise gently reached for her hand and inspected the the diamond closely.

"Diamonds like this are only given to women who are truly loved and esteemed, Lena. Tell me, when did he propose?" Ilise asked.

"Well, umm, it happened here—"

"You're very fortunate to have found a love match with Renz. I'm sure he's told you that our marriage was arranged. And while he was certainly gentleman enough to procure a lovely stone..." Ilise said, pausing to extend her hand. Lena gasped as she observed the massive single blue stone on her finger. The artist's rendering, the first image of Ilise she'd ever found, certainly didn't quite capture just how extraordinary the jewel really was. It was a deep, gorgeous blue with the faintest hints of green.

"...I never had...quite the marriage that young girls dream of," Ilise finished.

Lena looked up at Ilise, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. Her drunkenness was quickly beginning to fade, and was replaced by a cold feeling of dread deep in her gut.

"It really is a lovely ring...I'm sure he loved you very much when he gave it to you," Lena found herself saying. Ilise smiled sweetly, but there was a slight flicker of sadness in her green eyes. The dread suddenly intensified into an overwhelming feeling of inexplicable guilt, and Lena felt as if she would soon become sick.

"It's an Indian sapphire. Originally owned by the consort of a maharaja. Renz purchased it while on a hunting holiday with his friends from university...and I suspect it may have been more of a token for himself than for me. Men like Renz love to flaunt their wealth, I'm sure you're aware," Ilise said with a faint laugh, gesturing to the Sun Diamond.

Lena reached for the necklace at her throat in a vain attempt to cover it, but the little piece of royal sunshine continued to glitter through her fingers. And for the first time, Lena felt like its luminescence was mocking her.

"And what better place to display wealth than on a woman as beautiful as you," Ilise said softly.

Lena's stomach fully sank then. It seemed as if Ilise's words were intended to be complimentary, but they affected her in a deeply unsettling way. Renz had once told her that one of his greatest pleasures was buying beautiful things for the women he was with...perhaps the only pleasure was the physical representation of his own wealth.

His own conquest.

"Have you seen Renz yet?" Lena asked, desperate for no further talk of jewelry. Ilise laughed airily and shook her head.

"I suspect it would be in...poor taste on a night like tonight...you understand, surely. He is a newly engaged man, after all," Ilise said. Lena nodded, truthfully not quite understanding at all.

But Ilise's revelation made her overall anxiety wane by a small degree. For some reason, the idea of Renz alone with Ilise terrified Lena.

Ilise released her hand and gently brought her fingers up her bare arm, resting just above her shoulder. Lena felt herself shiver at the contact.

"I'll admit I had my initial...rude opinions...when I heard of my former husband parading around Berlin with a woman half his age. But you, Lena, are just exquisite. I can see why you've managed to capture a man like Renz. You're quite the fascinating girl," Ilise said, bringing her hand to her chin.

Her touch was faint, but Lena felt paralyzed where she stood, cornered by Ilise's almost cat-like eyes. Ilise's face remained soft and pleasant, her elegant features ever gentle, but the liveliness of her eyes betrayed her outer composure.

Finally, Ilise blinked and released her, and Lena felt a great weight leave her body.

"I do hope we can talk again soon, Lena. Enjoy the party," Ilise called.

Lena stood still for several moments as she waited for the world to stop spinning. She hadn't realized that she'd been alone with Ilise—the room was completely empty.

Lena blinked several times and sat back down on the lounge, in an attempt to convince herself that what had just happened...actually happened. Ilise had arrived and disappeared so quickly, that if Lena were any drunker, she could have convinced herself it was a temporary hallucination.

But Lena had actually seen Ilise. Had spoken to her, had touched her. The woman who had been no more than a painting on a wall, a beautiful, painful figment of the past of the man she loved, now had flesh and depth.

A part of Lena wanted to dislike her for hurting Renz as deeply as she had. But Lena saw no signed of the rash, spiteful woman Renz had described her to be. It almost seemed as if Ilise had nothing but fondness for Renz.

"I've been looking for you for ages, and you're right where I last saw you!" she suddenly heard Ava say.

Lena sheepishly turned towards Ava, ready to apologize for her rudeness earlier that evening. But to her relief, Ava was not scolding her at all. She was positively radiant.

"Ava...you're glowing," Lena remarked. Ava beamed in apparent delight as she glided towards the lounge, gracefully seating herself with a fond hand on her belly.

"I could say the same thing about you, Lena dear," Ava remarked, winking on end. Lena looked down and realized that her appearance really was rudely disheveled, and she tried to fix her gown, but there was truly no use.

She shyly returned her gaze to Ava, and for a brief moment almost felt as if she were staring at a reflection of herself. She noticed that Ava's blonde hair was slightly tousled, and there was a more natural shade of rouge on her cheeks. She appeared as if she had dressed in haste, but there was no embarrassment—only a blissful, lazy gaze.

"Were you...with Karl?" Lena whispered, even though there was no one else in the room.

For the first time that night, Ava appeared slightly shy, and a wide, girlish grin spread across her face.

"Why isn't that a bold suggestion!" she replied coyly.

"Is it rude of me to ask?" Lena asked in response. Ava's eyes widened and she shook her head.

"Of course not, Lena dear, I was only teasing! Surely you've had these talks with other friends of yours," Ava replied encouragingly. Lena bashfully lowered her head. She'd never had anyone to talk to about the intimate details of the activities between lovers. Her experiences with Renz were still so new to her, that she felt she needed someone, another woman with wisdom, to answer her questions, now more than ever.

