The Loneliest Time of the Year

"I want to watch that one with the mean old man."

Brent scratched his head, then smiled.

"Oh, you mean "A Christmas Carol". Are you sure? It's kind of scary in places."

When Erica nodded, Brent turned to Angela.

"Connie and I always watched that movie on Christmas Eve. I didn't think Erica would remember that, but I guess she did. Is that all right with you, or would you like something different?"

Angela had seen the movie before and didn't particularly like Christmas movies anyway, but when she looked at Erica, she couldn't say no.

"That would be fine."

Brent smiled.

"Well, have a seat on the couch with Erica, and I'll start it.

Erica sat between them while the movie played, but just after the ghost of Christmas past had visited Scrooge, she leaned against Angela and a few minutes later, she was asleep. Brent saw that and paused the movie.

"I'll put her to bed so she's not laying all over you."

Angela smiled.

"No, leave her where she is. If you move her, you'll just wake her up. I'm OK. Let's finish the movie first."

The reason Angela didn't want Brent to put Erica to bed was it felt like it had felt years before and she liked that. She'd liked Christmas then because her daughters were so excited about everything. They didn't watch a movie on Christmas Eve. Instead, Angela had read, "The Night Before Christmas" to them and then tucked them into bed with the instructions to stay there or Santa wouldn't come.

It felt almost the same to be sitting there with Erica leaning against her arm. Without thinking about it, Angela lifted her arm and put it around Erica to hold her close.

When the movie ended, Brent picked up Erica and carried her to her bedroom. He came back a few minutes later.

"She'll sleep all night now. She was so happy you came over. Thank you."

Angela blushed again.

"I didn't have anything better to do, and it was fun. I should probably be going now so you can get to bed. If Erica is anything like my two were at that age, she'll be up at the crack of dawn and looking at her Christmas presents."

Brent shook his head.

"No, Erica's a night owl. She'll sleep until about eight. Could I interest you in a cup of coffee? This is the first time since Connie...the first time in a long time I've actually been able to talk to anybody besides Erica and the people I work with."

After he sat their cups on the table in front of the couch, Angela sipped hers and then asked if Connie was his wife. Brent nodded.

"Yes. We'd been married a little over five years before the accident. She was coming home from the grocery store one Saturday morning when a pickup truck ran a red light. Thank God I was home and taking care of Erica or I'd have lost them both."

"How old was Erica when that happened?"

Brent frowned.

"Just two. I'm thankful for that in some ways. She doesn't remember her mother. She asks me about her sometimes, but she doesn't really miss her. It's been a job being both mother and father to her, but my mother helped me a lot. I don't know what I'm going to do when Erica comes to live with me. Either hire a nanny or put her in day care before and after school, I guess. You have two daughters. What would you do in my position?"

Angela shook her head.

"I don't know what I'd have done. I didn't have to work for us to make ends meet, so I stayed home until they both got out of school and got jobs. If it was now...

"I'd hate to think of having someone else spending more time with my children than I did, but I guess that's what people have to do anymore. I know I'd do a lot of checking before I hired someone else to take care of them or put them into day care."

"Yeah, that's about where I am too. I just don't know anybody here well enough I'd trust them with Erica. I guess I'll have to talk to everybody I know who has kids and see how they handle it. You're lucky you could stay home and be a wife and mother."

Angela regretted what she said then, but it was too late.

"Yes, for all the good it did me."

Brent's brow wrinkled.

"Oh. What does that mean?"

Angela frowned.

"I thought once the girls left home, it would be like when we were first married. I didn't know I'd gotten too old for him until he left."

"He left you? Why on earth would he do that?"

Angela sighed.

"She was a lot younger and a lot slimmer. That's the only reason I can figure out. I thought I was a good wife and mother, but apparently that wasn't enough."

Brent frowned.

"I'm sorry, Angela. I shouldn't have asked the question. I thought you were having a good time, but now you look sad."

Angela waved her hand.

"I got over it. I wish things had turned out differently, but I got over it. It's kind of nice living by myself now. Nobody asks me to do anything and I can do what I want, when I want."

"Ever thought about finding another man?"

