The Mankiller

"It's still is hard for me to comprehend how you two had become lifelong friends. You were both so different." Tracy said. "He had convinced himself that the baby I was carrying was his and he had made all sorts of plans of how it was going to be before taking with me. I still don't know how he found out because I had told very few. I found out weeks later that after he had left me that day, he'd been buying and doing drugs all day. He was trying to kill his emotional pain. The police believe one of the dealers sold him the gun because the serial number had been filed off."

My mind flowed back to our years of growing up. I don't think the mankiller realized just how truthful her comment was. Charlie was a follower, who had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. If I had not been his best friend, I could not imagine what his life would have been like. He had been pampered as a child while I had to fight and struggle to get what I wanted. I developed a discipline, a focus, based on the boundaries I was given as a child. You could push them only to a point. Go too far you paid the price. We had to learn to think before we acted. Charlies was raised as a free spirit and whatever the crowd went after he seemed to flow towards it. For some reason, I could never figure out why he had tried his whole life to imitate me.

"It explains a lot," I said softly as I stood up. "Here I was blaming you for his death when it's now clear that I am just as guilty as you. I apologize to you for that. We were just both so madly in love with you. If you said boo both of us would jump. He had told me he was going to propose. I told him that if you accepted, I would not be the problem in your relationship. I would go away to give us all the time to accept our new reality. I really did believe that you loved him more, so I had given my notice. I was quitting at the end of the day."

"The police officers called me that night because they thought I could talk him down from the pain and grief he was dealing with. He was so stoned at that time that nothing he said made any sense." I said softly. "It's clear now that all I was doing at that time by being there was pushing him further off the edge. I witnessed him pull the trigger to end his life. Since I had quit as soon as the funeral was over, I hit the road. Trying to put it all behind me. I admit now that my conduct was wrong. I should have stayed and talked it out."

"Put your apron back on, your leaving is not going to solve anything," The not so mankiller said. "We can begin working out our new relationship later. First, we have to find the way for both of us to put Charlie behind us." Tracy explained

Looking straight into my eyes' Tracy continued. "For the record, I was not looking for you. My dad had decided to buy this and to build a new chain. He was getting bored with being out of the game after leaving the management of our current chains to me. I came with him this morning to meet the chef he said had inspired his new bold plan to discover it was you."

"I knew as soon as I saw you that you would try to run because of the guilt you still feel responsible. You must let it go. It was nobody's fault.'' Tracy said seriously. "Charlie was Charlie's problem since childhood because he had no real foundation to build on. His parents were hippies who believe in free love. As for Charlie, let's be frankly honest about it. I'm just as guilty as you because I loved two men for different reasons and was so immature that I couldn't choose which one of you, I wanted to marry. It ended up that I lost both. So, are you married?"

"No, I am not, and I haven't really dated anyone since. I guess you can say I'm all out of love." I explained. "My past because of what happened killed any desire I had. I guess you could say, that was the day that love died."

'You and me both, I moved back home with mom and dad who both dote on their five-year-old granddaughter. It's been a long lonely six years." She said as she took my hand into hers as a sign of friendship. "For the sake of our daughter, we have to get what happened with Charlie behind us."

"Does your father know our history?" I asked the former mankiller as she let go of my hand.

"He knows what happened, but he has no clue that it's you, He's never truly forgiven me for my conduct during that time. After all, I was raised to be a proper child. Between the two of you and me, we all ruined that." Tracy said. "We have to start rebuilding a relationship for our daughters' sake don't you agree. That's if you want to be in her life."

I did. I had to admit that she was right. In more ways than one. She was just as much a mankiller as I was. I could finally understand why I couldn't bring back my friend from the drug-induced edge he was in. I offered her my hand she took it. We walked back out together holding hands. I couldn't help noticing the smile forming on her face. I was still holding my apron in my other hand when we returned to the kitchen.