When she looked back at Ava, her teasing had faded and her smile was one of genuine compassion.

"I won't embarrass you with our more...explicit details. But I will say that no man has ever made me feel quite as...celebrated as Karl," Ava replied.

"Are you fond of him?" Lena asked. Ava's sweet smile suddenly became privately amused, and Lena began wondering what memory of Karl had tickled her humor.

"Quite. However...may I confide in you Lena?" Ava asked. Lena nodded quickly and scooted closer to Ava.

"Of course! I assure you, you can trust me," Lena replied, surprised by how honored she felt by Ava's admission. Ava smiled sweetly.

"I have no doubt of that. The truth is, I am very fond of Karl...but I find myself navigating unfamiliar waters. I am recently widowed, I have another child soon to be born. I worry about how I appear," Ava said.

It was the first time that Ava had appeared unsure of herself, and Lena placed a hand over hers.

"Your reputation, you mean?" Lena asked. The seriousness was broken by Ava's sudden laughter, and Lena couldn't help but giggle too.

"Oh heavens, no. I don't give a damn about reputation anymore. My late husband's not-so-private activities, and I'm not even talking about that depraved enterprise of his, humiliated me far more severely than I could ever accomplish on my own," Ava replied.

"You're not worried about how you appear to Karl then, are you?" Lena asked. Ava's laughter faded, and for the first time that night, she smiled an insincere, sad smile.

"It's not exactly the most attractive position for a woman to be in," she replied. Lena realized that just as Ava's charm was uplifting, her sadness was positively heartbreaking.

"Ava, I am certain Karl does not find anyone more attractive than you. In fact, he told me so earlier today," Lena replied.

Ava's girlish radiance returned, and she squeezed Lena's hand fondly.

"You are far to sweet, Lena dear," Ava replied. They shared a brief moment of silence, but then Ava's smile became mischievous.

"Now tell me...what precisely were you doing with Renz this last hour?"

Lena felt her face turn red with embarrassment, and another shameful feeling. Her body clenched at the recent memory of Renz roughly pounding inside of her, and when she returned her gaze to Ava, a knowing smile was on her face.

******

******

"Are you absolutely certain that Lena is pregnant?" Renz asked. Karl glared at him in clear annoyance and tried to reach for his nearly empty glass.

"I said she might be pregnant. There are a number of reasons that can explain the missed monthlies. Now I do think you have had too much brandy for this conversation—"

"But what do you think, Karl? Truthfully. Do you think she is?" Renz asked. Karl sighed and rubbed his temples.

"It's a possibility I thought you should be aware of. I'll need to monitor Lena very closely to be sure at this point," he replied.

Renz began pacing back and forth. Lena pregnant...the suggestion was as exciting as it was terrifying, and the possibility filled him with as much joy as dread.

He hadn't allowed himself to indulge in the idea of starting a family with Lena, because a part of him thought that he'd already missed his chance for children. He'd been far too foolish in his youth. And he'd been far too foolish with Lena, for their courtship was anything but ordinary.

Renz tried to stop his thoughts from going to that dangerous, hopeful place, but he'd had far too much brandy for any real mental restrictions. At that moment, Lena could be carrying his son or daughter, and Renz was filled with a sense of glee and vigor.

But his joy came to a sudden halt when he reminded himself of the reality of their relationship. Lena didn't trust him enough to even agree to a real engagement yet, let alone marriage. Surely there would be no way she could trust him to be the father of her children.

"Do you think she knows of the possibility?" Renz asked. Karl shook his head.

"I don't. In my experience, I've found that it is much more prudent to wait to disclose until I have a bit more certainty...I apologize if I was wrong to withhold, but Lena has been through enough recently," Karl replied. Renz nodded in agreement.

"Good. Don't tell her unless you're absolutely certain. How much time do you think you'll need?" Renz asked. Karl frowned and ran a hand through his hair.

"Another week, at minimum. Perhaps two. But if you'll excuse me, I'll need to return home. I have several early calls tomorrow morning" Karl replied. Renz nodded.

"And you'll be returning in a few days' time, I imagine? Ava is going to spend the remainder of her mourning here," Renz mentioned.

Karl briefly appeared very uncomfortable, but he cleared his throat and nodded quickly.

"Yes, I suppose I should return soon. She too needs to be monitored in her condition. Happy birthday, friend," Karl said quickly, before swiftly leaving.

Renz chuckled and sat down on a nearby lounge and finished off what little remained of his drink. He was sobering already, and that disappointed him. He wasn't especially fond of the idea of turning thirty-seven, and had planned on spending the night drunk and with Lena. Instead, now that the party was beginning to quiet, he found himself sober and alone.

Renz stood up, preparing to find Lena, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw his former wife walk through the door.

"Happy birthday, Renz," Ilise said.

Renz squeezed his empty brandy glass so hard that it shattered in his hand. He could feel shards of glass cutting through his palm, and could feel warm blood rushing to cover it, but his awareness of his injury stopped there.

Ilise closed the door behind her and began quickly walking towards him.

"Let me help you with that—"

"I thought I was very clear when I told you that I never want you to come anywhere near this house again," Renz said slowly. Ilise's eyes slightly saddened, but Renz was unperturbed. He knew that Ilise could never feel any real sadness. There was an entire spectrum of human emotion that she was lacking. Understanding sadness would require understanding happiness. Nothing ever made her happy, and nothing could ever truly make her sad.

"You're bleeding, Renz. Let me help you," she said again. She reached for his hand, but Renz jerked it away from her. He became aware of the pain then, and he cursed loudly as he yanked off his tie and began crudely wrapping the cut.