Angela chuckled.

"Are you kidding? I'm forty-...I'm too old and too fat for any man to look at me that way."

Brent stared at Angela for a few seconds. Connie had always been worried about her figure after Erica was born, but not like this. Angela seemed to have given up, but she wasn't fat and he knew several single men who'd have wanted to do more than just look at her.

"I think you're selling yourself short there, Angela. You don't look fat to me and as for being old, I work with several young women who don't look half as good as you do."

Angela laughed again.

"Well, I could sit here and listen to that all night, but I think I'd better go home and go to bed before you start telling me the truth."

Brent didn't really know why he said it, but once he had, he was glad.

"Are your daughters coming for Christmas?"

Angela shook her head.

"No, they live on the West Coast. They told me it's too far to travel and too expensive. I think the real reason is they blame me for the divorce. They just don't want to see me."

"Well, if you want, you could spend Christmas Day with Erica and me. I know she'd be tickled to death to have you here. She told me that this morning."

}{

When Brent rolled into bed that night, he wondered why he liked Angela so much. He barely knew her at all, and yet, having her there on the couch with her arm around Erica had just seemed right. She was older than he, but she didn't act that way, and he could see that she'd already formed a bond with Erica.

He didn't understand that either. After Connie had been gone for a year, he'd dated a couple of women, and had introduced them to Erica. Erica seemed to shy away from both of them even though they tried to win her over. With Angela, she had done just the opposite. Every other Christmas Eve since Connie died, Erica would sit as close to him as she could get, and would fall asleep with her head in his lap. She'd scooted over to Angela's side as soon as Angela sat down. He couldn't understand what had changed in Erica to make her do that.

}{

When Angela slipped between the sheets she was smiling. Brent was a nice guy, too young to be interested in her, but he was a nice guy and Erica was a wonderful little girl. She felt sorry for him having to raise a daughter by himself, and wondered why he hadn't remarried. It wasn't that he wasn't as nice looking as other men. If he hadn't been her neighbor, she would have tried to...

Angela caught herself before she could finish that thought. That was a crazy idea. Brent was friendly and Erica liked her, but he couldn't be more than thirty. He'd said she looked good, but that was just talk to make her feel better.

Still, he'd asked her to spend Christmas Day with them, and she'd surprised herself by saying she would. She fell asleep wondering why she'd said it and why she was looking forward to it.

}{

Brent had said for her to come over about ten. They'd have been up long enough to have breakfast and get dressed then. At nine, Angela searched her closet for another dress to wear. It was silly, she thought, to be thinking about putting on a dress just to walk across the street, but she felt like it was something she needed to do.

The dress she found was one she'd bought for an office Christmas party three years before. It still fit when she tried it on, and when she looked in the mirror, she smiled.

Let him think I'm too old for him, she thought. I'm still pretty sexy for an older woman.

She turned this way and that, and smiled again. The low cut neckline gave her a little cleavage, not enough it looked trashy, but enough most men would look, and it was short enough the hem hit her at mid thigh. When she'd bought the dress, she'd liked the red color and the little sparkly sequins, and she still did.

It needs stockings, she thought, and retrieved the black pair she'd laid over the chair in her bedroom. After putting on her makeup and fixing her hair, she rummaged in her closet again to find the red heels she'd bought to go with the dress. At five to ten, she put on her coat and walked across the street.

Brent answered the door this time, and he smiled when he saw her standing there.

"I'm so happy you could come over. Erica keeps talking about how great it's going to be with you here."

When he took her coat, Brent stopped smiling.

"Angela, you're a real knockout in that dress."

Angela looked at the floor.

"It's just a dress I bought for a Christmas party years ago. I thought since this is sort of a Christmas party, I'd wear it again."

"Well, come in and have a seat on the couch. Erica has been looking at her presents since we had breakfast. It was hard to get her to stop long enough to get her dressed."

Erica ran up then, and when she saw Angela, her eyes opened wide and she grinned.

"Mrs. Jackson, you look like the princess in one of my books."

Erica took Angela's hand in hers then.

"Come sit down. We're going to open our presents now."