I saw a big look of relief on her worried father's brow. Tracy and I had been together talking for quite a while. I guess he believed his plans were blowing up in his face. If Tracy hadn't confronted me, they would have. Little Riley was looking at us very closely. I guess she was surprised like everybody else that we were holding hands. All my staff looked like they were totally stunned because when I made my mind up no one had ever seen me change it. Yet here I was returning with my apron in my hand. There had to be a lot of questions in everybody's mind.

"Riley are you staying?" someone had to ask.

The little five-year-old daughter of mine eyes opened wide in surprise as she ran towards me. Her grandfather's face showed his complete surprise. I automatically knelt so I could be at her level with her mother still standing by my side. Like my father, I wanted to be at her level to answer the question I expected her to ask. I wanted little Riley to be able to look directly in my eye's

"Are you my Daddy?' Riley asked looking into my eyes.

"Yes, I just found out that I am," I replied. "I'd like to get to know you better if you want me to?"

Little Riley looked up at her mother for guidance. Tracy nodded her head in approval. Riley then put her little arms around my neck. I picked her up in my arms as I stood up. Tracy's whole facial expression said it all. I knew it was something she had hoped for but believed she would never see. It was clear she could see the tears forming in my eyes. She knew I'd accepted her words as the truth.

"Enough standing around," I growled, "Get back to work. Tim, you're in charge I'm out for the rest of the day."

The kitchen staff got back to work but kept looking at me in puzzlement. I knew I was going to answer a lot of questions over the next few days. I passed my apron to one of the staff to have it thrown in the laundry. My little daughter seemed weightless in my arms.

"Riley," her grandfather said as he tried to grasp it all, "How about you come with me and we will let your parents talk. I promise you will see them both tomorrow morning."

Riley shook her head no. She wasn't going to let go of me that easy. I reached in and grabbed my keys out of my pocket handing them to Tracy.

"You'll have to drive us to wherever we're going because I don't think this little angel is ready to be nudged," I said.

A smile came across her face. "You still driving a ford truck fully loaded with those stupid confederate license plates and a pair of Bull steel balls hanging down from the trailer hitch?" she asked.

"Yeah, he does. It is parked out back behind the staff entry door." One of the prep workers said. "how did you know?"

"No matter how old a man gets, he has to have the one thing that reminds him of his roots. For Riley that has always been his." Tracy said. "Let's go lead the way.

"I hope you can drive a standard," I said knowing that she could. I had spent many a Missouri night on the red clay mud teaching her.

She turned her face towards me sticking out her tongue. I laughed.

"Just for being a horse's ass for years, I'm going to lay some rubber while pulling out while wearing these heels." She replied with the giggle I had always liked, "You're in charge of keeping our daughter safe. Dad let the office know I won't be in for the rest of the day."

She did for about half a block. Little Riley eyes lit right up in surprise because her Mom was not acting like a mom. I laughed because I'd always been able to get her to allow her wild child out. I directed her to my home on the outskirts of the city.

"Which house?" Tracy asked as we pulled into the driveway.

"The new one I haven't got around to tearing the old one down," I replied. "I moved into the new one six months ago."

As soon as she had the door unlocked, I reached in and turned the light on. The kitchen lit right up. All the equipment was a stainless steel commercial grade. Enclosed in a European style kitchen beneath a wide semi dropped ceiling with an island that would seat four. With a nook on the side. The whole house was one level with an unfinished basement below. Outside of the master bedroom, it was lacking furniture. I took her for a tour of the four bedrooms, the sunken family room, the living room, and the dining room.

As soon as Riley saw my two female cats, she was down chasing them around. That gave Tracy and me the chance to catch up. Until Riley said she was hungry. I asked her if she liked French toast and sausage. She did so I started to get ready to make us all some. Riley asked if she could help. Her mother went to say something but caught my look. With seconds I had her on one of the chairs standing on her knees holding a wisk. I placed a stainless steel bowl in front of her. After cracking six eggs I added a little half and half. Using a measuring spoon, I let her taste the vanilla before adding it. Then came the rest of the spices. I allowed her to smell each one. I told her to wisk it to work it all in. Showing her with my hand over hers how she should do it. She stood on her knees right beside me as long as I kept her chair beside me. She got a kick out of soaking the bread in the egg mixture for me as needed. The questions running out of her little mouth thrilled me to death. I tried to explain them as simply as I could.

