The Music of the Mind Ch. 03

I hope you all have enjoyed this series so far. This is the chapter that sets the resolve for Mike on how to use his gift, and what it means for him. He discovers the depth to which he can hurt or heal, and he must make a choice. For those of you waiting for some sex, chapter 4 should please you. As always, praise or constructive criticism is welcome. Thanks again to LadyCibelle for her editing work.

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Chapter 3: The Road to Tranquility

I woke the next day refreshed, and determined. Somehow in the night I had come to some resolve about my new gift. First I had to learn how to use it better, and second, I had to decide how I would use it. That cheesy line from Spiderman kept popping into my mind, with great power comes great responsibility. I wondered how much I could influence someone with this power, and then I wondered how much I should. I figured I needed to learn something about the limits of this ability, but in a way that I could stomach ethically. I was having a rather bad attack of guilt you see about my little experiment with Wendy last night.

I showered and dressed and headed down to the coffee shop for my morning coffee. I assumed Wendy would not be in since she had been working last night, but I was wrong. She greeted me with a smile and a deep blush when I entered the store. I could feel her note strongly in my mind now, even as she served the other customers in line.

I grabbed the last table, knowing she had seen me and would make my morning usual as always. I let her note snap into my mind, and felt her. She was flustered that I was here, she was a little concerned at how strongly she had responded last night to her fantasy of me, and she was very horny. Her arousal resonated like a second note that added to her overall sound.

I concentrated, and I realized that there were many more notes singing in her, that the note of her arousal was more like a cord, or a series of notes. One for her emotional state of arousal, several for her physical, even one that I assume was her spiritual, though it was hard to tell. It then hit me like a ton of bricks that when I had strummed this note I had amplified her arousal and orgasm on all these levels at once! No wonder it had hit her so hard. I needed to be careful. Suddenly her note was very strong. I looked up and there she was holding my coffee smiling down at me.

"Hi handsome, got your mocha." She was nervous at calling me handsome, and she desperately wanted to talk with me. I could feel the discordant notes of her agitation. I reached out and strummed one thinking 'It's okay, he is a nice guy, don't worry.' But the discordance of the note only grew and she dropped her tray as she started shaking. Shit! That was not what I wanted. Then I had an idea, I reached out and stilled the vibration of that discordant note, like putting a finger to a vibrating harp string and though the same thing at her again. Immediately it stilled, and she gave a great sigh.

"You want to sit for a minute, looks like the line is down, and Kelly has it under control?" I said in my most innocent voice.

She nodded and smiled and sat down. "Okay, but only for a second."

"So how are you doing this morning, didn't expect to see you this morning after you closed last night." I could feel her agitation begin to build again, but I stilled it.

"Oh, Stacey asked me if I would switch with her, she had something going on." I could feel the untruth in her mind; she had asked to trade with Stacey, she wanted to be here in case I came in. Then there was a wave of guilt that hit her, she was thinking of....boyfriend? Crap, what had I done last night. Guilt rolled over me like a wave. Okay, I could handle this.

"Nice of you to switch with her." I looked up and saw Kelly glaring at us. "I think Kelly needs your help again." I said nodding toward the counter which now had a substantial line again.

"Shit! Sorry, I'll talk to you later, okay?" She was very anxious, and hopeful.

"Of course!" I smiled. Man I had to sort this out. She was a beautiful girl, and really nice, but I didn't want her hung up on me, or ruining a good relationship she had because I didn't know how to responsibly use my power yet. Well, assuming it was good. Whatever.

I concentrated on the notes in her mind; the more I looked the more I could start to make out the complexity there. Each emotion had many notes, or even cords making it up. Where before I thought there was only one note, now I could see hundreds, and the complexity grew, the longer I watched it. I found the note of her attraction to me; it had many notes in it. I looked through them and realized there were too many to sort through, so I decided on the brut force approach again. I took the whole tone and very gently strummed it thinking hard, 'Mike is a good friend, a nice and attractive guy, that was cool last night but I need to get over it. He is not my type.'