Angela couldn't stop smiling as Brent kept handing packages to Erica. She liked the sweater and jeans he'd gotten her, and she loved the book about animals. She giggled when she opened the biggest package. It was a big stuffed dog with plush fur. Erica pulled it out of the box, hugged it, and then brought it to Angela.

"Isn't he soft? I'm going to put him on my bed and sleep with him every night."

Angela stroked the stuffed dog.

"Yes he is, Erica. I used to have a stuffed dog when I was a little girl. I slept with him every night too."

Erica smiled.

"Can you hold him? I need to give Daddy his present now."

Angela couldn't stop smiling, and her smile got bigger when Erica picked up the small package from under the tree and took it to Brent.

"Grandma helped me pick this out. She said you'd like it."

Brent carefully opened the package and then lifted the thin leather wallet to show Angela. He hugged Erica then.

"Erica, this is the best Christmas present ever. My old wallet is all worn out so I need a new one. Thank you so much."

Erica looked at Angela, grinned, and then went back to the Christmas tree. The package she picked up was thin and about the size of a sheet of paper. Erica carried it to Angela.

"I made a present for you. Daddy helped me put the paper on it this morning."

Angela carefully tore open the package and found two pieces of cardboard sandwiched together. When she separated them, she caught her breath. It was a picture of two mostly round blobs with stick arms and legs, but Angela knew from how her daughters had drawn things at that age they were people. One was taller than the other and they were hand in hand. Both had lines to show long hair and they both had smiles with pointed teeth.

Erica giggled and pointed to the picture.

"This is you and me at the grocery store."

Angela already had a few tears in her eyes because Erica had wanted to give her a present, but when Erica climbed up on the couch beside her, hugged her and said, "Merry Christmas", she couldn't stop them from streaming down her cheeks. She wiped them away, and when Erica asked why she was crying, she hugged the little girl.

"Because you made me very happy. This is a really good drawing, Erica. I'll put it in a frame and hang it on my kitchen wall. Thank you very much."

Brent had been watching all this and didn't believe what he was seeing. When Erica had brought him the picture and said she wanted to give it to Angela, he'd been proud. He'd spent a lot of time telling Erica that Christmas was about giving to other people and not just about getting gifts.

When he watched Erica climb up on the couch and hug Angela, it looked like there was more there than just a desire to give Angela a gift. It was like Erica really liked Angela. He couldn't understand why, but there were a lot of things he hadn't understood since he'd met Angela. He was even more confused when Angela had started to cry and then hugged Erica. It looked like Angela was feeling more as well.

Those thoughts made him wonder about himself too. He'd loved spending Christmas alone with Erica over the last three years. Christmas Eve was always with his parents, but Christmas Day, he and Erica would be alone together. He'd enjoyed it because he could see Connie's personality in Erica as she aged, and it was almost like having Connie there again.

When Erica asked him if Angela could come over on Christmas Eve, he didn't think much about it. It wouldn't be that much different than the Christmas Eve's before. What surprised him was that when Erica asked if Angela could come over again on Christmas Day, he hadn't said no. When he thought about why he hadn't said no, he realized it was because he wanted to see Angela again.

There was something about her that attracted him. It felt the same way as when he'd first met Connie. It wasn't something he could have described very well, but it was definitely there. Nothing could come of it, of course. No woman in her forties would even think of doing anything with a man who was only thirty-three. The only reason Angela had agreed was because of Erica, not because she liked him or anything like that.

Brent shook off that feeling and asked Erica what they should do next.

"I'll bet there's a Christmas parade on TV. Would you like to watch it or would you rather do something else before we eat?"

Erica looked at Angela.

"I wanna show Mrs. Jackson my book with the princess."

Brent smiled at Angela.

"That would be "Sleeping Beauty". It's her favorite book."

He turned back to Erica.

"Erica, Mrs. Jackson has probably already read 'Sleeping Beauty'. I don't think she'd like -."

Angela cut him off because Erica was smiling at her and she looked so hopeful.

"Brent, any girl likes 'Sleeping Beauty' no matter how many times she reads it. Erica, show me where you keep your books and we'll read it together."

They'd been in Erica's room for an hour and a half when he knocked on the door.