Tracy watched the two of us bonding together. It amazed her to see how naturally we took to each other. I noticed her get a bit panicky when I pulled Riley's chair in front of the stove. Yet she said nothing. As I turned the gas burner on, I explained that we were cooking over a real fire, so we had to be very careful. She asked why. I said because a bad burn can hurt you permanently and leave scars. Rolling up my sleeves I showed my daughter the scars I had from being burned multiple times.

Riley sat between us as we ate. She had to try each syrup asking what made each one different. I laughed. Even her mother seemed to be surprised at how much she ate.

"You surprised me," Tracy said. "You took her interest in what you were doing and allowed her to experience it to the fullest. She'll be talking about this for days."

"My dad led a busy life working the farm, but he always made sure that whatever time he could give us was quality time," I said. "When you allow me to have time with her, that time with her will be the same way."

We decided together to take her to the zoo for the afternoon. Little Riley loved riding in the big truck. Her mother and I talked about the good times we had shared. We both found delight in watching our daughter excitement in seeing all the animals. It was almost five when Tracy got a call asking if I was willing to join her family for dinner. It took a few minutes for Tracy to convince me. I gave in providing I could go home and clean up first.

Tracy's father had gone home right after we left to tell his wife what he had just learned. That was when he learned the whole story for the first time. It shocked him to learn that neither of us had known about the other.

It took me just a few minutes to have a quick shower and shave my beard off. I put on a black dress shirt with a pair of black pants and some slip-on leather shoes. Before grabbing my grey sports coat, I threw on some musk. I walked out of my bedroom ready to go. I knew for a future relationship with her parents I had better step up big time. I could no longer walk and act like I was just a redneck rube. After all, I was now a Dad. I had to start acting like one. Tracy took one look at me and said wow. I laughed.

"For a redneck, you clean up real good." She laughed. "Just for that, you're taking me out dancing after dinner."

"You wish. I got another fourteen-hour day tomorrow. So, if we do it won't be for long." I said. "besides with you being dressed like you are I didn't want your parents to think you were back to slumming with the bums."

That got me a playful punch on the shoulder. She saw me take the keys to the truck setting them on the keyholder by the door. Then I took the next one over. Going out through the garage she saw my jaguar.

She laughed, "My dad will be watching for your big ass truck. How often do you drive this?"

"On those few days when I am not working," I replied as we climbed in.

Little Riley fell fast asleep as we headed towards her home. When we got there, I carried her in. Tracy directed me to her bedroom where I gently laid her down. Her mother recognized me right away. Remembering from meeting me in the old restaurant. She offered me a cocktail which I refused. Then offered me something more manly but again I declined. Saying I will just wait since were having wine with our dinner.

Our meal started with a French onion soup. Tracy and I took one taste, and we both pushed our bowl to the side. One of the guests took offense.

"I'm known for my soup." He said as if he was someone of importance. "the onions are imported from France."

"The base is made out of crystals; the onions are rehydrated in it. As a result, its basic flavor is salt. It was so powerful that you taste neither onion nor beef. The cost for this is about three dollars and twenty-five cents a bowl." I replied. "Do I have it about right?"

The look on his face told me that I was right. I looked at Tracey. She said how long. I replied ten minutes if the kitchen has the ingredients. She said go for it. So, I did.

The cook got me the two large white onions in less than a minute I had them peeled and cut up. I grabbed the cast iron pan and threw in enough butter to cook two-thirds of them down till they were golden brown. I took the remaining third and liquefied them with a blender. I poured the store-bought beef stock into a large pot. To heat it up. I turned the broil on the oven and threw eight slices of white bread into brown. Tracey began grating the mozzarella cheese. Checking the bread, I turned them to get them browned on the other side. All while stirring the onions. As soon as the bread was browned on the second side, I pulled the sheet out. Tracy piled on the fresh cheese and back in it went to melt.