I watched her carefully. Wendy had suddenly come to a complete stop behind the counter; she shook her head a little, then looked at me and smiled the biggest smile of the morning. It was the smile of a good friend to another. I could feel the tone of her emotions settle, and she began to worry on things other then me. I let a great mental sigh of relief out. I watched her and studied her notes all morning. It began to make more and more sense the longer I just listened.

Think of every human as one loud note, beautiful and clear, but when you break it down it is a thousand smaller quieter notes making up the one. Each for a feeling, or maybe even a thought. I couldn't read a thought, at least I didn't think I could, but I could come close if I caught its individual note. Problem was the notes for thoughts came and went so quickly, while the notes or chords for emotions were more flowing, more persistent.

A few hours later I headed back up the mall. For those of you not familiar with Pearl Street mall in Boulder, it is about six blocks of shops opening onto a large cobblestone courtyard right in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. It is quite beautiful, and a lovely place to waste time and think.

Right now though I was on a mission. I knew I had to determine the extent of this gift, test its limits within the confines of what I was comfortable doing. But I didn't want to hurt anyone, especially not anyone as innocent and nice as Wendy. But, there was someone who I thought deserved, in fact even needed, a little punishment.

Her name was Cynthia, and she owned a book store on the mall. Now Cynthia wasn't just beautiful, she was mind numbingly beautiful, with a face and body to make a man lose all reason over. But unfortunately she was also one of those beautiful women who knows what power they have, and they choose to use it in really nasty and vindictive ways.

Fortunately for us men, most of these types of woman are like us, of average intelligence and no more cruel or evil then others. Cynthia however, well she was as intelligent as she was pretty, and all of her capability, all of her reason, all of what she was she bent to the task of getting what she wanted. No person would stand in her way, no decorum, no feelings, not even common decency.

Two years ago I asked her out. I should mention that it took me a year to work up the nerve to do so, and I was shocked when she immediately said yes. I spent a week planning, making reservations, working out a fun romantic evening. What I didn't know is that she had her own reasons for going out with me, though I would soon find out.

I showed up to pick her up with a horse and carriage. Romantic and fun right? She laughed when she saw it and insisted we take her car. From the minute she opened the door she was all business, cold and in a hurry. I was flustered; at the time I had assumed she simply didn't like the horse and carriage idea.

She drove, I told her where we had dinner reservations and she shook her head. She didn't want to go there she had reservations for us somewhere else. Okay I thought, I can handle this, no big deal. But first we went to a bar. We sat at the bar and she spent most of the early evening staring out the window at a restaurant across the street. I had my back to the window so I didn't see what she was looking for, but suddenly she leapt up and wanted the check paid and us out of there immediately.

What I came to find out was that she had been waiting for her boyfriend, and what she thought was his mistress, to arrive at the restaurant. She dragged me next door and you can imagine what happened in short order. She suddenly was all smiles and laughter once we were inside. She hung on me, brushed the hair from my forehead and seemed to hang on my every word. I was in heaven. I couldn't figure out what had changed, but I was enjoying it.

However it wasn't long before her boyfriend saw us and came over to confront her. Things went from bad to worse, and I was lucky to escape with only a fat lip and a black eye. Turned out the boyfriend was a football player for the Denver Bronco's. Who knew? The woman he was with turned out to be a wedding planner. He was arranging a whole weekend to pop the question to Cynthia. They left arm in arm happy as could be, and I nursed a concussion and a much bruised ego for a few weeks.

Well, I was going to pay a little visit to her bookstore. I had not been in there since that night, and really my stomach was in knots just thinking about what I wanted to do. Oh well, fortune favors the brave right? Right?

I walked into the store and it seemed empty. I guess not a lot of bookstore customers at 10:15 on a Friday morning. I went to the Science Fiction section and pretended to browse since it gave me a good view of the front counter. I heard her voice before I saw her; she was talking on a cell phone to someone.

"..yeah, he is such a dick. I am so glad the divorce is final. Un-hunh, yeah. Yes! Football, football, football! God what an idiot. Yeah he was at least good in bed. Yeah me too, okay see you tonight."