"Anybody interested in lunch?"

Angela had looked up from the book she and Erica were reading.

"Give us a minute. We're almost done with this one."

Erica was holding Angela's hand when they walked into the kitchen about five minutes later. Brent chuckled.

"You two must have been having a great time."

Angela smiled.

"Well, we found out we like the same books and so we read several of them, didn't we, Erica?"

After lunch, Angela thanked Brent and Erica for inviting her, but said she should be getting home so they could enjoy Christmas by themselves.

Brent started to say it had been nice having them there, but Erica spoke before he could.

"Mrs. Jackson, don't leave. Stay and go see the Christmas lights with us tonight."

Angela looked at Erica's smiling little face and then up at Brent. Brent shrugged.

"I told Erica about the lights in the park down by the river and she wants to go see them. I was going to take her out for a hamburger tonight and then to the park. If you can put up with her for the rest of the afternoon, you're welcome to come with us."

Angela smiled.

"I'm sure we can find something to do. Erica, I saw a doll house in your room. Why don't you show me the inside after we eat?"

Brent sat on the couch and watched two movies. Occasionally he'd hear Erica's cackling laugh. He'd missed that laugh while he'd been here and Erica was at her grandmother's. He'd missed it because it was Connie's laugh, just a little higher in pitch. When Connie had laughed, she'd just abandoned her self to it, and Erica did the same.

Erica was becoming more and more like her mother every day. When she did something, something like that laugh, it made him think of Connie. He'd come to grips with her death and though he missed her, it wasn't her so much now as he missed having someone older than six to do things with. It had been great to put Erica to bed at seven in the evening and then sit on the couch talking or watching TV with Connie.

He found himself wishing Angela was talking with him instead of in Erica's room with Erica. He was also a little jealous of Erica. She'd never known her mother, not really, so she wasn't having any thoughts about comparing Angela to anyone. She'd just accepted Angela and Angela seemed to have accepted Erica. He was having some difficulty with the fact he liked Angela but she was probably too old to think the same thing about him.

That night, he drove them to a Burger King for dinner, and then to the park to walk through the light display. He'd had to take Erica's car seat out of the front and put it in the back seat because Erica had insisted that Angela ride in front.

As he drove through the streets he started to feel like it was before. Connie always sat in front, and it felt right to have Angela there beside him. When he looked in the rear view mirror at a stoplight, the red glow coming through the window showed him Erica's smiling face. She evidently thought it felt right too.

Angela hadn't been to the park to see the lights in years, not since her girls said they'd outgrown childish things like that. She'd always loved the lights, all the candy canes and big balls hanging from the trees along the walk and the displays of Santa's workshop and the reindeer and sleigh.

The displays had changed a little since she'd last seen them, but they were still beautiful. It felt right to have Erica holding her hand too.

It was silly that it did. Erica wasn't her child and Brent wasn't her husband, but there amid all the colored lights, it felt like they were a family out enjoying the sights of Christmas. Angela was smiling and happy as they walked back to the parking lot.

She didn't see the patch of snow the park people hadn't salted enough to make it melt away. Instead it had refrozen into clear ice, and when she stepped on it, she slipped and started to fall. She shrieked and tried to catch herself, but half a second later, she felt Brent's arms around her and pulling her back to her feet.

When she was standing again, Brent still had his arms around her and he had a funny look on his face.

"Angela, are you OK", he asked.

She wasn't OK, because standing there with his arms around her had stirred the memories of other times she felt a man's arms around her. The feeling had taken her mind away to those other times for a few seconds and she didn't want Brent to let her go. Then, she realized he'd only caught her and that was all there was to it.

"I'm fine, Brent. Thank you for helping me. Uh...you can let me go now."

Brent didn't talk as he drove them back to his house because he was thinking. It was all so confusing. A week before, he'd been happy to have Erica with him and getting ready for Christmas. Then, he'd met Angela at the grocery store when she'd talked to Erica. He'd only asked her to be with them on Christmas Eve because Erica seemed to like Angela. Christmas Day had been the same. If Erica hadn't wanted Angela there, he'd have been content to spend the day with Erica.