I scrapped the golden brown onions in butter into the beef stock and gave it a taste. I added just a touch of garlic salt, a couple of herbs and some of the liquefied onion. Tasted it again to make sure it was just perfect. When it started boiling it was ready. When the cheese was melted, I trimmed the bread to fit the size of the bowl. We added the soup and placed the cheese-covered bread on top. By the time we took it to the table, it was perfect. The bread had soaked the flavor in. The leftover butter gave it a natural appearance. Everybody loved it. You could taste both the onion and the beef stock. Each mouthful gave you the caramelized onion. Neither overpowered the other.

"In season the cost per bowl is about seventy-five cents, out of season a dollar and twenty-five cents. This bowl is twice the size and could be sold as an appetizer for four dollars and ninety-nine cents a bowl." I said.

"Peter" Tracy's mother said. "Let me introduce you to my daughter's boyfriend. Chef Pearson the only other shareholder of my husband's new restaurant. Now you know why David wanted it. The specialty items at the restaurant are his creation."

Peter's face went white. "I have heard of your reputation. I must admit that's the fastest time I ever have seen for making this from scratch. You have proven your point. No wonder the restaurant is doing so well"

"If you wanted to cut down the beef stock cost that can be done by contracting it out with a local supplier that has access to mass beef cutting places. By buying the bones cheaply we could make our own and keep it once opened in the cooler in five-gallon containers. That way we have control over consistency in product."

I didn't notice how much Tracy's father David was paying attention to me. I had done what I did to point out it didn't have to be expensive to be very good.

Tracy said. "Enough business talk gentlemen let's eat. This soup is just too good to let it get cold"

Just then Little Riley was standing by my side. I picked her up and we shared my soup. It was the first time she had ever had it. She started with the questions. Everyone watched as I explained the basic's in a way that she could understand. Her grandfather offered to get her a chair. She told him no I am with my daddy I want to stay here. I couldn't help noticing Tracy's mothers' eyes teared up.

Little Riley shared everything with me and everyone else. For being such a little thing, she sure could talk. Her grandmother learned my correct way of making French toast and what ingredients went into it. Like all kids she was a little bit careless it didn't help that I was playing with her as we ate. Tracy commented that she found it amusing that I could relate with our child as a child when addressing her. You're teaching her without her knowing she noted. I ended up getting a damp cloth to get the traces wiped off the both of us. By the time the meal was done, it was time for her to go to bed. As Tracy went with her to get ready it gave her mother and I a chance to talk.

"She hasn't dated anyone since it all blew up." Cathy Barton said. "She blamed herself for allowing things to go too far with both of you."

"She wasn't alone feeling like that," I replied. "I had thought she loved Charlie more than me and that the baby was his. If today would have not happened I might never have known what the truth was."

"Then you weren't running away from the responsibility," Cathy said in shock. "You never knew you were a father."

"No, I didn't. It was the witnessing of him pulling the trigger and my blaming of her for that made things the way they were." I said softly. "it wasn't until I saw little Riley's eyes that I started to see that those things as I knew them did not add up. It started me looking at it all differently. That was just before Tracy introduced her by saying I've named her after her father. It forced me to face what kind of person Charlie really had been in his walk of life. I was finally able to put it all together thanks to Riley and her. Now I have begun burying the past."

"You both are. Take baby steps don't rush things because you feel you need to because of your feelings of responsibility." Cathy wisely said. "Tracy never believed this would happen. She so happy today that she is floating on air. For both of you, this has been an unexpected blessing. Don't throw it away. Take the time to see if there could be something going forward. Both of you have been given a second chance. Look to the future leave the past behind. Going forward it has to be that way."

Just then Tracy showed up saying we have a problem. Both Cathy and I asked what's wrong. Riley wants her dad to read her a bedtime story. I laughed and said lead the way. She had picked her favorite story "Old MacDonald had a farm." I laid down on her bed beside her as Tracy left us alone. As I started reading Tracy got her mom to come and listen with her as she stood out of sight in the hall.