I could feel her note in my head, and it shocked me, but the whole sound of her was discordant. It was as if the entire being of her was out of sync, was somehow in pain. I let her snap and I slid into her mind. She hadn't noticed me yet. The thing that struck me the most was that almost all of the notes in her jangled with anger. Underneath them was a feeling of power, and a desire to be in control. It was so noisy though I had difficulty concentrating. Then she looked up.

She smiled at me for a moment, one of those fake shop owner smiles that says welcome, now buy some of my shit would you. Then she did a quick double take. In her mind I felt the recognition, then the confusion, then more anger. She went back to sorting some receipts, but she was thinking of what I was doing here. Then she kind of shrugged internally and I felt her move onto other things. Even now I was insignificant to her. Yeah, this was the person to test this gift on.

I reached into the music of her, and I thought, I can't do anything with all this anger distracting me. I tried to still one or two tones, but they just started back up again. Something kept them going. I began to dig, each tone came from another, and always there was one deeper, more discordant. I was holding a book pretending to be reading it, but I didn't even see it so deep was I into her mind. At last I came to a note, a singe note of profound pain. It hurt to even experience it. I sank into it and then I knew. I knew the source of all the pain, of all the discordant notes, of the anger.

It was a rape, by her father, a terrible betraying rape. She had become pregnant, there was an abortion, and then she was outcast from her family for having the abortion he forced upon her. Her father accused her in front of the family of getting pregnant with her boyfriend and then murdering her unborn baby. She was thrown from the family. Her father was a Baptist Minister, and he couldn't have her actions sully his good name. It was crushing, it destroyed her. The person she was now was born out of that memory. Every aspect of her rang with the vibration of that single note.

I stood there trembling as I pushed it away, I stood there feeling the terrible pain of that memory, of that thought, of that horrible jangling note in her soul and suddenly I was overcome with pity. Who the hell was I to make judgments about who I could use this gift on, and who needed punishment? I had come in here with a chip on my shoulder, and I found now that all I felt was small. An iron resolve formed in me then. 'Never to harm.' I told myself. Never to cause hurt, never to control, never to cause undue pain. This woman needed help, not more judgments. I would help if I could. I had to try.

I reached out and I tried to still that painful discordant note in her, and it was like trying to hold a jackhammer still. I fought harder and I could feel the strain in myself. Then it happened, it split into two. One the memory, the other something hidden in it, something I hadn't seen. I looked up and Cynthia was standing gripping the counter so hard her hands were white. She was staring into space, but I knew now what she was seeing. My meddling had dragged this to the front of her mind. She was remembering. Tears were beginning to stream down her face.

I dived into the new note, it was her feelings, her shame, her pain, her feeling that it was all somehow her fault. That she had been a poor daughter, and that she had caused the rape. She was too beautiful, too vain. Her beauty was a betrayal, a curse. Then there it was. The decision, the desire to use it, if this is what she was, this is what she would be. No one would ever hurt her again. She would be in charge. Her beauty would become her sword, her pain her shield. She was never going to be hurt again, she was a rock. She was alone.

I pulled away again, my soul aching now, struggling to keep myself in control. I grasped that note and with all my being, with everything I had I spoke into it, I tried to still its harsh jangling.

'It was not your fault. It was his fault. It is okay to hate him, to blame him. You beauty is a gift. He raped you. Nothing will take away his guilt, not even you trying to take it. You are beautiful inside. You deserve joy. You deserve to be free of this. You are a good person.' I repeated it over and over.

How long I stood there chanting that mantra I do not know, but finally I realized it was quiet. The note had stilled, but more then stilled, it had faded to a barely audible tone. This tone though was one of calm, of peace. I felt it then. It began to spread through her. First the memory of the rape began to calm, and fade. I grasped it and tried to still it and almost at once it faded to a soft memory. Then I pulled myself back up, and immediately was overwhelmed by the grief and the joy flowing through her. I heard a sob, not in her mind this time but a very real sob. I looked up and she was no longer at the counter. I walked over quickly and there she lay on the floor in a heap sobbing uncontrollably. Fear raced through me. I ran around without thinking, her emotions still singing in my mind.

"Cynthia, its okay, you're going to be okay. Just let it come, you need to let it out."

She sobbed harder then ever. I reached in and began to calm her nerves, to stroke them, and to quiet them.

"Come on, you need to rest." I pulled her to her feet like a puppet and led her back to her apartment behind the store where I had picked her up two years ago. I lead her to her bedroom as she clung to me like a rag doll, still sobbing. I lay her on the bed, and tried to calm her mind, to make it feel like Wendy's had when she had blacked out into sleep.

"It's okay Cynthia, you're okay. Everything will be alright. You're a good beautiful person, you're going to be okay." I was saying this out loud even as I worked to still her mind, I wasn't really thinking about it, just following instinct now. Finally she stilled in mind and body and she drifted off to sleep. I stood for a long time stilling her mind, telling her to sleep, to heal, to rest, to be whole.

I walked out front, and luckily the store was still empty. I looked behind the counter and found her keys. Somehow I knew they would be there. I guess when you are that deep in someone's mind, you pick up things. I walked to the front of the store and turned the open sign off, then let myself out locking the door. I dropped the keys through the mail slot and stumbled over to a bench in the shade of a big oak tree.

People were walking and laughing in the bright fall air, the mountains were beautiful. I felt absolutely spent. I didn't even know if I could walk back to my apartment. God what had I done. I had meant to make her feel guilty about what she did to me, maybe try to make her have some compassion for others, instead I had ripped her worst memory out by the roots, and I had no idea what that would do to her. I felt like shit. Was this what it was going to be like with this power? Always in conflict over what was right, and what was wrong. I think I had helped her in the end, I really wanted to help her, but did I? God I was tired and confused.

Suddenly my mind was filled with no noise, only one note. It wasn't right, I knew it wasn't human. There was the trill of laughter through me, but this time it warmed me. It was the genie, in me.

'That was very good human. Most would have used this gift for domination, for power. You could have done anything you wanted to her. You could have made her your submissive sex slave, you could have had her groveling in the street asking your forgiveness, but instead you tried to heal her. I am impressed.'

I sat motionless, 'I think I hurt her, I think I really screwed it up.' I said

'You made some mistakes, but even as she is she would heal, and be a much better happier person for it. I have corrected your mistakes. She will be fine, though she still will have a lot to deal with. More then twenty years of pain and misery to others will be quite a lot to face, but she will now. I am not concerned for her, I am for you.'

'Me? Why?'

'You have chosen a difficult path; you don't know how close you came to destroying yourself in there. I am going to enhance your power. You have shown yourself worthy of it. You have shown that my freedom did mean more to you then the prospect of reward. I said you had potential, and I am glad to see you fulfilling it.'

'I was prepared for you to give me nothing; I couldn't live with myself if I had left you caged.'

'Yes, yes." It's voice was so powerful, but now comforting, now gentle. 'You will find you can do more now with your gift, as you call it. I have also given you another gift, but I will let you discover it. I think you will soon enough. I will watch you a while human, you intrigue me. It is nice to be surprised by something, or anything in this universe.'

'What is it?' I thought, but it was gone. The noise came back, but this time it seemed sharper, and it was easier for me to push away. I felt refreshed as well, as if I had slept a whole weekend, had ten backrubs, two orgasms, and just had a stiff drink. I felt like a million bucks. I thought of Cynthia, and immediately her note sprung out of the noise, and rung before my minds eye. But unlike other times, I held it in perfect control, I could feel her sleeping, I could feel the stillness in her, I could feel the touch of the genie in her. I pushed, barely pushed and her note vanished back into the buzz. 'Shit!' I thought, 'The genie wasn't kidding that my gift was greater.' I felt like I had gone from flying a jumbo jet to a fighter plane. I walked home on a cloud, the notes of those I passed singing in my head.

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When I got home I ate a quick lunch and sat on the couch thinking. I was kind of a superhero now in a way. I know, cheesy thought, but I did grow up reading comic books. I could help people if I tried, but I could also hurt them if I was clumsy. I needed to be careful, very careful as I learned the finesse of how to use this. I thought I knew the limits, but now the genie had changed the boundaries again. I was not sure I wanted to test the limits of this new gift.